Chapter 34 Claire
CLAIRE
Mikhail was still tired from his lousy night of sleep. After we showered together and had dinner in his room, we fell back into his bed. Holding him close, I rubbed his back and finally relaxed.
He’d found me, and I was safe.
I’d accepted that I would be a better person and would willingly stay in this violent life with him.
With those two facts forefront in my mind, it seemed like all was well. Or as well as I could hope.
Everything will be okay. I believed that because I had no other choice. Seeing Jack as an associate with the Giovannis was the final piece of information that I needed to see how Mikhail was right.
Not everything was black and white. Not everything was as it seemed.
Jack should’ve been like me, a doctor sworn to help others and save lives, not participate with criminals. With that same logic, Mikhail should’ve been like any other Mafia leader, ruthless and incapable of any good.
Goodness wasn’t easily measurable. One good deed wouldn’t excuse a lifetime of badness, but with the same logic, one bad deed couldn’t be forgiven with a lifetime of servitude.
There was no one way to judge anyone, and after being a victim like I had been and seeing how Mikhail had a good heart beneath his rough exterior, I knew I would continue to accept a workable compromise where my moral ethics were concerned.
I held him as he slept, at peace just to be with him. Throughout the night, we rested and cuddled, both of us needing this simple human touch and comfort.
In the morning, he woke me and asked if I would like breakfast or if I wanted to sleep in some more. I was still catching up on eating right again, so I joined him downstairs.
Now, in the light of knowing I was his, I didn’t feel timid to hold his hand as we went through his building. The ownership we had over each other felt more natural now. Not something to figure out or decide.
He was mine and I was his.
The guards didn’t flinch or stare. Andre, Sergei, and Roman didn’t comment in passing. Anya was likely sleeping in, so it wasn’t surprising that she wasn’t out in the building.
And I made peace with being here. Not as a guest among all these dangerous killers. Not as a plaything among the armed soldiers and spies. And not as a prisoner, kept here to be used.
Mikhail glanced at me as we sat at the table, and just with that little smirk, that hint of a smile, he had me blushing like we’d just met.
I chose this sexy, strong man, not because I had to but because I had finally opened my eyes and realized how badly I wanted to choose him.
Men came in and out of the room, reporting to him and taking orders. I minded my own business as I ate and had my coffee, wondering why I was thinking being back here would be any different now.
It was the same old. And it was brand-new, too.
For the rest of the day, Mikhail and I spent time with each other.
Privacy paved the way for us to really talk, to have a one-on-one opportunity to get to know each other better.
While it began as an interrogation, when he asked me about what happened to me when I was taken, I didn’t baulk and hold back.
I gave him the whole story of all that I’d witnessed and endured since coming to the States and working at that hospital.
That led to my telling him about before I came here, how I’d lost my parents and the kind of background I’d come from.
“But of course, you know all that,” I said wryly.
“I do.” He kissed me softly. “I have to look into everyone I let into my home, into my life. But I appreciate your telling me about everything to do with Harroun.”
I nodded. “Does this mean I’ll ever get a chance to know more about you?”
He grinned, leaning over me to make love. While it was exactly what I wanted and needed, a figment of disappointment hung over my head too. It wasn’t just sex for me. To establish a lasting relationship, we had to address and foster non-sexual connections too.
Give it time.
Yet, when he pulled me into the shower, he let out a deep sigh and smiled slyly at me. Water sluiced down his chest and he closed one eye to prevent it from getting in his face as he led me into the stall with him. “You’ll need to grant me some grace and room for error, Claire.”
“For what?”
“For learning how to have—and keep—a woman in my life.”
I beamed, giddy and so damn glad that he wasn’t closing off to me after all. Throughout the shower and after it, while we cuddled in bed again on this rare day “off”, he filled me in about his past. How Olga had been a contract bride who wanted nothing to do with him.
“Arranged marriages are common for you, aren’t they?”
“Yes and no,” he replied. “It is outdated, but some families rely on the practice heavily. I do not. I won’t.”
“So Andre and your nephews can pick their brides?”
He nodded. “Anya, too.”
I smiled, resting my head against him as he stroked his fingers over my upper arm, almost lulling me to sleep.
He continued, telling me about how Olga was never here except to conceive their children.
Then he explained more about how she hated him, how her family, the Volkovs, brainwashed Anya against him.
I might have been biased, but I didn’t care for the woman, disliking how selfish she was to not want to be a mother and to sleep around when she wasn’t high.
“Hey, wait.” I sat up when he started explaining more about the Volkov family going bankrupt and sending Anya here to live with him. “I don’t need to…” I furrowed my brow, staring at him. “I don’t need to know it all.”
He smirked, brushing my hair off my face. “You won’t.”
I smiled back. It seemed my the less I know, the better approach would stick.
“But I do intend to open up to you, Claire.” He kissed me softly. “Because I love you. And I don’t want to ever let you think that you aren’t wanted and loved here.”
We kept talking without going into too many details about what life would be like. Covering the basics of our pasts was important, but eventually, I shifted to lie facing him, my hands stacked on his chest and my chin atop them.
“What will happen next?”
He smoothed his hand over my ass and squeezed. “Right now?”
I grinned and crawled up to kiss him. “Not that. I mean… in general. I’m trying to figure out what my life will be like now.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be okay with your working at that hospital again.”
I shook my head and explained I’d already put my notice in. “I would like to stay busy, though. I didn’t go to school to become a doctor for nothing. I can’t shut off my need to help others.”
“Perhaps you can offer telehealth options.”
“Or… just help out around here?” I suggested.
“If you’d like. I don’t want you to think I’m keeping you around to use you.”
“I think I know what you’re keeping me around for.” I lowered my hand to stroke his growing erection beneath me while I kissed him slowly.
He rolled us until he hovered over me, pressing hot kisses down my neck. “I’m keeping you around so I can love you.”
I smiled.
“So I can marry you one day.”
My eyes popped open. “What?”
“Would you like that?”
I gawked at him. “Is that a proposal?”
“Not yet.” He grinned, kissing me again. “I wouldn’t mind calling you my wife, the mother of my future children.”
I clung to him as he started to rub me and see how wet I was again. “I would love to start a family,” I admitted, fully aware that all these times we’d had sex, we hadn’t used protection.
“When it’s safer,” he agreed as he pushed his hard length into me, robbing me of my breath. “When it is safer to celebrate and enjoy our future, nothing will stop me from giving you the world, Claire.”