Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
S tay
Cameron
I have so much on my mind. I haven’t been thinking about what I plan to do much. However, dinner with Coach Snider has forced me to think about the future.
I’m down for whatever my brother needs from me, but hearing him say he doesn’t want me giving anything else up for him cut deep. Now I’m left wondering what’s next. I’ve been living for what he needs and never even considered my plans for my life.
My daddy has always assumed we’d both go pro, and my mama has been planning my wedding since I was fourteen—sooner if I’m honest with myself. I don’t think I want any of that. I would rather travel the world and figure shit out in my own time.
“Hey you,” Amina croons as she appears before me on the rooftop. “I came with the good shit.”
I take the baggie she holds up from her hand and smile. I get to rolling a joint as she grabs a beer and sits down beside me. I bring the open baggie to my nose and give it a sniff.
“Thank God. Thanks for looking out. I need this,” I say.
“My boy can’t send me a text saying he needs to talk and me not look out. What’s going on? You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Talk to me.”
I silently finish rolling up as I get my thoughts together. So many thoughts hit me at once. I light up and think of how to say what I need without exposing my brother.
“Coach had a talk with me and my brother about the majors today. After Cal and I had a talk,” I say as I blow out the smoke from my first pull.
“Okay, this is exciting, no? This is what you’ve been working for, or have you decided you’re not going?”
“That’s the thing. You’re the only person I’ve told I don’t want to go, but my brother knows. I didn’t realize I wasn’t hiding my feelings.”
“Is he upset with you?”
I smile. “No, Cal isn’t upset with me. He wants the best for me, just like I want for him. I’ve just never thought of what I would do if I didn’t follow him.”
“You’re very intelligent, Cam, and you’re talented. Why not do what your heart wants?”
I squint at her through the cloud of smoke we’ve created. When she says it like that, it all seems so easy. However, my heart feels out of use.
“I’ve been following what everyone else wants for so long, I don’t know what my heart wants. If I’m not watching Cal’s back, I don’t know what I’m doing,” I say before I can cut the thought off.
“Yeah, I’ve noticed you’re super protective of him. Is that like a sibling or twin thing? As an only child, I wouldn’t know.”
“Sort of,” I say, then I change the subject. “Got something.”
She looks at me expectantly as I reach into my bag and pull out the little Bluetooth speaker. I connect my phone while she laughs beside me. Amina has been working to introduce me to new artists since she found out about my love for Jodeci.
“I’ll let you pick the first five songs before we get into the good stuff,” I say.
“This obsession has to be criminal. You must drive your brother and Kay crazy,” she snickers.
“Cal ignores me, and Kay hates my taste in music, so I don’t play it around her. Her loss.” I shrug.
“So I have to deal with it?”
“Come on, you love it. Some of our best smoke sessions up here have been to their shit.”
“Fine, you have a point, but I’m going with some gangster shit tonight. Let’s start with M.O.P.”
“‘Quiet Storm’?”
“No, that’s Mobb Deep. M.O.P. is ‘Ante Up’ and ‘Cold as Ice.’ Come on, Cam.”
“I’ve got you, darlin’. I was teasing.”
“I’m going to miss this. If you do go to the majors, maybe you’ll end up in New York and I can sneak away to come to your home games. That would be something, right?”
“That would be something. We’d have to have at least one beer after the game.”
“You’re on.”
Maribel
I have a nice high. Cam has pulled snacks from his backpack and we’re laughing our asses off as music plays softly in the background.
It’s amazing how we can shut the world out when we’re up here. When I first arrived, I could tell his mind was heavy with thoughts. Now, he’s laughing as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.
I wish things could always be this way. I’m trying my best not to think about why they can’t be. On my end at least.
Dez is a problem I still haven’t solved, and time is running out. He’s becoming more cocky when he calls. I get the feeling things are going his way back home. Soon, I’ll be there, and he’ll have his one missing piece.
“It’s my turn. I get to pick the next song,” Cam says.
He gave me more than the first five songs and we’ve been vibing out to my choice of playlist. I try not to laugh because I know what he’s changing the music to.
At this point, I probably know all these songs by heart as well. I’m expecting him to go with one of the more upbeat songs like “Get On Up,” but “Stay” begins to play.
I look up as he stands, holding his hand out to me. Those blue-gray eyes suck me right in. I place my hand into his and he tugs me from my seat.
Pulling me into his chest, he begins to sway me to the song. It’s not hard to get caught up in the moment as his strong arms wrap around me. I allow myself to think of what it would be like to be his.
He places his chin on the top of my head, causing me to reel it back in. This is my friend. This song isn’t meant to tell me anything.
I’m projecting my feelings onto him. My heart becomes heavy, and I have to fight back tears. He doesn’t understand how hard this is for me, but he clearly needs me to be his person.
So I stay. I stay and lock my feelings down deep. Cam can never know how I feel. I’ll take all these emotions to the grave.
If I don’t it could be the end of us both. I will never pull him into my mess. These stolen moments will have to do.
I wish things could be different, Cam. I really do.