His Vicious Desire

Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

B ianca

The first appointment is scary. I’m not sure why I’m terrified what I did will be discovered. It doesn’t help when Gaetano asks questions.

He’s so excited and happy about the baby, guilt is building. “It’s not going to hurt the baby, her taking birth control pills when she didn’t realize she was pregnant?”

The doctor is super sweet. She’s not my original doctor, so I give the story that kind of matches up with the history. I was taking the pill, but ended up pregnant anyway. The way Kitty said, no one questioned it because it happens so often.

“Oh, yeah. Baby and mom will be fine. It happens a lot. Sometimes women have taken their pill the morning they find out they're pregnant without knowing it.”

His sigh of relief has me forcing a smile.

It’s confirmed I’m eight weeks pregnant. Relief hits me. This was always meant to be. He got me pregnant the first night. Thank god.

I’m bummed because Gaetano has to work, he’s simply going in late after the appointment. Once I’m home, Estelle is waiting with baby clothes she couldn’t ignore at the store.

“You and Gaetano,” I shake my head at the pretty pink dress. “I’m worried he’ll be mad when it’s a boy.”

“Oh, please, he’s not going to be mad. He will be disappointed, but he’s not going to take it out on his son or you—if you have a boy. Gaetano is going to be an amazing father. He already has been. And this time he won’t have his fool father getting in the way.”

“He mentioned his dad wasn’t…up to things.” I’m curious because Gaetano won’t talk about him.

Rolling her eyes. “Please, Gaetano called him a functioning alcoholic. I think functioning is a stretch. If it wasn’t for Gaetano, the Outfit would have probably killed him for his…” She shakes her head. “Dario was the only light in the family for years.”

I chuckle over Dario. It sounds like the person who loved to tease Gaetano every time he came over. Dario had been here twice for dinner and was ever the youngest child, funny, charming, sweet, and a smartass. He was like a fun, younger brother that I always wanted.

“I’m a little worried though the way he doesn’t like to talk about it with me.” I’ve tried, but he always shut it down. He didn’t want to discuss it, it happened, nothing could be undone. It wasn’t important. I didn’t dare press him. “What if?—”

Estelle shakes her head. “I’m not worried about the child thing. You’ll be here, and in the end, he’s going to love that child because it’s from you. What I’m worried about is you.”

I’m stunned. “I’m not afraid of Gaetano. He would never hurt me.”

“Not that way, my dear, I don’t believe he would ever physically hurt you either. But that wife of his, she fucked him up.” Her lack of expression tells me more than her stark words do. “I’m worried because he does his best to believe he has no feelings. I think he gets it confused with him not feeling anything, two different things that almost mean the same thing. Be patient with him. He does love you something awful. I’ve never seen him so happy as he is with you.”

There are some days when I wonder if I’m still dreaming. But no, when he spanks me, the sting is enough that I know I’m awake. I try to be a good girl, it’s not my fault he’s more fun when I’m not.

Of course, there was a snake in the garden that I didn’t see. I’m leaving Kitty’s place. I have found excuse after excuse to avoid her. Lately, she seemed different. It’s been two months since the night I married Gaetano and saw her. However, I knew I couldn’t keep putting her off unless I wanted to cut her off. Idiot that I was, I wasn’t ready to do that. Until she stopped me with her hand on the door before I could close it.

“I need money, a lot of money.” The words are abrupt but rehearsed. This isn’t unplanned.

“What?” I dare her to repeat them. She can’t mean this.

Rolling her eyes, “I need money, bitch. You have plenty of it and I need it. I might have gotten a little carried away at the tables. With this, it will pay off my debt and allow me to get straight.”

“Jesus, Kitty. Gambling. You’re going to lose every penny I give you. No. Fuck it.”

She blinks once, twice. “What? Are you sure about that? Wouldn’t want your sweet hubby finding out you lied and got knocked up on purpose. He’d hate to know that.”

Ice pierces my chest, and I wonder if I can breathe through it. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“Please, I would in a heartbeat.” She rolls her eyes.

“You do that, you’re signing your death warrant. He will kill you.” It’s a warning. I have no doubt what Gaetano will do—this isn’t a way of trying to keep her from telling him. It’s a warning to save her damn life.

“Oh really? Let’s find out, shall we? One hundred grand by the end of the week, Friday. Or I visit your husband.”

The whole way home, I’m fighting back tears. There’s nothing I can do that won’t end with her dead. If I admit it, the way I should, he’ll know I only did it under duress, and he’ll know it was her. I do nothing, and she tells him, he’ll kill her.

That night, I’m able to put off my inability to focus as stress for our four-month appointment tomorrow. Being pregnant felt so weird, not only the whole growing a human thing, the way it was a different language almost—everything went in weeks combined with medical terminology.

Gaetano knew all of it. He was the one who bought me a full-body pregnancy pillow. In the middle of the night, he was up at my first stirring, asking if I needed anything. Whether I wanted him to cook or something from across town, he was up and doing it. I got everything I wanted or needed, sometimes before I even realized it.

I loved when we were up in the middle of the night talking about what we would name the boy, I was certain we were having versus the girl he wanted. Our gentle teasing that devolved into kissing and then making love.

All of that would change. Ruined, because of what I did.

The appointment goes by in a blur. Gaetano asks more questions than I do.

Both my doctor and Gaetano are adamant that naps are good.

Four days later, and one day before the deadline, I feel the weight of it on me. I’m not able to focus on what the realtor is saying. I can’t believe this house, it’s twice the size of Gaetano’s house at over six thousand square feet with a price tag of almost six million dollars. Holy crap, I still can’t believe how much money he has. He gave the lady a budget of up to ten million.

While I love the neighborhood, an enclave of the wealthy, where football players and entertainers who did residencies were seen walking their dogs and out with their children. The thing I loved most about it was that it was only fifteen minutes to the hotel on the strip. Which means I get to see more of Gaetano.

Gaetano closes my car door with a thud. When he gets in, he presses the button to start the car, but we don’t move. “Talk to me. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” I shake my head.

“It’s a good thing you’re a shitty liar so you don’t get yourself in more trouble. I need you to talk to me.”

I blink, and fuck. I don’t want to cry. He’ll think I’m doing it on purpose.

His sigh is heavy. “What happened, Bianca?”

So I tell him everything. I’m not sure how much later it is. All I know is I’ve gone through the package of tissues I have in my purse.

He’s staring out the windshield, the whole time. Without a word, he starts the car and drives me home.

“It was the right thing to do. I’m sorry, Gaetano.” I’m begging for some hint of his thoughts, even if it’s anger, but nothing. The whole way home, he refuses to look at me.

Gaetano

I park in my driveway, but don’t get out.

“You’re not coming in?”

“No. Not while I’m so pissed I’m afraid of hurting you.” I shake my head.

“I did it for us.”

“Get out.”

I watch her walk up to the door. Pulling out my keys, I hit the button, and the front door unlocks for her.

She fucking did it. This woman played with my life. Taking the choice out of my hands. Except fucking hell it was the right thing to do. After we talked about it. Here I was thinking somehow we got lucky. It had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with Bianca’s determination.

I head in the direction of the city. I’m going to enjoy taking out my anger on Kitty instead of Bianca.

Gaetano

I’m in the suite at the hotel in old Vegas because I’m afraid of getting near my wife. Three days in, I get a call from a furniture store. Was it all right for my wife to charge seventy-two thousand on my card? I laughed and okayed it.

However, it’s the only laugh I have had for more than two weeks.

My brother drops in.

“What do you want?” I hope he gets the message that I don’t want his opinion or advice.

“I want to know why you’re being such a fucker to your lovely new bride. Come on, man. What is your problem?”

“The problem is she got pregnant without my permission. She put my life on the damn line without informing me of what could get me killed.”

He scoffs. “Bullshit. She did what you wanted her to do. Don’t tell me that you weren’t doing your hardest to get her pregnant without her knowing.”

“It’s not the same thing,” I argue. I can’t keep it in anymore. “I don’t deserve her. She’s putting her life on hold for an old fucker like me. She gave up her relationship with her brother for me, and I’ll never live up to him.”

His eyes roll at me. “Yes, you're old, but you’re not that old. It’s better she’s too young to know she’s getting the short end of the bargain.”

“Fuck you. She deserves?—”

“Fuck that. Nobody deserves anything, you reach out and take what you want and hope like hell no one takes it away and if it’s a woman you work your ass off to ensure she never wants to walk away. She wants you, you fucking idiot. There is no deserves where she’s concerned. Bianca has wanted you since she was a know-nothing eighteen-year-old, and now that she’s got some years and learned some things, she still wants you. Go home to your wife. The woman you’ve wanted for three years. Be happy for what you have.”

He's only gone for five minutes before I leave, too. I make it all the way home without any idea of what I’m going to say. Opening the door to my home, I shake my head at the changes. Gone are the recliners; in their place are a long couch, a loveseat, and a single oversized chair with a new ottoman. It’s not leather, it looks like suede, but I have a feeling it’s not with a kid on the way. She has her feet up on the couch while she reads with the television on for background noise.

“What do you think?” Her smile is forced. She’s as tense as I am.

I nod. “I like it. Nice art on the walls.”

“I changed the bed and side tables.”

“Hmm, why don’t you show me.”

Her smile is hesitant. “Okay.”

We make love all night long, catching up for the nights we missed. I’m grateful she doesn’t push me to talk, because I can’t. Not yet, the words aren’t there for her.

They still aren’t there when it comes to the baby. It doesn’t matter that I’m happy and excited about the baby. Every reference is a reminder of what she did. So I start an argument to get out of going.

“I don’t want to know the sex. This should be a surprise.” I shake my head as she pushes me to go with her.

“It’s important to prepare. If you don’t want to know, fine. I won’t tell you.”

“You will end up telling me before the baby comes. The only secrets you’re good at keeping are ones that benefit you.”

She goes still. “Fine. Don’t come.”

Bianca

Driving myself to my doctor’s appointment isn’t what I pictured this far along. Gaetano isn’t forgiving me. At this point, I wonder if he ever will. I think he thought he had—he was as surprised as I was when he taunted me about the lie.

I hoped when he came home it was all over with. What the hell am I going to do? Or do I do nothing? I’m not sure anymore. What if I do something that makes it worse?

Miserable, I get to the appointment way too early and sit and fret. I wanted this experience for both of us. We were both supposed to find out what our baby will be together. I’m certain it’s a boy, and I need him to tell me everything is okay, even though we aren’t having the girl he wants.

I’m shocked when Carina and Sandro leave the sonographer's room. Both of them look so happy—and surprised. “Umm, hi.”

Sandro nods at me. “Where’s Gaetano?”

I don’t dare tell the truth. “Work. He wants it to be a surprise.”

Before I lose my nerve, I focus on Carina. “I want to apologize for…everything.”

Her eyes are soft. Before she can say anything Sandro’s phone rings. The other person is urgent. Business.

The sonographer calls my name, and I’m grateful. Giving them a wave, I follow the lady into the room.

“I’m Gail. Let’s get a look here.” The woman smiles as she helps me onto the table. “I see here you and your husband are requesting 3D sonograms. Smart. The better to see everything.”

Nodding, I keep my eyes on the screen, and I see it. Yet hearing her say it causes tears to spill out and over.

A boy, I can’t even get this right.

Suddenly, I feel arms around my shoulders. For a moment, I hope and pray it’s Sandro, but it’s Carina. Her support after everything I did to her is completely undeserved. Which makes me cry harder.

She doesn’t try to hush me, simply lets me cry until I can’t anymore.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carina asks.

I shake my head. She doesn’t need to hear me crying anymore. “It’s my own fault. I don’t…I messed up.”

“In a relationship, there are two people. I’m guessing you aren’t the only one thinking that right now. Especially when I wasn’t surprised at all when Sandro told me you showed up at his office pregnant. Gaetano took his eyes off you at the wedding, maybe a handful of times.”

“Not just with him. You. I’m sorry?—”

“Don’t be. I get it. You were losing the only person in your life who loved you unconditionally. Then you found out there were conditions and rules where there never were. It’s completely understandable you hit out at me since you couldn’t hit out at Sandro.” She hands me another tissue.

How little she knows. There were always conditions to Sandro’s love. Always rules I had to follow to be rewarded with his love and attention. It’s sweet the way she thinks differently though. She was exactly the way she appears, no hidden motivations—I’ve forgotten how that could be. “No wonder he fell in love with you.”

Her shock is clear.

Now I’m shocked. “Um, I thought you knew already. It’s why I hated and resented you. In addition to all the other stuff you said. He went to Chicago with a stiff upper lip and his teeth clenched over what he had to do. When he came back he wouldn’t stop talking about you. Carina this, Carina that, you’re going to love Carina—he made it sound like it wasn’t an option.”

Eyes wide, she shakes her head.

“He chewed me out for the ring I picked out. And I might have said some things about how you…have curves in all the right places. I’ve never seen him so angry before. Not at anyone, but especially not me. And you get here and you looked through him, hiding in your room and him hiding in work. I was so angry for you not loving him, caring for him the way he did you. But I see now you didn’t realize. I do have to say I’m sorry. Thank you for understanding.”

“You’re welcome. I have a big sister too. I’m not sure I would have made it to this age without her.” She shrugs.

My stomach growls, god how embarrassing.

Carina smiles. “Want to have a late lunch with me? I’m hungry too.”

“Sounds good.”

Since she still doesn’t know Vegas well, I direct the driver to a great place off the strip. During lunch, she tries to talk me into seeing her therapist. I recoil at the card she tries to give me. I’m not going to add to the problems I’ve already put on Gaetano and Sandro. I take the card, more to end the conversation than anything.

I try not to be jealous that she’s having the girl Gaetano wanted. Although I’m not surprised, the way she is, that Sandro wants a girl.

Carina is as cool as I thought she was. Another thing to show me that I didn’t know what I was talking about. While I’m still not happy she ran away from Sandro, what’s done is done. If Sandro can forgive her, so can I.

Now that I know it’s a boy, I want to grab some things to decorate the nursery and direct the driver to the Fantastic Indoor Swap Meet.

I’m filling up my cart when she stops me. “Hey, maybe you can help me. For Sandro’s birthday tomorrow, what can I get him? I finally figured out his favorite would be chocolate cake for his birthday cake so the to-die-for pastry place in the hotel is making it as we speak. But other than that, the man is driving me crazy as far as gifts go.”

“That’s right, it is his birthday tomorrow.” He stopped spending his birthday with me when I was thirteen. Up until then, I would always get him a cake and a present, and we’d have dinner together. But that year, he forgot, Luca took him out. He didn’t come home before I went to school. After that, I would get him a cupcake and a present, sometimes he remembered, sometimes I gave it to him the next day.

“Hm, he’s not into birthdays. He’s also an experiences kind of person, stuff you can’t get in a store. He said one time, nothing truly worth owning can be bought.”

When the driver pulls behind my car in the parking lot at the doctor’s office, Carina sticks a finger in my face. “You’re going to call me and we’ll have lunch.”

I can’t help laughing. “Yes, I’ll call you.”

Gaetano

When she should be back for the appointment, I check the cameras in the house. She’s not there. Bringing up her location, I see she’s still at the doctor’s office. Is she all right? Is the baby all right? Shit. This isn’t about finding out if it’s a boy, or a girl. It’s the first time they’re getting an image of the baby. What if there are issues with the baby?

Fuck. I check her location and see she’s moving, and the relief has my knees weak. Fuck this, I shut down and warn Natasha that I’m heading home to check on Bianca.

I’m waiting for hours, until I’m about to fucking lose my mind and go out and find her. As I’m getting dressed to go out again, she enters the house.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Why does it matter to you?”

Shit. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I was worried about you and the baby.”

“Right. The baby you can’t stand?—”

I grip her arms tight and bring her up against me. “Don’t say that shit. Because it’s not true. Boy or girl, I want our baby. I want you. It’s the way this all happened. It feels wrong, like something is going to happen to mess it up because I don’t deserve you. What I did to Sandro keeps me up and unable to accept that I get you and a baby. My one dream, I thought, would never come true.”

Tears are streaming down her face. “It feels like one more time you’re putting your friendship with Sandro before me. I don’t know if I can trust you again. You did the one thing I never thought you would. You hurt me and I don’t believe you won’t again.”

Those tears are clawing at my gut. I wipe them away. “Me either, I didn’t want to hurt you with what I might say, but I also couldn’t stay away from you. It's like Joanna betraying you. Think of that, the friend you’ve had since you were a kid—knew almost your entire life betraying you. That’s how this is to Sandro. He promised your mom on her deathbed for fucks sake. A deathbed he was responsible for?—"

“What the fuck are you talking about? Sandro wasn’t responsible for my mother’s death. My mom was a functioning alcoholic my entire life. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t smell alcohol on her breath. She would tell me constantly not to tell anyone about the bottles around the house. And she was like that because of my father. It’s why I wasn’t really surprised when he didn’t come home after she died. I figured his guilt kept him with the woman he cheated on her with, which caused her unhappiness.”

“Your father cheated on your mother? He adored her. I don’t understand.” I’m lost. I wouldn’t believe it if anyone else told me.

“My mom told me several times when we were home alone at night, and she was deeper in the bottle. A lot of times, she was talking to talk, it felt like. She said he cheated on her, and she caught him. He swore he would give up the woman. Then, he begged her to have a baby so they could be a family again. I don’t know, I guess he assumed she would have another boy. But even before my mom was pregnant, he was back to fucking the other woman. My mom hated him. Well, she said she did, but I don’t think she really did. I think she wished she did so she could stop hurting.”

Jesus, how did Sandro not know any of this?

“He would come home late, and they would scream at each other. That’s how I heard her say she regretted me. If she hadn’t had me, she would leave his ass. Her life was simpler without me and now she had to take care of me all alone when she was older and more tired and how he was a bastard because he didn’t have to do a damn thing for me. No one wanted me, ever. I’ve always been an obligation, from my dad, to my mom, and to Sandro.” Tears are pouring out of her and I’m pissed I can’t kill anyone for hurting her.

“Hey, I want you. I’ve wanted you since the night I met you. Even when it was wrong and I shouldn’t, I wanted you. I want every part of you, your crazy, beautiful mind and your sexy as fuck body.”

Those chocolate eyes are desperate to believe me, but it’s clear she doesn’t. “Even if I’m having a boy?”

Damn it. I meet her eyes head-on. “I want a little you. That’s why I want a girl. I’ll take a boy and be happy. All I care about is that I get you too.” Taking a deep breath, I give in. “I need to show you something.”

I unlock my office and open the door wide for her to follow me inside. Her eyes roam over the room. Chocolate meets my eyes in wonder. Then I go to the bottom cabinet and pull out the box of papers and place it on top of my desk. With a wave of my hand, I indicate for her to go through it. She finds the journals where Mary wrote her married name, which covered twenty pages.

Her gaze meets mine. "I don't understand. All this time. That picture is from the second week on campus. Yet you still went without doing anything about it?"

Sighing, I unlock my phone and find the file. I hand it to her, praying I haven't fucked everything up. "That was all I thought I would ever have of you. You in my bed would never happen again. I was never going to tell you. As long as I had the memory and pictures of you, I could get through a day. For the last three years, I've only come to those pictures of you and the video I got from your dorm room."

"What about the women you've paid?—"

"It was a lie. I tried. But she didn't look like you. She wasn't you. The idea of touching her left my cock soft. I didn't want her. So I set her up with the lash business she always wanted to open in L.A., so I could use it as an excuse not to see a woman at the brothel. Everyone knew it was the only way I was with a woman. You aren't mad about the pictures?" I can't believe it.

A blush washes over her cheeks and down her neck. "Nope, I guess I'm just as messed up as you are. Because I think it's hot. Sad you thought this was the only way you could have me, but also seriously hot that you wanted me this much to take a crazy, messed-up chance. If all this is true, why have you been so..."

"I was afraid you were like Mary. That you would want more than I could give you, and you would grow to hate me. I've loved you since the first night I laid eyes on you. You were perfect, sweet, and so very innocent. You deserved better than me. Yes, there was Sandro. There was also the fact that I'm not good at this love thing. I'm going to hurt you again, and it terrifies me because now that I've had you, there is no letting you go. You have my whole heart, even though it's broken and dark. There is no me without you."

"Gaetano, you idiot. I've loved you from the beginning. All I needed was for you to talk to me. I'm not stupid enough to believe we're going to be cotton candy and unicorns. You're going to drive me crazy, and I'm going to turn around and repay you. But I love you, you love me, as long as we keep talking, we'll be okay."

"Promise?" I work to get the word out.

"I promise." Her arms go around my neck to pull me tight to her.