Chapter 5
5
“ A re girls supposed to be wild?”
Logan looked up from where he crouched in the yard. It had been three days since he’d rescued a row of Hot Wheels from the toilet for Erin, and he’d been busy working on things outside the house in an effort to give Erin some space. There had been a moment in the car when Logan shared a story from his high school days where things had felt like old times between him and Erin. It had spooked Logan, and it had seemed to upset Erin as well because she’d completely shut down after they’d returned to Aunt Betty’s after their trip to the hardware store.
That was fine though. He didn’t need any distractions as he focused on Aunt Betty’s house. And he certainly didn’t need to rekindle anything with Erin. He needed to make sure there wasn’t any confusion about sticking around in Frostford. He had a starting date in Florida. He was moving soon, whether or not Aunt Betty’s house had sold by then. He still planned on taking her with him, even if that meant selling after the fact.
Today, he’d spent the afternoon checking on all the sprinklers in the yard to see if the irrigation was still functioning. He stood and wiped the dirt from his hands onto his jeans and looked down at Samantha.
His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Samantha clasped her hands in front of her, her eyes trained on the sprinkler head Logan had just been messing with. “The other night at dinner, you said that boys were supposed to be wild.”
Logan vaguely remembered saying something like that at dinner but wasn’t sure why Samantha would bring it up. “Okay.”
She squared her shoulders and looked up at him. “Can girls be wild too?”
Logan kneaded his eyebrow, unsure of how to answer the question. It was one thing for him to talk to the children over their nightly dinners together. Having a one-on-one conversation with Samantha was new territory. “Why do you ask?”
Samantha jutted her chin out. “I wanna ride a bike.”
“A bike?”
She nodded. “You told Parker he should be wild and ride a bike. My friends, Rose and Holly, can both ride bikes. I want to too. ”
Logan’s shoulders relaxed and he felt himself grinning. “I think it would be great for you to ride your bike with your friends.”
Samantha looked down at her foot, which was now drawing circles in the grass. “What if I don’t know how?”
Didn’t know how? Wasn’t she too old to not know how to ride her bike? When Logan was growing up, everyone learned how to ride their bikes in kindergarten. From what he gathered, Samantha would go into third grade when school started up again in the fall.
He crouched down to get a better look at her face. “Didn’t your dad teach you how?”
She shook her head. “We went and bought a bike. He even let me pick it out. But then he got sick. Mama put it in the shed.”
Logan’s heart ached for the little girl standing before him. He could encourage Samantha to ask her mom to teach her how to ride a bike, but Erin had her hands full. Then there was the possibility of teaching Samantha himself. It would mean taking a break from working on Aunt Betty’s house, something he wanted to finish as quickly as possible.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
God, what do you want me to do?
When he opened his eyes, Samantha was staring at him expectantly.
“Would you ... ” he said, hoping he was doing the right thing. “Would you like me to teach you how to ride a bike?”
A small smile touched her lips and she nodded.
“And you said your mama put it in the shed?”
Another nod.
“How about this?” He stood back up. “I’m going to go looking for your bike. Will you go get us some lemonade while I do that?”
Her small smile transformed into a huge grin. “Thank you, Mr. West.”
She turned and started running toward the house. Considering her excitement, Logan didn’t have long to see if the bike was even safe to ride. He’d need to make sure the chains hadn’t rusted and the tires hadn’t rotted out after being in storage all this time.
He opened the shed and found Samantha’s bike almost immediately. It was pink and purple, with streamers coming out of the handlebars—and training wheels still attached to either side.
He pushed aside the lawnmower, some cardboard boxes, and a ladder to make a clear path to pull the bike out. It still appeared to be in pristine condition, a blessing for today’s plans, but it also made him sad to think of the unfulfilled promises this unused bike held.
Using a rag he found on one of the shelves, he wiped a light layer of dust from the seat. Just as he was closing the doors behind him, Samantha returned with two glasses of lemonade, as requested.
Logan grabbed one of the glasses and downed the tart liquid in two large gulps. He hadn’t realized how thirsty he’d gotten. Eager to finish everything on his list, he’d been at it all day, only stopping to scarf down a quick peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Teaching Samantha to ride a bike would be a good break from the physical labor he’d been doing that day.
He set the glass down on the grass. “Have you ridden this before? With these?” He pointed to the training wheels.
“A couple of times,” she said. Her little fingers played with the ends of her blond hair.
“Why don’t we start there?.”
Samantha looked reluctant to ride with the training wheels, but after Logan reassured her that it was only to make sure the seat was adjusted to where it needed to be, Samantha agreed.
She rode the bike on the road in front of Aunt Betty’s house, slowly at first, as they tried to get the height just right. But the longer the task took, the more impatient she became, and her pedaling became much faster.
Once Logan was satisfied that the bike was where it needed to be, he nudged Samantha playfully with his elbow. “Ready?”
“Yes,” Samantha said on an exhale.
“Then let’s say goodbye to these.” Logan used a screwdriver to remove the training wheels as Samantha stared on, her shoes tapping on the pavement. He set them on the sidewalk in front of Aunt Betty’s house.
Logan gently placed the helmet on Samantha’s head and connected the straps to fasten it to her head and keep her safe. He gently knocked the hard plastic. “Feel good?”
She looked at him eagerly. “Yes,” she said and bounced on her toes as she waited for Logan to finish going through his mental checklist so that she could finally learn to ride a bike.
The fact that Samantha came to him for help made it obvious that this was a big deal to her. Logan was honored to be a part of this momentous occasion as he helped Samantha onto the bike. Logan held the back of the seat, just like his father had done for him before he died. He hated that it wasn’t something Jake got to do with Samantha and hoped that his efforts would be enough for the little girl to trust him. He wanted it to be perfect.
“Okay, I’m going to keep you from tipping over,” he said from behind her as he held the bike still. “What I want you to do is see how much you can balance it yourself.”
Samantha started pedaling, the bike wobbling as they slowly made their way down the street. Logan held on tight, careful not to let her tumble.
They went up and down the street several times, Samantha not showing any improvement, but she kept insisting they try one more time. Then one more. Then one more. Logan wondered if she got her tenacity from Jake or Erin. Both of them had been headstrong and persistent, never giving up. His throat tightened with the memories of his friends.
Logan, on the other hand, was the one who had always run away when things got hard.
Samantha’s squeal pulled him back to the present. “I think I’m getting it.”
The way Logan’s hand barely gripped the seat let him know that she was getting closer. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Do you think I’ll be able to do it by myself by dinnertime?” she called back to him.
Dinnertime.
It was Wednesday, and he’d never actually canceled with Ellis and Anne Marie, which meant they were expecting him for dinner that night. They got to the end of the street, and Samantha turned her bike around to start again. Logan stood in the shade of one of the towering oaks that lined the quiet street and looked at the time on the phone. He still had a couple of hours until he needed to get cleaned up for his meal with the Wilsons.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Want to see if I can let go this time?”
Samantha bit her bottom lip, her bravado from earlier fading. “I ... I don’t know. What if I fall?”
Based on how well she was doing, he didn’t think that was going to happen, but he guessed it was always a possibility. “I think you’re going to be just fine, but sometimes that happens. I guess it just depends on how brave you’re feeling.” He leaned in and gave her a conspiratorial look. “Are you ready to be wild?”
The worry on Samantha’s face faded and was replaced with a light in her eyes that told Logan everything he needed to know. She was ready.
“Then let’s do this,” he said, waving at a nosey Mr. Humphrey who stood in the front yard watching the lesson.
Logan didn’t like the audience, but he wasn’t going to let that be the reason Samantha didn’t learn how to ride a bike. He helped steady the bike as Samantha got her feet on the pedals again. She started moving forward slowly down the street, while he kept a light grip on the seat. He jogged behind her as she picked up the pace. The faster she went, the steadier the bike became.
When Logan felt comfortable that Samantha was able to keep her balance, he let go, but continued to run behind, his hand just out of reach from the seat.
She was doing it. Samantha was keeping herself upright all by herself and riding down the street without help. His heart swelled as she continued to pedal down the street, and Logan stayed behind her the entire time.
Logan wasn’t prepared for the pride of seeing Samantha succeed. To know that he helped her get to that point was a surprising bonus. He didn’t want this feeling to end and didn’t think it would until Samantha wanted to stop.
She turned her head slightly, just like she had every other time they got to the end of the street. Only, this time he wasn’t holding on and she wobbled. Overcompensating, Samantha leaned too far in one direction and the bike tipped.
Logan watched in horror as Samantha fell to the ground, the bike going with her. When everything stopped, she was splayed on the payment, the bike resting on top of her.
Logan couldn’t breathe. He desperately gasped for air as he crouched down on the road next to Samantha. Her face was scrunched up in pain. Her eyes closed tightly, tears streaking down from the corners. Her lips were in a tight line.
“Sam.” Logan managed to get the word out as he still tried to catch his breath. His body racked with guilt for allowing Samantha to get injured under his care. He hadn’t asked Erin if it was okay, and now her daughter was hurt. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Samantha said through gritted teeth. “I’m okay.”
Logan flung the bike off her and started assessing for injuries. Her face looked fine, her arms had a little loose gravel from the road, but looked otherwise uninjured. But her leg had a giant gash on it.
“You’re bleeding,” he said .
Samantha gritted her teeth as she looked down at her leg.
While it wasn’t the worst cut Logan had ever seen, and he didn’t think it would need stitches, he wasn’t sure he could dismiss it as not that bad. Erin might think it was, in fact, bad.
Logan pulled a napkin from his pocket, something he shoved there earlier when he was eating. Thankful it was unused, he pressed it to her leg to wipe some of the blood from her injury. Once it was slightly cleaner, Samantha pushed herself up off the ground and stood.
Logan shot up beside her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Does it hurt? Can you put weight on it?”
Samantha looked down at her leg and back up at Logan. “Yeah.”
He stepped back. “Yeah, it hurts? Or, yeah, you can put weight on it?”
Samantha shrugged. “Both. It hurts, but I can stand on it.”
“Can you walk?”
“I think so.”
“Good, then let’s get you to your mom.”
Logan pushed the bike down the street as the two of them made their way back to Aunt Betty’s house. The pit in his stomach grew heavier as they got closer. He’d made some terrible choices in the past that hurt Erin, but being an accomplice to her daughter’s accident felt like a new low .
When he looked at Samantha to apologize, her smile surprised him. “Are you okay?” he asked.
Her smile grew. Logan didn’t understand until she said, “I rode the bike all by myself.”
Logan couldn’t stop the laugh that came from him. Adrenaline was still rushing through him—he was struggling with guilt, but the little girl walking beside him wasn’t concerned at all, just excited about riding a bike for the first time. He chose to be happy with her instead of wallowing in guilt. “You sure did. I’m proud of you.”
“I’m proud of me too,” she said, standing tall, even on her injured leg. “I did something wild.”
He laughed again. “Very true. Maybe too wild.”
“Will you give me another lesson?”
Logan’s foot stumbled. “Another one? Even though you got hurt?”
Samantha looked up at Logan. “Well, I only know how to ride. I don’t know how to stop. I think you need to teach me that next time.”
They slowed as they approached the familiar Victorian. Logan stopped in the driveway. “That’s up to your mama. We’ll have to see what she says after she sees your knee.”
He had a feeling he knew what the answer would be before Samantha had the chance to ask. Samantha pointed to the front door, where Erin stood, her hands crossed over her chest.
“We can ask her right now. ”
Logan’s stomach dropped. He knew he would have to face Erin sooner or later, but he’d hoped it would be later. The only benefit of seeing her now was that he could rip it off like a Band-Aid and get it over with. He leaned the bike against the oak tree in the front yard and followed Samantha, who had already made her way to Erin.
“ ... and then he let go and I did it. I rode my bike all by myself.” The words rushed out of the young girl quickly.
“Slow down,” Erin said, her brows lowering. “Mr. West taught you how to ride a bike ?”
Logan lingered behind Samantha and slid his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he waited for her to finish telling the story.
Samantha nodded. “It was so fun. But then I fell.”
“You fell?” Erin’s eyes were wide.
Samantha pointed to her leg. “I didn’t know how to stop and the bike scraped my leg. But it doesn’t hurt very much.”
Erin looked down at Samantha’s leg and then her gaze found Logan. She looked at him with a strange expression that he couldn’t quite read. It wasn’t full-blown anger, but it wasn’t happiness either.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and pull out the peroxide and the cream we put on boo-boos. I’ll be right there,” Erin told Samantha, her eyes never leaving Logan.
“Can Mr. West teach me again? ”
“Samantha.” There was a hint of warning in her voice.
“Please.” Samantha held her clasped hands in front of her face.
Erin sighed. “We’ll talk about that when I come up. For now, please do what I asked.”
Samantha gave Logan a quick smile before going inside. In a weird way, it was nice to know at least one of the Carlisle’s was in his corner before Erin let him have it.
Once they were alone, Logan took a step toward Erin. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She raised her brows. “For taking Samantha out on her bike without asking? For letting her fall and get hurt?”
Logan stood there under her scrutinizing gaze. He expected her to be angry, but it was surprising how much it hurt to have her point out the ways he’d disappointed her. He looked down at his feet while he waited for her to continue.
“I don’t know if I should be mad at you for doing it.” She let out a long sigh. “Or if I should thank you.”
Logan looked up, confused.
Erin shook her head. “I’m sure you’ve seen how closed off Samantha is.”
Logan had. At their nightly dinners, she usually stuck to one- or two-word responses, unless she was pointing out someone’s mistake or picking on Parker. The way she acted today while learning to ride a bike was completely out of character, as far as he knew.
“She wasn’t always that way.” Erin flopped down on the porch swing. It moved gently under her weight as she ran a hand over her face. “She used to be cheerful.”
Logan took a few steps toward Erin, but kept his mouth closed, sensing that Erin was merely taking a break, and wasn’t finished talking.
“This is the first time I’ve seen her like this in a long time.” She puffed out her cheeks until the air came out in a loud exhale. “I don’t like that you didn’t ask me first, and I’m not happy she got hurt.” Her eyes met Logan’s. “But I’m glad for whatever you did out there today, because I’ve missed that Samantha almost as much as I’ve missed Jake.” Her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes as she brushed a leaf off the swing.
Logan didn’t know what to do. Apologize for not being here? The words felt too little too late. He stood there uncomfortably, wishing he knew what to say as the silence stretched between them.
As quickly as her raw emotions had come, they disappeared. “Well, I need to go make sure that scrape gets cleaned out.” She smacked her legs before standing up, pretending like she hadn’t just opened her heart up to him. “The kids and I are eating at someone else’s tonight and Aunt Betty is going out with a friend tonight, which means you’re on your own for dinner.”
Logan hated that Erin didn’t feel like she could open up to him, but he wasn’t able to dwell on that with the sinking sense of dread creeping through him as he watched Erin walk toward the front door. What were the chances that Erin and the children were also eating at another person’s house tonight? And had Samantha mentioned Rose and Holly? Those were two of Ellis’s children’s names.
He swallowed hard. “Any chance you’re eating at the Wilsons’ house tonight?”
Erin stopped and turned toward him. “How did you know?”
“Ellis invited me at church last week.”
“What?”
He nodded. “I didn’t realize he’d invited you too. I would have made sure to decline.” Not that he would have wanted to. As much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he was growing accustomed to nightly dinners with Erin. The pull he felt toward her was growing stronger everyday. It felt wrong because she had married his best friend, and because he was leaving soon, but he couldn’t help but want to spend more time with her.
“No, it’s fine.” Her voice was too cheery, too casual.
“Erin.” Logan stepped closer to her, not sure how he could fix this. “I’ll stay home. No big deal.”
“It’s a big deal if Ellis is expecting you.” She straightened her shoulders. “Since Aunt Betty is out with her car, I’m assuming you’ll need a ride. I’ll meet you down here at five-forty-five.”
Logan nodded as Erin turned to go inside, then he went to the guesthouse to get ready. As he got dressed and combed his hair he wasn’t sure what to make of his racing heart and frazzled nerves. This wasn’t so out of the ordinary from the routine they’d fallen into, and yet, he couldn’t help but feel like he was crossing some invisible threshold.
Erin and her children were ready and standing on the front porch at six-forty-five, just as she’d promised Logan. While Samantha and Parker looked perfectly content sitting on the swing, Erin was a ball of nerves. She paced back and forth, an apple pie in one of her hands, while she contemplated what this night would look like.
She wasn’t sure what Ellis and Anne Marie were thinking when they invited both Logan and her to dinner on the same night, but she didn’t like it. She’d debated encouraging Logan to stay home so that she didn’t have to sit through another awkward meal with him, but it didn’t seem fair to let him off the hook either.
Sure, things were getting a little more comfortable between her and Logan thanks to their nightly dinners around Aunt Betty’s dining room table. But there were still so many things to be said between them that hadn’t come to the surface yet. It was still painful to be in the same room as him, knowing the ways he’d hurt her .
She wiped her free hand on her floral dress as she waited. Erin hadn’t worn it in a long time, hadn’t had an occasion to. For some reason, when she was looking through her closet earlier, the dress had called out to her. She’d even taken the time to put some mascara on and run the curling iron through her hair to add some uniformity to her natural waves.
What am I doing? I’ve never dressed up for dinner with Anne Marie before.
She debated running upstairs to wipe her face and change into something more casual, but Logan walked out of the guesthouse before she got the chance.
He wore a button-down shirt untucked over a pair of crisp, dark jeans. His dark eyes found hers immediately. They didn’t leave her as she made his way across the lawn. When he got closer, the corners crinkled as he smiled. “You look really nice.”
Her cheeks warmed. “I haven’t had a chance to dress up lately, other than church. I thought it might be fun to mix things up.” Why was she telling him that?
He ran his thumb over his chin. “Makes me wonder if I should go back in there and put something nicer on.”
“No, you look great ... good.” Erin hated how she tripped over her words. “Don’t change.”
She quickly ducked her head and walked toward the car, wondering why she was so flustered. This was Logan—a friend from her high school days, her late husband’s friend, the one who had been completely absent when they needed him.
Was she so starved for attention that being told she looked nice was enough to make her feel young and carefree again? If that was the case, she was going to have to get out more often, even if that meant tagging along with Aunt Betty to Bingo and wearing a dress for no reason.
She put the pie in the back of the station wagon. Once everyone was inside, and she made sure her children were buckled, Erin pulled out of the driveway and toward Ellis and Anne Marie’s home. It wasn’t a long drive, they lived just a mile or so down from Aunt Betty’s, but it felt like an eternity sitting next to Logan.
The minutes crawled by, and she was hyper aware of every movement Logan made beside her. His fingers gently tapped against his thighs, and he was fidgeting in his seat worse than Parker on the way to the dentist. His anxiousness was affecting her, and Erin debated speeding just to get it over with faster. When they got to the Wilsons’, she jumped out of her car as quickly as the kids. She was already ringing the doorbell when she’d realized in her hurry to get out of the vehicle, she’d forgotten the pie.
She turned to see Logan carrying it, that warm smile once more on his face.
She’d missed that smile. Having him here again, looking happy, made her feel like her friend was back. It was doing weird things to her heart .
The door swung open, and a grinning Ellis greeted them. “So glad you could make it. Come on in.”
Erin grabbed the pie from Logan as Samantha and Parker ran past her, and toward the back door leading to the Wilsons’ backyard. The girls were most likely already out there jumping on the trampoline. Erin walked at a much slower pace down the familiar hallway, leaving Ellis and Logan at the front door. She was happy to put some pace between her and Logan before they were forced to sit together for dinner.
“There she is,” Anne Marie said, as she walked into the kitchen.
Erin set the pie on the counter as she greeted her friend. “Can I help with anything?”
Anne Marie shook her head. “I don’t think so. The girls haven’t fought at all this afternoon, so I’m actually ahead of schedule. I hope you guys are hungry, because dinner is ready.”
Erin’s stomach growled in response. She hadn’t eaten a big lunch, too busy trying to get things done around the house. “Starving.”
The two ladies brought the food to the long table that stretched the entire length of the dining room. It was a table made for entertaining, which was fitting because Ellis and Anne Marie were always finding excuses to have people over for dinner. The children sat at one end of the table while the adults were at the other. After Ellis said a blessing, they passed the chicken and sides around the table. Soon, the children were all happily eating and chatting on their end.
“So, Anne Marie tells me you are baking the cake for the Stewart wedding.” Ellis scooped some mac and cheese on his plate.
Erin’s hand stilled as she reached for the coleslaw. In her peripheral vision, she saw Logan watching her. She’d been quiet about the commission, afraid she would jinx it—as if the wedding date hadn’t been set and the deposit already paid.
Even though Frostford wasn’t a huge city, the Stewart wedding was sure to be one of the big social events in Frostford. The bride was the daughter of the mayor, the groom was a prominent lawyer, and they were both known for their expensive tastes. There were rumors that the bride flew to New York City for a special, one-of-a-kind gown and that the flowers were being shipped from Holland. It was sure to be the fanciest wedding Erin would ever attend, and she was making the cake. Not only was it a huge privilege, it would give her a nice paycheck—and bring her one step closer to having enough money to put a down payment on Aunt Betty’s house.
She set her fork down. “Yes, I am.”
“I told you.” Anne Marie gave Ellis a triumphant look while scooping some more food onto her youngest daughter’s plate. “Erin knows her way around a dessert.”
Erin blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “ Well, I’ve always loved to bake. But it really was the owners of Good Eats that made this happen. They’re the ones who recommended me for the wedding.”
“I didn’t know that,” Anne Marie said.
Erin shrugged. “Yeah, well, even though they’ve let me exclusively do all the desserts for the diner, they know I need to find a way to expand my business if I’m going to be able to take care of my family. My hope is that if I do well with this wedding, other people in Frostford might hire me to do their events. Then, maybe eventually, I’ll make cakes for nearby cities.”
“That’s amazing,” Logan said quietly from beside her. “You’re going to do great.”
Erin warmed at the compliment. Unsure of how to respond, she pushed the food on her plate around with her silverware.
“What about you?” Ellis turned his attention toward Logan. “How are things going with your job?”
He swallowed his bite. “I, uh, actually just had a video chat with HR this week. Things are moving forward.”
Erin’s hands stilled. Even though they had been speaking over dinner every night, Logan hadn’t talked at all about work. He usually sat there quietly while the kids talked about their day, or gave updates on his work on the house. Other than his new job being in Florida, Erin didn’t know anything about what he did.
“What do you do?” Anne Marie asked .
“In Chicago, I worked for a real estate investment company.”
“Oh, fancy,” Ellis teased, with only good humor in his voice.
“Yeah, well, the city can be a great place to look for old buildings to revitalize.”
“Is that what your new job is too?” Erin asked, hoping she didn’t sound too eager. She wanted to know more, but was afraid to sound like she cared too much. She did care too much.
Logan nodded. “Yep. It’s about the only thing I’m good at.”
A look passed between Ellis and Anne Marie. Ellis looked excited. Anne Marie shook her head slightly. Logan missed it, his attention on the glass of water in front of him.
Ellis turned his attention back to Logan as he took a sip. “And you’re set on that company?”
Confusion filled Logan’s features. “I, uh ... yeah. I’m set. I accepted the job and plan to start when I said I would.”
“Why?” Ellis rested his elbows on the table.
Anne Marie set her hand on her husband’s forearm. “Honey.”
“People back out of jobs all the time,” Ellis said, ignoring Anne Marie’s gentle warning. “I’m sure there’s a line of people who would gladly take your spot.”
Logan choked on his drink. It took him a moment to catch his breath. While Ellis wasn’t being rude, Erin was also surprised by how forward he was being. It was completely out of character.
“I’m sure there are,” Logan said. He paused and looked at Erin. “I guess I just want to be the kind of guy who follows through with what he says.”
Erin could tell Logan meant those words. They weren’t empty platitudes to him. She wondered if the way he looked at her as he said them was a way of telling her that he’d changed. If so, it was working. There were cracks in the walls she’d put up since Logan had come home.
“Anne Marie thinks I’m too forward. Maybe I am.” Ellis chuckled, bringing everyone’s attention back to him. “But we aren’t strangers, Logan, and I’m not one to beat around the bush. I’d love for you to come join me at the Chamber of Commerce. We could use someone with your real estate experience to help us scout buildings to establish more small businesses in Frostford. I don’t want all the big box stores to come in and take over. The only way to make sure that doesn’t happen is to strengthen our economy.”
Erin’s breath caught. The food on her plate was forgotten. She waited to see how Logan would respond. If Logan stayed, maybe he and Aunt Betty wouldn’t be in such a rush to sell it. Maybe it would give her more time to come up with the down payment.
Logan shrugged. “I’m sorry. I can’t. ”
“You can’t?” Erin asked. The words were out before she could think twice about it.
He fidgeted in his seat. “No, I don’t think so.”
Erin was surprised when her stomach dropped, especially since she was certain it was for more than just the house. She didn’t like the idea of Logan leaving even though it didn’t make sense for her to react this way. She was sad just because Logan talked to Parker about Rock Man? Or fixed the toilet? Or changed dynamics at dinner?
Erin wasn’t sure how it had happened so quickly, or why it was Logan, of all people, but she’d grown comfortable with his presence. The realization made it difficult to catch her breath. She placed her palm against the bottom of her diaphragm, hoping it was low enough to be hidden by the dining room table and wouldn’t draw attention from anyone.
When Logan glanced over, she quickly rubbed her hand against her shirt so it would look like she was brushing away crumbs. Not very flattering for her, but better than the truth. Better than Logan knowing she’d somehow grown attached to him again.
“Well,” Ellis said, oblivious to Erin’s inner turmoil. “Let me know if you change your mind. We’ve been trying to find the right person for the position for a while now. Lots of applicants, but none of them have felt right. I’m wondering if that’s because the Lord had you in mind.”
Logan chuckled bitterly as he looked down at his plate. “I don’t know that the Lord has me in mind for anything.”
His voice was low and Erin wasn’t sure if anyone other than her had heard them. If they did, they didn’t feel inclined to say anything about it. Ellis and Anne Marie started into a new topic of conversation as they ate, and the children continued to chat happily at the other end of the table.
Meanwhile, Erin couldn’t stop thinking about Logan. It made her nervous to think that he’d so easily found a way back into her life when she’d been so careful not to give him a way in. She needed to figure out what she was going to do about this new revelation. She needed to find a way not to let herself get any closer to Logan before he left again. Because Erin wouldn’t have anyone to blame but herself when the pain of his absence returned.