Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
As was to be expected, Lady Emily looked beautiful.
Her blonde curls were done in ringlets, and they danced above her shoulders.
Her brown eyes looked especially big, and they shone with laughter.
Full lips. Skin that was like milk. And a gown that was sky-blue, worn tight around her waist, with a neckline that scooped just above her bosom; elegant, but with a hint of scandal.
Alistair saw her before she saw him.
The street outside the theatre was busy with the hustle and bustle of those who had come to attend the show tonight.
Scores of them, if not more. Most were of the peerage, but many were members of the gentry, and some lower than that still.
They moved in waves, pushing and shoving to get closer to the theatre’s entrance.
Somehow, Lady Emily and her friends stood apart from the chaos. She and her friends stood in a small circle, laughing at whatever it was that they were saying, and she radiated beauty as if she were the center of the world’s attention.
She is exceptional, there is no doubt about that. But then why do I feel nothing for her? Why does my heart not race as it does when I am around Miss Norleigh?
“Your Grace!” Lady Emily looked past her friends just in time to see Alistair approaching her. His carriage had dropped him several meters down the road. “You made it!” She pushed past her friends and headed toward him.
“Lady Emily.” Alistair smiled slightly as they came together. He took her hand and brought it to his lips, making sure to hold her eyes the whole while. “You look a treat. Utterly breathtaking.”
“Oh, stop it.” She waved him down. “I bet you say that to all the ladies.”
“Only most of them.”
She rolled her eyes at the jest, but she did not look displeased by it.
Not that this surprised Alistair, because if there was one thing he liked about Lady Emily, it was her ability to take a joke.
Even when he was not making one, she always found the humor in what he said.
It made her easy to talk to, and easier to spend time with.
“I am glad you have finally made it.” She smiled at him as the crowds around the theatre surged toward the entrance. “I was growing rather sick of my friends…” She looked back and waved her friends away. “And would much prefer your company.”
“Then you are in luck.” He offered her his arm. “I have reserved us a private booth on the balcony. Free from the riffraff and rabble.”
“Perfect. Shall we…”
“We shall.”
She linked her arm through his own and together they made their way inside the theatre. From there, it took a little time to walk the narrow halls of the theatre, up the stairs, until they finally came to the private booth that Alistair had paid good money for.
There were other seats there, of course, enough for ten people, but curtains were used to separate the seats, giving the impression of isolation. He gestured for her to take the seat at the very front, a perfect spot to overlook the stage, and he sat down beside her.
Once they were seated, he took her hand.
She eyed the hand and smirked. “How very bold of you.”
“I am not known for it.
“Ordinarily, I would not think so. But seeing as you have practically been a stranger to me all week…” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I might think that you would need to work up to holding my hand.”
He grimaced. “Yes, that is… I apologize for how distant I have been. It has been a rather busy week.”
“As was the one before that.”
He grimaced further. “Are you planning on spending all night pointing out my faults? If so, we might be here long after the show ends.”
“This is true.” She laughed. “And while I do feel it is right for me to scold you – you promised to write, if you remember?” She kept that eyebrow raised as if upset, only to soften it with a smile. “These seats are rather lovely. So, in this single instance, you are forgiven.”
“Does that mean…” He eyed his hand, half-pretending to pull it free.
“This one time, I will allow it. Although…” She looked around them, feigning secrecy.
“Do not sound so enthused.”
“Easy for you to say!” She laughed. “I have my reputation to think about. Should you decide to never speak with me again, I need to ensure that I am not considered damaged goods.” Alistair’s face hardened and she slapped playfully at his chest. “I am joking, Your Grace. Just a joke.”
“I am sorry about this past week,” he assured her. “I promise to do better from here on out.”
“Yes, well, that remains to be seen, doesn’t it.” She was sure to wink at him so that he would know that she was kidding. Just as she was sure to keep his hand wrapped over her own.
Alistair eyed the hand further.
He knew that he should have felt a flutter in his heart at Lady Emily’s touch. He knew that he should have felt some degree of excitement at the ease of their conversation and how closely they were sitting. She was flirtatious. He was charming. Their conversation was effortless.
What was more, she was one of the few people who rarely, if ever, took note of his scars. Around her, he almost forgot that he had them. That alone should have been enough for him to feel a closeness to her that he did with so few people.
Yet, I feel nothing. Little more than relief that this evening won’t be a dreary one. I enjoy her company, that is no lie, but beyond that…
As if on instinct, his thoughts wandered to the obvious place, that of Miss Norleigh. Alistair did not mean for them to do so, but he found himself wondering what it might be like if she here with him, was it her hand that he was holding…
Strangely, he doubted the conversation would be quite as easy, but that was also for good reason.
When he spoke to the governess, Alistair was constantly finding himself tongue-tied, confused, careful not to say the wrong thing and ruin the moment.
And whenever he looked into her eyes and saw the smile reflected in them, his chest turned so tight that he could hardly breathe.
He shook his head, determined to remove those thoughts and focus on the present.
Again, he looked at Lady Emily’s hand. He forced a smile. He tried to feel through her hand that which he felt on those odd occasions when he had touched Miss Norleigh. He and Lady Emily made sense! They were perfect together. But if that was true, why did his feelings not reflect it?
As if things are not confusing enough…
“Is something the matter?” Lady Emily asked, able to sense the turmoil that had taken Alistair.
“What?” he said and looked ahead as if she might be able to read his mind through his eyes. “No, nothing at all.”
“Your Grace…” She gently peeled her hand free. “Might I speak honestly?”
“Of course.”
“Firstly, I wish to say how much I have enjoyed spending time with you. Just as I have enjoyed our courtship. In truth, it has surprised me in many ways.”
“It has?” He frowned.
“When we first met, I did not think for a moment that we might get along as well as we have.” She laughed. “Indeed, many of my friends warned me against you.”
“Is that right?” He laughed too. “And what did they say?”
“That you were not the marrying type. That you are isolated, one who prefers his own company, and that I am the last woman you would ever wish to waste your time on. Or any woman, for that matter.”
He scoffed. “I hope you have since corrected this opinion.”
“And should I?” She turned to look at him, her eyebrow raised, a questioning look on her face. “Forgive me, Your Grace, but after having spent so much time together, do you know what I have come to realize about you? And about us, for that matter.”
Alistair hesitated. “Tell me…”
“That you do not harbor feelings of romance for me. Not one little bit.”
Alistair balked. He went to argue, his tongue swelled in his mouth, he coughed through a response that never eventuated, and then he looked away with shame.
“There is no need to deny it,” she assured him, at which point she took his hand again. “Because I feel the same way.”
Alistair started in surprise. “You… you do?”
Her smile was honest and warm, no disappointment, no hate. If anything, she almost appeared amused. “I am not such a fool that I don’t know what love is. And while I love spending time with you, I know that I am not in love with you.”
“Lady Emily…” He had no idea what to say.
“Just as you are not in love with me either,” she continued.
“What I feel with you, I have come to decide, is friendship. We get along so well. We laugh, we joke, we are comfortable in ways that I am not with even my closest friends. But love?” She laughed.
“Sadly, that is one thing that I do not feel.”
Alistair’s heart raced as if he was nervous…
even terrified of where this conversation had come from, and where it was sure to go.
But he realized quickly that nerves and terror were not the cause.
Rather, it was relief. And when he looked at Lady Emily, confirming that she was not upset with him, that relief washed over him like a wave of fresh air.
“I do not know what to say,” he admitted, while trying his best to hide his smile.
“What is there to say?” she said simply. “Other than what I just have. I thought it best to get it out of the way now, rather than dance around the subject all evening and beyond.”
“I am sorry, Lady Emily, I did not mean to waste your time.”
“And who said that you did?” She firmed up as she continued to look at him.
“In fact, just because we do not love one another does not mean we should not be together. I have been doing some thinking, and like you, I too desire to marry soon. My father wants it, and if not with you, it will be with someone who he chooses. Likely, it will be someone who I loathe because my father will pick for me a man based on statues rather than compatibility.”
“Are you saying…” His mouth ran dry. “That you wish to marry me? Even if we are just friends? What is the term for that…”
“A marriage of convenience,” she said.
“That’s the one.”
“Would that be such a bad thing? We get along so well. Marriage is rarely done for love or romance, even at the best of times. So, why not marry a friend? Why not save one another, if we can?”
Alistair had no idea what to say… or what to think.
On the surface, what Lady Emily suggested made perfect sense. Better than that, it should have brought relief unlike anything else. Alistair’s desire to marry had nothing to do with a desire to find love and romance, and it had everything to do with finding a partner to help him care for Hugh.
If he was to marry Lady Emily, it would solve all his problems. What was more, he might even be happy. At the very least, content.
The one thing getting in the way of this otherwise perfect situation were thoughts of Miss Norleigh. Still, his governess rattled around in the back of his head, and still he wondered why he could not stop thinking about her.
Just the idea of marrying Lady Emily, knowing that they would never fall in love, while there was another who… another what? Miss Norleigh is not a serious option, nor will she ever be. Why can I not accept that? And why do I always seem to gravitate toward that which will only bring me pain?
“You don’t have to say anything now,” Lady Emily hurried to say. “I just wanted it known.”
“Thank you,” he said, meaning it. “That is… not to insult you, but that is a great relief to hear.”
“Ha,” she said. “Just what every lady wishes to hear, relief found at learning that they are not loved.” She squeezed his hand, and her smile grew. “But think about it, won’t you, Your Grace?”
“I will,” he promised her.
“Good.” She straightened and turned to face the stage, at which point the curtains started to open. “Perfect timing. Oh, this should be fun!”
Alistair studied Lady Emily as the performance started, truly perplexed by how quickly she had managed to raise the topic of their future, and then drop it as if nothing was the matter. Her eyes sparkled from the light of the theatre, her smile grew, and laughter escaped her lips.
She really was perfect in so many ways, and she would make a wonderful bride and mother to Hugh. But could he do it? Would he be satisfied with her as his wife?
Alistair did not know the answer. What he did know was that marrying her would be the right choice to make, for Hugh…
after all, that was why he was in this situation in the first place.
But the right thing to do and what he wanted to do were two separate beasts, currently waging war within, no clear victor anywhere in sight.
It made the circumstance all the more confusing, which was just wonderful, as if things were not confusing enough.