Chapter Sixteen
He thought he’d seen a shooting star blast through the bailey.
As it turned out, it was only Jane.
He had no idea why the child was running from the keep, but he could guess.
When it came to Jane, and Caledonia for that matter, there was always volatility involved.
Thor had considered himself merely an interested bystander for the first couple of days at Stafford, but he’d shared a conversation with Caledonia one night that forced him to realize that he wasn’t simply that.
He was Caledonia’s husband and, by default, now had three daughters through that marriage.
Three little girls who had been emotionally starved and abused by those entrusted to their care.
That was when he ceased being a bystander.
He followed Jane’s trail.
She’d run into the stables, which seemed to be her favorite place.
She could hear her sobbing as she preached to the horses yet again, her preferred congregation because they didn’t question her or try to engage her in conversation, something she was also afraid of.
The child had many fears that they’d all been trying to help her with, but she was very much a solitary creature. Fearful of living, fearful of dying.
The truth was that he felt rather sorry for her.
“She went in here.”
A voice came from behind him, and he turned to see Darius walking up. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’ve been following her from the keep.”
Darius nodded, coming to a pause beside Thor as they both looked over the darkened innards.
It didn’t take long before they heard open sobbing, intermittent between bouts of preaching.
Carefully, Thor and Darius entered the stable, peering around a corner to see Jane standing in front of a row of stalls that housed the knights’ horses.
Big horse butts were facing her, but she was crying and quoting the Ten Commandments.
Something about honoring parents. As they’d found out, she couldn’t actually read, but simply repeated what she’d been told.
Thor stepped out of the shadows.
“Jane?” he said quietly. “What’s amiss, my love?”
She turned to him, startled by his appearance. It took her a moment, but she began to point at him.
“G-go away,” she wept. “I d-do not want to talk to you.”
Thor kept coming, with Darius emerging from the shadows behind him. “You do realize that I am here because I am concerned,” he said. “I saw you run out of the keep and came to see why. What happened?”
Jane was wiping furiously at her eyes, streaking dirt down her cheek.
Unlike her sisters, she hadn’t allowed her mother to bathe or dress her, so she was still in her rags—only her rags were growing tight on her because the one thing she would accept was the food she was given during the day.
Like the other two, she was eating constantly.
But she was a confused little girl.
“Sh-she told me that I am sinning,” she sobbed. “I am breaking a commandment.”
It made sense to him now that he’d heard her speaking about honoring her parents. “Aye,” he said evenly. “That is a commandment from God, and you have been breaking it since your mother arrived.”
Jane’s eyes widened and she burst into a fresh round of sobs. “I am not going to heaven!”
She was so dramatic that Thor had to fight off a smile. “If you continue to break the commandment, God will be displeased,” he said. “But if you ask for forgiveness and begin being kind to your mother, God will see that you are sincere. He will forgive you. Do you understand?”
She sniffled, nodding as she wiped her eyes. Darius came to stand next to Thor, a sympathetic smile on his lips as they both watched the child struggle. She was such a confused little thing.
“You are very bright, so I know you understand that we must always be kind to your mother and father,” Thor went on. “If you return to the keep and apologize for your actions, I know your mother would forgive you. She will always forgive you, Jane, but you must ask her. She loves you.”
Jane had stopped the hysterical sobbing, now rubbing her eyes with her dirty hand. “If she loves me, why did she go away?” she asked.
That was one of the first intelligent questions he’d heard come out of her.
She spent so much time regurgitating Madam Madonna’s poison that the child could hardly think for herself.
Therefore, for her to ask why Caledonia had left the family home was a milestone of sorts.
It meant that she could, indeed, think for herself.
He took it seriously.
“I will answer your question,” he said. “But first, I want to ask you one of my own. Will you listen?”
She was still rubbing her eyes, but she nodded. “Aye.”
“Do you know what a knight is?”
She stopped rubbing and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. “A warrior for God.”
“Indeed,” Thor said. “That is a good answer. But part of being a knight means that we always tell the truth. It is called honor. That means that the king trusts us because we never lie to him. Do you understand that?”
Jane nodded. She was actually making eye contact with him and not in an hysterical fashion, as was usual with her. “Madam Madonna told me that knights are bound by God,” she said. “You are like angels.”
Thor glanced at Darius, who smirked and looked away, before continuing.
“In a manner of speaking, I suppose,” he said.
“But the point I am making is that I will never lie to you. You can always trust me to tell you the truth, even if it is unpleasant. You have asked me why your mother left you and I will tell you the truth—because your father sent her away. Your father did not love your mother because she did not give birth to a son, so he sent her away. That is the only reason she left, Jane, I swear it. It was not because she did not love you. She does. But she was forced to leave.”
She continued to stare at him with those dark green eyes.
It was a magnificent color, a subtle green, and when the light hit it, one could see flecks of gold and brown.
He’d gazed into Caledonia’s eyes enough to know, and Jane’s eyes were the same color.
Eyes that seemed to be churning with what he had just told her.
“I have two sisters,” she finally said. “My father never told me that he wanted a boy.”
“He would not have told you that. Why would he?”
She shrugged. “I would try to talk to him sometimes, but he did not want to speak to me.”
Thor smiled faintly. “You can speak to me anytime you wish,” he said. “Darius, too. If you have questions or an issue, you may tell us and we will help you with it. We will always be here for you, Jane. I wish you would believe that.”
Her gaze moved from Thor to Darius, who was smiling at her. Her focus returned to Thor. “Why did Madam Madonna not bring my mother back?” she asked.
He lifted an eyebrow. “Can we discuss Madam Madonna without you weeping and running away?”
That was the usual way those conversations went, but Jane nodded and Thor continued.
“Because if your mother came back, then Madam Madonna would no longer have charge of you and your sisters,” he said.
“She felt that she was the only one capable of tending you. She did not want your mother back because she was jealous of her. Madam Madonna wanted all of the control and did not want your mother interfering. Madam Madonna used to be your father’s nurse, in fact. Did you know that?”
Jane nodded. “He called her ‘mada.’”
“Did you also know that your father was married before he married your mother?”
Jane cocked her head. “He had two wives?”
“Two at different times,” Thor said. “His first wife died, and so did her daughters, so he married your mother in the hope that she would have sons to inherit the title. But your mother only had daughters. Madam Madonna was brought to help tend you and your sisters because she had once been your father’s nurse, only your father did not want daughters, nor did he want a wife who only bore daughters.
He sent your mother away and told Madam Madonna to raise you and your sisters however she wished.
When we arrived, we saw your sisters in the garden, dirty and hungry.
I asked you once if Madam Madonna took care of you, and you grew upset with me. Do you remember?”
Jane nodded. “Aye.”
“Will you answer me?”
“Will you tell her my answer?”
“Of course not,” he said. “Lass, she’s never coming back, not ever.”
Jane had to think on that. Once, when she had been told that Madam Madonna had been sent away, she’d grown hysterical.
Given that the nun was the only mother figure she’d ever had, right or wrong, she was attached to her.
But the more time passed and the more she listened to Thor and Darius and even her own mother, the more she began to question Madam Madonna.
With her, Jane only knew one kind of life.
Now, with the arrival of Caledonia and Thor and even Nicola and Darius and the others, she was starting to see another way of life, one of kindness and caring and food and warmth and love.
Yes, even love.
It was an entirely different world.
And maybe not such a bad one.
“I don’t know what to do,” she finally said, her red eyes welling again.
“Madam Madonna told me that I must preach the word of God and I would go to heaven. She told me that’s what I must always do, but I feel afraid when I do it and afraid when I don’t.
No one listens to me. Do you think God will truly forgive me if I ask forgiveness for breaking his commandment? ”
Thor nodded. “He will, I am certain of it,” he said. “Jane, did Madam Madonna always tell you what to do?”
“Always.”
“From now on, the only people who are going to tell you what to do are me and your mother,” he said, bending over so he could be more on her level. “And we will tell you to learn your lessons, play with your sisters, and be happy. You do not have to preach any longer, I promise.”