Thirty-One
Jack
I stared at Asia, not able to let her go, waiting for calm to come over me.
It was always like before.
The rush of adrenaline and then the comedown.
But it wasn’t happening now.
No, I felt stuck, remembering the way my heart stopped beating when I saw the gun at Asia’s back.
Stuck by the rage at bruises on her face.
And stuck by that dark part of me that savored every millisecond of that kill .
My hands still tingled from the way I gripped the knife, from the pressure against my palms as I crushed his neck bones beneath them.
The same hands that touched her now.
I broke contact then, pulling away from her like I’d been burned.
She blinked, the one eye that wasn’t swollen wide with surprise.
I looked away.
I had to.
I couldn’t see her like that.
So I looked at the others.
They stood still, and then, seemed to move as one. I heard Asia struggle to her feet.
I reached out to steady her but didn’t look at her again.
Couldn’t.
I didn’t look at the others, either.
I imagined what I’d see in their faces.
Disgust at what I’d done, but underneath, a grudging acceptance that I was a monster, but I did what needed to be done.
I never cared when I’d seen that look before. But I couldn’t take it.
Not from her .
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Lourdes take one of the paper towels that we so fiercely guarded and wet it, and then walk toward Asia.
“We shouldn’t waste the water?—”
Lourdes cut Asia off, her expression fierce as she pushed the paper towel toward Asia. “Hold this against your face. It’ll help with the swelling.”
I still couldn’t look her in the eye, but I risked a quick glance at Asia’s face.
Her eye appeared to have tripled in size, and a series of bruises marred one half of her face.
My gut twisted with rage, and I forced myself to look away.
I walked towards Miles, who looked at me, eyes wide, and then scurried away.
Smart kid. Even he noticed I balanced on the edge of something that might snap.
“Get camp packed up. We’re out of here in five. They may not be alone,” I said to everyone and no one in particular.
No one spoke, but they did as I instructed, and four minutes later, we were on our way.
Asia was next to Bridget, with Lourdes and Miles flanking her. Elliot and Caitlin were at the front of the line, and, like always, I brought up the rear.
I was glad for that. I still wasn’t ready to see that look in their eyes. Even still, I felt the distance in a way I hadn’t before.
Welcomed it.
At least until Asia stumbled.
“Hold on,” I said.
The group stopped, and I walked up to Asia.
Forced myself to look at her face.
Her eye was even more swollen, the skin taut and painful-looking.
“You all right?” I asked.
I was impressed by how calm I managed to sound.
Because I wasn’t.
I squeezed my hand into a fist at my side, needing to channel the energy that demanded I kill something.
Reminded myself that the people who had done this were now a feast for the vultures. But fuck if I didn’t wish I could go back in time and kill them again.
That wasn’t an option, so I focused on her .
“I’m fine,” she said.
She tried to smile, but grimaced.
“Stand still,” I said.
I gripped her face as gently as I could, studying her eyes, especially the swollen one.
Her pupils were dilated. “Did you lose consciousness?”
“I don’t know…I don’t think so,” she said.
I let out a curse, and then looked around.
“We need to stop somewhere,” I said.
No one, not even Caitlin, said anything.
“Stay here. Keep an eye on her,” I said. “Lourdes, you know how to treat head injuries?”
Lourdes nodded. “I’ll keep her awake.”
“I’m fine,” Asia said.
But her words were slightly slurred, something I didn’t think she noticed. Hearing how fragile she sounded cut me like a knife.
“I’ll be back,” I said.
I hated to leave, but knew we needed to stop.
Asia could be seriously hurt, and the bitch of it all was other than a wet paper towel, there was nothing I could do for her. Bile burned at the back of my throat, and as I walked, searching for a place, the anger rose again.
For a split second when I had seen that man with a gun pressed to Asia’s back, a fear so acute—one that I was sure I hadn’t felt since I was a very young child—seized me.
And next, rage.
Rage of the type that I fought many years to control.
Back then, I was just a dumb kid with a temper problem. Wasn’t a kid anymore, but I acted on that same instinct, letting that rage fuel me, and my years of training guide me.
It didn’t even occur to me how the others might take it.
It didn’t fucking matter.
Asia was in danger.
Those motherfuckers had to die.
Now, I’d have to deal with the fallout.
Once Asia came to her senses, if she did, I knew I’d get a lecture about killing people. Miles would stay as far away from me as he could. But none of that mattered. They could all hate me. I’d take every last bit of it if it kept them—kept her—breathing.
I didn’t allow that thought to take root. Instead, I walked, hoping to get lucky. Let out a humorless laugh at the thought. Me and lucky. Those words didn’t belong in the same sentence.
I spotted something up ahead. Two small cabins on a small parcel of land. Other than a few discarded cans haphazardly strewn on the table in one of the cabins, the place was clear and it looked like no one had been here for days.
This would do.
I got the others, and with a firm hand on Asia’s arm, guided them back. Her pulse jumped beneath my fingers, and that tiny proof of life reassured me more than anything else could.
“I have to say, these are not the worst accommodations I’ve seen recently,” Bridget said when we reached the cabins.
“Yeah, this is the Four Seasons,” Elliot added.
He chuckled, and I knew what they were doing. Trying to lighten the mood, claw back some piece of whatever normal was now.
“How does she look?” I asked Lourdes after we secured the cabins .
“Fine. A little drowsy, but okay,” Lourdes said.
“Guys, I’m right here,” Asia called.
She tried, but I heard the pain in every word.
I went over to her again.
“How’s your jaw?” I asked.
I hated to make her speak when it was clearly painful, but needed to know.
“It’s fine. I just bit my tongue,” she said.
“New for you,” Caitlin said.
Asia let out a pathetic-sounding laugh. Everyone else ignored her. I didn’t miss Bridget’s frown of disappointment, either.
“This place still has power and running water,” Miles said.
The others all sighed in relief.
“Miles, Elliot, let them get cleaned up. You take first watch,” I said.
“And what will you be doing?” Caitlin asked.
I ignored her and led Asia to the other cabin. This one was smaller, with two bedrooms. I went to the room with the bath attached. The tub, which was huge, also looked relatively clean. I turned on the water and started undressing Asia.
“Umm, Jackson? Are you trying to get me naked?” She tried to laugh, but the hollow, pained sound only underscored her discomfort.
“Not trying, doing. Can’t have you falling asleep, and I think a nice, cold bath is just the thing,” I said as I continued to work on her clothes.
“But, Jack, I?—”
I cut her off. “Stop talking and get in the tub.”
“You’re not the boss of me, Jackson Thorne.” She tried to smile but ended up grimacing.
I ignored the kick in my chest at the sight of her pain and guided her into the tub.
“This is fucking freezing,” she yelped.
It was the first time she had sounded like herself.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said.
Some of the weight that lodged in my chest eased up. But the anger was still there and flared back at twice the intensity every time I looked at her face.
“Thank you,” Asia said quietly later .
She sat in the tub long enough until she got used to the temperature.
“I told you not to ever say those words to me,” I said.
“And I told you you’re not the boss of me,” she said. “So thank you.”
I didn’t argue, but when she reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze, I didn’t pull away.
I held on tighter.
Just to be sure.