Chapter 39 #2
When Kirill enters, the whole apartment shrinks around him.
This isn’t like last time, though. He’s navigating through my space differently. Usually, he stands with his hands at his sides while his eyes scan for threats. This time, he’s touching things. Noticing them. Not feeling the vibes like I do, but getting closer.
Trying.
He picks up a goblin-shaped mug from the cluttered makeshift table. It’s lumpy and ugly-cute. A friend’s clumsy attempt at pottery.
He holds up the goblin mug with a frown. “This is…weird.”
I snatch the mug from him and glare. “A friend made that. It’s beautiful.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.” His hand closes around mine, gentle but absolute. He keeps his face unguarded. I’ve never seen him so open. “I’m not good at this. I’ll never be good at this. What do you want? I’ll do anything you want.”
Electricity sizzles down my skin as my root chakra starts listing off all the “anythings” it wants done again. And a few more it’s conjured on the spot.
Too bad he means this more like a contract. Name your price. I’ll pay.
And my heart chakra can’t deal with that.
I set the mug down, my hands shaking a little. I think of my life before him.
Empty. Staged. All facade and nothing authentic. I could have stayed in that place, locked in the numbness, untouched by chaos or pain. But then Kirill blew everything up. He forced me to feel. Forced me to fight, to connect, to exist.
“What I want is what you said already. A partner. Not a manager. Not a protector who makes all the decisions for me. A partner.”
His jaw flexes. “Okay.”
He’s lying. Not a full lie, but not the full truth either.
“You don’t get it, Kirill.” In the narrow space between us, my voice comes out too loud. “You say ‘okay,’ but you’ll just go right back to doing everything yourself. You’re a loner. You don’t know how to let anyone in.” Despite my negative words, hope flares bright in my chest.
Just my chest. Nothing lower. Definitely nothing lower.
“You’re right.” His gaze cuts sideways, then drags itself back to me. “I don’t know how.” He step forward. Not quite touching, but close enough that the absence of contact feels like a burn.
I lean into the ache.
“Leaving you was—” He shakes his head. The words seem to tangle. “I thought… My way of doing things… I thought it was better.” His mouth twists into a frown. “I screwed up.”
I watch his eyes. They shimmer in a way I’ve only glimpsed in him once before. Uncertainty. Hesitation. Even raw fear.
“I don’t know how to do this. You do. You’re the one who connects.
I just…” He pauses, the silence thick. “I’m a weapon.
You aim me.” Kirill stands rigid, his jaw clenched taut enough to make his temples jump.
This man who has stared down gun barrels without blinking is afraid. Right now. Of me. Or maybe of himself.
I finish closing the distance between us and rest my hands on his chest. His heart batters against my palms, wild and frantic under the white shirt. “Breathe.”
He sets his jaw harder but gives a quick, stubborn nod. He draws a breath. Exhales slowly. Just like you’re supposed to.
I’m not smiling because he obeyed. I’m smiling because he shifted direction, even if only by a fraction, for me. For us.
I rise up on my tiptoes and kiss him. He yanks me in by the waist, his mouth hungry.
His lips crush mine, his tongue probing, his hand splayed flat against my back. I can’t stop the whimper that escapes me or the way my hands grip the front of his shirt as he pulls me even closer and crushes me against his chest.
The anger, pride, and hurt… It all disappears beneath the rush of lust this kiss sparks off through my body. More than lust. Another word—deeper, thicker—that I’m not sure I can name just yet lingers at the edge of my psyche.
Before the waves of need coming off him turn my brain to mush, I pull away.
I lick my burning lips and ignore the heat in my face. “That’s a good start. Next…I want to meet your family.”
His fingers twitch against my back. “What? Why?” Confusion and alarm flicker in his cold eyes.
“Because if I’m going to live in your world, I want all of it. If they’re important to you, and I know they are, then I need to at least get to know them. I won’t stand on the precipice of life, not anymore. I’m in, or I’m out. For real.” I swallow around a tight throat. “And you have to be too.”
He doesn’t blink. “I’m all in. For you.” He cups my face with huge, careful hands. His lips find mine again in a kiss so gentle, a fissure inside me shakes loose.
Sparkles rain down behind my eyes, like I’m showered in glitter. Light returns to the dark I’ve been buried in since he abandoned me.
When he pulls back a little, our foreheads touch.
“Does that mean you love me?”
The loaded pause drags.
I smile, brushing my fingers against his neck. “You can be honest, Kirill.”
A deep laugh rumbles from his chest.
Then his mouth curves against my forehead. “Yeah. I love you.”
I can’t help it. I gift him a quick, rough kiss, then retreat just enough to lay my hands atop his, which still cup my cheeks. “I love you too. Partners?”
Joy sparks in his eyes, and this time, he answers without pause or hesitation. “Partners.”
I grin and drag him to the couch. Pushing on his shoulders, I force him down. The lumpy cushions sag beneath his weight. He’s too tall, really, his legs pushed up at an odd angle as he sits.
But he just gives me that almost-smile, staring up with a brightness in his eyes that I’ve never seen before.
This man…
I straddle his waist and run my fingers through his short hair. “Those energies are all mixed up again, Mr. Shark. You should let me do something about that.”
He huffs out a short laugh, his hands settling on my waist and digging into my hips just the way I like. “I guess you’ll just have to align my aura.”
I bite back my own smile before leaning in to trail kisses across his jaw. “Your chakras, Kirill. You can’t align auras.”
“I’m new to that stuff.” His hand slides down my thigh, his fingers pressing close to my aching center. “This, though, I know well.”
I shudder as those fingers dance and pull him in for another kiss.
Namaste.