Chapter 55
The rain hammered harder, soaking me to the bone. Mud clung to my boots and seeped into my socks, the cold biting at my skin. Every step in the hay maze felt like wading through quicksand, yet I didn’t care. All that mattered was her.
Xanthy.
My tether.
My wife.
My prey.
The only thing that had kept me tethered to humanity after Carrington was gone, and now the only thing I could lose myself to.
Her laughter from earlier, soft, oblivious, sounded in my mind, twisted by the storm. The maze split ahead, rows of soaked corn rising like walls in some labyrinthine tomb. Cheap lanterns flickered along the paths, throwing shadows that danced like phantoms across the corn.
I lunged first, grabbing her arm in a bruising grip, my body vibrating. The rain spattered against my face, and her pulse rattled against my chest.
“Shiloh…what—” Her voice trembled, confusion and fear blending with desire as I ripped her dress from her body and slammed her onto the ground.
“Shhh,” I rasped, pressing her against the earth. My hands shook, trembling violently as I yanked my jeans down. “No words. Not tonight, my wife. Just feel me. All of me.”
Her wet hair was a tangled mess, mud coating her, rain streaming into her eyes, and I could feel the pulse of her fear vibrating through her body.
“No. Stop, Shiloh. This isn’t funny. I’m not in the mood, and you’re hurting me…”
I pressed closer. “You don’t get a choice tonight, Baby.”
She jerked, pulling away slightly as I got my pants down around my ankles, my hardened cock waiting at her soaked entrance.
This was the norm for us now.
She didn’t really want me to stop.
But she would tonight.
“Shiloh…I don’t…I don’t understand—”
“You will,” I growled, my voice cracking. I sounded like…him. And my moans of pleasure from her pain increased when I thrust inside her cunt. “I’ve waited…I’ve waited a year to feel this alive again.”
I could hear the storm hammering the canvas of the maze, thunder rumbling like distant war drums. Our clothes sank into the mud, pieces of hay tore at our legs, while I wrestled her down harder into the ground.
My heart pounded, my chest tightened, my lungs burned, and fucking waves of adrenaline screamed through every muscle.
Take her. Kill her. Consume her.
I caught her wrist as she tried to pull away.
Her gasp cut through the storm, sharp and loud.
I pressed her down harder with my body, flipping her body onto her stomach and using my knees to pin her legs down.
She cried as I leaned closer, my wet hair sticking to her cheek.
I could smell her. The rain, sweat, and the faint scent of perfume clung to her skin.
Her pulse fluttered violently, her neck in my hands.
“Pineapple! Shiloh. Pineapple!”
Awe. She said our safeword.
Cute.
“I…I can’t stop. Not this time,” I rasped, my voice breaking, the mania flowing into my tone. “I’ve been broken for so long…desperately clinging to you like a lifeline…but you aren’t life. You are dead…you took him away from me…I need this…I need you…I just want it to end.”
Her eyes were wide with fear and confusion as they met mine, and I let her turn. “Shiloh… what are you—what are you saying?”
“I love you,” I shouted over the storm’s rage, tears mixing with the rain, water streaming into my eyes as it fell onto her naked body. “Fucking hell, I love you. But I can’t contain it anymore.”
My eyes reflected in hers, completely black.
“And I don’t want to.”
The maze shifted around us, twisting paths swallowing shadows and sounds.
I pressed her tighter against me, rolling us in the dirt, fallen corn, and grass abrading our skin.
Her chest heaved under mine, her wet hair stuck to my chest as I held her on top of me, forcing my cock back into her and tearing into her, using the blood to thrust harder and deeper.
Just like him.
My hands slid along her sides, gripping her tight while she bucked and screamed for help.
Desperation and grief laced with desire twisted into a single, burning pulse inside of me as I kept going.
“I’ve been so lost. I wanted to be him for you, ya know. I tried to be your perfect husband…But I can’t hold it back anymore…I need him. I need to give in.”
I couldn’t breathe, my strength was used to keep her down, my energy was sapped from my limbs, and my come filled her to the brim. I pressed my lips briefly to her neck, trying to catch my breath.
“I have to end this, Alexandra.”
Her body jerked harder, trembling now, and desperately trying to pull away. “Shiloh…I don’t understand…please, stop. You aren’t making sense.”
“I can’t,” I cried, rain slamming against my bare back, wind biting into my skin. “I can’t survive without him…I should have killed you when he gave me the chance.”
The maze shifted again, blurring my vision.
She tried to dart away during my momentary lapse of judgment, but my body moved faster, instinct-driven, adrenaline-fueled.
Every turn she took of the maze, every squeal, every slip of mud under her bare feet…
I followed, relentless, drawn by a hunger I could no longer suppress.
I tackled her hard to the ground, pressing her into the mud to keep her safe, but my body trembled violently, the fight inside warring within me.
Let her go.
Kill her.
This has to end.
She screamed, panicked, her hands slapping at mine. I pressed my forehead to hers, sobbing into her beautiful hair, my voice rasped raw. “I…I’m so sorry…I’ve been lost…I need him, Alexandra. It always was meant to be like this.”
Her eyes searched mine, wide and terrified. “I don’t…I don’t understand…stop this. You are hurting me, Shiloh. Please let me go.”
“I…I love you…you were what I needed. But now I’m free. I’m awake.” My hands slid down her legs briefly, gripping tighter, trembling over her soft skin. “I can’t survive this storm…none of us were meant to.”
Her struggle grew frantic, every movement mimicking her terror. My hands were shaking, but I held firm. My chest heaved as my lungs screamed for air. I had never felt so raw, so exposed, and so utterly undone.
She stood up and tried to run again. I caught her ankle as she lunged away from me, and I felt it—the bone cracking under my hands. Her scream ripped through the air as she collapsed. “Shiloh…no, how could you do this to me?”
“Stop struggling. I don’t need to make it hurt. But I will, ” I warned, my hands pressing into her sides of their own accord. “I…will give you a quick death. I owe you that.”
She didn’t know.
“I used you, Alexandra. I chose you when my heart begged me to pick him.”
The storm hammered overhead, the rain flooded my eyes as I straddled her, water running down my throat and falling into her screaming mouth.
Mud soaked around our bodies, making us sink deep into the earth.
Her pulse was frantic in my grip, her breathing ragged, her terror palpable.
My own heartbeat throbbed in my skull, pounding, echoing through my chest like a message.
Do it.
End her.
End this.
I pressed her neck hard into the ground, my grasp slippery, my thoughts scattered. “I didn’t mean to betray you,” I sobbed uncontrollably to the sky above. “God, I…I tried to love you, but I can’t survive without Carrington…I can’t…I’m broken…I have been in the darkness all along.”
Her hands clawed at my shoulders, her voice sharp with fear. “Shiloh—stop—you’ll kill—me!”
“I…I can’t…forgive me, Xanthy.” I pressed down harder, feeling her body sink deeper in the mud, the rainwater rising to cover her neck and my hands. The droplets poured over my head, masking my tears of absolution.
“I’m…I’ve been lost…I just want to be free…”
She kicked, and my hands slipped slightly, giving her the tiniest of breaths.
The water was rising, the mud encasing her, nearly to her nose now.
She couldn’t open her mouth. The silence of this moment pressed into me.
I shoved her harder into the ground, choking back sobs, gripping her tighter, shaking her body by her neck.
“Please…forgive me…forgive me…I love you…I needed you…” I whispered, my voice raw. My hands pressed against her throat, my fingers tightening, my eyes blinded by tears and rain. “It had to end this way, like he begged me for…it was always this.”
Xanthy’s face sank deeper into the mud, her eyes fluttering under the small puddle pooling at her head.
“I’m sorry, my wife—I’m sorry, I’m no better than him—I’m sorry I used you—I’m sorry I couldn’t be the husband you deserved—I loved you the only way I could.”
Her hands slowly began to loosen around my wrists, and small bubbles rose to the surface, her last soft breath leaving the world along with her soul.
“Goodbye...Alexandra,” I whispered to her softly, letting my tears fall into the puddle on her submerged face.
She was gone.
They both were.
Maybe now I could be free.
But who am I without them?
I got to my feet, walked back, and got into my truck.
“Who the fuck am I?”
My fists slammed into the steering wheel, pounding harder into the frame until I felt the skin break under the abuse. Xanthy’s phone was sitting in the passenger seat, and I screamed as loud as I could to the fucking sky.
“Who am I, Carrington? What have you created? Does your fucking monster have a name?”
Silence.
No fucking answer from anyone.
I was alone.
I kicked the dashboard, and the glove compartment popped open.
My chest constricted with a bitter laugh when I saw the glint of the metal beckoning me.
“Of course.” I grabbed the blade tucked inside.
My own name shone back at me, and Carrington’s blood flashed on its steel surface.
The monster is…me.
There’s no use fighting it, Sunshine…
The words were an echo in my head, making me pocket the knife and leading me, like a ghost, through the cornfield out to the cabin by the beautiful lake that looked like glass under the pouring rain.
It was fitting our story would lead me back to this place. It’s where his kills were buried, and where I buried him. Likely thousands of bodies eternally rested at the end of its depths.
“Am I any different than your other victims, Care Bear?” I muttered, walking into the shallow water.
It felt cold on my bare feet, and I breathed in a sigh of relief, looking at the sky and letting the rain wash over me, ridding me of every single emotion until I felt nothing but a numb clarity.
“This is our fucked-up story. It’s always how this ends, isn’t it?” I continued, wading deeper in the water, letting the weight of the lake pull me further under.
“There is no escaping you...”
My laugh was bitter, and the thunder responded with a rumble that shook me to my core.
“I’ve always been yours, Carrington Harding. Always. Just another fucking body for you to bury under the waves.”
As I got farther and farther into the lake, I could feel his warmth guiding me. The light I always denied that he had.
Now it was all I could see. I sought that warmth, walking until I felt the waterline hit my shoulders.
“You win, Care Bear. I can’t fight anymore, and honestly, I don’t want to. I tried so hard to hold on, but I was never meant to live in the light, was I? Monsters belong in the dark. I belong with you.”
I pulled my knife from my pocket, swallowing hard as I traced my name with my fingertips, the very name that took him away.
Now it will end.
“This is me, Carrington. No masks, no illusions. There is no light or darkness. It’s just me, Shiloh Anderson. Your damning creation is ready to rest with my master.”
The sting of the blade cut deep as I pressed it harder into my skin, watching my blood spill and leak down the long lines I created from my wrists to my forearms.
“I’m ready to stop fighting, baby,” I said, tears streaming down my face as the water around me turned crimson. I forced myself to go deeper into the lake, feeling his essence the deeper I went.
He was here with me, guiding me further.
Time to let go, Sunshine. You’ve always been mine.
I began to sink, finally accepting the darkness inside me, staring at the rain pelting down, and succumbing to him.
“You were right all along,” I said to the sky, feeling my body slowly submerge as the red water darkened. “There’s no use in fighting because…in the end…”
The storm consumed us both.
THE END