Chapter 20 #4
“Surely you are mocking me, sir. I have done little but rest my entire life, which is why I have come to such a disastrous situation with my youngest daughter lost—perhaps forever—and my other daughters in despair. You must at least allow me to look unwell and tired. What pains me more is that I do not even have the comfort of knowing Lydia felt anything for Wickham. I believe she was so silly that she would have been fooled by any officer who smiled at her. What I cannot understand is why he would do such a thing? He could not possibly feel much for her, and he must know Lydia has little dowry, if any; he could not possibly intend to actually marry her. And if he intended only a brief distraction, why take the risk of choosing a girl who, as silly as she might be, is not alone in the world? He must imagine I would look for her, and he would be forever compromised in the militia and lose his only source of income. As much I think on it, I cannot understand his reasoning.”
Darcy paced the room for some time, sat on the chair, then rose and paced again.
“It is my fault, Mr Bennet. First, because I refused to expose Wickham’s deceitful nature as I should have done long ago.
And second, because I allowed myself to be overwhelmed by everything that has occurred lately and put aside my caution.
I should have anticipated this. Since he knew I would marry Elizabeth, he would not hesitate harming your family to accomplish his plans. ”
“His plans? What plans are you speaking of, sir?”
“To assure himself of an easy living, of course—and to revenge himself on me. The more I think of it, the more I believe he intends to marry Miss Lydia. In that way, he believes he will be part of my family. However, even if that is his plan, I fear things will not be easily solved.”
“What you say astonishes me, sir. I believed Wickham to be a worthless sort of man, but I never imagined him capable of planning such a scheme.”
“He is capable of anything if it is convenient for him.” The hasty appearance of the colonel interrupted their discussion. Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed equally angry and worried, and before Darcy had the chance to give him more details, he began to curse.
“Robert, growing furious is not very useful. We must think rationally; if they are in Town, as Mr Bennet rightfully suspects, there are few places he could afford to stay. If we are lucky, we shall receive news about their whereabouts shortly.”
“I believe we should speak to my father; he might have valuable information about where Wickham might stay in London. You may trust the earl’s secrecy, Mr Bennet.”
“Please do whatever you think is necessary, sir. There are many things that worry me considerably more than the secrecy of this situation, even if I did not trust Lord Matlock.”
“There is no need to involve the earl for the moment. I would suggest that we talk with Mrs Gardiner and then have a word with Mrs Younge.”
“Mrs Younge? I thought she left London last year after Ramsgate,” the colonel exclaimed.
“Quite the contrary—she settled in London. She took a large house in Edward Street last year and has since maintained herself by letting lodgings.”
“Then he surely must be there; let us go there directly,” said the colonel; Mr Bennet looked at them both with little understanding.
“Forgive me for a moment; I must speak to my sister before we leave. I shall return directly,” Darcy said and he almost ran up the stairs.
He nervously knocked at Georgiana’s door; he found his sister alone and tearful. She glanced at him, uncertain whether she should dare to approach or not. He gently embraced her, and she started to sob in his arms wordlessly.
“Dearest, why are you crying? Where is Elizabeth?”
“I do not know…forgive me… Elizabeth said she wished to be alone. She is so upset and…I did not know what to say to her. I do not know how to speak to her.”
He caressed her hair as he spoke gently. “I am sorry to tell you this at such a delicate moment, but there is something you should know. I told Elizabeth about Ramsgate…”
She stared at him, her eyes wide and tearful. “You told her? When? What will she think of me now? Why did you tell her, Brother? I shall never dare speak to her again.”
“My dear, I told Elizabeth in January… Believe me; it was necessary, but you should not let it worry you. She knows you were not to blame. And she thinks highly of you, as you well know. I dare say it is for the best; you may speak openly to each other.”
“I do not believe she wishes to speak to me. She is so troubled, so distressed and—”
“I shall talk to her briefly, then I must leave; we have not a moment to lose.”
Darcy gently kissed Georgiana’s forehead and smiled at his sister as he closed the door behind him.
He hesitantly knocked at Elizabeth’s door; he heard no reply, so he entered carefully.
In the chair, staring at the window, lost in her thoughts, Elizabeth seemed oblivious to everything around her.
He called her name, and when no answer came, he sat near her.
Her eyes, red and swollen, finally dared to meet his.
“Forgive me,” she said. “Forgive me for coming to you with our troubles and disturbing you. I am so sorry for hurting Georgiana; she seems so pained and… I still cannot understand how this happened. It is my fault; I could have prevented it had I but explained to my family some part of what I knew… Wretched, wretched, mistake…”
He took her hands in one of his while the other gently caressed her face.
“I would have been upset if you had not come to me directly. Never again apologise for coming to me with your troubles, my love. As for this stressful situation, I am the only one who should apologise. It is entirely my fault; I never allowed my business with Wickham to be known, not even by my family. That is why he succeeded in deceiving Georgiana and my uncle and now Miss Lydia. But that will all change today; we will find them, and I will be certain proper measures are finally taken.”
“Perhaps we are both culpable in some way, but I am afraid little can be done. You know him too well; he will never marry Lydia. He has no interest in her, and he will not take such a burden on his shoulders. She is lost forever and…what shall we do now?” she whispered, looking at him hesitantly, her hands trembling in his.
He seemed scarcely to hear her; then he suddenly started walking up and down the room in earnest meditation, his brow contracted and his air gloomy. Elizabeth gradually observed that her power must be sinking while her eyes followed his movements.
“What shall we do now?” she repeated, her voice weak.
“I have sent people to make inquiries, and I hope to receive news soon. I will leave now with Mr Bennet and the colonel. Please try to speak to Georgiana; she is upset and worried for you. I just told her that you know about Ramsgate. She is afraid that you might think ill of her… Please go to her and take care of each other…”
“I will take care of her…but William, what shall we do? About our wedding…”
“I am not certain; let us see what comes of this situation, and we will decide later about the wedding. I am afraid I cannot think clearly now; I am only thinking of the best way to solve this. We will speak more tomorrow.”
“As you wish,” she answered weakly. He embraced her tightly and left in haste.
Elizabeth remained unmoving in the middle of the room, her eyes fixed upon the door closed behind him.
The question she feared most—the one that had tortured her since the news of the elopement—remained unanswered.
Mr Darcy seemed not to have an answer himself; he was obviously uncertain of his own decision.
She did not doubt his feelings for her or his desire to share his life with her.
But would his duty allow him to go further with that decision now that her family situation had changed so dramatically?
Yes, perhaps he was right; perhaps it was somehow his fault that Wickham had not been exposed earlier.
But in the end, it was Lydia’s lack of maturity and decorum that threw her into Wickham’s arms at his slightest notice, and the shame and disgrace had fallen entirely on her family.
It was true that he had a duty to her, too, now that the announcement of their betrothal was made public.
Would the duty to his family and his name overwhelm his duty to her?
And if so, would she allow him to marry her only to keep his word?
To force him to become Wickham’s brother?
Every fibre of his body must be appalled at that horrible thought.
Could she put him and Georgiana into such a painful situation?
She did not fail to notice that he called her ‘my love’ but made no gesture of real tenderness.
He did not kiss her nor even touch her as he used to.
She covered her face with her handkerchief to hide her tears; her mind, her soul, and her body vividly remembered the happiness that had overwhelmed her those last weeks and now seemed lost forever.
A few minutes later, she wiped her eyes and glanced at her image in the mirror. She promised him she would take care of Georgiana, and she could not disappoint him.
The moment Elizabeth saw Georgiana, her own distress vanished; the girl’s pallor and her blue eyes—tearful, lost, surrounded by dark circles—created a disturbing image. Elizabeth gently embraced her young friend then took her hands as they sat together.
“Georgiana, I think we should talk. There are not enough words to tell you how sorry I am for all the pain you must endure because of us. If there were any way to take your distress upon myself, I would not hesitate to do it…”