Chapter 28
CHAPTER 28
N ot What I Want
Cameron
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Kay growls at me as we leave the bar and head for our car.
Kota left with Cal and Nicole. Thomas and Hamilton haven’t ended their night just yet, so they’re heading to another bar. That fight wasn’t enough to take much out of any of us.
If you ask me, it was over before it started. I wish I could say I was shocked when Caleb slugged that dude, but I wasn’t. That shit had been building up.
“What are you talking about?” I snap back at Kay.
Once again, she’s been starting fights over anything. It’s not the same as when we would just fight over bullshit because we clash naturally. This shit has been her nitpicking.
It’s been like this since my birthday. She showed up the morning of and had this attitude with me like I was the one who disappeared on her. To be honest, I’m over it.
“What was that? Are you kidding me?”
“Are you kidding me?” I shout back incredulously. “My brother was in the middle of a fight. What the fuck do you think I was supposed to do?”
“Not join in. You both could have ruined your careers. What if he broke his pitching hand, or you got yourself hurt?” she yells back at me.
“Why do you think I jumped in? Fuck my career. I wasn’t about to allow my brother to get jumped or lose his shot at pitching in the major leagues.”
We climb into the car and Kay slams the door shut so hard I’m surprised the window doesn’t break. I glare at her as she folds her arms over her chest.
She turns to me and narrows her eyes. “What do you mean fuck your career?”
“Fuck baseball. I’m not going to get drafted to the same team as Cal. He doesn’t need me anymore. I’m done.”
“Wait, when did you decide this?”
“I’ve been leaning toward this for months now. If you talked to me instead of poking and nagging at me, you would know this.”
“So you plan to work for your daddy?”
“I don’t know what I plan to do.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to take some time to think about what I want for once. I’m going to figure my own shit out. I’m not a boy who wants to please his mama to keep her off his brother’s back.
“I’m a man who wants to experience life. I want to know what it’s like to live a life I’ve chosen, not one chosen for me. I’m tired of being manipulated.
“I’m sick of this toxic shit we have going on. You stop by, we fuck, and then you’re off to do whatever it is you do. Shit, Kay. You’re not happy with me. Why are we together?”
“Are you breaking up with me?” she sobs.
“We’ve been together since I was fourteen. I’ve never been with another girl. You were my first. I’ve been in college for going on four years and I’ve never lived out the full experience.
“I think it would be better to break up now. I don’t want to get married and become someone I’m not because I didn’t do the shit I should have when I was eighteen, nineteen, or twentysomething. Don’t you want to know if someone else is better for you?”
She blanches. I would swear the look on her face was one of guilt. However, she has nothing to be guilty of. Neither of us do.
Our mamas forced us into this. We should be able to take a step back and see if we’re what we want. I do feel a little bad as she begins to cry harder.
However, I’m not going back on this. I need to do this for myself. Seeing Cal find happiness, hearing Nicole tell him she loves him, knowing the joy they have, I want to find that for myself.
I’ll never get to do that as long as I’m with Kay. There could be some girl out there for me, but I’m missing out on that because I’m trying to force this.
Enough.
Kay sucks in a breath and nods. “Can you drop me home?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
The rest of the ride is made in silence. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s time I find what I want, where I belong.
Kayleen
I thought I’d be happy when Cam broke up with me. However, I feel devastated and shocked. He has never been with anyone else. I was sure Cam had slept with other girls on campus or at away games.
“What have I done?” I sob quietly.
I feel like I fucked up something good because I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. This isn’t right, but it’s what I wanted to happen. My mama already has my wedding gown hanging in her closet.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell her this. I take a deep breath and sit on my bed. Tears are still streaming down my face.
My hands are shaking as I go to dial JR. I just need to feel better. It’s like I’ve lost more than my boyfriend. Cam is one of my best friends.
Even though I don’t think I’ve been much of a friend in a really long time. Sometimes I feel like we don’t know each other anymore.
“Hello,” JR says sleepily on the other end of the phone, pulling me from my thoughts. I can hear him moving around and then he whispers. “Kay, are you all right?”
“We broke up,” I sob.
“Wait, what? Take a deep breath. I can’t understand you.”
“Cam broke up with me. He wants to start seeing other people.”
“That’s a good thing, right? You can come to graduation with my parents now.”
“I guess so. JR, why are you whispering?”
“It’s late. I’m trying to keep my voice down.”
“For who? Where are you?”
There is a loud thud on the other end. “Fuck,” he growls. “Son of a bitch.”
“Are you okay?”
“I just ran into something and stubbed my toe. Listen, I’ll call you in the morning. We can talk then.”
“Okay, I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Ja, baby, you—” The line goes dead before I can hear the rest of what’s said, but that wasn’t the voice of any of his friends I know of.
That was a female. I sit feeling stupid and confused. We never said we were exclusive because he has always known about Cam, but I never thought about the other girls he could have been with while we were apart.
I drop my phone to the floor and place my head in my hands. I’ve imploded my life and for what? JR has been funding my lifestyle for the last three years.
With the way he spoiled me, even as I stayed with Cam, I never thought he would mess around with anyone else. I’ve been so na?ve. I can’t believe I lost Cam and now I have nothing.
Moving into the center of the bed, I curl up into a ball and begin to sob. I fucked this all up so bad. I have to figure out a way to get Cam back.
I’ll give him some time to cool off and then we’ll get back together. That’s it. All he needs is time. I can give him that.
Jareil
“Ja, baby, you all right?” my mom calls as she turns on the lights and comes out of the bedroom of the hotel suite we’re staying in.
I joined her last minute on her vacation. I’ve been sleeping on the pullout couch in the common area as when I arrived the resort was fully booked for a convention or something. We head out in the morning, so we went to bed early.
“I’m fine, mom. I just banged my toe in the dark.”
“Well, what were you doing walking about in the dark?”
“Kay called crying, I didn’t want to disturb you so I was trying to move out to the balcony or something so you wouldn’t hear me.”
“Hmm, I still don’t know what you see in that girl. Why not find yourself a nice girl who’s not rumored to be dating you and another prominent athlete?”
My mother holds my gaze and gives me a pointed look. I knew this was coming soon. My mother has never warmed up to Kay.
“It’s not that simple, mom. I care about Kay and I’m willing to give her time to figure things out.”
“You are too trusting, Ja. I have always feared you would give your heart to someone who doesn’t deserve you.”
“I’ll be fine, mom. I think you would like Kayleen if you gave her a chance.”
“Hmm, son, I’ve seen a fool, been a fool, and known a fool in this life. I’m not about to watch my child be a fool for no one when I can point out the signs and prevent it.”
Seeing that I’m not going to win this argument or convince her to believe otherwise, I hobble over to the couch bed and take a seat. I lift my foot and grab my still-stinging toe in my hand.
“You want some ice for that?”
“No, I’m just going to go to bed. Thanks, Mom. See you in the morning.”
“Night, baby. See you in the morning.”
She turns out the lights and heads back to bed. I lie down and think back to what Kay was trying to tell me. They broke up.
I can finally have what I’ve always wanted. I’m not going to play professional football, but things are looking great for the basketball draft. Kayleen and I can have a great life together.
I’m going to marry my high school crush. My patience paid off. We were always meant to be.