Chapter Four
Josh
As soon as Dad issues the order, he turns and heads toward the elevator. His office is on the floor above. Klein looks at me, eyes wide.
“Boss, I’m so sorry! If I’d just stopped her…” she says in a small voice, biting her lip.
“Ah, don’t worry. Nothing I can’t handle.” She shouldn’t worry about it. It’s the blonde’s fault for barging in the way she did.
“You aren’t in trouble, are you?”
I have to smile. “Why? Worried about me?”
“A little.” She squirms. “But maybe he won’t be too upset because it’s never happened before.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. I should’ve called security sooner.”
“Not your fault. You did what you could. Who could’ve predicted she’d be so…out there?” I shrug and give Klein a reassuring smile before going up to face Dad.
Dad has one of the nicest corner offices at Huxley & Webber—a perk he’s earned through his brilliance in the legal field. He has the kind of career and admiration I’d love to have.
One of these days, I’ll have an office like this, too. After all, it’s the family legacy I was bred to take on, and I plan to embrace it—and prove to myself I’m nothing like my mother.
He looks up from his throne-like seat behind the massive mahogany desk as I shut the door behind me. He steeples his fingers. “Have a seat.” He gestures with a raised eyebrow at a plush armchair.
I sit, keeping myself relaxed. Dad has wide-set gray eyes, straight eyebrows and an even straighter mouth.
He has a booming voice to match the girth of his chest, but he keeps his tone modulated.
He says that only people who’ve lost the argument raise their voices.
Despite that, he has a way of commanding attention when he speaks.
One heartbeat. Two… Three… I wait, not willing to start. Dad’s upset about something, and I’d rather have him tell me plainly, rather than me trying to guess.
“Just what was that?” he says finally. “That mindless screaming. Everyone on the floor must have heard it. Hell, even I heard it from here. I actually thought there was a damn murder.”
Irritation surges at the unfair reprimand.
It’s never happened before, and it isn’t my fault that the woman has the intelligence and honor of a banana republic bureaucrat caught siphoning public funds.
But getting into the nitty-gritty won’t make him feel any more generous toward me right now.
“A minor incident. Sorry. She won’t be back. I’ll make sure to let security know.”
The end of Dad’s left eyebrow twitches. “A minor incident? She made quite a spectacle.”
“If you’re worried about Ted’s reaction, he won’t mind.” My tone is a tad defensive, despite my effort to stay calm and even. “He thrives on drama.”
“I’m not worried about him. I’m worried that she did it here. At the office. It’s disruptive and unprofessional.”
My mouth tightens. I have no defense for that, as infuriating as the situation is. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”
“Won’t it? I know you find Ted and his lifestyle aspirational.”
The statement stuns me into silence for moment. Finally, I gather myself. “I don’t—”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Really? Because you’re seen with a different woman every week. At the rate you’re going, you’ll have dated more women than him.”
His assertion stings. “Oh, come on.”
“And you show as much discernment as he does. Or dogs noticing a bitch in heat.”
“That’s unfair.”
“You think so? What’s unfair is my having to worry about one of them showing up pregnant.” He points a finger in the general direction outside, his eyes flashing with fury and concern.
“That won’t happen. I got a vasectomy.”
“Look how that worked out for Ted Lasker! Seven kids! Ha!”
“From a highly reputable doctor,” I add tightly. And Ted’s was performed over thirty years ago.
“Good. That way you won’t produce heirs for the family. But that doesn’t mean I’m fine with you bringing your personal baggage to the office.”
“I didn’t bring her. And I’ve already said it won’t happen again. Twice.”
“It should never have happened. You’ve spent your entire adult life unable to stick with anybody for more than a month.
The frustrating thing is, you didn’t stay with any of them because they were never right for you.
You’re a smart boy. You’ve been purposely selecting women you know are unsuitable, wining and dining them a few times, and then breaking up with them.
” Dad gives me a long, steady stare. “What are you afraid of?”
The question sucks the breath out of my lungs. “What?” My response is barely audible, then I manage a fake laugh to hide the tremor starting in my heart.
Dad picks his words with care. “Do you think you’ll end up with somebody like Zoe? Because I initially fell head over heels in love with her?”
It takes all my effort to ignore the need to look away. His incisive questioning hurts, especially since I look up to him so much. “This isn’t about your past with Mom,” I manage hoarsely. “I’m just having some fun before settling down.”
“You’re thirty. Not exactly a hormone-driven college kid.”
“Still young.”
He gazes at me for a moment. “Pietas et unitas. What do you think the family motto means?”
“Loyalty and unity,” I say promptly, relieved he’s switched to a subject I’m more comfortable with. “That’s how we treat family. I’ve never deviated from that.”
“Yes, but that isn’t all. It also means you need to be somebody worthy of our family’s loyalty and unshakable trust. Do you believe how you’re behaving in your personal life is worthy or even honorable?
You think your personal life has no impact, but look how it’s bled into your professional life—and the family’s legal legacy. ”
Dad isn’t cruel or harsh. But the matter-of-fact way he speaks…the sympathy mingled with pity in his eyes cuts me deeply.
He continues, “Only you can look inside your own heart. So how you present yourself to the world matters. You aren’t acting like a true Huxley, Josh.
Take some time to reflect. If you believe you’re on the wrong path, correct course before it’s too late.
And don’t let my mistake with your mother affect you.
I’d hate to see you throw away a chance at happiness and fulfillment out of fear.
She isn’t worth it. Don’t forget—you’re my son. A Huxley.”
What about the Dunkel blood in my veins? I’m at least half Dunkel. The words get stuck in my throat like scalding iron marbles.
“You can return to work,” he says, switching to partner mode. “If what happened with that woman happens again, it will affect your future at the firm.”
Nodding woodenly, I stand, then walk out. My feet move mechanically, carrying me to my office.
Dad probably hasn’t had this kind of talk with Ares or Bryce. After all, they haven’t done anything like me.
You aren’t acting like a true Huxley.
Then am I acting like a Dunkel?
I shudder. Cold sweat coats my skin, creating a clammy film. The need to pound on something is almost overwhelming, but I’m at work. A familiar restlessness churns in my belly, the same as after one of my nightmares. I clench my teeth and curl my fists.
Settle the fuck down. Dad’s just worried and disappointed.
Still, I can feel the sticky whispers in my ear—the sugary breath that tickled as Mom spoke to me. You’re the most like me. I’m most proud of you.
I walk past Klein’s desk. She jumps to her feet and follows me into the office, closing the door. “Are you all right?”
I spin around and give her a long stare. Her violet eyes meet mine, shining softly with warm care. Would a girl as nice as Klein look at me like this if I were as horrible as Mom?
But what if she just…can’t tell? It isn’t like Mom walked around sounding like a sociopath.
I know how to look and sound sane. What if I’m good enough to fool Klein?
Mom totally hoodwinked Dad—and the rest of the family—for so long.
She made them think she was worthy of being a Huxley, of deserving everything the family motto conferred.
It occurs to me that I’ve been acting like an idiot.
All I wanted was to project normalcy, a regular guy unencumbered by an ugly childhood event, to make sure my family wouldn’t worry.
Instead, I’ve caused them concern, and actually embarrassed them by having that horrible woman barging into Huxley & Webber.
“You look like the world just ended,” Klein says when I don’t respond. “You’re so pale.”
“I’m fine,” I say automatically, my tone too smooth, my smile too practiced. It’s my default response to everything, to ensure people don’t probe too deeply.
“Oh. Sorry.” She clears her throat. “Didn’t mean to be nosy.” Disappointment fleets across her expressive face.
Suddenly, I feel like an asshole. Klein is great—and quick, too.
She knows I’m dismissing her concern. The old fear sits in my belly like cold, concealed fat, ugly and nauseating.
I run a rough hand over my face. “Actually…no. I’m not, really.
I…” The weight of the nightmare from the morning and what Dad said presses me down.
I plop down on a chair and bury my face in my palms.
“Want to talk about it?” she says softly.
I can’t unload everything, but maybe she can help with—
“Am I a user?” I lower my hands and look up at her. “Like, with women?”
Her eyes widen. “Who told you that? No! I think you just like women and can’t settle. But that’s no crime. Plenty of men play the field.” She shrugs. “Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.”
Except Dad thought I was afraid—that I’m not living my life like a true Huxley. And if I’m not a true Huxley, I can only be a Dunkel—my mother’s son.
“Uh. I didn’t say that to make you feel worse,” Klein says, peering at me with even greater concern in her eyes. “Do you want to head home early? You don’t have any more appointments today.”
I shake my head. I’m not giving anybody the power to disrupt my day. “No. I can handle the rest of today’s agenda.”
The corners of her mouth turn down. She bites her lower lip. “Do you, um, need a hug?”
I force a wan smile. I must look really awful for her to offer a pity hug.
I should probably decline, but the bright glimmer in her eyes is nearly irresistible.
If some of her light can touch me, my darkness inside might not feel so grim.
I swallow the urge to say yes. “It’s okay.
But thanks for the offer. What would I do without you? ”
“Still be awesome,” she says, her voice full of earnest conviction.
The vise around my chest eases, and in a moment or two I can breathe without feeling like I’m about to suffocate.
“You really are perfect,” I say, looking up at her. The afternoon light pouring in from the windows illuminates her from behind, creating a halo and making her glow like an angel.
My angel.
I freeze. Where did that come from? Klein’s too good to be dragged into my messy life. Plus she’s engaged, I remind myself, feeling like I just downed a shot of acid.
I let out an awkward cough. “I mean, you know, a perfect assistant.”
She blushes. “Sure, boss.” And then rolls her eyes cutely.