CHAPTER 16 #2
Wilde practically dances over to tell me about a painting or technique he just learned about before gushing about how he’s going to try to incorporate whatever he’s talking about into his own artwork.
The guys all smile at him as he explains everything to me, but there’s nothing condescending in the way they look at him.
No, none of them are shining him on. They look at him with pride.
Ian takes the entire day in stride. Even though he doesn’t seem as excited about art, he appears to be happy just spending time with everyone.
The few times I ask him questions—about school or how he likes being a big brother—he doesn’t even roll his eyes and huff in annoyance, which I was kind of expecting given his teenager status.
He’s a good kid and I’m not the only one who notices.
Wyatt looks like a peacock with the way he’s strutting around, and Tenley’s eyes are filled with love.
Kessler starts to fuss just as we make it through all the exhibits and Tenley sighs with relief. “He’s been going longer between feeds, and my supply is regulating, but sometimes my boobs hurt,” she admits quietly.
The look I give her is full of understanding.
I remember those days. It was hard for me because I needed breastfeeding to go smoothly since I knew he wouldn’t be willing to pay for formula.
It meant I was always worried about my supply and whether Wilde was getting enough.
His transition to solid foods was a bittersweet blessing.
As the ladies sit on nearby benches, Wyatt goes about changing Kessler.
He doesn’t even blanche and I find myself fascinated.
That’s when I notice Knox herding Wilde into the gift shop with mischievousness sparkling in his eyes.
He’s not the only one heading in either and for a moment I’m worried.
The feeling bubbling up in me has nothing to do with my son swindling them into buying him things and everything to do with my past.
Not being able to see my son has fear creeping up my spine. Knowing he’s safe, knowing Knox won’t hurt him, doesn’t help nearly as much as it should.
When a hand lands on my shoulder, I jerk slightly before realizing it is Avery touching me. Her eyebrows are pulled together in a look of concern. “He’ll be fine,” she reassures me.
Wyatt notices my expression as he hands Kessler off to Tenley. He winks and offers a small smile, “I’ll go in and keep an eye on things.”
“Thank you,” the words barely get past my lips but the nod he gives me lets me know he heard me anyway.
After he walks away, Tenley pulls her boob out without bothering with a cover and Kessler lunges toward her nipple like he hasn’t been sleeping soundly for hours. It’s adorable.
One of his little eyes pops open and he stares at me as he snacks. I grimace, not because I care about Tenley breastfeeding in public, but because I remember trying to do the same and it did not end well for me. That was the first time he hit me after I had given birth.
With a shiver, I push away those thoughts and look toward the gift shop. “I have a feeling Wyatt isn’t going to be much help in stopping Knox from buying whatever Wilde wants.”
The girls laugh and nod because they know I’m right.
Through the windows of the store, I only get glimpses of Wilde, but I can track Knox through the entire place because of his height. My son is leading him around, his hands already full of who knows what. Of course, my son would be the one to find things to buy at an art museum gift shop.
I shake my head but decide it’s best to let it go. Knox is a grown man and knows how to say no. And Wilde is exceptionally good at negotiation when he wants to be. If Knox is going to let a four-year-old talk him into things, he’ll find he’s not the first one to be duped.
“So,” Tenley’s voice is filled with curiosity, “I have to ask now that the boys are gone, how are things going with you and Knox?”
My eyes widen at her bold question, but I’ve learned it’s just part of who she is. Yes, it is a little nosey, but it comes from a good place.
“Things have been good?” It comes out more like a question than a statement and I clear my throat before trying again while hoping I sound surer. “I mean, they have been good. Knox and I have been spending time together, but it’s not just us. He always includes Wilde and never seems to resent it.”
Monroe scoffs which pulls my attention to her. “The last thing Knox feels toward Wilde is resentment,” she assures me. “If I had to put a label on it, he thinks of your boy as his.”
My jaw hangs open for a second before I snap it closed. I’ve watched how Knox treats Wilde and while I agree with Monroe, I hadn’t put their bond into words. Now it’s out there and feels much more real and unavoidable.
It’s not like you want to avoid it. You want this just as bad as Knox and Wilde do.
“Does that bother you?” It’s Avery who asks the question, her tone tentative.
Without thinking about it, my eyes stray toward the shop just in time to find Knox throwing back his head and laughing while Wilde giggles, his little hand covering his mouth.
Then Knox is picking Wilde up in his strong arms. Wilde snuggles against him without any hesitation while a look of contentment blankets his features.
“No,” I croak out, “it doesn’t bother me. It does scare me,” I admit.
“That makes total sense,” Avery supports my feelings. “Only a few months ago, I was hiding my pregnancy.”
Her words have my focus snapping to her just as Tenley switches Kessler to her other breast. I stare at Avery while expecting her to take back her words. Why would she hide her pregnancy?
“Bridger and I were a one-night stand that resulted in this blessing,” she explains while running a hand over her belly.
“The only reason I went out the night we met was because I was mad at my father. He had informed me I was to marry his law firm partner’s son who was also another lawyer at the firm.
While they treated me like a paralegal, they gave him his dues as a lawyer while seeming to forget we both got through law school.
” She shakes her head and looks off into the distance.
“The day everything fell apart, I ended up fired and kicked out of my parent’s house because I refused to give up my baby.
Bridger had mentioned the name of the shop where he worked the night we were together, and it was the only place I could think to go. ”
“The day she showed up,” Monroe cuts in, “Bridger was distracted. He had been for months. Knowing what happened now, I’m positive he couldn’t stop thinking about Avery.”
Avery blushes and ducks her head slightly.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about him either,” she admits.
She clears her throat and looks at me, “That’s not why I shared, though.
Starting something new and taking a chance is scary.
It should be. But that doesn’t mean the fear will stick around, and getting past it may give you the opportunity to find something amazing and everlasting. ”
Her words hit me in the middle of my chest, and I look back into the shop to find Knox holding Wilde with a huge smile on his face. He’s at the register now and it’s probably a good thing I can’t see the pile I have no doubt they amassed.
“I promised him I would try,” I whisper to the girls, “and I’ll keep it.”
Tenley squeals while Monroe claps her hands. The look of pride Avery shoots me is the best reaction out of the three. Although, to be fair, Tenley’s is rather good too.
When they walk out of the gift shop, my jaw drops open at the bag Knox is carrying. Wyatt sees my reaction and holds up his hands in surrender even though the sparkle in his eyes tells me he’s not even a little bit sorry.
“Mommy,” Wilde skips over to me, “you should see all the art souvenirs I got. I’ll never forget today as long as I live,” he declares and any protests I was working up go up in smoke.
Instead of saying anything, I kiss Wilde’s head and smile at Knox and allow my heart to feel full. And it does. In a way it never has before.
If fate led me here, if it really had a hand in how I made it away from the darkness and toward something real, then I owe it to myself, and fate, to not let the doubts win. I owe it to myself to jump in with both feet.
That feeling of triumph, of being right where I’m supposed to be, stays with me through going out to dinner with everyone. It clings to me even as we sit out in front of Safe Home, Wilde’s gentle, even breaths coming from the backseat where drool is leaking from the side of his mouth as he sleeps.
And then Knox turns to me, his expression suddenly serious, and my heart drops.
Before he can say anything, I blurt out, “Is this where you let me off easy?”
Knox’s eyebrows pull together in confusion before they smooth out, and his expression softens. “No, my little storm,” he assures me; and I believe him. “Nothing like that.”
“Okay,” I breathe out as fear tries to claw its way into the forefront of my mind again.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “You’ve been talking about finding a place and leaving Safe Home. I also know you’re concerned about paperwork and being on a lease. While I’m sure Higgins Security and the shelter are equipped to help you get around the issue, I have an idea.”
“You have an idea?” My voice sounds high and a little breathy as my heart starts to pound in my chest.
“Come and stay with me. At the house,” his words are careful and measured, spoken like secrets wrapped in softness because he doesn’t want them to land like the bombs they are.
My mouth opens and closes a few times before I find myself staring at him with no idea what to say or how to react. He chuckles and leans over to press a kiss against my forehead before brushing his lips against my own.
“You don’t need to answer me right now,” he assures me. “Take some time. Think about it. Ask me whatever questions you come up with. Then decide.” He pulls back enough to look into my eyes, his mossy depths sincere in a way which has me blinking back tears. “No pressure,” he murmurs.
Then he pulls away from me entirely. It feels like space instead of a punishment. He helps me out of his truck before grabbing Wilde who snuggles in his arms like they are exactly where he wants to be.
The vision of them together has my ovaries doing a jig while my brain tries to revolt and my heart is torn on which way to go.
“Just think about it,” are the words he leaves me with. They linger along with the way his fingers slipped from mine as he stepped back out into the dusk.