Chapter 16
16
Torrin
“S -s-so, how come S-s-sophie c-c-couldn’t make it?” Willow asks, taking the bags from my hands and carrying them into her kitchen. I slip off my shoes before following her in.
“She’s on a date with Travis.” Which I’m still shocked about. After everything that happened to her, she said she’d sworn off dating. But somehow, Travis has managed to slip through the cracks, and she’s agreed to go out with him. He’s a nice guy though. He’s different from a lot of the other jocks. And if he’s friends with my brother, then he has to be a good seed.
“T-t-travis the q-q-quarterback Travis?”
Her stutter is a little worse tonight, but she texted that she was nervous about her test on Friday, so that’s probably the reason. When we first met, she could barely speak to me. But now, she hardly struggles when it’s just us girls hanging out. It makes me feel good to know I’ve earned her trust. The three of us, including Soph, have become the three musketeers.
“Yep. The one and only Travis.” I nod. I start unloading the groceries, pulling out the butter so it can start warming to room temperature.
“W-w-wow. He’s l-l-like…”
She doesn’t have to finish her statement. I know. “He’s like every girl’s fantasy.” The star quarterback. Totally hot. King of the campus. And he’s smart. And nice. Not to mention the fact that he has an incredible career ahead of him. Millions in the making. He’s the perfect catch.
Except there’s someone else who’s caught my undivided attention. He’s tall with dark hair, eyes that peer right into my soul and know exactly what I’m feeling. He can be grumpy at times. And bossy at others. But most days he’s sweet and kind and makes me laugh until my sides hurt. He makes me feel safe. And makes me feel like home. And then…there’s that mouth. The way he spoke to me last night. The dirty things he said. The way he kissed me. I’ve never been so turned on in my life.
But he thinks it was a mistake. He regrets what happened between us. All day I waited for the regret and guilt to creep in, but it never came. I was giddy and excited. Waiting on bated breath for him to call. I was hoping he’d tell me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, that he wanted to see me again tonight. And then his text came, and I was praying he was asking me to cancel so we could do what we did in person. But he only wanted to get together to give me another lecture about us forgetting this ever happened.
“All r-r-right. Should w-w-we get to b-b-baking?” Willow asks.
Yes, I need a break from my thoughts. I’m getting a headache from them spinning round and round, making me dizzy with confusion. Right versus wrong. Desire versus what’s morally correct. Nothing sways the feelings.
She walks over to preheat the oven, and I open my phone, flipping through my music, searching for the perfect baking playlist. Something loud enough to drown out the thoughts.
“Hey, Torre. H-h-how many b-b-batches of cookies d-d-do we want t-t-to bake?” She pulls out a stack of mixing bowls.
“Four? That way we can share with the guys and Sophie.” And I can eat my feelings to my little heart’s content.
Baking cookies has always been one of my favorite things to do. Every Christmas we do it as a family. Putting on Christmas music and spending the day making batch after batch. Lukas and I would always compete for the best decorated cookie. But it’s been a while since he’s been home to join us. I need to stop thinking about him.
“Hey, babe!”
Brennon’s voice startles us both, and I grip the countertop. Neither of us heard the door open over the music.
“Hope you don’t mind us stopping by.” I turn at the word us and see he’s not alone. My stomach zings with nervous little flutters as Lukas walks in behind him. “We thought you all might be hungry, so we brought you some dinner to go along with those cookies you’re making.” He holds up two bags of food.
“Oh, that was so sweet of you. Thank you.” Willow smiles at her boyfriend, her words completely smooth. He’s the only person she never has a problem speaking to. He makes her feel safe and calm. Proves just how special their relationship is. Me, on the other hand, I feel like if I open my mouth right now, I’ll be stuttering.
“H-h-hi, L-l-luke.” She turns a shy smile on my brother. I echo her nervousness tenfold.
“Hey, Willow! Hope you like Chinese food.”
It’s one of my favorites, and Luke knows that. This is the part where he butters me up just to break my crushing little heart. My appetite has now been obliterated.
“Here. I’ll take the food and get us some drinks.” Brennon grabs the bags and sets them on the kitchen table.
“Hey, sis.” Lukas comes over and gives me an awkward shoulder hug. He’s stiff, and it’s making me tense. “So, what are you girls up to?”
“We’re making cookies.” I don’t understand why he’s here. It’s not like we can discuss what happened in front of our friends. But I’m guessing he came to sway me to leave with him. “I told you I had plans with Willow. It’s supposed to be a girls’ night.” My tone is stiff, but I need him to leave. I don’t want to do this right now. Whatever he has to say, I don’t want to hear it.
“Call it payback for crashing my party.” He smirks.
I grumble as he takes a seat at the table, pulling out little white containers from the bag. He holds one out to me. “Got you your favorite. Kung Pao with extra nuts.”
I swallow hard as my mind gets hung up on his last word. Now I’m thinking about my brother’s nuts. His cock was so hard and big. I wonder if his sac measures up. And this is why I need him to go.
“Thank you.” I take it and sit at the counter, needing some space from him. I open up my container and quickly take a bite so I can blame the redness in my cheeks on the spiciness of the food. Maybe they’ll leave after dinner. “It has a kick.” I play off my nerves. The bite sinks into my stomach, settling right next to the dread. He doesn’t want things to happen between us, and I’m sure he’s here to tell me as much.
* * *
I look at the clock as the credits start to roll. “Wow. It’s almost midnight. I should get going.”
Luke rises from the couch along with me. “Yeah, I should head out, too. Thanks for letting us crash, girls. It was a fun night.”
Surprisingly, we did have a fun evening. We baked the cookies and then battled it out on video games for a while. After Willow crushed us all about a dozen times, we watched Wicked . Which the boys ended up liking in spite of their grumbles about it. I didn’t know what to expect tonight, but Lukas was on his best behavior. It almost felt like we were on a double date.
“Thanks for hanging out with us,” Brennon says. He’s a really nice guy, and so sweet with Willow. “We should do it again sometime.”
“We’d like that,” I say, stepping over to Willow for a hug. “I’ll take the cookies for Soph. And I’ll tell her that next time we’ll need to make it a triple date.” I notice Lukas stiffen next to me, then realize my mistake. “I mean the next time it will have to be the six of us. You know what I mean.” I giggle, trying to play it off. Willow and Bren chuckle in understanding, but my brother isn’t too happy about my slip up.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I tell her. “Thanks again.”
I grab the containers of cookies and go to the door. Lukas is right behind me, telling them bye as he follows me out. As soon as we’re out of the building, he’s at my side, gritting out his whisper. “What the hell, Torrin? We’re not a couple.”
For some reason, his comment cuts right to the core. After tonight, the looks, the laughs, the way he kept smiling at me, the few times he brushed up against me while we were baking, his thigh plastered to me during the movie, it just felt like something was happening between us. But I’m delusional.
“I know we’re not. I didn’t mean it like that.” I stalk toward my car. “It came out wrong. And I fixed it. You don’t have to be such a jerk about it.” I spot his truck across the way, thankful he has to go in the opposite direction. “Good night, Lukas.” But he doesn’t head in its direction. He’s stalking right behind me. His heavy footsteps matching the cadence of my pounding heart.
“We need to talk, Torre.”
“It’s late, Luke.”
“This can’t wait.”
I get to my car and turn. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“It was a mistake.”
“Which part, Luke?” Because none of it felt like a mistake to me.
“All of it.”
“I’m sorry you regret it. And I’m sorry I don’t feel the same.”
I turn and open my door, placing the cookies in the passenger seat. I knew this was coming, but my pitter-pattering little heart was just hoping it wouldn’t.
“We aren’t done, Torre.”
Sounds to me like we are. “What else is there for us to discuss, Luke? You don’t want to be with me. You hate what happened. And it will never happen again. I get it. Now, can I go?”
I’m not in the mood to do this right now. I already feel raw and the tears are stinging my eyes.
“What I want and what is right are two different things, Torrin.”
“So, what do you want, Luke?”
“For things to go back to the way they were.”
Yeah, I do too. But I’ve tried to shut it off, and I can’t. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him, but I did. And now, I’m never going to be able to look at him the same. No matter how hard we try, things will never be as they were.
“Fine.” I climb into my car and look up. “Forget I’m even here and text me in six months when football is over and you remember you have a family.”
I slam the door shut and start my car, seeing him stalk over to his truck as I pull out. It feels like I’ve been put through a blender these last two days. Morally, I know he’s right. We can’t be together. Logically, we shouldn’t. But emotionally, I can’t think past my feelings to see a future with anyone else. He’s the only one I’ve had this connection with. And after last night, I don’t think I’ll ever find a spark like that again.
But it’s an impossibility. Our parents would never be okay with us being together. It’s not like we could share the same room when we’re home for break or kiss under the mistletoe. We’re a family unit. The four of us have been through a lot together. And it would destroy our parents. But rational thought still doesn’t dissuade my heart. Nothing does.
I pull into the parking lot of my dorm and find the first available spot. I shut my car off and take a deep breath. I wish I had someone I could talk to about this with, but I can’t tell my friends. They’ll think we’re sick and perverted. They’ll think I’m a psycho for wanting to have sex with my stepbrother.
I leave the cookies and climb out. I’ll get it all tomorrow when I’m not so emotionally run-down. I just need to get some sleep. My head is spent.
Headlights come shining from behind as I walk to the door. The vehicle slowing up to my side. I swear if a guy tries to hit on me right now, I will freak the fuck out. I am not in the mood for some frat boy to say, “Hey, baby, want to come for a ride?”
“Get in the truck, Torre.”
The deep voice has me turning my head. I don’t understand what he’s doing here. Didn’t we say all that there is to say? I keep walking. This night has turned out to be one of the worst, and I just want to get inside and be alone with my feelings.
“Torrin, get in the truck,” he seethes again, every word gritted with anger, but I’m done. I don’t want to fight with him anymore. It’s all we’ve been doing lately. I’m exhausted. I’ll leave him alone. I’ll never mention it again. I just want a reprieve from the constant tension.
“You made your point, Luke. I promise I’ll leave you alone. Now, I’m going to bed.”
He slams on the brake and climbs out, stomping over to me. I’m suddenly hoisted over his shoulder and being carried to his truck. He opens the back passenger side door, shoving me up inside the cab and slamming it shut. If I weren’t so shocked, I’d climb right back out. He gets in the front and takes off, driving out of the parking lot.
“Where are we going?”
“Straight to hell.”