Chapter Two #2
Sitting at the cafeteria style table I waited anxiously to hear the loading buzzing signaling the doors were opening.
Like clockwork I am here every month but still I have this nervous feeling when it is time.
Straightening my posture, I took a deep breath and put on my game face.
No one and I mean no one except the only two people that mean the world could see me in a flustered state.
I promised myself that years ago and I stuck by it.
The buzzing sounded forcing my focus to the doors.
The women all filed in shackled and dressed in dusty orange.
I looked around them until my eyes landed on the prettiest one in the group.
My mother. Her hair was braided in two French braids and descended past her breast. Time has aged her and forced dark circles under her eyes, but she still was the most beautiful woman I ever seen.
When she approached the guard, she stared at me with a huge smile while he unlocked her shackles.
As soon as she was released, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
My body flinched momentarily at the embrace but inhaling deep, her familiar scent calmed me.
She still smelled of vanilla with a hint of tobacco.
That was the smell I grew up on, and it always made me feel at peace, even more so now.
“Momma, we agreed you would stop smoking.” I wiggled away from her and ushered her to sit in the chair in front of me.
“I know baby. It’s just a hard habit to break.” She smiled at me sweetly and looked over my face. “You are gorgeous my baby girl.” I smiled and reached for her hands.
“How are you? Did you get your care package and the money I put on your books? Did they give you your medicine?” She patted my hand signaling for me to calm down.
“I am fine darling, stop worrying. I got everything you sent. The girls are jealous of them plush towels and that African body scrubber. My skin is the softest it’s ever been in here with this hard water. Thank you, my baby.”
“Of course, momma. Anything for you.” I looked down at our hands intertwined. I couldn’t help but look up at the scar on her forearm and it brought me back to that night.
The creeping of my bedroom door startled me out of my sleep.
I had barely fell asleep because my mom was arguing with my stepdad for hours.
She kept yelling that he was drunk and needed to get out her face and lay down.
Finally, the noise quieted and I closed my eyes dozing off.
It was finally the weekend, and I was super excited about it.
We had just got cable, and I couldn’t wait to watch MTV and binge all the shows.
My friends talked about MTV and Cartoon Network all the time.
I wanted to go to school on Monday and brag to my them that I finally seen all the shows they talked about.
Cable was all they talked about most of the time and my mom finally got it installed.
Opening my eyes slightly I noticed my stepdad stagger to my bed. He plopped down making my bed jump.
“Blythe, you ain’t sleep, get yo ass up girl.” I heard the swish of liquid in a bottle before it hit the floor. Pulling the covers away from my face I tried to focus on him in the dark room.
“I was sleeping dad. It’s late and I am really tired.
Go to bed.” Recently I started calling him Dad.
He wasn’t the best at it but since mine left I had nothing to compare him to.
He took care of me and my mom, so it was only right, I guess.
I was thirteen years old, what did I know.
My brother was four years older than me and moved out with my aunt because he hated my stepdad.
He visited me at school or on the weekends, but I didn’t get to see him besides that.
“Don’t tell me what to do girl, help me with this.” He pointed and I strained my eyes to see what he was talking about.
“With what?”
“Get your ass up and see.” I huffed and pulled the covers off before sitting up.
When I finally focused and the moon light shining through my window highlighted exactly what he needed help with.
His pants were unzipped and he was completely exposed.
I jumped back toward my headboard to get as far away from him as possible.
“No way. That’s not okay. Get out of my room. Please.” I pulled my covers to me as my shield.
“Now your momma’s stingy ass ain’t helped me in weeks and I need it, get over here girl.” He pulled at my covers, and I fought against his pull
“No, get out of my room! You are my dad. You are supposed to protect me!” I screamed. My mom had been having the sex talk with me since I was developed and having regular cycles and she told me my parents are my protectors and a safe space.
The door flew open and the light flicked on. I raised my hand shielding me from the brightness of it. My mom stood there with a shotgun and her large house coat.
“Nope, no ma’am. We aren’t going there.” My mother jerked at my hands pulling my thoughts back to the room. She reached up and wiped at the tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Sorry momma.”
“Don’t be. You make sacrifices for your children, and I don’t regret a thing.
I just really want you to consider therapy Blythe.
I know you need it, you always in black and it screams depressed, love.
” I looked down at my outfit, and it was indeed all black.
It was cute as hell but black non the less.
“You witnessed so much so young and you are still going through it. A therapist can help you baby. I have been seeing one in here.” She waved her hand around the cold dingy space.
The fluorescent lights flicked and caused a shadow on everyone in the room.
I hated she was here. She didn’t deserve to be in here like a damn animal.
“She is great baby girl. The therapy is helping my case as well. I will hopefully be up for parole soon. Your Aunt Ruby said you have been working pretty hard on it, and I am doing my part to help. Therapy isn’t a requirement, but it does look good on paper.
Let’s them know I am reformed. We both know I ain’t sorry and would do it again if I have to, but it does feel good to talk about it if it will help my case.
” I smiled at her with tears peaking at my eyes.
A baby started crying and we both looked over there at the family visiting.
“That’s what I want for you baby girl. A husband and children. I will be home soon, and I plan to be an excellent grandma.” I kissed the back of her hand. I wasn’t ready for marriage and children, but I will start considering it. I would do anything for my momma including give her grandbabies.
“So, tell me what’s new. Did you make partner yet?” She sat up straight in her seat and smiled at me sweetly.
“No not yet. But I am working really hard on it.” I wiped at my remaining tears and focused on my visit with my favorite lady.
“You will get it baby. I feel in my body your life is getting ready to be amazing and change forever.”
“I hope so momma.”
“I know so. You don’t get my age and not notice when a change is coming.”
“I believe you one hundred percent. But how are you really momma? Are they treating you okay in here?”
“Yes baby. The girls love me. I am like the mother bird over my pod. I’ve been showing them how to sew and make things from scratch.
They done spoke about doing a workshop to make Christmas presents for their families next year.
They love me child. A few of the younger ones have been showing me the social media dances, I’m getting good.
” She waved her hands around and moved her hips in her seat.
“Oh my God, mom. Don’t break a hip in here trying to be coo.” We both burst out laughing.
“Girl I ain’t that damn old. I can still hang.
Trust me, I got this baby. When I get out of here we are going dancing so I can show you just what I’m working with.
” I laughed at her words. I needed these monthly visits.
She always made me feel better. We spent the rest of our visit laughing, joking and eating junk food out of the vending machine.
When time was up and the buzzers sounded loudly alerting me that my momma was securely back behind the prison walls, I took one last look around at all the men and women standing around or gathering their things to leave.
So many had tears in their eyes like they could feel my pain and understood that their sister, mother, daughter, cousin, aunt, or whoever they were visiting didn’t belong in here either.
I walked to my car and cried like a baby.
It was time for my momma to come home, and I was going to do everything I could to make that happen.