Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
ATLAS
W atching Nora come back down from the high of her orgasm is fascinating.
It’s almost like I’m seeing her for the first time, all doe-eyed and breathless, with a look of total ecstasy painting her features.
I fucking love it—I love seeing her like this.
“You okay, Pip?” I ask, stroking my fingers up and down her spine, causing her to shiver.
“Mmhmm.” She nods as she moves herself to an upright position, causing my half-hard dick to twitch inside of her.
“Tired.” She reaches between her thighs, experimentally touching where we’re joined.
“Sticky.”
“Yeah.” I chuckle.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I attempt to disentangle myself from her to stand, but her soft whimper stops me in my tracks.
“Sorry,” she says, blushing so pretty.
“It’s dumb, but I… I don’t want to let you go.”
I grin up at her, not wanting to let her go either.
“You’re in luck then, because you don't have to. I’m yours forever.” I press a quick kiss on her forehead. “Now, wrap your arms around my neck.”
She does, and I jackknife myself into a seated position, sliding my arms beneath her legs so that I can stand, cradling her to my chest.
It’s wild to me how small she is, even in her second trimester, but I know she’s eating well and that the baby’s fine. They’re both healthy and safe, and really, that’s all anyone can ask for.
I carry her into the bathroom and set her down on the mat outside of the shower. She wraps her arms around herself and watches me with a soft look in her eyes as I start the shower.
Once the water’s warm I turn back to her, only to find her sort of in a trance-like state, staring off at nothing. She’s so totally still, she reminds me of a statue. If it wasn’t for the shallow rise and fall of her chest, I’d be truly worried.
“Pip.” I skim the back of my knuckles along her freckled cheekbone. “You with me?”
Nora jolts, snapping her wide hazel eyes up to mine. “Yeah. Sorry, I’m, um…”
“Can I hold you?” I ask, hoping like hell she lets me.
She nods and I don’t hesitate, wrapping her in my arms and pulling her close. “I love you, Nora, so much. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” She sniffles and nods. “I love you, too.” I can tell from the sound of her voice that she’s crying, and it absolutely guts me.
“In you go,” I murmur, lifting her into the shower before joining her. I walk her back into the spray, letting her shivering body warm as I squirt some shampoo into the palm of my hand.
“Can you talk to me? Tell me what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?”
“I just…” She shudders and once again wraps her arms around herself. “I didn’t know sex could be like that. Before tonight, it’s always been something I feared. Something used against me, to hurt me. But you…”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. If she says I hurt her, I don’t know what I’ll do. Kick my own ass, for starters.
“You were so soft, and kind, and just perfect.” She blinks up at me, her tears mingling with the water falling from the showerhead. “I was scared, you know? That it would hurt, or that I wouldn’t like it, that I’d disappoint you, I don’t know.”
She shrugs, trying to downplay her emotions, but that doesn’t fly with me.
“Nora, you could never disappoint me.”
“But what if I freaked out or had a flashback or?—”
I tunnel my sudsy fingers into her hair, massaging her scalp. “You survived unspeakable trauma, Pip. Tonight was… amazing, but also a lot, I’m sure. And while you handled everything really well, there may be times you don’t. And when and if that happens, I’ll be there, at your side, doing everything I can to help you through it.”
She tips her head back, rinsing the shampoo from her hair. “I don’t deserve you.”
Her voice is quiet, and yet it echoes like a gunshot. Fitting, since it feels like a bullet’s tearing through the muscle and sinew of my chest.
I grip her chin softly and tilt her gaze back to mine. “That’s bullshit.”
She gasps. “It’s not. You… you deserve someone who isn’t broken?—”
“I mean this as kindly as possible, but fuck what you think I deserve. I want you and I love you and I want to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. If you don’t feel the same, if we’re moving too fast or tonight was too much for you, tell me and I’ll step back. I’m willing to wait, no matter how long it takes. You’re my endgame, Nora. My priority, my forever.”
“What if…” She swallows and then locks her eyes with mine. “What if being with me is to your detriment?”
“Even then. Always. As. Long. As. You’ll. Have. Me. Do you get that? Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you, broken pieces and all. You’re fucking strong. A fighter. The ball is in your court, Nora. It always has been.”
She sucks in a quivering breath, holds it for a beat and then nods. “I’m sorry. I’m such a mess. I… I just…”
“It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. ”
“Promise?” she asks, sucking her lower lip between her teeth.
“Cross my heart.” I free it with my thumb and then lean down to kiss her. It’s soft and short, my way of sealing my promise to her—that no matter what happens, we’ll always be okay in the end. “Now let me finish cleaning you and then we can go to bed.”
“It’s too early to sleep.” But even as she says the words, her eyelids droop.
“Then we can cuddle and put on a movie.”
She nods, pacified, and I get to work running conditioner through her hair, letting it sit while I soap her up with my body wash instead of the fancy stuff I bought for her. There’s something about her smelling like me that just does it for me. Caveman mode: activated.
Once she’s all rinsed, I grab the towel from the hook and wrap it around her before helping her out of the shower.
I speed through getting myself clean and dried off, eager to have her back in my arms. But by the time I get out, she’s already back in the bedroom, dressed in one of my shirts—and only that, judging from the flash of skin I see as she crawls into the bed.
Down boy, I tell myself, because goddamn does she look perfect.
“What do you want to watch?” I ask, tugging on a pair of sweats.
“Anything.” She yawns, snuggling down deeper into her pillow. And then, “Something funny.”
“You got it.” I grab the remote and join her in the bed. She immediately curls into me, resting her head on my chest.
I hit the power button and turn on some mindless comedy flick, but she’s sound asleep before the opening credits play.
Sunlight fills the room, casting a warm, hazy glow over the space as I blink my eyes open.
Nora stirs beside me, groaning softly in her sleep as she nestles her head beneath my chin, clinging to me for dear life.
It’s funny, because before her, I was never much for cuddling. But with her— fuck, I never want to stop.
I bury my nose in her sleep-wild hair and tighten my hold around her waist, content to breathe her in as memories from last night dance behind my eyelids.
For a split second, when sleep gave way to consciousness, I feared it was only a dream. But as I look down at her, I know everything that happened between us last night was real.
We’re real, and she’s truly mine.
She mumbles in her sleep, and I swear to God, it’s the cutest fucking thing. I want this with her every day, forever, for the rest of our lives.
While staying here, wrapped up in the sheets with her all morning, preferably between Nora’s sweet thighs, sounds like my version of fucking heaven, I know both she and the jellybean need some breakfast. Which means I need to drag my ass out of bed so I can take care of her.
Not to mention, she’s probably sore from last night. Which means round two is off the table until she asks for it. Because while I’d love nothing more than to fuck Nora straight through my mattress, her comfort is what matters the most.
Unfortunately, my still-hard dick hasn’t gotten the memo.
I quickly readjust myself, barely suppressing a groan, before tiptoeing out of the bedroom and down the hall.
After starting a pot of coffee, I grab eggs and bacon from the fridge and get to work frying them up on the stove.
“Plates. I need plates.” I turn off the burner and shove the pan off it before turning to the cabinet to grab some down.
But before I can, the front door swings open. “Knock, knock, lovebirds. Hope nobody’s naked.”
“Sure didn’t give us much warning if we were,” I growl, shooting a glare his way. Best friend or not, the thought of him seeing Nora without any clothes makes me want to beat his ass.
He holds his hands up in surrender, but he’s smiling. The jackass baited me, and I let him.
“Mmm, something smells good.”
I whip around to see Nora standing at the end of the hall, still wearing only my shirt.
The urge to rush to her and hide her from his view is strong, but I manage to cross the room at a normal pace, wrapping her in my arms. “Good morning, pretty girl.”
She rubs her cheek against my bare chest as she wraps her arms around my waist. “’Morning.”
“Did you sleep okay? Are you hungry? Sore?”
“One question at a time.” She snickers, wiggling out of my hold. “And yes, I slept great. Missed waking up next to you though.”
Ellis coughs in the kitchen, and we both turn to him. “Sorry, just wondering when the wedding is and if I can be the best man?”
Nora stiffens in my arms, and for the second time in less than five minutes, I glare at my best friend.
“Don’t both agree at once. I guess I can settle for flower girl, but honestly, this is kind of bullshit.” He thumps his chest. “I’m definitely best man material.”
“What?” Nora finally asks, flicking her wide-eyed gaze back and forth between the two of us. “We’re not getting married…”
“The hell we aren’t.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“What?” she asks again, confusion painting her every word. “But…” She blinks and shakes her head. “I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe I’m still asleep, or… I don’t know. But we are not getting married.”
I grunt my disapproval while Ellis laughs under his breath.
“Mark my words, Nora Morgan, one day my ring will be on your finger, you will be my wife, and the dumbass in the kitchen will stand by my side as we exchange vows.” I lean down and press my lips to hers, kissing her softly. “But that’s in the future. Right now, we’re going to go eat the breakfast I made, okay?”
She squints up at me, a semi-dazed look on her face. “I still think I might be dreaming, but yeah, okay.”
Ellis laughs. “Look at me, making dreams come true.”
“More like writing checks your ass can’t cash,” I say, rolling my eyes before turning back to Nora. “Why don’t you go put on something a little warmer while I fix you a plate.”
She glances down between us and gasps, as if only realizing she’s only wearing my shirt. “Oh my God, be right back!”
I watch with a soft grin as she scurries back toward the bedroom, waiting until I hear the door shut before heading into the kitchen to plate up her food.
“Shit, toast,” I mutter to myself.
“On it,” Ellis says, grabbing the bread from the pantry, redeeming himself. He loads the toaster and pushes the lever before turning to me. “So, did you mean it?”
“Mean what?”
He rolls his eyes like I’m dumb and starts humming the wedding march. “About marrying Nora.”
I don’t answer him immediately, instead focusing on Nora’s breakfast, arranging everything on her plate until it’s just so. Once I’m satisfied, I turn my attention back to Ellis.
“Dead serious.” I grab three forks from the drawer, since this apparently is a family breakfast now. “I know it’s soon, but she’s it for me. Full stop, for-fucking-ever.”
The corners of his mouth kick up into a grin. “You don’t have to convince me, man. It’s obvious to everyone who sees y’all together. Just wanted to make sure you knew.” He nudges my shoulder with his. “You’ve been known to be a bit dense from time to time.”
“Shut up.”
He nudges me again. “You love me. C’mon, just admit it. You’ll feel better if you do.”
“Whatever.” I try to keep a straight face, but a smile breaks free. “Fucker.”
Ellis whoops victoriously. “Hopefully you’re better at talking about your feelings with Nora than you are with me.”
“Oh, he is,” she says, laughing as she climbs up onto a barstool. “Very emotionally aware, that one.”
“You want jelly?” I ask, pointedly ignoring them both as I slide her plate across the bar.
She scrunches her nose and then nods. “Yes, please.”
Ellis grabs it before I can, passing it directly to her with a small frown.
“Got something against strawberry jelly?” she asks.
He shrugs. “Prefer blackberry, but I’ll survive.”
Nora laughs, and I swear to God, the sound lights me up from the inside out. “How brave of you.”
“Not to change the subject or anything,” I say around a bite of eggs, cutting my eyes from Ellis to Nora, “but have you had a chance to look into that thing we talked about?”
Ellis sighs and then shakes his head. “Been meaning to, but work has me going nonstop. I’ll make some time this weekend.”
“I’d appreciate it. The more I think about it, the more off shit feels and I… I don’t like it.”
“Wanna know what I don’t like?” Nora says, her tone frosty as she pushes her mostly empty plate away.
“What’s that?” I tug at my collar, feeling like I’m about to be scolded.
“I don’t like when people have conversations in front of me, that are most likely about me, but don’t include me.”
“Pip,” I start, trying to figure this out. Because technically, she’s right. We are talking about something that concerns her. And she does deserve to be in the loop. It’s just… the thought of potentially upsetting her damn near kills me.
“Y’all either need to speak privately or speak freely.” She shrugs and then wraps her arms around herself, making me feel lower than low.
I look to Ellis for assistance, but he’s firmly on Team-Keep-Nora-In-The-Loop and has been from the start.
“Atlas.” Something about the way she whispers my name tugs on my heart. They’re both right—she’s been in the dark for so long, she sure as shit doesn’t deserve for me to try to keep her there, even if it is out of some misplaced sense of protection.
“Ellis is looking into our mothers’ death certificates.”
She props her elbow on the bar, resting her cheek against her palm as she looks at me. “You said they were similar, right?”
“Identical is more like it,” Ellis says, his voice gruff. “I’m honestly not sure how it didn’t raise any red flags with the ME.”
Nora lifts her head, her gaze snapping toward Ellis. “How are you looking into it? Like, what does that mean?”
Ellis and I exchange looks, each of us wanting the other to explain. But he’s out of luck—this part falls on him.
“I’m… looking into it…” He trails off, carefully choosing his words. I know he doesn’t want to lie to her, but seeing as what he’s doing isn’t fully legal, he doesn’t want to implicate her either. “In an unofficial capacity.”
Nora draws her bottom lip between her teeth as she contemplates Ellis’s confession.
There’s a pit in my stomach as I wait for her reply. The thought of upsetting her—especially after our night together—has me waiting on pins and needles.
I’m sure that makes me sound weak, but I don’t really give a fuck either, because I am weak when it comes to the little spitfire sitting on the stool next to me.
She is hands down the best thing to ever happen to me. She stumbled into my life in the strangest fucking way and now I can’t bear to imagine a single day without her by my side.
So yeah, she’s my weak spot, but only because she’s carved a permanent place for herself right in the middle of my still-beating heart.
“Okay,” she finally says, nodding once. “Just promise me one thing.”
“Anything,” Ellis says without a lick of hesitation. “Just name it.”
“Be safe.”
Ellis exhales slowly as a smile unfurls until it takes up his entire face. “I didn’t realize you cared so much.”
“Of course, I do, you big idiot,” Nora huffs and rolls her eyes at him. “Just because you’re built like a bear masquerading as a linebacker doesn’t mean you’re invincible.”
Ellis puffs up his chest. “You hear that, man? Your girl thinks I’m stacked.” He flexes, causing his bicep to swell.
Nora’s cheeks bloom the prettiest shade of pink as she turns toward me. “I, you’re?—”
I lean in and silence her with a kiss. “I don’t need you to pander to my ego, Pip. I’m completely secure in how you feel about me.”
She breathes out a sigh of relief. “Good, because I love you more than I could possibly ever put into words.”
I peck her lips again. “Love you, too, pretty girl. So damn much.”
“What are you two lovebirds doing today?” Ellis asks, his eyes volleying back and forth between Nora and me.
She licks her lips and looks at me.
“I was thinking we could work on the nursery.” I clear my throat. “You know, if you want to.”
“Really?” She bounces on her barstool and then launches herself at me. “Thank you, Atlas.”
“Don’t thank me for providing for our son, Pip. It’s my honor and one day, if I’m lucky, we’ll have a whole house of ‘em.”
“You want more than one kid?” she asks in this soft, breathless voice I’m not sure I’ve ever heard her use before.
“Nora.” I cup her cheeks with both hands. “I want any and everything you’ll give me. Be it one kid or ten, as long as it’s with you, I’m golden.”
She bites her lips and sighs happily, all but melting into me.
“Why don’t you go relax for a bit while Ellis and I clean up and then we can head out?”
“Sounds good.” She slides down from my lap, tossing a cheeky finger wave Ellis’s way before retreating back to our room.
“Sunk, my man,” Ellis murmurs, once we hear the door close. “You are so fucking sunk.”
I tip my chin and nod. “One-hundred and ten percent.”
He grins. “I’m not saying I called it or anything, but I totally did.”
“Yeah.” I exhale a laugh. “I guess you did.”
DIARY ENTRY, PRESENT DAY
Dear Diary,
If I didn’t already know Atlas is the best kind of man, last night would have cemented it. He’s every single thing I’ve ever wanted and more.
I’m pretty sure he checks every box on the list I made so many years ago, and even better is I know for certain my dad would have loved him. Atlas is the epitome of the kind of man any father would want for his daughter.
But back to last night… I got a little off track there. The date he planned was nothing short of perfect. From the picnic to the s’mores to the sex. It was all so amazing.
But it’s the sex that really threw me. Being with him was… wow. I honestly didn’t know it could be like that, that it could feel like that.
For so long, I equated sex with pain and punishment. There was no pleasure, just misery and suffering, self-loathing and regret.
But with Atlas…
With Atlas, not only did my body light up with pleasure, but my heart did, too. He made sure, every single step of the way, that I knew that I was safe and loved and cherished—and completely in control.
It’s a surreal feeling—not being afraid of intimacy. But in a good way… in an I can’t wait to do it again way. Assuming I can convince Atlas. I know he’s worried about me being sore and taking things too fast.
God, I love that man and his heart of gold… he’s so, so good to me.
But now that I’ve had a taste of what it’s really like, with him anyway, I can’t help but want more.
He wants to work on the nursery today, and I’m as excited as I am nervous. Well, maybe nervous isn’t the right word. But with every step we take to prepare for our jellybean’s arrival, my impending motherhood feels even more real.
I guess we need to figure out a name for him, but I’ll let that be a problem for another day.
I’ll update you again soon.
Smitten (and maybe a little sore), Nora