Chapter 37
Alina
It’s nice being able to shower in an actual bathroom with the door shut.
And my clothes for the day? They’re my own. My broken-in jeans and white tee. I even have my own sneakers that Gavriil must have removed from our things when Dominik and I were about to run.
For once, I feel comfortable.
When I open the bathroom door, returning to Gavriil’s bedroom, it’s no longer scary.
The familiarity should comfort me. Instead, it makes the shift in his mood impossible to ignore.
Gavriil is back. I never thought the sight of him would be so…soothing.
But when our eyes meet now, I immediately know that something is wrong.
He’s standing next to the cage, his fingers brushing the bars.
He isn’t gesturing for me to go inside. He’s…I don’t know what the hell he’s doing.
The cage used to be my punishment. Now it feels like something he’s letting go of.
And that unsettles me.
“What’s going on?” I ask him.
Gavriil moves away from the cage and hurries over to me, wearing only a white undershirt and black trousers as if he was in the middle of undressing. He stops right in front of me, close enough for me to smell his familiar rich scent I dream about from time to time.
“You and Dominik are free to go,” Gavriil tells me. He draws in a long breath through his nose until his lungs are filled. He exhales just as slowly. “There will likely be an attack on the estate soon. We need to get you someplace safe.”
A jolt of fear hits me, creating a lump in my throat that I struggle to swallow past. I’m not exactly surprised by the news, but it still worries me to think of this modern fortress being stormed by enemies.
Dominik and I are leaving. That explains the comfortable clothes in case I need to run in them. But what about him? He’s going to stay behind.
I step back, my head shaking at the thought. “So, you’re sending us away and this is your goodbye? After everything you did to get me here, you’re just…done with me?”
Gavriil grimaces. “This is for your own safety. All your things that we seized when you and Dominik first tried to leave the city will be packed as well and sent with you.”
“Where? Where are we going?” I question him, my mind threatening to spiral out of control as he throws so much at me.
Once again, he’s taking control, moving us around like chess pieces on his board without asking. He has to place us exactly where he wants us to be.
I used to believe he did things just to be cruel. Now, I think he does it as a way to protect himself. Or because he thinks he knows what’s best for everyone around him.
“You’ll go to a farmhouse a few miles away until it’s safe for Dominik to leave the city,” he replies.
My heart pounds as I envision that. Dominik and I by ourselves at last.
It’s what we wanted before, but…we’ll be leaving Gavriil behind instead of running from him.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s what infuriated him most a few weeks ago, that Dominik was going to up and leave him without saying goodbye for me, a woman he just met. That attempt to abandon him hurt more than he will probably ever admit.
“What are you going to do?” I ask.
Gavriil holds my gaze in silence for a few seconds before answering.
“What I must,” he says softly. “Stay here to fight with my men.”
My stomach twists. Not so long ago, I wanted Gavriil dead. I thought I could even do it myself because I hated him so much.
Now…now the thought of leaving without him feels impossible.
Like with Dominik, our trauma has bonded us in a way I never expected.
Never wanted. And losing him is unacceptable.
Does he think this is what we want? Him to go risk his life?
Yes, probably so, because he doesn’t think he deserves a happy ending.
“You don’t have to do anything, Gavriil!” I exclaim as I step just inches away from him, determined to change his mind. “Come with us,” I demand, trying to use whatever power I have over him.
Gavriil takes a deep breath and grabs the back of my neck, making my eyes snap up to his blue ones. “I wish I could, printsessa,” he says before he leans down and captures my lips, kissing me deeper than Dominik ever has.
Like he won’t get the chance to do so again.
The thought makes my self-control shatter. I give into the kiss, give into him, grasping at his back like I’m going to die if our lips break apart, if he stops and pushes me away.
Gavriil’s hands run along the outsides of my thighs, inching their way closer to my waist.
My skin warms beneath his touch, and I can’t help but seek out more, my fingertips gliding along the grooves of his back and shoulder muscles. He’s firm and strong like a rock that has no choice but to take the constant hit of waves.
His resiliency is frustrating, but I like the way that he kisses me like I’m his source of oxygen, and he’s breathless right now.
Gavriil sucks on my bottom lip, coaxing a gentle sigh from me that makes his grip on my waist tighten. He liked that.
I slide my hand up the back of his neck, my fingers delving into his soft hair as our kiss continues to deepen. I tease his tongue with mine before his dips into my mouth, tasting me.
It’s a ritual of give and take, and he makes it hard not to be greedy because I want so much from him. And from Dominik.
I can’t help but be greedy when it comes to both of them because my feelings seem to defy limits. Common sense. Expectations.
When Gavriil pulls away from me, cutting our kiss way too short, he brushes his fingertips along my cheek like I’m made of porcelain, his eyes lingering on my lips.
“You’ll be safe,” he whispers to me before sliding his thumb along my bottom lip, coaxing my lips to lightly part. “Dominik won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I’m worried about you,” I admit as I wrap my fingers around his wrist, not wanting him to draw back and send me away just yet.
There’s a ripple in his sturdy expression. I wish he would just show at least a hint of emotion on his face.
“You shouldn’t be worried about anything. I’m not,” he replies instantly. A reflex.
“Gavriil,” I say, my voice bordering on a whisper. Of course he must be scared of what happens next.
There’s another shift in his expression, like a brief ripple of pain crossing his face.
“You should go, Alina.”
Go with Dominik he means.
I reach up to take both sides of his face between my palms, making him tense up at the sudden touch. He’s not used to me reaching out first. “I want to be here with you right now. Just you.”
Gavriil stares into my eyes, and I can see his stony facade cracking in real time. I wish he would stop hiding from me.
I wish he would stop pushing people away or making them hate him so that there’s no chance of him getting attached. Doesn’t that exhaust him? Doesn’t that kill him on the inside?
“Please don’t be reckless,” I tell him, a plea breaking into my voice. “And stop trying to do everything on your own.”
He holds my gaze for a few quiet seconds before taking my hands and pulling them away from his face. Slowly. Hesitantly.
Like he has to force himself.
Gavriil releases my hands and takes a step back from me. “Behave and do as you’re told. That’ll ensure your safety and Dominik’s.”
It’s all about control for him.
Behave. Sit down. Speak. Eat. Drink.
Oddly enough, I’ll miss his commands.
“What about your safety?” I question him.
“That’s none of your concern.”
I let out a scoff, making him lift an eyebrow.
“You don’t think you’re worth my concern,” I mutter.
“How could I be? I killed your brother,” he says, as if he’s trying to convince me to go back to hating him.
It would be easier if I did, but it doesn’t work.
I’ve seen the vulnerable, selfless man underneath the cold exterior of the Pakhan. He’s never apologized for killing Archer, either because he doesn’t regret it, or because he doesn’t think I’ll ever forgive him.
Maybe I won’t.
But at least now I know that Gavriil would do anything for Dominik, even kill my brother for nearly costing Dom his life at that biker shootout. He took me from Dom so I couldn’t hurt him like his awful ex after he foolishly took a bullet for me, a traitor’s sister he just met.
Gavriil cares and loves like everyone else; he just does it in a fucked-up way.
And apparently, there’s nothing I can do to change that.
Taking a deep breath through my nose, I straighten my spine. “Fine. If you want me to go back to Dominik, I will.”
Gavriil hesitates, and the desire to kiss him again crashes down on me like a tidal wave. He doesn’t want me to leave. I know it.
So, why won’t he just admit it? Why won’t he just say so?
My heart races as Gavriil takes my hand and lifts it to his lips to kiss my knuckles.
“Goodbye, Alina,” he says before releasing me.
My heart sinks as my hand drifts back down to my side.
That’s it.
He won’t say it.
He won’t show me what he actually feels for me.
“Goodbye, Gavriil,” I say with a heavy sigh as I start toward the door.
Just before I reach for the doorknob, he calls out softly, “Wait.”
I turn around just as he slips his hand into his pocket. He pulls out his necklace and Dominik’s, the chains dangling them from his fingers.
“I want you to have these. A piece of him and a piece of me.”
My heart sinks as I stare at the necklaces and their familiar charms. This is all that he can give me of himself? A necklace that his father gave them, putting a huge burden on their shoulders?
When Gavriil comes closer like he’s going to clip the necklaces around my neck, I take a step back. This conversation isn’t over yet. It can’t be. And I know that once those necklaces are on me, he’ll be done talking.
“Will you find us when the war is over?” I ask.
The side of Gavriil’s mouth tilts up a little, and I finally make out an expression that fills his face.
Bittersweet.
“No.”
My throat grows tight. Of course, he’s going to pull a move like that. A sacrifice.
Does he think that’s what I want? Does he think that’s the noble thing to do? The only thing he can do to atone for all his sins?