CHAPTER 12 #2
“Hi.” My cheeks heat just as much as they ache.
“Wow,” there’s a teasing lilt in Laura’s voice, “you guys are so cute.”
When I look over at her, I stick my tongue out which has her chuckling. Over the last few days, Laura has checked in with me about this whole Knox situation. She also encouraged me to have a session with the therapist. It was good for me but didn’t do much to quell all my concerns.
The therapist assured me time would help. Well, as long as Knox is the man he presents himself as and his actions match up with his words. Consistently. Long-term.
Knox ignores Laura as he steps into the doorway but doesn’t come inside completely. “You look gorgeous, Haven,” his voice is a gentle rasp which sends a shiver down my spine.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “You look nice,” I add on, the words slipping from my lips with ease.
He grins, his mossy green eyes sparkling. “I had to wear my favorite color,” he teases me.
Suddenly, the color clicks in my head. It’s a blue I’ve looked at everyday since the first time I held Wilde in my arms. Not to mention that my son has my eyes.
The smile on his face grows wider when he sees recognition written all over my face. I shake my head at him admonishingly. It does nothing to dim his grin. But I’m not surprised.
Knox is quick to laugh and joke. Unlike some people I’ve met in the last year, his humor isn’t in the effort to deflect or to keep everything surface level. He’s shown me he’s an open book.
But he also knows how to be light and to have a good time.
It’s a good mix and something I’ve been lacking in my life for far too long.
“What are you two up to tonight?” Laura’s question might seem innocent, but I know she’s really interested to know. For her own peace of mind.
Knox glances at me before giving Laura his attention. “I’m going to take her to my place. Blake knows my address,” he assures her. “As much as I want to take her out on the town, I thought taking it slow would be better. I’m cooking dinner for us, and I have already asked about allergies.”
I can’t help but giggle. He did ask about allergies, preferences, and favorites. Still, I have no idea what he’s cooking tonight.
Honestly, I was just impressed that he’s going to be cooking. I can’t say I care all that much about what he’s making. No one has ever cooked for me before. I’m looking forward to the experience.
“That sounds nice,” Laura gushes. “Very cozy.”
“I’ll have her back here in just a few hours,” he promises. He might be talking to Laura, but he’s looking at me.
It’s as if he knows leaving Wilde for any length of time is freaking me. I’m lucky to be able to work from home, no matter where I am. If that weren’t the case, I would have been spending more time away from my son. I don’t think I could handle it.
“He won’t notice me not being here,” I assure Knox, “not with the movies on the roster for the night and the snacks they’ve planned.”
“Lad after my own heart.” Knox presses his hand to his chest, his eyes soft as he looks at me. “Do you want to let him know we’re headed out? That is,” he pauses, something like fear flashes in his eyes, “if you’re ready to go?”
The way he phrases it like a question twists my gut. As confident as he’s been about our date, he’s been worried as well.
“Yeah,” I step out from behind the door and slide my arm through his without thinking too hard about it, “I’m ready to go. How about we go and say goodbye first.”
Knox’s eyes light up and he nods as he allows me to pull him toward the large living room. As we stand in the doorway, Wilde is at the center of all the action. Right where I knew he’d be.
This is why he needs to go to school next year. He thrives surrounded by his peers. And he deserves some normalcy.
When he turns and sees us, he immediately rushes in our direction. “Knox,” he exclaims right before barreling into the man’s legs. Knox doesn’t stumble. When his large hand comes down and cradles my son’s head gently, tears sting the backs of my eyes. “We’re having movie night,” he declares loudly.
“I can see that. It looks like a good set-up for an epic night of movie watching and snack eating.”
Wilde looks up at Knox like the man hung the moon. It’s adorable. It’s how he should have looked at his father, but he never did.
To see it now? That look on my son’s face? It does something to my heart, something dangerous.
I want to believe Knox is exactly who he presents himself to be.
Everything in me wants to accept him at face value.
But I can’t help the little doubts which linger like dewdrops on a blade of grass.
I know they’re inevitable and won’t last forever, but they exist right now in the dawn of whatever this is between us.
“What am I,” I tease Wilde and twist my mouth to the side, “chopped liver?”
My son gives Knox another squeeze before letting go and heading straight for me. When I crouch down, he wraps his arms around my neck. This little boy has no idea how he owns my heart.
For so long, he was my only purpose. He’s why I got out of bed. He’s why I fought so hard. He’s the entire reason I made plans and got us out.
Everything has been for him.
But what about you? You deserve all the good things this life has to offer.
I know I do, but it’s hard to accept after everything I’ve been through. I’m going to try. I owe that much to myself. And to Knox.
“You’re going to have so much fun, Mommy,” Wilde’s sweet voice is full of reassurance.
“Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?”
He giggles, his blue eyes sparkling as he looks up at me; they’re the same color as Knox’s shirt. “Oh, I’m definitely going to have so much fun. I’m going to eat so much popcorn,” he assures me as if I were worried about it.
I’m not.
“I won’t be gone too long,” I tell him softly.
Am I assuring him or myself? Really, I have no idea. Hopefully, both. Though he doesn’t look worried about when I’ll be back. Then again, I haven’t left yet.
“Have fun, spend time with Knox and get to know him.” His voice drops, but not low enough, “Tell him you like him.”
I swallow down a groan as I glance at Knox and find him biting his plump bottom lip to stop himself from laughing. Fucking perfect. When I roll my eyes at his ridiculousness, he only bites down harder on his lip as his shoulders start to shake slightly.
Wilde looks up at Knox and nods in my direction. “You have to tell her too,” he prods.
Knox turns serious instantly. “I’ll always make sure you and your mama know exactly how I feel about you.”
His words are a vow, one I’m not sure I’m ready for. Perhaps being ready is overrated.
How would I even know if I am?
Wilde nods before hugging me and then Knox’s legs again before running off. Since I’m still crouched down, when Knox holds his hand out for me to take, it’s right in my face. What I can’t do is ignore it.
Either I take what he’s offering, all of it, or I don’t.
When my hand slips into his, electricity shoots up my arm and through my body. I jolt at the same time Knox does. Did he feel it too?
From the way his green eyes widen slightly, he did.
“Come on, little storm,” he murmurs after helping me stand, “let me cook for you and we can spend a little time together.”
There’s no room to be afraid as my chest fills with warmth and belonging which is an entirely new sensation. It starts in my chest and spreads throughout my body. Is this what being around him will always be like?
I like it. I’m not sure I want it to end.