Chapter Eighteen #3
“As she was putting your things back into the bag and trying to be careful with them, she found something,” he said.
Then he held his hand out to Kieran, who put the missive in his hand.
The entire time, Kieran had been holding it.
William turned it over to War. “This was open when she picked it up. She saw my name.”
Without another word, he extended it to War, who was looking William straight in the eye when he took it. In fact, he didn’t even look at it. He simply took it and kept his gaze on William. Then, he finally glanced at it.
Something in his expression changed.
“I see,” he said after a moment. “Did you read it?”
“I did.”
War nodded, but it was only an acknowledgement that he understood the sequence of events. Beyond that, it didn’t mean anything. Missive in hand, he stood up.
“Then you know,” he said.
“I know.”
“Did you know before you read this?”
William shook his head. “Nay,” he said honestly. “As your mother said, she never told me. I never heard from her after her father told me to go away and leave her alone.”
War grunted. It was clear that the formal, polite manner was now wavering with the introduction of a very touchy subject. His jaw began to flex as he faced something he hadn’t wanted to face yet.
It was a most unexpected happening.
“And you did?” he said. “You simply went away and left the woman you loved, the woman you had bedded?”
William could feel the tension. He glanced at Kieran, who was watching the situation closely. In truth, he was glad Kieran was there as a witness. He didn’t want this to be a private conversation that could potentially turn ugly.
“War, I am going to be completely honest with you,” he said evenly. “I realize this is a difficult subject for you and I’m sure you think that I wronged your mother somehow but let me explain what happened before you judge me. You should have all of the facts if you are going to do that.”
War looked at him. “I am not judging you,” he said.
“The truth is that I only found out about this when my father, or at least the man I knew as my father, confessed everything to me on his deathbed. Not only did I have to endure his death, but I had to endure being told that everything I’d believed in my entire life was a lie.
If I become emotional about this it is because the man I knew and loved as my father is dead.
That is bad enough. But oddly enough, my anger isn’t directed at you.
It is directed at him. I haven’t had much time to think on this situation because so much has happened in the days since his death and, truth be told, I have avoided it all.
But now that we are speaking of it, there is some anger.
Anger at men who keep secrets that affect others. ”
William understood that completely. “I know,” he said, not unsympathetic. “I can only imagine how you must have felt. I do not know why your mother did not tell you sooner, but I am sure she had her reasons.”
“What reasons?” War said, his jaw ticking. Then, he shook his head and turned away. “I am coming to wish my father hadn’t told me at all.”
There was hurt in his voice. Such hurt. William couldn’t help but feel a good deal of sympathy for him.
“Did he give his reasons for telling you?” he asked softly.
War shrugged. “He felt I needed to know,” he said. “He told me all he could, from my mother’s perspective, but when he told me who my father was… he forbade me to become angry with you.”
William watched the tense body language as War twitched, wrapped up in a maelstrom of emotion and bewilderment.
“Do you want to hear of the situation from my perspective?” he asked quietly. “I would be more than willing to tell you.”
War considered that. He really did. “I do not know,” he said after a moment. “As I said, I’ve not really thought on all of this since my father told me. Mayhap I simply do not want to think about it right now. I really do not know. But I suppose I do have one question.”
“What is it?”
“Did you love my mother?”
William sighed heavily, looking at Kieran, who nodded his head faintly. He was giving William permission to tell the man the truth because to lie to him would only bring about more hurt and more lies.
And he didn’t want to lie to him.
He’d been lied to enough.
“Nay,” he finally said. “I was not in love with her. But she was in love with me. She wanted to marry me, so I offered for her hand because… well, as you so eloquently put it, I had bedded her. I thought it was the right thing to do. But her father denied me and sent me away quickly. I was told not to return under any circumstances.”
War didn’t like that answer. He began to rub his big hands together, a nervous gesture, as he processed the conversation.
“I loved my mother,” he said. “She was a good woman.”
“She was, indeed.”
“Then tell me you did not take advantage of her, or worse,” War snapped. “Tell me everything that happened between you two was because she wanted it to happen. That you both wanted it to happen.”
“Everything that happened between us was of our own free will, I swear it.” William watched him twitch and wring his hands. “Now, I have a question for you. May I?”
War nodded, distracted. “Ask.”
“When were you going to give me your mother’s letter?”
War paused in his twitching and wringing. “I am not certain,” he said. “When the timing was right, I suppose.”
“And what did you hope to gain by it?”
War looked at him sharply. “Gain by it?” he said.
“I do not want to gain anything by it. I do not want anything from you, de Wolfe. Other than an alliance, I want absolutely nothing from you. I was carrying the letter in my bags in case I decided to tell you everything and for no other reason than that. Beg pardon, my lord, but I want to be perfectly clear… do you mean to suggest I was going to try and wrest money from you with it?”
William was surprised the conversation had taken such a bitter, suspicious turn.
“Of course not,” he said. “But the fact is that you are my son by blood. Everyone around us, at least my own men, could see it if I couldn’t.
You look like me and you fight like me, so I am undeniably your father.
I suppose I should have asked if you had any expectations after giving me the letter. ”
That didn’t help War’s sense of insult. “Expectations?” he repeated, aghast. “What expectations could I possibly have? I was only going to give you the letter because my mother wanted me to and for no other reason than that. I will repeat the fact that I do not want anything from you. I do not expect anything from you. I was perfectly happy not knowing you were my father and it does not make me happy to know that the man I thought was my father was, in fact, tricked into marriage because my mother was pregnant with me. She was pregnant with your child.”
He was starting to get agitated so Kieran stepped in.
“War,” he said steadily. “William was not implying that you wanted something from him and even if he was, he didn’t mean monetarily.
He meant friendship. A pleasant familial relationship.
He was simply asking you what your feelings were on the matter and nothing more. ”
War’s jaw was ticking furiously as he looked at Kieran, but his ire had William’s ire rising.
The young man was hurt and angry and although he said his anger wasn’t directed at William, it was quickly heading in that direction.
Angry and disgusted… perhaps disgusted that he was the son of William de Wolfe.
Perhaps all of William’s power and reputation was repugnant to him somehow.
It was difficult to tell, but William was rapidly growing offended by the stance.
In his opinion, there was no call for it.
But War obviously felt differently.
“Let me be plain on my part,” William said as he turned back for his table.
“I have six sons. I do not need or want another and if you think I was suggesting that you were here to intimidate me somehow, then you are not as reasonable as I was led to believe. Every word out of my mouth is evidently some kind of slander to you, so it is best if we end this conversation now before we both say something we will regret. Be ready to depart on the morrow to Northwood Castle and I shall bid you a good evening.”
War stiffened. “No need, my lord,” he said. “I will be returning to Bamburgh Castle on the morrow. I consider my association with you purely professional and I would appreciate the same consideration in return.”
“You have it.”
“I would also appreciate it if you do not mention our… situation to anyone. I would not want it to get out.”
“Nor would I.”
The words stung War. So the man didn’t want to be associated with him, did he? War had words of his own for the man who had bedded his mother.
He meant them to wound.
“I would not want men thinking that my royal appointments were because I was William de Wolfe’s bastard,” he rumbled.
There was contempt in his tone. It was a low blow and William had to take a deep breath, struggling not to clap back, but he simply couldn’t help it. War’s anger had him angry and hurt also.
“You should be so fortunate if they thought so,” he muttered.
“And let me be perfectly clear about our professional association, Herringthorpe – what you think is immaterial to me so long as you give me your troops when I ask for them. If you do not, I will tell Henry and Henry will remove you from your post. You’ll find out the hard way just how powerful I really am. ”
It was a crushing display of rank and superiority. War knew it was the truth. William had the upper hand on him and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could say about it. But, damn it all to hell, he was seething inside. He wasn’t used to being humiliated like that.
But he had been, brutally so.
It never occurred to him that he might have deserved it.
“I am at your disposal, my lord,” he said through clenched teeth.
It was the only thing he could say and they all knew it. William glared at him a few moments longer before turning away.
“You may leave now,” he said.
It was a sour and devastating ending to a most unexpected conversation.
With that, War quit the solar, heading out of the keep as Kieran went to the doorway and watched.
He could see War’s tall, straight back as he crossed the inner bailey and took a turn to the left, disappearing behind the north wing of the keep.
Kieran sighed heavily.
“Damnation, William,” he muttered. “He is just like you. Stubborn and proud, both of you.”
William was feeling horrible about the situation and how it played out. He pretended to busy himself with other things, struggling not to show how badly it had affected him.
“Put a watch on him and his men,” he rumbled. “When dawn comes, make sure he leaves. I would also make sure he has no contact with Annie, at least not until we both calm down. I do not want him saying something to her in anger because that would draw my wrath.”
Kieran could feel William’s pain. He turned to him, watching him fuss with pieces of vellum on his table, pretending to be occupied with them when the truth was that his mind was on that enormous knight who had just departed the solar.
Kieran could read the man’s mind even if he didn’t know exactly what he was feeling.
“Let his anger cool, William,” Kieran said quietly.
“In fact, let your anger cool. I suspect the death of his father has compounded his confusion and angst about the situation with you. I do not think he is lashing out at you personally. I believe he is lashing out at the situation in general but, somehow, it turned personal. He will come to understand that, with time.”
“And if he doesn’t?” William said, glancing at Kieran. But then he waved the man off. “I do not care if he doesn’t. It is of no consequence to me what he feels or thinks.”
Kieran knew it wasn’t true but he didn’t contradict him. He simply nodded his head.
“I’ll tell Christian to keep watch on him,” he said. “We’ll make sure he departs at dawn. You needn’t give him a second thought.”
“I won’t.”
Kieran knew that wasn’t true. As he quit the solar and headed out of the keep, he knew most definitely that it wasn’t true.
Something told him that the scene in the solar wasn’t going to be the end of it tonight.
Not in the least.