Chapter 6 Ayanna
six
Ayanna
The night had been restless. Between dealing with Corey’s back to back calls all night and thinking about Teo coming to see me, I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.
And to be honest, I didn’t know which one of my dilemmas was worse— my ex-boyfriend throwing tantrums like an adolescent, or Teo.
That’s exactly why I’d dragged myself to my bestie’s morning yoga class, hoping to find some peace before the storm.
“Stay in this moment,” Tasha whispered quietly, bringing my focus back to the classroom and back to the familiar comfort of child’s pose.
I let my forehead rest gently on the mat and took a deep breath. My arms rested comfortably by my sides as I tried to clear my mind of the chaos outside.
“Be here fully,” she said. “Free yourself from daily distractions and reconnect with the natural world around you.”
It all sounded good. Easy even. But I was struggling this morning. Even as she guided us through a series of gentle stretches meant for relaxation, my mind kept drifting back to what my new life would look like. Questioning how things would change for me, or if I would even enjoy it.
Would Teo and I get along as a married couple? Has he even committed to anyone?
Not that I was aware of. I mean, I knew he wasn’t celibate, or anything like that, I would have to be a fool to think he’s been sitting around not having sex.
But I did wonder if he had someone he regularly dealt with.
I’d never seen it, and maybe that was intentional on his part, but that was something I wanted clarity on.
Especially after hearing the mystery woman in the background last night. She seemed to know him well.
I sighed, exhaling a long breath. Yoga this morning was supposed to help me find my calm, but at the moment it wasn’t doing a damn thing. It was only freeing space in my mind to dwell on more uncertainties.
As the class continued, I tried to push these thoughts aside, reminding myself that answers would come in time. If anything, Teo was a man of his word. I would see him today... whether I wanted to or not.
But who was I kidding? I wanted to see him.
“Lord, help me,” I mumbled to myself, twisting my body into a different pose.
“Focus on your breath,” Tasha’s gentle command cut through my thoughts. “Let the gentle aroma of lavender fill your senses. Let it guide you toward tranquility.”
What she was asking was easier said than done. Anytime I thought I was making progress, my mind said — nope.
Bitch, you are about to marry Teo — Fine, sexy ass, Teo. Domineering, crazy ass, Teo.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, willing myself to concentrate on Tasha’s instructions.
Anything to stop my mind from wandering into places it had no business going.
Like, what was grown-man Teo like in bed?
Would we still have that chemistry from that night?
Would it be better? Could he make me cum on command?
These were all the questions I’d successfully avoided asking over the years, but now knowing he was my future, my mind ran rampant.
Ugh! Focus, Ayanna. Just for a few minutes, please. Clear mind, clear mind.
“Alright, everyone, let’s bring our session to a close,” Tasha’s soothing words echoed as she began the cooldown.
“Bring your awareness back to the present moment. Remember, peace is something you can always return to. Take this calm with you as you step back into your day.” With a gentle bow, she added, “Namaste.”
“Namaste,” I repeated with the rest of the class, only feeling fifty percent better than when I started my day.
The low music that filled the space faded, and light chatter from her students enveloped the classroom.
Most of them seemed lighter than when they entered her studio.
While she spoke to a few of her students and the rest filed out of the room, I took a moment to roll up my mat, and gather my things.
We planned to go for smoothies after class, so I was not in a hurry.
Once Tasha finished speaking with her last student, she strutted toward me, in her teal leggings and matching tank top. The huge smile and warm hug she offered were exactly what I needed.
“Feeling any better?” she asked, wiping her forehead with a towel, then tossed it over her shoulder. The water bottle in her hand was already half empty as she took another sip, waiting for my reply.
“Bout as good as a person can be who just spent the night tossing and turning. Or waking up still arguing with Corey,” I mumbled dryly, but still managed to force a smile.
“Aww, babe,” she said sympathetically, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Corey will be alright. He’s an okay guy, but…” She trailed off, giving me that look she reserved for when she thought I needed a reality check.
I groaned. “But he isn’t right for me?”
Tasha gave a small shrug. “I didn’t say that, but yeah. Don’t waste your time going back and forth with him. I say cut him off cold turkey.”
“But that’s so mean, Tasha,” I chuckled. “He deserves a real explanation.”
“Nah, that’s life.”
“You’re just saying this because you like Teo.” I shook my head, denying her accuracy.
Again, she shrugged. “Maybe. But I also know my friend. You don’t love Corey.
Teo just did you a favor by forcing you to address it.
Otherwise, you would end up in a loveless relationship, with a man that doesn’t feed your soul.
So, again, I don’t think you should entertain anything beyond what y’all discussed last night. ”
She was right.
“Besides, Corey is so corny.” She glanced at me sideways as we strolled toward the smoothie shop next door. “And it’s not because he isn’t in the streets, or anything like that. You know I love me a good corporate nigga.” She giggled, and we both knew it to be true.
Her dating history consisted of brokers, lawyers, and tech executives, all of whom wore suits and carried briefcases.
Not that she had anything against street niggas.
In fact, I was one thousand percent sure if my brother gave her even a tiny bit of attention the corporate dudes would be a thing of the past.
“But,” she continued, “I just think it’s more of his mindset.
He has always given off insecure. And if it came down to holding you down, and protecting you I’m not sure he’d have the backbone for it.
We both know who your family is, and if you actually tried to fight them on this marriage—which is still wild to me—he wouldn’t stand a chance. ”
We reached the smoothie shop and stepped into the cute little cafe.
The bright colors and fresh fruit displayed behind the counter made my stomach rumble.
I glanced at the menu, pushing our conversation to the back of my mind.
Both Corey and Teo had taken up too much space this morning, and I was ready to think about something else.
Tasha ordered a green smoothie with all the add-ins, and I ended up going with a coconut-pineapple blend that tasted like an island getaway, somewhere far from here.
When our drinks were ready, we took a seat by the window and chatted about everything else.
We laughed and giggled, catching up on everything under the sun.
I loved talking to her. She was the closest thing I had to a sister.
After we’d finished, Tasha threw her arm around me in a quick hug. “Text me later.”
“Will do.”
Before she exited the restaurant, she said, “Oh, I forgot. Marci’s all-white party is this weekend. I was thinking of sliding through. If you and Teo are free you both should come with.” Her grin was contagious.
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not going out with him. We’re not even a real couple.”
“Right,” she gave me that look, knowing I was full of shit.
“Keep telling yourself that. I’ve known both of y’all most of my life.
Teo has been yours for a long time. No other bitch has stood a chance.
And now I see why. I’m going to say this with love.
I think you should open your heart and mind to the possibility.
I know you’re frustrated this came from your father, and that Teo knew about it, but I think he’ll be good to you.
Stop tiptoeing around the inevitable, babe.
Love ya.” She gave me a wink and sauntered off, leaving me to finish my smoothie and the thoughts she’d planted in my head.
I took one last sip, before heading to my car, feeling lighter.
But that calm lasted only as long as my drive home.
When I pulled up to my house, I immediately noticed the jet-black SUV parked outside, the two other vehicles parked up the block, and the familiar figures leaning against the hood.
Of course he wasn’t alone. His enforcers were positioned nearby looking like well-dressed secret agents.
You would think the president was here to visit little ol’ me.
Pushing my car into park, I pulled the visor down, taking a minute to check my reflection. Despite the sweat from my workout earlier, my skin had a healthy glow to it, and my braids were pulled into a ponytail. Applying a quick swipe of lip gloss, I smacked my lips together.
Better.
Grabbing my bags, I stepped out of the car, only to be met by Teo’s intoxicating scent, hooded eyes, and that familiar half-smile that always seemed to weaken my resolve.
“Tasha’s?” He raised a brow, while taking my bags from my hand, his finger brushing lightly against mine. Then he pulled me to the side, closing the car door behind me.
“Yeah, I went to relax.” I tried to keep my tone casual, but the way he looked at me—like I was something to be studied — made it hard to keep the words steady.
His fingers brushed against my hip as he guided me past his men and to my front door. “Good,” he said, his voice low. “You feel better?”
I nodded, trying to ignore the way my heart raced. “Yeah, a little.”