Chapter 55 #2
"We'll take your leave then," Vasant said to Shaurya, indicating that they would be going to Akash's place for the night.
"Please stay," Shaurya requested politely. "You have your train in the morning, and Akash's residence is far from here. You'll get tired and won't rest properly. Stay here tonight. I'll have someone drop you at the railway station in the morning after breakfast."
Akash and Vasant looked toward Akansha. Before she could say anything, Shaurya requested again.
Vasant finally nodded, considering his health. He truly didn't have the energy to handle more exhaustion, and he didn't want to trouble his children with his weak condition either.
"Thank you," Shaurya said to his father-in-law with a warm smile. "What time is your train in the morning? I'll ask the team to be ready."
"That's okay, sir. I'll drop them. No worries," Akash said politely.
Shaurya didn't insist further, not wanting to make them uncomfortable. They had agreed to stay the night. For now, that was enough.
Since it was late, everyone retired to their rooms.
Shaurya carried Siya to their room and laid her down gently. Akansha went to change while he carefully changed their daughter into comfortable pajamas. By the time Akansha returned from the closet, he walked in to change and came back a few minutes later.
They lay down on either side of Siya. Akansha waited for him to say something. Anything about it. But he didn't.
"What do you think? How did it go?" Shaurya asked after a while.
He genuinely wanted feedback from his wife. Akansha was a wonderful critic. She had an eye for detail, and he wanted to analyze what went well and what they could improve the next time.
"Everything went well, Shaurya. Siya was very happy, and I am happy that she received the love of her whole family this birthday. I always had plans to celebrate her 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, and 25th birthdays grandly, and I'm glad we could do it," Akansha said.
"Yeah... everything went well, but there must have been a few shortcomings. I want to note them down and make sure they are taken care of from next year," he said.
"Hm..." Akansha thought for a moment. "There was less time for the kids' events because we had the family dinner and then the grand lunch for our colleagues in the afternoon.
Siya and the other kids enjoyed the evening party the most. So maybe next time, we should avoid the grand feast for guests and just have a family lunch in the morning.
Then we can start the kids' party earlier in the evening and extend it till dinner.
There were so many games and activities planned for the kids, but because of the time limit, a few of them were disappointed. "
Shaurya nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I thought about that too. But since it was Siya's first birthday with me, I wanted to invite everyone this time. Anyway, from next year, we won't have many guests. Just family and Siya's friends. That's all," Shaurya said, staring at the ceiling, his mind clearly somewhere else.
Akansha turned slightly toward him.
"Why? What about your MLAs, party people, and others?"
"Yeah, we won't be inviting them. Just family, and a themed party with kids' events for Siya's friends in the evening," he replied. She frowned. Something was wrong with him.
She knew the reason, but she didn't know what exactly was running through his head. Was he pushing those emotions and that pain aside again until it became absolutely necessary for him to deal with them? No, Shaurya. Please don't do that, she screamed silently.
She knew how deeply that habit could affect a person. Her daughter had the same problem, and she knew exactly where Siya had gotten it from.
"Hm... how did you feel?" Akansha asked softly. "Celebrating your daughter's birthday for the first time?"
"Hm... great," he said.
But his eyes told a completely different story. There was happiness in them. Bliss too. But beneath it, regret and guilt sat heavily, refusing to be hidden.
"I need a more elaborate answer than your stupid one-word response, Shaurya," Akansha said, irritation lacing her tone.
He chuckled softly at that.
"I felt as if I were the luckiest man alive.
.. for experiencing this bliss, for getting this chance despite my unforgivable sins," he said quietly.
His gaze moved to Siya. "But along with that bliss came the realization of everything I missed in these four years.
The thought that I can never experience my daughter's first four years is too much to digest."
His voice grew heavier.
"More than my feelings, our daughter's unfortunate fate pains me.
She deserved a father who would have taught her to walk on his palms, not someone who let her mother walk on a path of thorns.
I can't digest the fact that Siya lived the first four years of her life without a father.
Her little heart must have hurt so much seeing all her friends loved by their fathers while she didn't have one.
How am I ever going to digest all her suffering?
" he asked, his voice cracking toward the end.
Akansha's heart tightened, but she kept her voice steady.
"Yes, Siya deserved to be with her father from the day she was born. Even before that. But to be honest, she wasn't in pain because of your absence until she turned three. She knew there was a person called 'Dad' in every family, but she wasn't bothered by the fact that she didn't have one."
Shaurya listened silently.
"She grew up with me, Richa, her parents, and Akash around her. She was happy with what she had. It was only after she started going to school and saw her classmates' fathers picking them up, showering them with kisses, gifts, and hugs, that she started asking me when you would come for her."
His fingers tightened slightly around Siya's tiny palm.
"I told her your boss wouldn't allow you to come and meet her, and that when he allowed you, you would come to her. I told her bits and pieces about you, and she was happy with that. By the time she truly started feeling the ache of not having a father, you came into her life," Akansha said.
Shaurya sighed, but he didn't respond. No matter what she said, she knew he would still choose to suffer through it.
"Look, Shaurya," she said, turning fully toward him. "You weren't with Siya in the early years of her life because you didn't know she existed. That is a fact." He looked at her.
"I didn't tell you about her, and that used to trouble me a lot. But I reasoned with what I had done. I was protecting my daughter. I didn't know why you did what you did. I believed what I was shown, and I acted on my instincts. I went away because I wanted to protect myself and my baby."
Her voice softened, but the firmness stayed.
"When I learned how you had actually been trying to protect me, for a second, I wondered if I should have told you about my pregnancy.
But then I realized something. If I were placed in that same situation again, with the same fears and the same understanding I had then, I would still do the same thing.
Because that was my reality then. That was my thought process.
I didn't trust you to protect my child and me. "
Shaurya's eyes held hers.
"So I threw away my guilt. I stopped beating myself up for being the reason Siya didn't have you with her.
I reasoned with my actions. In the same way, you had your reasons for what you did.
You wanted to protect us. I am not saying you should justify everything you did and stop regretting completely.
But you know which guilt deserves to stay and which guilt deserves to be released. "
She paused, letting her words settle.
"All I am saying is... push this guilt away and embrace your daughter. Embrace the next twenty years with her."
Shaurya had heard everything carefully. But his mind got stuck on one thing. Twenty years?
"What do you mean by twenty years?" he asked, frowning.
"Well, it's just a rough estimate. It may be less than that. Right now, you are the only man your daughter loves this much, looks up to, and wants around. But after some years, there will come a man who—"
"A man?" Shaurya cut her off immediately. His expression changed so quickly that Akansha almost laughed. "Akansha, I know it's inevitable, but can we please not talk about that now? I don't like the idea of any man in my daughter's life except me. Please."
"But—"
"It's late. You need to leave for work early in the morning. Let's sleep," he said, shutting his eyes as though that ended the topic.
Akansha bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing. He looked like he would kill anyone who even thought of wooing his daughter. Good. At least these thoughts would keep him away from his guilt for now. Shaurya took Siya's palm in his and began rubbing it gently.
"Dadda..." Siya muttered in her sleep, placing her little leg over him.
That tiny gesture made him smile instantly. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
"Yes, it's Dadda, Mumma, and Siyabear only. We won't let anyone else come into our family," he whispered.
Akansha shook her head at his ridiculous protectiveness. She would remind him of this exact statement when he performed his daughter's Kanyadaan one day. The thought made her smirk.
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"I'll be late today. Don't wait for me," Shaurya said the next morning while having breakfast. Then he corrected himself quickly, "I mean, get Siya to sleep early.
" Akansha was packing Siya's tiffin. "I don't know how you pack it.
She didn't like it when I did it the other day," he added, making her chuckle.
"You might have mixed up the boxes. Siya doesn't like anything other than fruits in this box," Akansha said, showing him the strawberry-shaped container.
"Oh yes... I was in a hurry that day, and I think I might have packed snacks in it," Shaurya said.
She shook her head.