Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
ELLA
“Betrayal stings, but so does the impact of a punch. If you hurt me emotionally, I will retaliate in a physical sense. Fuck the Patriarchy.”
M y mind is reeling from the new information about Anton, who I trusted not only with my secrets, but with my body. I wasn’t in love with him or anything but the utter use and back stabbing took me by surprise. Wiping away my tears, Leo and I walk into the garage holding hands as a united front. The strength from him is keeping me on my feet as the waves of reality hit me. He didn’t have to tell me the truth about my bodyguard. He could have kept it a secret from me, especially since he was apprehensive about how I would react. I knew that something bad happened, and I had stopped oversharing with Anton and the punishments became less frequent in the past, but I never had any proof. Rome looks inquisitively up at us from the evidence in his hands when we walk in the garage. In that split moment, I understand how close these two men are outside of the jokes and banter when a silent conversation happens between them without words. Rome knows everything about my guard and probably knows what was said and what he did to me. When I make eye contact with Rome, I expect to see pity in his eyes but instead I see compassion and strength. Releasing the breath and fear I was holding, my shoulders relax just a fraction. He isn’t going to ask if it is going to break me because he can see that I too am a survivor. The look exchanged between us is one that only survivors and those who have lived through hell and back but have lived to tell the tale know how to give.
“What we know for sure is that the death of your guard is not linked to the attempted murdering of you both. However, I can tell you that the etchings in what’s left of the bullets look Russian. I won’t be able to confirm until I get a chemical composite of the material used. There are no confirmed local allies of the Bratva,” Rome shared this information without pause. What these men don’t know is that my father has been building relationships with the Bratva for years in secret. Everything shifts around me as my breath slips away. How do I tell them about what I know without being a rat? It is a well known fact how Leo’s family deals with turncoats in their organization. If I don’t share what I know, it could cost both of us our lives. While death could be the reprieve I am looking for from the trauma I have experienced, I won’t let my failings cost Leo his life.
“If I tell you something confidential from my father’s organization that I know but don’t have proof of, how much of it will get back to your father?” I ask, fearful that I am toeing the line between life and death, even if I was never willingly part of my father’s operation. I am treading dangerously, not because I believe that Leo will hurt me but due to the known stance his family takes on traitors. In a swift movement Leo takes his free hand and cups my cheek so fast that I cannot stop the instinctive flinch. He meets my flinch with the softest caress of his thumb across my cheek. Staring into the roaring blue ocean of his eyes, I see his truth and my safety. Now, if I could just convince my overworked and traumatized nervous system that we are not actively in danger, that would be great.
“No one will ever lay their hands on you again. Not today, not tomorrow, Not in this lifetime or the next will anyone cause you harm. Anyone who tries will pay for it with their life. No questions asked, and yes, that includes me,” Leo utters in a low and deadly tone that has me shivering from something other than fear.
“My father has had deals with the Bratva for years; since before your mother died. The agreement was that all business would be conducted in secret and outside the city so that it would not alert your family to the activity,” I respond, my words blending together from being spoken in such a rush. There is a fine line that I am walking here. If he knew what I was saying and who I was saying it to he would lock me in the basement closet and use my body as currency. It wouldn’t be the first time. He picked the most brutal monsters from his inner circle to loan me to. The involuntary shiver just thinking about the last one is enough to wrap my arms around myself and hold firm. I try to remind myself that I am not there, that the closet is not in my future, and that I will never be contained against my will again.
“The Russian connection would make sense as to how they knew where we were last night. Your father had probably given him the information and they must have followed us from the restaurant last night. I am so sorry, Butterfly. I should have seen us being followed,” He says, remorse bleeding into his voice. I squeeze his hand that I am holding to get his attention.
“You cannot take sole responsibility; you didn’t know what my dad was doing or who the enemy that was stalking us could have been. We are alive and uninjured thanks to the custom upgrade on your car,” I reassure him, trying to take the burden of this onto both of us instead of just him. My father worked very hard to keep that information from Leo’s family and spilled many buckets of blood to do so. He smiles at me and then looked back at Rome.
“Hey, Forbidden Lover, Did you bring what I asked for?” Leo asks Rome in a near cryptic manner. Based only on the smile that crosses Rome’s face, he brought whatever Leo asked for. He turns around, opens the garage, and hurries to his car. He opens the trunk, grabbing a box with this goofy carefree smile on his face. He sets it down in front of us and I see laptops, phones, and an e-reader. I stare blankly at them, afraid to hope that some of this is for me. Rome hands me a new phone with a wink. I look at my husband-to-be with a combination of awe and confusion.
“Rome handles cleaning all of our technological items so they cannot be tracked or traced by anyone without access to the system he built. I will be able to access your location with these devices, but I promise not to abuse this power. In the effort of fairness, you have access to my location as well,” He answers my unspoken question. Opening the application labeled Familia I notice two dots in the house.
“Why do you have two phones in the house?” I ask, hoping he will continue to be honest with me. While this arrangement between us is new, he has chosen to be honest with me thus far. The moment he chooses to lie to me is the moment his label goes from on my side to on my father’s. Years of planning have gone out the door already. Pushing down each and every punishment I have received, like a bomb waiting to go off, my revenge will be well placed.
“One is for when I am home and the other is for when I am on a job,” He answers without hesitation.
“Is there a catch?” I ask, fearful that I need to pay for this somehow.
“The only thing that I ask is if you need to text your father you use the secure messaging feature,” He says, while unpacking a laptop and a Kindle from the box.
Rome chimes in with, “The reader is connected to a few different subscription services already on Leo’s family plan. You also have a credit card linked to the e-reader itself to purchase any books not available on the subscriptions. The wi-fi is built-in now so you should be able to download books almost anywhere.” The tears are fighting to escape at the kindness that Leo has shown me with this one act. I clasp my hands together to keep it from shaking.
“You don't have to say anything, Butterfly. This is just one of the many ways I plan to take care of you. Given the attack last night, I ask that you don't leave the house alone. There are already four contacts saved in your phone,” Leo addresses me with kindness in his eyes. No one has ever gone out of their way for me before. For the first time in my life I feel seen for more than just my body but for who I am.
“Thank you, Leo,” is all I can muster as words without choking up. Never in my life have I had any form of freedom. Even when I was attending public events, I knew that if I so much as took a breath wrong, I would pay for it with pain. I learned when I was a child that if I spoke out of turn my food would be removed. When the food wasn't enough of a punishment for him, the physical punishments started.
Sometimes I was lucky and the only punishment I would endure was his cane but that was not always the case. By the time I was eight he decided that when he was more irritated with me, he would sell my body for the night. I remember too much and not enough all at the same time. From what I have read, this is a trauma response, but there was no point in trying to work through it, when until a few days ago, I was still living it.
My breathing changed as each memory unleashed itself to hit me. What I endured yesterday was a speck of color in my canvas of trauma but it unlocked the flood gates. Years of torture, both sexual and physical, hit me one after another. Falling to my knees, I struggle to breathe through the pain and terror. Each breath feels like blades tearing apart my lungs from the inside and the world around me is fuzzy and unclear.
Leo’s voice breaks through the barrier of my panic, even and calm to reassure me. “Come back to me, Butterfly. You are safe now. I promise that no one will ever hurt you again.”