Chapter 17
They settled into a comfortable routine.
Thorn spent his days working on his online classes, studying, or visiting the places he’d never had time for before.
Nothing fancy, just local cafes and libraries.
A few department stores. He bought his first game, one for his laptop—he wasn’t going to go crazy spending Baal’s coin no matter how many times the alpha told him to do it—and twice a week, he chatted for an hour with Aster.
His brother was making great progress in rehab, and they thought he might even be able to come home within the next six months, which was amazing.
Baal started coming over for dinner, and more often than not, he ended up spending the night. He wasn’t always there in the morning when Thorn woke, but the roses and notes kept coming no matter what, and soon, Thorn had collected a shoebox full of them.
Time passed like that, in simplicity, and contentment snuck up on him before he even knew to be wary of it.
Which was probably why the sudden sickness hit him so hard.
It started basic, just a stomachache and some mild nausea. Baal was on a business trip, and Thorn didn’t think much of it without having someone there to bring it up. It wasn’t until the third day, when there were also hot flashes, that he started to get worried and went to the clinic.
A friendly redheaded beta nurse had been the one to suggest pregnancy. She’d said it kindly, with a hint of excitement, not aware that her words were like barbed wire cutting across Thorn’s exposed flesh.
He’d returned home with a pregnancy test, unwilling to do it at the clinic, and a bottle of expensive whiskey he’d never even considered tasting before.
Both had sat on his bedroom end table for a couple of days, but as it drew nearer to Baal’s return, Thorn finally caved.
Fear gripped him as he sat in the bathroom and waited, eyes glued to his reflection in the mirror, only slightly seeing himself.
Logically, he should be thrilled at the possibility of a successful breeding.
He’d fulfill his end of the contract, he and Aster would be set for life, and he wouldn’t have to put out for the alpha anymore.
But he wasn’t.
He wasn’t thrilled at all.
In fact, with each passing second, he felt like he was going to throw up all over again.
It had nothing to do with having to give up a child. Thorn had known what he was agreeing to when he’d signed the contract, and while, sure, he’d never imagined he’d actually ever conceive, he’d meant it when he’d said he’d be fine with the outcome.
Thorn had grown up in poverty. He knew what that was like.
Without Baal’s support, he’d be forced to experience that again.
The only way he’d get to keep the baby was if he made a run for it, which guaranteed robbing his kid of any semblance of a good life.
He could never do that. Even if it meant never getting to know them or watch them grow up, Thorn would be content knowing he’d done the best he could for his child.
Giving it up to Baal, allowing it to grow under the protection of the White Frost, with all the riches and benefits that came with it, was the right thing to do.
Thorn could part with a baby.
But could he part from its father?
A wounded sound rumbled from his chest, and he squeezed his eyes closed. How quickly he’d fallen. Three months ago, he hadn’t even known Baal’s name, and now the thought of losing him was like a dagger to the heart.
Pathetic.
What was he going to do?
A breeding contract came to an end as soon as conception happened. If the omega was lucky, the alpha stuck around during the pregnancy, ensuring the baby grew healthy and there weren’t any complications. But after the birth…Baal would no longer have any use for Thorn.
Could he convince him to sign another contract?
Weren’t people like the underboss the type to like backup plans? A spare heir, so to speak?
Getting pregnant once was a miracle. There was no way in hell Thorn would be successful a second time, which meant—
It would be obvious what he was really after.
The alpha would see right through him.
Thorn didn’t think he could handle being openly rejected.
If he fell apart, who was going to look after Aster when he came home from rehab?
They still had to re-enroll him in high school and start preparing him for college.
Thorn didn’t have the luxury of crying in bed, wallowing over a failed relationship that was never real to begin with.
A traitorous voice in his head whispered about all the things the alpha had said to him in the past, but all of that had been spoken in the heat of passion. Thorn couldn’t actually believe that he’d meant any of it, could he?
People said all sorts of things when they were balls deep or knotted. Pheromones messed with them like that, made them sappy and romantic, or possessive and bold.
If Baal had actually wanted Thorn, he would have bitten him.
He laughed humorlessly and wiped a lone tear from his cheek.
“There you have it,” he said to himself, his voice filled with all the misery he was struggling to deny. “If he really wanted you to be his omega, he would have given you the claiming bite. But he didn’t, Thorn, because it was never about permanency.”
Baal had forced himself on him during the White Hunt even though he could have given Thorn a pass and let him declare sanctuary. He’d slipped a bag full of money into the car he offered to Thorn the next day, and trapped him in this contract through threats.
That wasn’t the type of person who’d hesitate to mark someone if they truly wanted them.
He would have taken first and asked for forgiveness later, as he’d done with everything else.
When the alpha had said he’d wanted Thorn from the moment he saw him, he’d meant that physically. Sexually. He’d wanted his body. Wanted to fuck him. Maybe even really did have hopes of creating offspring. But he didn’t want Thorn.
He’d pay to keep him, then pay him off to leave him. Simple as that.
Thorn was the idiot here. The one who’d grown attached even though he’d known better.
The timer on his multi-slate went off, but he couldn’t get himself to open his eyes. The test was in his right hand, the results right there, and yet…
“Please.” He didn’t even know what he was asking for.
Rationally, he understood he had to end this either way. Put a stop to it before he could fall any deeper. Baal may have paid off their debts, but there were still responsibilities Thorn had to meet.
There was still Aster. He was only sixteen.
Thorn would be raising him for at least another four years.
He couldn’t afford to leave himself open to this sort of weakness.
If the mere idea of losing Baal could bring him this low, all the more reason to make a break for it now, while he still had some sense about him.
While he still comprehended what mattered.
The test results would merely tell him how much more time with the alpha he would have. If he was pregnant, he’d have months, and if not—
Thorn looked before he could second-guess himself again.
And froze.
Negative.
He wasn’t pregnant.
Thorn stayed locked in the bathroom until the sun rose the next morning.
* * *
“What do you mean you’re going to call it off?” Aster’s confused tone came through the speaker of Thorn’s earbud as he moved about the living room.
He hadn’t noticed, but over the past month, the alpha had been slowly moving in, leaving things behind to take up space in Thorn’s home.
He’d spent the past hour gathering it all up and still wasn’t finished, so he’d had to take his brother’s call while in the midst of boxing bundles of expensive designer clothing and obscure poetry books and thriller novels.
He’d just gotten done telling his brother his plan to end things, and Aster’s reaction was to be expected, though it certainly wasn’t helping to make Thorn feel any better.
“That’s what I mean,” he said plainly.
“When does Baal get back?”
“Tomorrow.”
“And…you’re just going to…break up with him?”
He exhaled. “It’s not a breakup. We were never really together.”
“I can’t believe you’re really this dumb.”
Thorn paused and set his hands on his hips, glaring at the device where he’d placed it on the couch. “Gee, thanks.”
“I mean it,” Aster stated. “You’re a big fucking idiot.”
“Language.”
“Oh, come off it. I’m sixteen, not six.” He grew silent for a second and then demanded, “Wait, this isn’t about me, is it?”
“Of course not.” Thorn went back to searching, finding a cuff link hidden beneath the coffee table. Diamond-studded. Definitely the alpha’s.
“You’re lying.”
“I am not.”
“You are.” Aster swore. “That’s not fair.”
“Aster—”
“No, I refuse to be responsible for ruining your life. Again.”
Thorn didn’t like the sound of that. “Hey. Don’t say that. You’ve never ruined my life. You’re the best thing in it.”
“Am not. If you didn’t have to worry about taking care of me, you could have continued school. Dad never would have taken out that loan with the White Frost in the first place, and—”
“Stop it, Aster,” Thorn snapped. “None of that was your fault. Dad could have stopped drinking and gotten another job, but instead, he chose to drown his sorrows and get in bed with the most dangerous mafia in the city. That was a choice he made, just like I chose to take that on so you could keep getting treatment. I don’t regret that for a second, so neither should you. ”
“What about this?” he asked. “Are you saying you regret the alpha?”
He exhaled, trying to calm himself after that outburst. Getting heated never did him any good, and these calls were only allowed to go on for sixty minutes before the nurse would tell Aster to hang up.
“Thanks to him, our debts are cleared, and we’ll be set for life.
” He’d finally gotten around to counting the bag of money he’d placed in the safety deposit box at the bank.
It was enough for them to keep the house and send Aster to college for four years, as long as they didn’t spend on luxury items or go on a bunch of overseas vacations.
He wasn’t expecting Baal to be pleased with his decision, but he didn’t think the alpha would try taking back the money.
He’d cut him off from any future funding, of course, as he should, but he’d sworn whatever was in that bag belonged to Thorn, and he believed him.
“It was fortunate that I met him when I did,” Thorn continued. “But that doesn’t mean I have to keep seeing him.”
“Brother…I’ve literally never seen you happier than when you’re with him.”
“Maybe,” he sighed. “Maybe that’s part of the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve got a breeding contract, Aster. Eventually, that contract is going to come to an end, one way or the other, and then what?
If I feel any more for him than I already do right now—” He stopped himself when his voice broke, and inhaled shakily.
This was difficult. He’d never allowed himself to appear weak in front of anyone, let alone his little brother, but he felt like he had to be completely honest in order to make him understand where he was coming from.
Aster was making progress.
Thorn couldn’t be the reason he regressed.
“I’m not as strong as you think,” he confessed. “I’m not as strong as either of us thought I was. I can’t do it. I can’t get closer to him knowing that one day it’s going to end.”
“You don’t know that for sure. He gave you a collar.”
“But he hasn’t given me the bite,” Thorn reminded. “He’s never even alluded to wanting to. Not once. He’s never come close, or pretended, or mentioned it. Baal doesn’t want an omega, he wants a casual relationship. Something easy, something that will fit into his busy schedule as the underboss.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.”
“I have to go.”
“What?” Thorn checked the time. “Why? It’s only been half an hour.”
“I just do. But, brother? Let me just say this one last thing, and then I promise, whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you.”
“Okay.”
Aster made a sound of annoyance. “There’s nothing casual about what you have with that alpha. And you’re the only person on the entire planet too blind to see that.”