Chapter 16 #2
“I was in the drawing room a few minutes ago, and I was told everybody was upstairs resting. You did not frighten me; I was just surprised. Did you have a pleasant ride?”
She tried to smile while she felt her heart beating wildly. He took her hand and invited her to sit on the couch.
“Not particularly pleasant… I mean, it was an ordinary ride. I confess I prefer riding in much smaller company.”
She laughed. “You are not fond of large parties, I have noticed.”
“No, not fond, indeed…”
“I hope Georgiana had a pleasant time.”
“She did.” He hesitated and averted his eyes from her for a moment then looked at her again. “I hope you do not mind; I took the liberty of telling her…about our discussion…”
She blushed but held his gaze. He appeared uncomfortable and worried.
“I do not mind, but pray tell me—what did you tell her?”
“I told her that we talked and that I have your permission to court you…”
“I see…and what did she say?”
He hesitated again, and she noticed he fought to cover a smile.
“She said, ‘Surely you are joking!’”
Elizabeth looked at him in complete puzzlement. She did not expect such a reaction.
“Why would she say that? Why did she believe you were joking?”
“Well, I asked her the same, and she replied, ‘You just began to court her? But I believed you were courting Elizabeth in London! I hope you are telling me that you finally came to an arrangement!’ I confess I never saw my sister so disappointed.”
Elizabeth laughed, her face burning. He still held her hands.
“I am sorry to be the reason for Georgiana’s disappointment.”
“No indeed—she was disappointed with me—and rightfully so. It made me think…”
His countenance changed again, and he tightened the hold on her hand.
“All these hours I thought of what I said earlier today, and I wondered… As the recent past has proved, there are times when I express myself rather ambiguously,” he said, mocking himself.
“So…I shall keep my word not to rush you, but I must ask…was it beyond any doubt that I intend to ask for your hand in marriage? You may take all the time you need to be certain, but…”
He was completely distressed again, his fingers unconsciously caressing hers while his voice, grave and deep, was overwhelmed with emotion. She felt grateful that she was sitting, or else her knees certainly would have betrayed her.
“I confess I had some suspicions about your intention, but as the recent past has proved to us, I am not very perceptive, and I dare not make any assumptions…so—no, your intention was not beyond any doubt…” She hoped he noticed that she was joking.
“I see… Then please let me try to rectify my fault, Miss Bennet.” His serious, preoccupied gaze captured her eyes, and she could see his expression softening with her every word.
He rose from the couch, and she mirrored his move.
Slowly, he lifted their joined hands to his heart and spoke, his emotions hardly bearable.
“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
She instantly recognised the words, but his voice, his expression, his eyes caressing her face, his hands tenderly holding hers, his lips forcing a smile—everything was so new that the meaning of his declaration became utterly, frightfully different.
She said nothing, so he continued.
“I know I have said these words before, but I need to repeat them because only now do I understand them in depth. I did love and admire you in January, but my love was defeated by my selfish desire—the desire to have you—because I was aware that I could have no peace or tranquillity or joy without you. I thought of little else than how I could have you for myself, and it never occurred to me that I might not have my own way. I believed you to be wishing, expecting my addresses. I came to you without a doubt of my reception, and you taught me the hardest and most useful lesson of my life. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”
Her strength had long betrayed her, and she was certain she would not be able to contain her tears any longer.
She wished him to speak more, to wipe away all the painful memories of that day, to confess to him her own fears and self-reproach, but for the moment she could bear no more.
She freed her hand from his tight grip and pressed her fingers against his lips to silence him.
His lips, half opened, brushed warmly against her trembling fingers. He paused.
“Mr Darcy… There are so many things that need to be said between us that a whole day would not suffice. We might be interrupted any moment, so I shall not quarrel with you for the greater share of blame annexed to that day. The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, would be irreproachable; even more, there were other reasons that contributed to our misunderstanding. Perhaps we should delay this discussion for another time. I confess I am still not completely certain of your intention…whether you proposed to me or not…”
The emotion made it difficult for her to speak, and her attempt to dissipate her anxiety with a light tone met with little success. He struggled to continue, but she still held her fingers to his lips, so Elizabeth was the one who spoke further.
“However, there is something that needs to be said this instant. I do feel that the words you just repeated to me were the same yet so different, as I do feel that your…affection for me has changed. I can see it in every glance, every gesture, every word. I could see it long ago when you kindly offered me your trust, though I had so abominably abused you. I could see it in your generous support for my father and—”
He gently captured her hand again to release his lips, which daringly hurried to silence her.
She gasped in surprise, but a moment later, she forgot everything she wished to say.
His hands abandoned hers and wrapped her in a breathtaking embrace; her own hands tentatively slid around his waist in search of his warmth and his tender support.
Her lips shyly tried to learn how to respond to his kiss as her heart beat wildly.
As unexpectedly as it began, Darcy withdrew from her but kept her in his embrace. He gently walked her back to the settee, took her hands again then slowly knelt by her, his face only a few inches from hers, and spoke clearly and simply.
“Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would you do me the honour of marrying me? There is no need to answer me now; you may take all the time you wish—”
“Mr Darcy?” Her voice interrupted him, serious and determined.
“Yes?”
“As Georgiana said earlier—‘surely you are joking, sir’! I thought I already gave you my answer, but it seems you are not very perceptive, either.”
He looked at her in disbelief, wondering whether he understood her correctly, and she laughed nervously and tearfully. She then moved slowly and, as he was still kneeling, allowed a shy kiss of her own to give him the answer he needed.
It was no wonder that, when the library door opened and Miss Darcy appeared, searching for Elizabeth, neither of them noticed her presence.
Embarrassed at her intrusion, Miss Darcy slowly retreated, closed the door behind her and propped herself against the wall, catching her breath.
Then she joyfully ran through the halls as she did as a little girl.
For the first time in her life, she had dared to mock and scold her brother—and with so much success!
It seemed that Fitzwilliam Darcy had already made the proper amends to rectify his error.
He had always been a man of action—no doubt about that.
∞∞∞
Later that day the entire party was gathered in the drawing room, waiting for dinner to be announced.
Still overwhelmed by the events that had changed her life in a heartbeat, Elizabeth had little to say to the others.
Her eyes frequently encountered Darcy’s own, and more than once she saw Mrs Gardiner watching her with great interest. She knew she would have to speak to her aunt soon, but she needed a little more time to become accustomed to her unexpected happiness.
Besides, she and Darcy decided not to make their arrangement public until they returned to Hertfordshire and spoke to Mr Bennet.
It would be only a few days delay, but Mrs Gardiner, who was exceedingly attentive, surely would notice even the smallest change in their behaviour, so it would be difficult to keep the secret.
Earlier, Jane expressed her wish to speak privately, and Elizabeth wondered—briefly—what her sister had to say. It could not be anything grave, as Jane seemed very happy.
Elizabeth noticed Darcy exchanging a few words with Georgiana, and the girl’s happy glance allowed little doubt about their discussion. Elizabeth smiled at them both then turned to Jane, who was just whispering something, ashamed that she neglected her sister.
“Jane dearest, I was wondering… After dinner perhaps we can find a few moments to talk—just the two of us? You must tell me about your ride.”
“Oh, I would love that, Lizzy. I have so much to tell you—”
“About riding?” Elizabeth laughed, and Jane blushed violently while she whispered.
“No, not really. I mean—the ride was very pleasant…”
“You know, I did not expect Miss Bennet to be such a skilful rider,” Lord Matlock intervened.
“I was quite impressed. Beautiful and brave and with the sweetest disposition—I say, Miss Bennet, there must be many young men vying for your affection, and very few of them deserve it. You must be stern and particular in your choice,” the earl added, and Jane became crimson while Mr Bingley blanched.
“Bingley, be so kind as to give me a glass of brandy, would you, son? And perhaps you should consider one for yourself; you look quite distressed,” Lord Matlock concluded while the colonel quickly moved near Darcy, both struggling to keep their countenance.