Chapter 29 #3
She returned and gently placed the albums on the teapoy.
Shaurya picked up the album titled 'Siyakriti 1' with trembling hands. The sight alone made Akansha's heart tighten painfully. She hated herself for still feeling affected by this man.
As he opened the first page, his breath hitched.
On the right side was a picture of little Siya, probably just days old, resting peacefully in Akansha's arms...
But the left side of the page was empty.
"This...", he whispered, unable to take his eyes off the vacant space.
Something inside him instantly understood those missing pictures carried the most important moments of his life, and Akansha's next words confirmed it.
"Those pictures are not for your eyes... Those were taken when Siya was born and I held her in my arms for the first time... I will never let you see them, Shaurya. Be grateful for whatever you are getting", she said coldly.
He simply nodded, gently tracing Siya's tiny face in the picture with his fingers.
He no longer had the strength to argue with Akansha. Beneath her hatred and anger, he could clearly see pain, unbearable pain. So he let her hurt him. If this gave her even the slightest relief, then he would silently endure all of it because compared to her sufferings, his pain felt insignificant.
"How old was she in this picture?", he asked softly, pointing at another photograph.
"Three weeks... I took her to the hospital for a checkup. She suffered from jaundice a few days after birth, and it took some time for her to recover... This was taken after she recovered", Akansha replied quietly, her voice unconsciously softening as those memories resurfaced.
Shaurya's chest tightened painfully.
His little daughter suffered from jaundice... and he wasn't there.
His wife handled everything alone while he remained completely unaware of their existence.
The realization tore him apart so brutally that it felt as though someone was repeatedly killing him and bringing him back to life only to make him suffer again.
His eyes welled up instantly, but he forced himself to control his tears, unlike his heart which was crying blood tears inside his chest.
Akansha could see through his composed facade. She could see the devastation hidden behind that faint smile he kept forcing onto his face. A part of her wanted to console him, but the storm of conflicting emotions inside her wouldn't let her breathe properly.
"This picture was when Siya turned one month...", Akansha said, turning the page.
The next photograph showed little Siya dressed in a pale pink baby jumper with matching mittens and a tiny baby cap.
She looked impossibly adorable.
Shaurya felt an unbearable urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her forehead and cheeks endlessly.
But he couldn't.
That time had slipped away from him forever.
He kept turning the pages while Akansha explained the memories attached to each picture. Sometimes he smiled while imagining those moments through her words, and sometimes his heart physically ached remembering he was absent from every single one of them.
After a while, he quietly shut the album, no longer capable of holding back his tears.
He slowly sat down on the floor near Akansha's feet.
"I am sorry... I'm so sorry... I wasn't there for you when you and our daughter needed me the most... I am sorry Akansha... So sorry", he whispered, holding her right foot gently and pressing it against his palm, as if that alone could express the depth of his remorse.
He was breaking apart, piece by piece.
And instead of feeling satisfied, Akansha felt her own heart painfully constrict at his devastated state.
His tears kept falling on her feet, and suddenly all those imaginary scenarios she had created in her head over the years felt meaningless. She had imagined this moment hundreds of times. Back then, the mere thought of seeing him regret everything used to satisfy her wounded heart.
But now that it was actually happening... all she wanted was to stop his tears.
Yes, Shaurya had committed countless mistakes.
But when it came to Siya, he wasn't entirely at fault. He truly didn't know about his daughter, and somewhere deep down, Akansha believed he at least deserved peace from that particular guilt.
Unable to bear his condition anymore, she slowly cupped his face and wiped his tears away, shocking him completely with the unexpected gentleness of her touch.
"You weren't absent from Siya's life because you abandoned her... You didn't even know she existed. Again, that wasn't entirely your fault either... Your mother played her sick game and both of us became victims of it", Akansha said softly.
"So don't punish yourself endlessly for that.
.. I know this pain of missing your daughter's first years will stay with you forever, but don't let it consume everything else too.
Push it to one corner of your heart and fill the rest with the memories you are going to make with her from now on.
.. Siya is finally a part of your life, Shaurya.
.. Isn't that something worth celebrating? "
He nodded slowly with a small smile.
And seeing that familiar charming smile on his face after so long, Akansha unknowingly smiled too.
For one dangerous second, she even felt like leaning forward and kissing him.
That sudden thought snapped her back to reality instantly.
She quickly withdrew her hands from his face and leaned back against the sofa, creating distance between them, but Shaurya didn't stop looking at her for even a second.
He loved this about her.
No matter how shattered he became, she was still the only person capable of calming him down so effortlessly, as if soothing his storms was the easiest thing in the world for her.
"Go and get some rest... I'm sorry, I woke you up at this hour", he said softly, though his hand still loosely held her foot.
Akansha gently pulled her feet away from his hold and sat cross-legged on the sofa.
"I can't sleep once I wake up", she replied casually, unknowingly surprising him.
He looked at her carefully because Akansha never used to struggle with sleep before.
"After Siya... a lot of things changed physically.
Hair loss, thyroid, migraines... and some other issues too.
The migraines made things worse. Once my sleep breaks, I usually can't fall asleep again.
.. and lack of sleep triggers migraines too.
Both are interconnected. Fortunately, I'm okay for now", she said with a faint smile.
But the moment she noticed the guilt returning to his face, she regretted telling him.
"Shaurya... you need to come out of this guilt. Only then will you truly enjoy this phase with your daughter", Akansha said softly.
"These regrets are never leaving me...", he admitted honestly. "But don't worry... I won't let them ruin my time with Siya. I'll handle it."
Then after a brief pause, he added quietly,
"And since I'm the reason your sleep got disturbed... let me help you fall asleep again."
Akansha's eyes widened instantly at his words.
Because she remembered exactly how he used to do that in the past.
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"Why are you not asleep?", he asked in his usual steely tone... the same tone he mostly used with her after marriage.
Usually, she would already be asleep by the time he returned home. His meetings with party workers, officials, and people often stretched late into the night.
"My wish", she answered curtly.
"Are you not feeling well? Should I call a doctor?", he asked again.
She merely looked at him without answering.
Akansha was exhausted... exhausted with her husband, with his contradictions, with the way he loved her yet refused to love her openly.
He cared for her, worried for her, protected her in his own ways.
.. then why was he still stuck in his stupid retribution?
Why was he ruining both their lives with his coldness and half-hearted affection?
Shaurya walked closer and checked her temperature using the back of his palm.
"No fever... Then what is it? Any pain anywhere? Period cramps?", he questioned again.
"Why do you bother, Shaurya? Leave me alone... like you always do", she snapped at him.
"I would have... if you had slept on time", he replied calmly.
He walked toward their closet and returned with an oil bottle.
Before she could understand his intentions, he sat near her feet on the bed and started massaging them gently.
"Shaurya... What are you doing?", Akansha frowned.
He didn't answer.
"Shaurya..."
"Answer me, Shaurya."
"What the hell? You don't want to talk to me but you'll do all this, huh?"
No matter how much she blasted at him, he stayed silent and continued massaging her feet patiently.
After nearly an hour, he finally stopped and carefully placed her feet back on the bed.
"Now try sleeping", he said softly.
He walked inside to freshen up and returned a while later, only to find her still awake.
"What happened, Akansha? You never struggled with sleep before... Are you really okay?", he asked again.
She could clearly see the exhaustion on his face. His feet looked slightly swollen from the extensive campaigning and constant travelling he had been doing for weeks, yet he was here worrying about her instead of resting himself.
She wanted to ask about his pain... wanted to help him... but she knew he would never allow her to care for him that openly.
"I slept in the afternoon, so I'm not sleepy anymore", she muttered.
A visible relief crossed his face hearing that she was fine.
"But you still need to sleep now... otherwise your sleep cycle will get disturbed. You have to wake up early tomorrow and then the whole day will—"
"Will you shut up and sleep?" she snapped, interrupting him. "I don't want to talk to you... neither do I want to hear your fake concern."
"Fake concern?" he frowned.
"If this is real... then was your revenge an act?" she asked bitterly.
Shaurya simply stared at her for a second before shaking his head faintly.