7. History #2
“Thought I’d understand why you struggle with alphas so much if you told me?
I do, and I’m sorry that you feel like you have to push me away.
I want to be your friend and if that’s all I get, then I’ll try to be good with it, but Kade, I’d treat you so good.
Really, I would, but I’d rather be in your life in any way I can be. ”
He set aside our empty mugs and drew me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.
The dam broke on my tears and I sobbed into his chest. I cried for the omega I used to be and for the frightened, lonely creature my dad had turned me into.
Wails escaped me at the thought of never being able to have my own child, for the shattered dreams of my youth, and even for Roan.
For how much I’d wished he loved me for me and not what I would bring to him if we’d mated.
I sobbed until I fell asleep in Dakota’s arms.
The light in the room had changed. The shadows shifted and moved from the bright sunlight that filled the room before I fell asleep. I was still curled up on Dakota’s chest, but he wasn’t focused on me. He had his phone in his hand and was scrolling through an internet search.
My breath caught when I recognized Papa’s photograph and the fake headline announcing his death.
The story hadn’t fooled Dad for long. “That headline bought us maybe six months of peace,” I whispered.
“Dad figured out Papa wasn’t dead and nearly caught me thinking I’d know where he was.
Dad thinks we are in touch, you see. He thinks if he can get his hands on me, then Papa will come out of hiding and exchange himself for me.
” I sat up, putting a little distance between us.
“So why do you say your Papa is dead?” Dakota asked, searching my face for answers.
“People don’t question your past when you say that your parents are dead.
” I dropped my head and picked at a loose thread on the blanket.
“I learned the hard way that telling the truth can go bad so quickly. An ex sold me out to my dad once,” I glanced back up at Dakota, “there was a reward for finding me for a while. He often uses the story that someone stole me from him.”
“So why tell me the truth?” He looked pained.
“I don’t know. I guess all my walls are down.
It’s been a shit couple of days, but there’s something telling me to trust you.
” I took his hand between both of mine, relishing the warmth of him.
“I haven’t felt my wolf properly in so long, so I have to rely on my gut, but I trust this deeper sense I have.
It tells me you’ve shown me nothing but kindness these last few days and you’d sooner harm yourself than me.
Right now, you’re the closest thing I have to an actual friend, and as selfish as it is, I need it. ”
“I’ll give you anything you need,” he said sincerely.
“I know,” I said simply, “but I don’t want to take advantage of how you feel about me.
I don’t want to hurt you.” Being the focus of Dakota’s care and attention was really just proving that my instincts had been wrong about him.
All the times I’d pushed him away weighed heavily on me.
We could have been real friends sooner if I’d just looked at the way he behaved without prejudice against him for his designation.
I was just so careful around alphas because I’d learnt to be.
I was just grateful that he was persistent.
“Being here with you, just looking after you, has given my bear such a feeling of peace. Ever since I met you, my bear has pushed me to watch out for you and sometimes he’s fought me, wanting to do more than I allow him to.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, “that was you being restrained? Moon help me!”
Dakota flushed, and the color was adorable on him. He grumbled, but I didn’t catch the words distracted by the feeling of nausea washing over me.
“I gotta —“ I attempted to scramble off the bed, got tangled and nearly fell, but Dakota caught me. My hand clamped over my mouth to keep it in, and he rushed me to the toilet in time.
We sat on the cool tile for a while, “Don’t you have work?” I eventually asked, my stomach calm again.
“I did a couple of hours this morning, and I’ll head in again shortly. Everyone is worried about you, so I said I’d check-in. Isaac wanted to come, but he’s having issues with his mates.”
“Issues?”
“Jealousy and fighting. I’m sure he said he’d message you,” Dakota’s tone was a little dismissive, and I felt a flash of irritation at him for it.
Then again, Isaac hadn’t even messaged me since I’d been in the hospital and Dakota was on my bathroom floor with me, so maybe he had a better idea of Isaac than I did.
“Do you want to try something to drink or eat?”
“I’m not sure. I’m running on empty again.”
He rose, unfolding his large body gracefully. “Let’s get you back in bed, then.”
Getting to my feet was difficult and sapped a lot of my remaining energy. I teetered and grabbed onto the door to stay standing. Dakota sighed and lifted me again in a bridal carry, my arms automatically wrapping around his neck, making him give me a sweet smile.
After he settled me into bed, I heard him moving around my kitchen for a few minutes.
He finally returned to my room with a tray filled with snacks and bottled water.
“I’ve got some anti-nausea medication for you, but they really don’t want you to take it unless you become dehydrated.
You kept that tea down so I think you can manage without them, but they are there. ”
“Thank you so much for looking after me. It’s been so long since I’ve had that.”
Dakota’s phone buzzed from his pocket. He took it out, glancing at the screen quickly before dismissing the call. He looked worried suddenly. It caught me off guard to see that expression. “I, uh, have to go. Are you going to be okay alone?”
“I’ll be fine, I swear.” I just wanted to sleep some more and then try some water.
“I can come back later if you need me. Just send me a message.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead, checking my reaction to the show of affection before he left.
Sleeping the rest of the afternoon helped with my energy levels, but not the nausea. I had to assure Dakota several times that he didn’t need to come back after work and that I’d manage the evening alone.
Rather than stay in bed, I made a nest on the couch of blankets with snacks and water close by and streamed a movie, though it didn’t keep my attention on it.
I caught up with social media and texts from friends, but none aside from Isaac knew what had happened, and I wasn’t about to tell them.
It was a surprise to get a message from Shelby from the warehouse and none from Isaac.
There was a brief sting of hurt over the lack of call.
I’d obviously thought more of our friendship than he had.
Shelby: Just checking in to see how you are. Dakota has you off and covered for another week, at least. Your favorite peeps are missing you. They want to send flowers. Would that be okay?
Tears rose at the idea of such a thoughtful gesture.
The last two years at Mercury were the longest I’d stayed anywhere with having to stay one step ahead of my dad and Roan.
I hadn’t been sure of how I fitted into the place since I didn’t spend all that much time in the actual building, but to have them want to reach out to me while I was sick? That made me feel like I belonged.
Kade: Flowers are always nice to receive. Visitors are welcome too, just small groups since my house is tiny.
Shelby replied with a thumbs up, and I hoped they would take me up on the invitation to visit.
I was sick of being lonely, sick of never knowing who I could trust. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life like this.
Moving every couple of years when Dad found me.
Hiding from him and Roan because they thought they owned me or could use me.
As a shifter, I would live a longer life.
Both Papa and Dad looked more like my older siblings than my parents, so I didn’t want to waste years, or even decades, of my life like this.
There was no telling how long it would take for them to lose interest. Dad was obsessed with Papa and with power.
Over five years and he was still looking for us.
I’d done everything that the council had suggested to keep myself safe, and by extension, Papa and I’d had enough.
I’d poisoned myself with the blockers and magic just to stay out of reach and could have harmed myself permanently.
If I couldn’t have kids, there weren’t many alphas that would want to mate with me.
It wasn’t like I could mate with a beta.
It simply wasn’t done. We’d never be allowed to stay in a pack.
Plus, they didn’t have a knot, so I’d need magical assistance for my heats.
Resting my head back against the sofa, I stared at the ceiling, completely giving up on the movie. I willed back tears since they did nothing to help and usually left me with a headache. You can fix this , I reminded myself. I just had to overcome my issues with alphas and bring on a heat.
There was no telling how long it would take for me to go into heat naturally.
I cast my mind back, trying to think when I’d last had a natural heat, not one pushed back by the blockers that had been slowly damaging me.
Part of me couldn’t believe that they were so readily available when they had such terrible side effects.
It wasn’t like the alpha contraceptive had such dangerous downsides.
Could it actually be nearly three years since I’d gone without blockers?
It was a sobering realization that it had been so long. I resolved then to get well, have a heat so I had hope for babies in my future, then I was going to end this situation with my dad for good. I wasn’t living like this anymore.