Chapter Nine Ellie
“Mommy!” Sammy squealed as he raced into the room and tackled me around my knees.
I was used to his exuberance and braced myself, so he didn’t knock me over. He was already so strong, and not even four yet.
“You ready to do this, Bud?” I asked him, uncertainty gnawing at my insides.
“Yep! Let’s get married, Mommy!”
Sofia, Destiny, and Meredith left the room, and I knew they would be lined up and waiting to precede me down the aisle. I appreciated their tact, and used those few seconds to compose myself and just look at my son.
He was dressed beautifully in a tiny little tux with a velvet bow tie that matched Andres’ perfectly.
At my son’s feet was Rocky. They were inseparable these days. The kitten had been outfitted with a tiny version of Sammy’s bowtie and a leash.
He was even behaving properly, walking by Sammy’s side, and only getting into a little bit of trouble when he sort of peed on Josef’s shoe.
Andres had his tailor come over, and after a very serious discussion with Sammy, the two of them decided he would dress just like his new stepfather. And the cat would match them both.
Because it was Halloween, Sammy also wore a jet fighter backpack that looked like he had rockets tied right to his little back. And instead of a flower, he had a tiny pumpkin pinned to his lapel.
He looked adorable.
And happy.
My heart squeezed as he took my hand solemnly and started walking with me to where we’d practiced.
My stomach was in knots, but I was the one who wanted this. I was the one who’d asked Andres, a man I barely knew, to marry me.
You know what he tastes like. And that sexy growl he makes when he comes.
I closed my eyes tight and tried to shush my inner voice. I would never admit I was about to walk down the aisle with wet panties, but that was my new reality.
Seriously, I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
It was like I had this secret slutty side that only emerged when I met Andres.
Our discussion the night I’d proposed to him came flooding back through my mind.
I’d been a nervous wreck, sitting across from him and trying to avoid looking at his stormy eyes. The man was seriously intense.
I mean, he’d agreed to my ridiculously inappropriate proposition almost immediately.
But Andres was a businessman—a good one.
He also wasn’t a fool. He had stipulations.
Things I had to agree to, and I did.
Maybe a little faster than I should have.
“So, what do you want from this marriage?” I’d asked when he brought it up.
“I want a wife.” Andres told me with zero humor in his stormy gaze.
“Okayyy,” I replied, not seeing the problem.
“I mean, I want a real wife, Ellie. I want you in my bed.”
“On our wedding night, you mean?”
“No. You will share my bed, Lupina. Starting with our wedding night and every night after.”
“What?”
I remembered my shocked gasp and the way my eyes went wide. Andres’ expression had somehow remained neutral, but I saw a flicker of heat.
A flash of desire in the blue-gray steel of his irises—and it warmed me.
“I won’t take a wife who doesn’t sleep beside me. What kind of life is that? What kind of example would that be for Sammy? If we are doing this, it’s for keeps. Understand?”
“I understand,” I said.
But I didn’t. Not really. And I’d been angry.
Andres misread my anger. He continued quickly with an explanation, and I’d blushed, shaking my head.
“I don’t mean that I would force you, Ellie. I would never. I swear I am not that kind of man. But I am human, very much so when it comes to you.”
“I know you wouldn’t force me,” I said and meant it.
“You do? Good. You have to admit, Lupina, we’re explosive together?—”
“It was only once.”
I was trying to downplay what we’d shared. I needed to dampen the sudden appetite I had for sex. Well, sex with him, if I were being honest with myself.
Truthfully, it was ahunger I’d never felt before, and it was entirely focused on him. My body buzzed with excitement when he was near. Like I was hyperaware of him on some cellular level.
I had never lusted for anyone the way I did for Andres Ramirez. He was in a class all his own.
That small, exhausted, under-used when it came to men, muscle that beat inside my chest thumped a little faster whenever he was close.
“That’s right. It was only one glorious time, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Can you?” he asked, licking his bottom lip.
He was right. I couldn’t deny it.
I thought about our one time a lot. Often in the middle of the night when I could close my eyes and pretend it was him touching me, bringing me to completion.
Jesus. Christ.
He was so damn sensual. So earthy and vibrant. I wanted to crawl on his lap and beg him for a demonstration just to prove it.
What the heck was wrong with me?
I never got like that over a man. Not ever.
Sex with Gary had been fast and humiliating.
The few times we’d actually had intercourse he’d rushed through it, and I barely knew what was happening before it was over.
After Sammy was born, Gary hardly touched me. And in the last two years, not at all.
I was ashamed to admit it, but I was glad. I didn’t want his hands on me. I didn’t need him telling me I was to blame for his lack of interest and second-rate performance.
Sure, for a while I blamed myself. I wasn’t a virgin when I married Gary. But I’d only had sex once before him, and that too was hardly anything to write home about.
Like most first times, mine was uncomfortable and brief. We were just two virgins who thought we had to have sex after prom.
Yeah, it sucked.
Afterwards, I hadn’t been in a rush to do it again. Hence the long wait from prom to marriage.
But that one night with Andres had blown my prior, disappointing experiences right out of the water.
He’d made me feel beautiful before he even touched me. The way his eyes had raked over my body.
Hell.
I still got shivers just thinking about it. But I imagined it was just run-of-the-mill sex for a man like him.
Nothing extraordinary.
I had no misgivings about myself. I was no sex kitten.
My chubby body was okay, I mean, I wasn’t ugly, and I had all the right parts. But I sincerely doubted my ability to turn a man like him on.
At least, not to the degree he was talking about.
There was no way he meant it. Why would a guy who looked like him want me like that?
“Look, you don’t have to pretend this is anything other than a marriage of convenience. And I am aware it’s mostly for me. I’m sure you’ve had other women since?—”
“No one. I haven’t been with another woman since I saw you.”
His confession was as unexpected as my reaction to it.
Fierce, possessive need rose inside me like a tidal wave. I had to pinch my thigh to keep from moaning out loud in satisfaction.
My mouth went dry. I didn’t know what to think.
A man like him admitting he hadn’t had sex in two months was astounding to me.
How could that even be possible?
“Do you really need to ask that, Lupina?” he growled.
I had no idea what Lupina meant, or why he kept calling me that. But more importantly, I had no answer for him.
I mean, yeah, I really needed to ask.
“Okay, so you want us to sleep together. Is what you are saying?” I finally asked bluntly.
“Yes. I want a real marriage. I won’t settle for less than real with you.”
“Why aren’t you already married? Oh my God, do you have a girlfriend?”
“Ellie, why would I agree to marry you if I had a girlfriend? And I just told you I haven’t slept with anyone since I first saw you.”
“Right,” I whispered.
“I don’t lie. I won’t lie. Not to you. Not about us. It will always only be the truth between you and me, okay? No secrets. No lies.”
I wanted to believe him so badly. Trust was difficult for me. But Andres had only ever been kind, and I had no reason to doubt him.
I didn’t believe in making one person pay for the sins of another. Andres wasn’t Gary. That was a mistake I could never make.
So, once more, I’d agreed to his terms.
“Okay, so we get married. We sleep together. We make this real. No lying. And no cheating.”
“No cheating?”
“You can’t sleep with other women, Andres. I can’t open myself up to that kind of?—”
“I will never touch another woman. I swear it. And you won’t touch another man.”
He’d said it with a finality I would never admit out loud to liking, but I did.
I liked it a lot.
There was just something so freeing in his statement. There were a few other things he asked for, things having to do with my inheritance and the business, and I agreed to all of them.
I didn’t know much about it to be honest, but Andres had me meet with his lawyers the next day. He insisted I have representation of my own, and I called one of my Dad’s old friends who ran a law firm.
After an hour of legal jargon, I distracted myself with some reading until my lawyer told me everything looked fantastic and that I should sign on the dotted line to whatever agreement Andres had drawn up.
So, I did.
It was insane, but I completely trusted Andres to do right by me and Sammy. I couldn’t explain it. I just knew instinctively that he wouldn’t hurt us like that.
Where I got that knowledge after my disastrous first marriage, I had no idea.
But my therapist said I needed to learn to trust again, and I had to start somewhere.
So, I was starting with myself.
Which was exactly how I wound up getting married to an almost stranger on Halloween in one of my new best friends’ backyards.
I couldn’t see Andres yet. And the waiting was making me tense.
Sammy swung our hands back and forth, and I spared a glance for my little boy.
He was grinning widely, but the second the music started, he got all serious.
My heart squeezed as I watched him take his first step very carefully, just like we practiced.
I’d wanted Sammy to be a part of the ceremony as much as possible, and when Andres suggested he be the one to walk me down the aisle, I almost cried.
It was perfect.
I scanned the dozen guests gathered to celebrate with us and nodded nervously. My gaze stopped on a smallish woman whose coloring was too much like Andres’ to be anyone other than his mother.
She smiled kindly at me and lowered her gaze to Sammy’s. He looked at me, then back at her, a shy grin on his face before he waved at her.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Sammy had no memories of my father, and Gary’s parents had long since passed.
My son had no living grandparents. Until now.
My eyes flicked up to Andres in that moment, and everything else just seemed to fall away.
He was breathtaking in his tuxedo, his velvet tie matching Sammy’s. He’d trimmed his beard and hair, and I found it suddenly very warm.
He was unerringly groomed, showing off his chiseled features.
He was so—so much.
So thoughtful.
He planned the entire wedding. Thought of the theme, the clothes, the food, the music, everything.
So practical.
He made it easy to move into his condo. Set up everything with the lawyers so it would be legit. Really, I had to do nothing but simply exist.
So giving.
I mean, he was literally giving up his freedom to help me.
And he was so goddamn handsome.
So gracefully masculine.
I was powerless to do anything but stare at him as I slow-walked down the aisle.
But then I noticed his expression.
Stony. Firm. Almost scary.
Not like I was scared for my life kind of scary, but he was just so serious.
Unsmiling. Intense. Ferocious.
Like a predator stalking his prey.
Granted, we weren’t a love match. I knew that. I wasn’t delusional or anything. But I thought maybe he would smile at me.
If it wasn’t for Sammy’s little hand tugging me along, I doubted I would have moved at all.
Somehow, I managed. I put one foot after the other and marched towards my future with my head high and my eyes wide open.
We were really doing this.