Chapter 17 #4
“I never dreamed that I could feel so much happiness, Elizabeth. I simply cannot bear to leave you; your presence brings me such joy!” he said as his arm tightened around her.
Her head rested on his shoulder, and she whispered, her lips touching his ear.
“I am still afraid it is just a dream. When we came here a week ago, I had some hopes…but I never imagined my life would change so completely in only a few days. I used to tell Jane that I would only marry for the deepest love…but I never imagined love could feel this way…”
“Elizabeth, will you—? I know I promised to be patient, but we both know I cannot. I beg you to consider… I would be grateful if you would consider a date…for our wedding.”
“I will consider… We shall speak about this tomorrow.”
“Yes, tomorrow… I really should leave now,” he said, placing a quick kiss on her hair.
He attempted to withdraw from her, and she followed him with her eyes then suddenly realised that he would return to his room.
“Please wait… I…”
He looked at her in puzzlement, and she was barely able to breathe from embarrassment. She knew she should tell him the truth, but how could anything so absurd be explained?
“Is something wrong?”
“No… Yes… I…” She fought the intense mortification as she tried to speak. “Earlier, when the rain began, I came to my room to close the windows, and…it was very dark in the hall and… I saw Lady Sinclair enter your apartment…”
Darcy looked at her with complete miscomprehension, his eyes and mouth agape.
“Excuse me? Lady Sinclair? Surely you must be mistaken.”
“No, I am not mistaken. Forgive me, I did not mean to intrude. I saw her enter and—”
“Are you certain? Forgive me for questioning you, but I am surprised. I did not expect—”
“I am certain. I was surprised, too. I could not believe that…” She was highly embarrassed, as though she had done something inappropriate.
He suddenly smiled and took her hand then placed a soft kiss on the back of her palm.
“I am truly sorry for the trouble this situation caused you.”
“It is not your fault.”
“No, it is not, but I am sorry nevertheless. I shall talk to Miles tomorrow; he must know what this is all about.”
He was holding her hand, sitting only a few inches from her as they gazed at each other. They were both uneasy, finding their words with difficulty.
“May I ask you… When I entered Georgiana’s room, you seemed quite unwell…preoccupied with something. Was this the reason?”
“Yes. I was surprised to see you at the door. I believed—”
“Did you believe that I invited Lady Sinclair?” His voice changed, betraying his discomfort, and she answered with obvious uneasiness.
“No, I did not suspect you invited her—quite the opposite. I was certain you would demand she leave the room immediately, and I waited to see her leave. But the minutes passed, and I wondered what happened…so, when I saw you at Georgiana’s door, I was surprised.
Then I understood that you had not been in your room at all, and I assumed she must have left.
I am glad everything ended quietly. I confess I was afraid that a scandal would arise and you would be blamed for it. ”
She seemed distressed by the entire situation, and he kissed her hand to comfort her then suddenly laughed.
“Forgive me, I do not mean to seem ungrateful for your worry; I was just thinking that, even if a scandal should arise, when a woman is found in a man’s room in the middle of the night, the man can hardly be blamed.”
“I suppose you are correct. I cannot help wondering why she would do such a thing. What did she hope to accomplish by entering your room in the middle of the night?”
She could see her question only increased his amusement, and his eyes were equally puzzled and mischievous as he tried to maintain a serious countenance. Her cheeks and neck felt warm from embarrassment, but she daringly held his gaze as she became angry.
“I am not a complete simpleton, sir, nor am I so na?ve! I do know why she came to your room!” His amusement seemed to increase, and his eyebrow rose in surprise at such a statement while her embarrassment grew.
“I am just surprised that you cannot see the gravity of the situation! You may laugh at me, but if anyone should discover…”
He became serious in an instant. “Please forgive me; I do not laugh at you. Forgive me if I upset you more, but I shall not deny that I find this situation amusing because…” He hesitated a moment then continued, trying to search for the proper words.
“I still hope that it is somehow a mistake. I have never done or said anything that might encourage Lady Sinclair to visit my room, so I am not worried about this situation. And I must be completely honest with you; I can see you are jealous, and selfishly I find this pleasing. I know it upsets you more, but it is the truth. What will you think of me now?”
She stared at him in disbelief, still trying to comprehend his words. Did he just admit that he was pleased to witness her distress? What should she say to such a disclosure?
“Forgive me,” he repeated. “I would do anything in my power to protect you from distressing situations. As for this particular incident, I am certain Miles attended the situation properly if needed.”
“It is fortunate that you have such a reliable valet,” she said bluntly.
“It is indeed; Miles and I grew up together. He is only three years my senior. His father served my father with great loyalty. I trust Miles’s intelligence and his common sense as much as his discretion. He is skilful at solving such awkward problems.”
His voice sounded light and gentle, and she understood he wanted to put her mind at ease, but his words had the opposite effect.
“I see…and does he… Have there been many similarly awkward problems for Miles to solve?” She averted her eyes as she spoke, and when she dared to meet his eyes again, she encountered his incredulous stare.
“Miss Bennet, surely you have not asked what I believe you are asking.”
“I apologise. I know it is not my right to speak of such things. I believe we have taken this conversation on a forbidden path. We should sleep; it is very late.” Her voice trembled as she became aware and ashamed of the scandalous situation in which she placed herself.
He surely must be appalled by the lack of decorum in her manners.
She expected him to leave, but he did not. Instead, he gently caressed her chin and made her raise her eyes to him while his right hand took hers.
“Elizabeth, please… I agree this is a most awkward and distressing conversation; I would never imagine discussing such a subject with you—especially so soon after our betrothal—but since we have come to this point, it would be better to clarify what troubles you. So please ask me what you wish to know. Forgive me for my previous amusement; this is not a trifling situation.”
His voice was gentle but serious and comforting; there was no trace of amusement or flirtation in his eyes. She forced a smile.
“There is nothing I wish you to answer; it was only a silly remark, and I am ashamed of my folly. I do not know what is happening to me; I never believed I could behave so unwisely. You are right: I do feel jealous, and you have every reason to laugh at my foolishness.” She felt tears of anger stinging her eyes, and she swiped at them with a childish gesture.
She was making a fool of herself, and she could hardly bear the thought.
“Elizabeth…” His gentle voice only made her more furious with herself, and she refused to meet his eyes.
“Almost from the beginning of our acquaintance, I have felt jealous of every man who was the recipient of your attention; each smile you offered to someone else was a sharp cut inside me. I spent sleepless nights wondering who the man would be to conquer your heart and have the right to kiss your lips and sparkling eyes. I had nightmares that Wickham might deceive you, and…I was overcome by my own foolishness for so many months that I could think of no way to escape.”
With each word, her tears turned into bright twinkles, and joy returned to her eyes. Her fingers entwined with his in their joined hands.
“It seems impossible to decide which of us is the greater fool, Mr Darcy. We are hopeless.”
“So it seems…” he admitted, while slowly leaning towards her as his lips captured hers with gentle determination. Unexpectedly, she broke the kiss a few moments later.
“William, I hope you know you have no reason to be jealous of Mr Wickham or anyone else. My feelings have never been of such a nature with any other man. I have never—”
“I know.” He silenced her with a brief kiss, looking at her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I noticed your…lack of experience when I first kissed you.”
She stared, surprised by his words, then paled. He continued, his fingers caressing a lock of her hair.
“That made me exceedingly happy, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, and it made me even happier to be gifted with your tender passion…and to witness firsthand your extraordinary improvement.” He laughed, and his lips joined hers again.
She quickly broke the kiss. “I am quite surprised by your words, Mr Darcy. I did not expect that my lack of experience would be so easy to recognise. I imagine you need extensive practice for such performances,” she said sharply. He laughed again, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I am also quite surprised by your earlier statement, Miss Bennet. I would not expect that a lady with so little experience could possess extensive knowledge of the reasons a woman might enter a man’s bedchamber in the middle of the night.”
Her face coloured instantly, and she stared at him, open-mouthed, unable to form a reply, attempting to understand whether he wished a serious answer or was only speaking in jest. She was lying against the pillows, and his face was inches from hers.