Chapter 21 #3
“My confession is a delicate family matter, but I invited Darcy too—first, because he is as close to me as you are and, second, because my actions affected him directly and painfully. But in order to go further, there are some things that need to be clarified, though you may know some of them. Our family, though one of the oldest in England, was sometimes more successful in preserving its good name and social place than in securing the pecuniary resources required to sustain a luxurious life. My grandfather and my father refused even to consider entering into any kind of business, limiting the fortune of the Matlock family to what God gave us through our several estates. After a few years of unfavourable weather, this proved insufficient for the estates’ needs, and it was not long before the family found itself in the shameful position of being forced to either sell some of its properties or bear relative poverty. ”
He paused a moment, breathing deeply before he continued.
“As you may imagine, as the eldest and the only son in the family, it was expected of me to save the family. Once I finished my studies, I diligently involved myself in seeking a way to improve Matlock’s situation.
In the meantime, however, my parents found an easier and more immediate means of settling things, arranging for me and for my sisters—Catherine and Anne—the most advantageous marriages our name and social status could buy.
You might disapprove of the way I judge my parents, but it is difficult to conceal my feelings.
By the time I was twenty, I knew I would marry Harriet, whose dowry was more than fifty thousand pounds.
I knew little about her except that her family was an old and respectable one with a remarkable fortune that had improved miraculously during the past ten years.
She was a few years older than me, beautiful and accomplished, as I was told. ”
He stopped again and took a glass of wine while pacing the room. He quickly glanced at his companions then returned his eyes to the window.
“The summer before my wedding, I was in Bath with some friends when I first met Julia, the daughter of an attorney who also owned a shop. I was almost one and twenty; she was almost seventeen. Suffice to say, she was a most charming creature, full of joy, witty and playful; her blonde hair and blue eyes easily stole my heart. But, as I knew I should be married soon, I did everything to enjoy her company in a proper way during long walks and sparkling discussions. I confessed to her that I was engaged, and she said she was aware, even if I were not, that she would not have been a proper choice for a future earl.”
The earl paused again as speaking became too difficult; Darcy left his chair and went to pour himself a glass of wine while moving into a farther corner.
“We separated with affection and regret as I had to return home. I promised I would write to her, but she said it was not proper to do so. However, she said she would always be pleased to see me again if I ever happened to be in Bath. Needless to say, I returned to my duty with a heavy heart. For many days and nights, I could think of nothing else but her. Forgive me, my children; I am certain this is hard for you to understand, but I feel I need to explain to you how things turned out as they did…”
“I understand you, Papa,” said Selina with gentle tenderness.
“As do I, Uncle,” answered Darcy, his voice a low whisper.
“I married in October, and God is my witness that I was determined to do everything in my power to love and honour my wife, but it proved to be more difficult than I feared. Harriet was very reserved; she spoke little, and she rarely enjoyed other people’s company, including her parents and me.
We received and paid calls only if it was absolutely necessary.
We attended the theatre and opera from time to time, but she seemed to take little pleasure in art.
I confess that, at first, I imagined she must have been forced into the marriage as I was.
I even suspected that her heart was otherwise engaged and she could not easily bind herself to me.
I tried to be patient and not to force my presence on her unless it was necessary.
But things between us never improved, and the fact that we were living at her father’s estate did not help. ”
His emotions overwhelmed him, and for some time, the earl was unable to speak. As he struggled to regain composure, the viscount stepped up to him.
“Father, there is no need to torment yourself so. We remember our mother quite well, and we remember how difficult those years were. We also remember how kind and affectionate you always were with us.”
“You are generous, Thomas, though I do not deserve your kindness. The truth is those years I was gone most of the time, meeting business partners and searching for ways to improve the financial situation of the family as my father and father-in-law never failed to remind me of my duties. I confess to you that I rather preferred being away as your mother seemed to dislike my presence, and I wished to avoid fights and scandal. My only joys were you, my children; the days of your births were the happiest of my life, and all my work was meant to secure your futures, so that you would have the liberty of making your own choices in life. Each time I returned home, I anticipated your running to me, to see your sweet faces welcoming me, to see how much you had grown… Unfortunately, your mother and I always argued about you. She loved you in her own way, and she was protective of you, so she did not allow me to spend much time with you. She accused me of spoiling you too much for your own good; she pretended that I tried to turn you against her, that I allowed you to be disobedient, that I was too preoccupied to give you enough education. You were so small—just two little boys who wished to play. Then, when your mother was carrying Selina, things changed for the worse, as she could not bear my presence at all. My father-in-law sent me on a long business trip outside the country, and I was away for more than two years.”
“We believed you left us,” the colonel said sternly.
“Forgive me, son. I should have refused to be away from my children for so long, but I was not strong enough to demand my rights. In the meantime, my sisters married advantageously as our parents arranged: Catherine to Sir Lewis de Bourgh—a man of considerable wealth, and Anne to George Darcy—the descendent of an old, respectable, though untitled family. Both my sisters were fortunate to receive what they wished: Catherine—an obedient baronet as a husband, and Anne—a man who loved her deeply and proved to be a close, reliable and helpful friend to me.”
A long pause followed, as all of them found a need to satisfy their thirst.
“On one of my business trips, I unexpectedly met Julia again in Brighton. I confess to you that, in all those years, I never forgot her and I attempted to find news of her several times. Her father passed away when she was nineteen, and she married her father’s business partner; they left the country together, so I was told.
And then, one day, I saw her on the beach.
She was there with her two-year-old son—a beautiful boy, remarkably resembling her.
I found she had married Mr Wickham, who had been appointed as my brother’s steward.
What a strange way destiny had of playing with me… ”
“The boy was George,” whispered Selina.
“Yes… I stayed in Brighton two weeks, as I could not force myself to leave.
We met daily on long walks as we used to do.
And all my sorrow for not seeing you children for such a long time was palliated by having little George around—who was the sweetest boy one could imagine.
They were in Brighton for the summer without Mr Wickham, as the salt air seemed favourable to Julia and her son.
It does not honour me to confess it, but my relationship with Julia grew deeper than we wished.
I knew her husband to be a good, honest man, very loyal to my brother; she always spoke highly of him, but as happened with me, her marriage was made by need rather than affection, and neither of us could fight our mutual feelings.
“Two weeks later, I returned home and stayed there for the summer. My heart was torn between the joy of seeing you—I barely recognised you boys, so grown up, so handsome, and Selina was the most precious gift I could ever imagine—and the pain of seeing how much your mother had changed for the worst. She seemed to separate herself from the world, and every attempt to speak to her turned into a horrible scandal. It was the first time I noticed her bad treatment of her own children, and that I could not accept.”
“Yes, we remember it well,” the colonel intervened angrily.
“I shall never forget her continuous fury, her yelling, her heavy hand when she slapped us or grabbed us by the hair, and all the other punishments when we were not quiet enough or when we were too quiet, when we ate too little or too much, when we were outside or inside. Any reason was good enough to teach us discipline! And where were you, Father? Spending time with George Wickham while your own children were suffering!”
“Robert, you are being unfair!” the viscount intervened severely.