Chapter 5
HARPER
Iwake up the next morning to the sounds of Emma banging around the kitchen, making a ruckus the way she does every morning. To say that Emma is not a morning person would be an understatement.
I lay there in bed for a moment listening to her make coffee and mumble to herself, the noises familiar. Despite the exorbitant rent, the walls in this apartment are paper thin and I’ve heard her make the same noises in the kitchen every morning since we moved in a year ago.
I stretch against my pillows, feeling slightly sore, my head throbbing. It’s a bit strange that I’m feeling the effects of a hangover this morning when I hardly drank last night.
A sudden flash of Nate directing me to limit myself to two drinks goes through my mind, and just like that the entire night comes rushing back to me, bringing the heat of a blush to my cheeks with the memories.
I went to Club Wyld last night. Images flash through my mind, all of the depraved and dark things that I saw. But I didn’t just see those things. I participated.
I can still feel the warmth of Nate’s body as he wrapped his arms around me during the scene in the mirrored room, the strength of his forearm firm around my middle, his fingers reaching below the waistband of my panties.
Oh my God. I can't believe I actually did that. There’s a hazy quality to my memories, almost enough for me to believe that I imagined it, dreamed it all up in my head.
But I can still hear the rasp of his voice as he leaned in close to my ear and gave me orders, the goosebumps that rose on my skin with his nearness.
I may have a good imagination, but there is no way I imagined that.
My head throbs again and I wonder if it’s possible to have a hangover purely from sensation overload. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me. My body’s response to everything that happened last night had been over-the-top.
Regardless, I know I need to get some caffeine in me, and a few Tylenol wouldn't hurt either.
I roll out of bed and reach for my old dressing gown, wrapping it around me.
I take comfort in the soft warmth of the flannel, the familiar feel of it helping to ground me, reminding me of who I am and where I am and dragging my mind away from the surreal images of the night before.
I leave my bedroom and head to the kitchen, nothing on my mind except the promise of coffee.
“Well look who’s finally awake,” Emma says, shooting me a devilish smirk. “I was about to go bang pots and pans together at your door.”
“It's no wonder I’m awake with all the noise you've been making in here.”
Emma looks at me expectantly across the kitchen. “So?” she finally says. “Are you going to tell me?”
I turn my back to her as I reach for a mug and head to the coffeemaker. “Tell you what?”
Of course I know what she's talking about, I’m just not exactly sure how much I want to tell her.
“Are you kidding me right now?” she cries. As I turn to the fridge to grab half and half, I see her throw her hands up in the air. “Harper, what happened last night? I stayed up until well after midnight waiting for you. When did you get home? What happened at the club? Was it amazing?”
I hold up a hand, shaking my head. “Em. Can you chill out a little bit? I just woke up.” I collapse into one of the chairs at the table and Emma joins me, sitting on the other side.
“Sorry,” she says, her voice a shade calmer. “I’ve just been dying for you to tell me everything. You've been waiting for this for so long. How was it?”
“It was… Interesting.”
“Interesting? Oh no, girl. You're going to give me more than that.”
I smile in spite of myself. “I’m just… I’m still trying to process it. The whole night was kinda surreal.”
Emma’s eyebrows arch high on her forehead. "Surreal in what way? Did you talk to anyone? Did you see a whole bunch of kinky fun going on?”
“That's the understatement of the year.”
Her face lights up with excitement. “What did you see?”
I take a shaky breath. “Em, you seriously wouldn't believe it. You walk into the front room and it just seems like this really swanky, old world kind of club, you know? Like, all this dark wood and velvet chairs and heavy draperies. And the people! You would not believe these people.”
She grins again, eyes dancing. “Let me guess, lots of leather and assless chaps?”
I giggle. “Honestly, I think I would have been less surprised if there had been.
But no one in there looked like they were at a sex club.
I think that's what made it feel so surreal. It was all these glamorous, sophisticated people, obviously totally rich, dressed to the nines. Everyone is just drinking their fancy drinks and having these normal conversations.”
Emma’s face falls. “It wasn't kinky at all? Jesus, what's the point?”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “That was just the front room.”
“Oh,” she says, glee clear on her face. “Now we’re getting to it.”
I tell her about that steel door to the back rooms, conveniently leaving out the fact that I walked through said door with Nate.
“So, the first room,” I tell her, leaning forward a little, almost afraid to say the words out loud.
“The host told me it was the best place to start, that it would be more like a primer.” Okay, I’m kind of lying now.
The host who showed me into the club had mentioned that I should start in the first room in the back hallway should I decide to go past the steel door.
But it was Nate who referred to it as a primer. I think about how it had felt, walking into that room with him and swallow, wondering if my cheeks are getting red as heat comes to my face. “There was this couple, actually there were three of them—”
“Holy shit,” Emma says, leaning closer across the table. “A threesome? Right off the bat?”
“Seriously, Em. This room was insane. And it was supposed to be beginner stuff!”
“So, the threesome… they were… what? Doing it? Right there in front of everyone?”
I nod, sure that my eyes are every bit as wide as my friend’s. “Right there, in the middle of the room. And that wasn't even the craziest thing I saw.”
“Holy shit,” she says again, leaning back in her chair now. “I can't believe you stayed!”
I stare at her across the table, crossing my arms as a wave of defensiveness rises up in me. “Excuse me, aren’t you the one that was telling me how bad-ass and brave I am? That I can handle anything?”
“Yeah,” Emma says easily. “But that was just bullshit to get you into the club”
I laugh at her bluntness. “Honestly, Em, I can't believe I stayed either.”
She waggles her eyebrows meaningfully. “And what about… the other stuff?”
“Other stuff?” Of course, I know what she’s talking about. Why did I ever tell her about those damn fantasies? I remind myself to never drink tequila with her again.
“Yeah, the other stuff. The whips and chains stuff.” My best friend is nothing if not forthright. I’ve always wished that I could be more like her, less meek and shy and awkward about everything.
Then I think again about what I did last night, what I allowed Nate to do last night. Suddenly I don’t feel so shy and meek anymore.
I sit up a little straighter. “Oh, there was plenty of that.”
“And?” she presses. “Did you… you know? Like it?”
I bite my lip, thinking about that. “It was… interesting. It was a lot to think about.”
“Interesting? You witnessed a bunch of BDSM craziness and all you can say is that it was interesting?”
“It was a lot, Em. Like I said, I’m still processing.”
She watches me carefully for a long moment, and I wonder what she can read on my face. Emma knows me better than anyone else in the entire world. Will she be able to tell, just by looking at me, how much I changed in the few short hours since I saw her last?
“So, if I can get more passes do you want to go back?”
I think about how Nate had assured me he’d be getting me in without a pass, and can’t help the blush rising. “I think I do.”
She grins. “Well, next time, I’m definitely going with you. I could use some interesting in my life.”
Finished with my coffee, I stand from the table and Emma’s face falls. “You're not leaving already? I need more details, girl!”
“I’m meeting my brother for brunch,” I remind her, a trickle of dread running through me.
She makes a face. “I’m sure that's exactly what you want to do the morning after your sexual awakening.”
I groan. “Tell me about it.”
“You want me to come with you?” Emma knows better than anyone how hard it is for me, sometimes, to spend time with my brother. Under most circumstances, I would have taken her up on the offer, but she’s still sick, and I can’t ask her to leave the house in her condition just because I’m a baby.
“No, that's okay. Stay here and get some rest. You still look like shit.”
She doesn’t argue with me. “I feel like shit, honestly. I slept most of the day yesterday and I’m still beat.”
I squeeze her shoulder as I pass on my way to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. “I’ll bring back some of those lemon-mascarpone pancakes you like,” I tell her.
“And this is why I love you.”
Just as I move my hand from her shoulder, Emma reaches out and clutches my wrist. “Hey.” She looks up at me, her voice gentler than it’s been all morning. “I’m proud of you, Harper.”
I make a scoffing noise. “Proud that I finally got my freak on?”
I expect her to laugh, but instead she remains straight-faced, her expression serious and intense. “No, really. You went outside of your comfort zone and I know what a big deal that is for you.”
I feel a strange lump in my throat. The thing is, I do have a hard time going outside of my comfort zone.
And my inability and unwillingness to take chances has led to a lot of missed opportunities in my life.
Plenty of disappointments. I can’t help but hope that my out-of-character behavior last night might lead to some more bravery elsewhere in my life.
“Thanks,” I tell her, squeezing her hand.