Chapter 32 Claire
CLAIRE
Satiny soft sheets caressed my cheek as I rolled over on the plush bed. Stretching out but not opening my eyes, I came to gradually.
Aches and pains roused me further. From lying on the floor the way I had, I was bound to be sore and suffer through some twinges of discomfort.
But as I lay there in Mikhail’s bed, alone and free to just be and breathe, I knew that those dark memories would only be in the past. Done. Over with. Left behind me and nothing to trouble me going forward.
I sighed deeply, relishing the peaceful bliss of blackness with my eyes closed. For how close I’d come to being violated or abused or killed, it felt only natural to savor and obsess over the goodness I was blessed to have now.
I was protected again. I knew it with the warmth and comfort of this bed.
I was secure once more. I felt it deep in my wary bones and battered soul with the quiet of this room in this fancy building.
Selfish to absorb every second of peace, I rested some more and prolonged the inevitability of opening my eyes. I had to. It was imminent. I couldn’t avoid facing the full extent of reality forever.
And when I did, sitting up gingerly and rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I drew another deep breath and stared down at my hands.
Hesitating to convince myself of what was right, of what would be best and right from now on, I licked my lips and debated it all over again.
Despite the utter fear and shock that seized me last night, I had been awake and aware and cognizant through it all. It came back to me with clarity. No shade of PTSD was giving me amnesia or selective memory.
I felt Mikhail carrying me “home”. I heard him lay out my options in the shower.
He thought he was giving me two options, a pair of choices.
But truly, deep in my heart, there was only one that could work. Only one feasible outcome for how I wanted the rest of my life to go.
Sitting up more and hugging my knees to my chest, I scanned his bedroom. I’d never been in here before, but I guessed that would be changing.
Because there is no way I can live without your ever being in my life again, Mikhail.
It just wasn’t possible. Sacrificing him would cost me too dearly. And it wasn’t a matter of settling for him. It wasn’t as though I was choosing a life with him and to stay here all for the reward and benefit of being protected and cared for.
It was because I loved him too damn much to cut him out of my life.
Despite all the darkness and violence, a real and true love had blossomed. It burned in my heart, grew within my soul. I feared that he’d never love me, but the fact that he could give me the chance to walk away with no expectations of a return proved that he had to care to some degree.
At the grumble of my stomach, I got up and sought a robe. Sitting here and sleeping for any longer would add to my anxiety.
Instead of my giving him an ultimatum, he’d issued one to me. He’d given me options and he’d be waiting for my answer. The longer it took me to tell him what it was, the more I’d stress about confronting him and surrendering, submitting to him forever.
First, though, I had to eat. I strode out of his room, curious where he was this late in the afternoon with how long I’d slept in. After going to the guest room I’d had before and dressing quickly, I went to check on Anya.
She mattered in this picture as well. She was an important part of my choice to stay.
I knocked on her door, and once she told me to enter, I stepped inside.
“Claire!”
She rushed toward me, wrapping me in a hug. I smiled, pressing my cheek against hers, and sighed happily.
“I was so worried about you when I heard you were taken!”
“Hey, it takes one to know, huh?” I raised a brow at her.
She made a face. “That’s so dark and, like, not funny. Not cool.”
I shrugged as we released each other. As she slowly smiled, taking my hand to bring me further into her room, she urged me to sit, to tell her if I was okay, what happened to me and if the same people who kidnapped her were the ones who took me.
I shared what I could, skirting the details of why I’d left in the first place.
When I explained about going home to where I’d come from and needing to think about my career, she readily accepted those answers.
Telling her that I loved her father felt like a whole extra layer of complications, and I’d wait to see how that would pan out.
I had to tell him first, anyway.
She called and asked for an extra tray to be brought to her, and we had lunch together.
It gave me a chance to check on her, playing the role of doctor, and I was pleased that she was recovering well.
I was happy to hear that Andre was getting more involved in watching over her, but I felt a smidgen of guilt, too, in that Mikhail might have counted on his son to help with Anya while he was stressed about me and how I’d left.
Over the meal, she told me about how worried she was that I left and then was taken. She shared how everyone else was worried, too. Mikhail had been a mess, according to her, and I pounced on that.
“So, you’re talking to him?” I asked, glad that if my capture resulted in anything, it could be a silver lining like their bonding.
“No.” She furrowed her brow. “He was obsessed with finding you.”
“Hey, no.” I shook my head, hating that she could think I was more important than her. “It’s not like that.”
“No. It is like that.” She smiled slowly. “He was freaking out about you, and even though I don’t know him that well, it’s basically obvious that it means he cares about you. A lot.”
I closed my mouth and gave her a shy smile.
“I came here thinking he’d just be a man whore with cheap hookers all over and orgies and everything.” She winced. “That was what I was told to expect. But other than your being here…” She huffed a little laugh. “That hasn’t been the case at all.”
“That’s… good.” I wasn’t sure what else I could even say. He was a handsome, wealthy, and powerful man. There was no damn way he had been celibate all his life. But it did appease me that I wasn’t one woman in a long line of substitutes.
“My father and I will have a long way forward to figuring out how we can have a father-daughter relationship. I haven’t made it easy since I’ve been here, but we’ll work on it when and how we can.”
I patted her knee. “Good. That’s progress.” It had to be. Her acknowledgment of the issue was a good start. “And I’m glad that your brother is helping too.”
“Helping what?” Andre said, surprising me as he entered.
“With Anya’s recovery,” I said, standing and facing him.
He smiled. “I didn’t think that I’d find you here, personally following up on her recovery.”
I raised my brows. “Because I’d left?” I couldn’t tell if he was fishing for an answer, whether I’d stay or go.
“No. Because you have been sleeping for a long time getting over your ordeal with our enemies. Because you’d be too tired to be a doctor for her so soon.”
I set my hand on her shoulder. “Doctor? Nah. We were just… catching up. Girl talk.”
She beamed at me, giving me more hope that I could embrace this role here. That I could accept my place and belong.
“Perhaps you can catch me up, too,” he suggested, indicating for me to follow him out of the room. He paused to toss a handful of magazines at Anya, though. They landed on the chair I’d vacated, and I smiled at the piano music books, too. “Your delivery,” he told her.
“Thanks,” she replied, picking up the papers.
I joined Andre in the hallway, walking away from Anya’s room. I’d given her a promise to eat dinner with her too, but I wondered if it would be just me and her, or others as well. I wouldn’t put off telling Mikhail my choice for long.
“Where is Mikhail?”
“Napping. He didn’t sleep well, if at all, after he brought you… back.”
I smiled, gazing at the carpet as we walked. “You mean when you brought me home?” I glanced up in time to catch him smiling as well.
“Home?”
I nodded.
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
I laughed once at his cockiness.
“It doesn’t surprise me that you’re just as committed as he is to you.”
We’ll see about that.
“My father discussed the plans to help you start a new life. We would spare no expense after you saved his life. But I, and my cousins, were pretty sure you’d be staying.”
“Am I that predictable?”
“Fuck no.” He grunted. “And that’s why I’m glad you’re willing to give my father a chance. He needs a partner who’d keep him on his toes.”
Again, we’ll see about that.
“However, there is one matter that I need your help with. Regardless of whether you wanted to leave or stay, we plan to remove the threat of your former colleague.”
I furrowed my brow. “Dr. Harroun?”
He nodded.
“Wasn’t he found with the, um, the other men at that building?” I cringed at the idea of Jack out there, able to surprise me on the street again and hand me over to the enemy.
“No. He is missing, and it would be helpful if you told me more about him.”
He’d stopped at the library on this floor.
I gestured for him to enter through the doorway. “Lead the way.”
Talking with Mikhail was my plan, but until then, I’d let him rest. In the meantime, I would be all ears for Andre’s questions. For the next hour, I sat with him and told him all that I could about the doctor who hadn’t quite shared the same ethics as me.
Perhaps I was no better than him. He’d sided with the Giovannis. I was standing with the Orlovs. I was a changed woman, now voluntarily involved with the Mafia.
Yet, if it were ever up to me to harm someone on the run for safety, an innocent like I had been, I wouldn’t have done what he had.
And if anyone were to ever ask, I wasn’t choosing a life of crime to be here with these people.
I had simply found my place with the complicated man I cherished.