Chapter 10 Nate
NATE
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so completely out of control.
Walking into the club and seeing Harper there—after I expressly told her not to come back—would have been bad enough.
But to see Aden Roth sitting so close to her, to see his hands on her, that had sent me into a fog of rage so strong it was dizzying.
And then his lips touched her skin and I thought, for the first time in my life, that I might actually be capable of killing a man.
When she told me I had no right to tell her what to do, the logical part of me knew that she had a point. But fuck logic. All I give a damn about is the fact that someone else was talking to her, someone else was touching her.
And knowing Roth, it wouldn’t just be casual flirting. He wanted to take her behind the steel door. And I doubt he would stop with a tour. That isn’t his style. He wants her, I could see it in his eyes, in the authoritative set of his body language.
And I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand by and let that happen.
“He’s dangerous, Harper,” I tell her, needing her to see reason. It’s not an idle accusation—Roth has just come off a suspension from the club for threatening his former submissive. The bastard is on his last chance at Wyld, and I for one won’t be at all sorry to see his ass kicked out.
Her eyebrows go up. “And you’re not dangerous?”
I scowl at her. “It’s not the same.”
“Why not?”
God damn it. If she was mine, I could put an end to this. She certainly wouldn’t be sitting here arguing with me. I wouldn’t allow it.
And as my brain, unbidden, starts to explore all the ways I would make her mind me, my body responds. Fuck. This night is not turning out the way I intended.
Except that’s mostly a lie. Though I had told Philip that I was coming tonight to watch his scene later with Cherise, the truth is, at least part of me had wanted to be here on the off chance that she disobeyed me and showed up.
And there was a part of me that hoped she would do just that.
“Look, Nate,” she says, her voice softer now, less confrontational. Almost sad. “I understand why you think this kind of relationship can’t work between us. Believe me, my academic career is just as important to me as yours is to you, and I have no desire to compromise my success.”
Her eyes meet mine, pleading and wide, and damn it, they’re so beautiful. She’s so beautiful. “But you can’t expect me to just stay home and forget this world exists.”
Her attention goes down to her hands, twisting on the table, and I know she’s feeling shy, the realization sending a protective surge through me. “You showed me things that night. Things about myself. And I don’t want to ignore them. I…I don’t think I can.”
“Not with Aden Roth,” I say, my voice a ragged whisper. “Please, Harper.”
God, I’m actually begging. Me. Begging a woman.
Her eyes flash. “And what about you? You’re allowed to come here whenever you want and do whatever you want with any other woman—”
“That is not why I’m here,” I snap, feeling strangely hurt by the accusation. “You think I’m looking for another sub?”
She shrugs, looking lost. “If not tonight, I’m sure you will be soon. You’re going to move on, Nate. All I’m asking for is the chance to do the same.”
I close my eyes. I can’t even begin to imagine moving on. Still, everything else she said is right—it is unfair of me to ask her to stay away from this life. But the idea of watching her with that slime ball Roth… “Not him,” I say again, more firmly this time.
She straightens up. “Are you telling me there’s someone here you’d rather I learn from? Because that’s all I’m looking for.”
Philllip, I think. Philip would be the only one I would trust to help her through this transition, to train her properly, to keep her safe and to make sure she learns how to stay that way.
I should send her to Philip. He’s an excellent dom, an excellent teacher, the one I would send anyone else to.
I have sent others to him, several times over the years.
But the thought of sending Harper…the thought of his hands on her, the sting of his paddle on her skin…I clench my fists under the table. It’s unbearable.
“Come home with me.”
Her gaze snaps up to my face. “What?”
I meet her eyes, determined. Fuck the warning voices in my head.
Fuck the consequences. Everything she said is true.
I can’t expect her to just ignore this part of herself and I certainly can’t leave her to fend for herself in this new world.
She’ll end up in danger, connected to some asshole who doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of a sub.
Someone like Roth. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let that happen.
Besides, what I said to her is true as well, that day at lunch with her brother.
Learning how to compartmentalize is essential to this lifestyle.
And at this point in my life, I can safely say I’m an expert at compartmentalizing.
Why can’t I do the same thing with Harper?
Have her the way I want in this environment, and continue to treat her professionally at work.
It shouldn’t be a problem
And all of that is bullshit, I tell myself. The simple fact is, I just don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s stupid, maybe it’s the last thing in the world I should be doing, but I don’t care. I want this woman, want her like I haven’t wanted anyone in years. Maybe ever.
I’m tired of trying to be good. I’m tired of staying away. It’s really that simple.
“Come home with me,” I say again, hearing the plea in my own voice.
She’s staring back at me, eyes wide and bewildered. “Why?”
I lean in closer to her, finally giving into the urge to reach out and touch her shoulder.
God, I’ve wanted to touch her every time I’ve seen her since that night.
And her skin feels exactly as I remembered, smooth and delicate and so fucking soft.
“Because it’s too much, being here with you, in this building.
It makes me want…I want too much, Harper. ”
She releases a long breath, her eyes fixed on my lips now. “And what will happen if I go home with you?”
“I don’t know. I just know…I can’t be with you here, Harper. It’s too distracting. All I can think about is what we did in that back room and how much I want to murder that asshole for putting his hands on you.”
Jesus, I sound desperate. Her eyes widen in surprise and she clears her throat. “I came here with Emma. I can’t just leave.”
I glance back towards the bar, breathing out a sigh of relief when I see that Roth is no longer there.
Philip is standing next to a red-headed woman who looks to be about Harper’s age—Emma, I assume.
My friend has a charming smile on his face as he talks.
Unsurprisingly, she looks plenty charmed.
Philip tends to have that effect on women—when he wants to.
“Philip will make sure that she gets home safely.”
Her eyebrows go up. “And I’m just supposed to trust this acquaintance of yours—who I’ve never even met—to get my best friend home because you say so?”
I have to clench my hands in my lap to keep from reaching out to take her over my knee. Her sass both makes me want to spank her and makes me hard at the same time. It’s incredibly distracting.
“You say you trust me,” I tell her, trying to put some authority into my voice. I’ve been pleading and desperate long enough. It’s getting pathetic. “That should be enough.”
She watches me for a long moment, studying my face. Finally, her shoulders slump a little and I breathe out in relief. She’s decided. “Let me just go and tell her—”
I grab her hand, beginning to pull her from the booth. “Philip will explain.”
To my surprise, and great annoyance, she pulls her hand back. “I’ll explain.”
I level her with a glare. “Harper we’re leaving. Now.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Excuse me. You’ve made it perfectly clear that you are not my dom. And I’m pretty sure that means I don’t have to do what you tell me.”
God, she’s gorgeous. Even when she’s defying me. Her brown eyes flash at me, her chest rising and falling rapidly with her anger, her golden hair shining under the dim lights. My naughty little angel. How had I ever thought I could stay away from her?
I grab her by the elbow, leaning in close. “Keep pushing me, angel. See what happens when you test my limits.”
Her breathing goes a little unsteady, but she stands her ground. “I’ll be right back.” And before I can argue she’s turned on her heel, heading towards the bar.
I watch as she huddles with Emma. Harper’s friend, though beautiful, couldn’t be more different.
Emma is taller and curvier, her red hair bold, flashy.
Even her clothes stand out, a skin-tight, throwback style pin-up dress that screams sex appeal.
There’s something in the way she carries herself that speaks of vivaciousness, confidence.
I get the feeling that Emma is here for the thrill of it, not because of any deep or hidden yearning.
As she casts me a worried glance, I amend my assumption—maybe she’s just here to support her friend.
Philip comes to my side. “Everything okay?”
“I’m taking Harper home. I trust you’ll see to her friend?”
He nods. “Of course. You want me to show her around first?”
I think about that, not entirely sure I want Harper’s best friend to see what happens behind that steel door. God knows what she’ll think of me then. She strikes me as someone who looks out for her friend, and I don’t want her warning Harper off of me.
“I’d rather you stay out here. Let her watch one of the performances on the main stage. That ought to be enough to satisfy her curiosity.”
“And if she asks to go behind the door?”
I rub a hand over my face. “Only if she asks you. And keep it to the tame stuff.” I watch as Emma hugs Harper, the red-head shooting another worried glance my way over her roommate’s shoulder. “Really tame stuff.”
“Understood.”
Harper and Emma’s conversation seems to be wrapping up now and it’s a good thing. I’m feeling antsy, anxious to get out of here. I’m about ready to go over there and throw Harper over my shoulder, which I’m pretty damn sure wouldn’t help me to gain Emma’s trust.
Philip clears his throat and I tear my eyes away from Harper to glance at him. He’s watching me, concern on his face. “What?” I snap.
He doesn’t blink at my tone. “You seem awfully worked up about this girl, Nate.”
“And that’s a problem?”
He holds up his hands. “I’m not saying it’s a problem to be worked up. But you and I both know there’s a lot riding on this for you. I don’t want to see you get in too deep.” His tone softens. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. Not again.”
Not again. He’s referring to Renee, of course, and the reference shoots a little dart of pain into me. The emotion is tinged with dread, and I try to push it down. I don’t want to think about that right now. This is nothing like Renee. I won’t let it be.
“I’ve got it covered.”
That’s a lie and we both know it. I don’t have this shit covered, not at all. There’s something about Harper that has me careening off balance, losing control. She’s dangerous for me.
And I sure as hell am not safe for her.
I take a deep breath trying to calm the emotion coursing through me. Across the room Harper is finally leaving Emma’s side. You can do this, I tell myself sternly. I can regain my control. Control is what I do best. And I have a hell of a lot of practice.
If I can just get her out of here, get her somewhere where I can think straight, then I’ll be okay.
Philip sighs. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I keep my eyes on Harper. She’s walking towards me now, her expression growing more nervous with each step. She meets my gaze and a flush comes to her cheeks when she catches me staring.
Her fingers don’t look very steady as she reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and a rush of emotion crashes through me. Protectiveness. Desire. Something that feels very much like desperation.
“I have no fucking idea what I’m doing,” I breathe out.
But I know that’s not going to stop me.