Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
NORA
“ Y ou really thought you could get away from me?” He punctuates each word with a painful slap.
“You stupid, worthless bitch.”
“Please,” I beg as tears burn my eyes.
“Please just let me go.”
“Never.” His already cruel gaze sharpens as he glances down at my swollen belly.
“Now be a good little bitch and take care of me.”
“No!” I shake my head as tears blur my vision.
“Please, no!”
“You will do as I say!” he shouts, grabbing a thick chunk of my hair at the scalp while his other hand moves to his belt.
“I swear to fucking God, if you don’t shut your mouth and spread your legs, you’ll never so much as see the baby growing in your belly.”
I fight against his hold, trying to free myself from him.
But he’s bigger, stronger, and has no intentions of ever letting me go.
He’s never letting me go.
“Stay still,” he snarls, as he wrenches my legs apart.
“And shut up.”
A heavy weight settles on top of me and a scream builds in my throat ? —
“Nora, shit, please open your eyes!”
I wake with a start, sitting up so fast my forehead knocks into Atlas’s.
Why is Atlas in my bed?
“Why are you in my bed?” I croak, clutching the sheets to my chest, as if the scratchy polyester can somehow hide my fear.
“You were having a nightmare,” he says, as if that explains everything.
But it doesn’t—not by a longshot.
First, because I rarely sleep deeply enough to have dreams. Second, why would my having a bad dream make him think climbing into bed with me was a good idea?
I can feel my cheeks burn at my wayward thoughts.
As if a man like Atlas would ever want to be in my bed in that way.
Focus, Nora! “I’m not following.”
Atlas pinches the bridge of his nose and mumbles something about the depths of hell before retreating back to his chair.
“You were thrashing and screaming and I… I couldn’t get you to stop. It was… fuck, Nora. ”
He wraps his fingers around the arms of the chair, squeezing them with a white-knuckle grip.
“It was killing me to see you like that, so scared, so I tried to wake you up. But once I sat on the edge of the bed and put my hand on your shoulder, you sort of, I don’t know…settled.”
His words sound honest, and I want to believe him, to believe his intentions were good, but how far did this apple really fall from the tree?
I feel bad even thinking it, but I can’t help it.
No matter how earnest Atlas seems, I can’t seem to shake the thread of distrust weaving its way around my heart.
Trusting him could be the difference between life or death.
I don’t think I could survive going back to Rand—and I don’t think he’d let me, either.
“Hey.” Atlas snaps his fingers, startling me to attention.
“Where’d you go?”
“Just thinking, sorry.”
His eyes soften, and his lips turn down as he takes me in.
“No need to apologize.” I wouldn’t quite call the look on his face pity—no, it’s more like regret.
But that doesn’t make sense.
What could he possibly regret when it comes to me?
“What time is it?” I stretch my arms over my head, feeling more rested than I’ve felt in days—years, even.
“Just after nine.”
“In the morning?” My eyes must be the size of dinner plates.
I can’t remember the last time I was allowed to sleep this long.
It was a long, long time ago, that’s for sure.
“That’s right.” His lips twitch.
“How do you feel? Any plans for today?”
“Oh, no!” I throw the covers off and jump out of the bed.
I told Shirleen I’d be gone before checkout, and I really, really want to have time for a hot shower before I go.
“Oh, God. Um?—”
I’m so consumed with gathering my meager belongings that I don’t notice Atlas’s approach until he’s right behind me, so close I can feel the heat of his body.
By then it’s too late—my entire body is as taut as a bowstring.
I want to move, to ask him to move, but I can’t.
My brain and body can’t seem to get on the same wavelength, and the unfortunate result is me turning into a human statue, which leaves me far too vulnerable for my liking.
“Nora?” The sound of my name on his lips is so full of hurt it takes my breath away.
“I need you to breathe, Pip. In through your nose.”
He inhales deeply, and as if on autopilot, I draw air into my lungs, too.
“Now hold it.” He speaks the words softly in my ear.
“And now let it out slowly.”
An unfamiliar and unexplainable sense of peace falls over me as we exhale together.
Like some part of me knows he means me no harm.
Or maybe it’s just finally having someone in my corner after being on my own for so long.
“You better?” He takes a few steps back from me, giving me some much-needed space.
“Yes.” I clutch my hands in front of me as I turn to face him.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
He lowers himself to sit on the foot of the bed.
“Talk to me, tell me what’s going through that pretty head of yours.”
I part my lips to answer him, but no words come out.
My brain is stuck on a merry-go-round, spinning over his words at breakneck speeds.
Logically, I know he’s not calling me pretty, because come on, I’ve seen me—right now I look like someone’s punching bag.
An underfed one, at that.
But it’s the closest I’ve ever come to anyone other than my parents calling me anything near pretty.
So, while my brain knows it wasn’t really a compliment, my stupid heart didn’t get the memo.
The silence stretches between us, but Atlas never once pushes.
He just sits and waits, everything about him the picture of patience.
“I have to check out today. Before eleven. And I’m not sure what to do or where I’m going. I think maybe to the bus station?—”
“No!” Atlas is up and off the bed and in my space.
Instinctually, I drop to the floor, covering my head with my hands as I brace for impact.
“No.” His voice is this strange mixture of honey and broken glass, almost like my reaction pains him but he’s trying not to show it.
“I’m—God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I swallow roughly and push myself into an upright position, so I’m sitting with my back against the dresser.
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not.” He looks so crushed, sitting there on the floor with his head in his hands, that I can’t help but feel bad for him.
“No, really, it is. It’s not your fault I’m scared of my own shadow.” It sounds insincere, but I mean it; it’s not his fault.
Just his dad’s, my subconscious bitterly supplies.
Atlas hangs his head even lower.
“No, it’s my dad’s.”
His words give voice to my unkind thoughts.
My dad always believed people should stand on their own merit, and that we shouldn’t hold the faults of their loved ones against them.
I’m trying to do that with Atlas, to give him the benefit of the doubt and not second-guess his words and motives.
It’s already hard for me to let people in, but doubly so with him.
I’m not sure why, but something inside of me feels like if I let my walls down for him and he double-crosses me, I would break clean in two.
And I can’t let that happen.
I can’t survive Rand’s abuse only to let his son take me out.
Walls up, Nora. Walls up.
“He’s not a good man.”
“No,” Atlas agrees, “he’s not.”
We both sit here on the floor, staring at one another, locked into some kind of silent standoff, until Atlas speaks.
“Please don’t go.”
Butterflies take flight inside of me, frantically flapping their wings until I’m dizzy with conflicting desires.
But ultimately, it boils down to what I need, because until I’m free of Rand, my wants don’t really matter.
“I don’t have anywhere to go.” My admission causes my cheeks to burn with embarrassment.
“I can’t afford to keep staying here and?—”
“Stay with me,” he says, his eagerness barely restrained.
“And Ellis. Stay with us.”
Those butterflies all drop as worry settles low into my belly.
I couldn’t possibly stay with them, could I?
On the other hand, where would I be safer than with a police officer?
And I doubt Rand would ever think to look for me there.
“You’d have your own room,” he adds.
“And we have an alarm system and cameras. You’d be safe.”
Those three words, they’re my kryptonite, and judging from the small smile curling his lips, he knows it, too.
“Just until I figure something out.” I know I need to get a job to earn some money.
Maybe Atlas can help me figure out some kind of online work while I’m staying with him.
“As long as you need, Pip.”
Please don’t let me regret this…