Chapter 11 #2
I’m on the brink of acting shocked by their response.
Sliding my phone into my back pocket, hands are on their way to my chest as my mouth opens.
The universe has another plan for us. A loud thump causes my head to turn, curiosity enters my eyes, and my body freezes while I wait for another noise to grace my ears.
My head leans into it, inching forward, begging for more to come.
Long locks slip over my shoulder the farther I lean into it.
Yes, I have showered and put a brush through my hair since we last saw each other.
Miracles are real. Don’t count on me having a bra on though.
A deep voice finally clears his throat, while the sound of keys jingling become music to my ears.
Smiling, this could only be one person, my assailant, Douche Canoe.
This is the first time I’ve heard him since he moved into the building.
Normally I don’t hear a thing through the walls, but maybe I just hadn’t been paying attention before.
The human mind is far too complex for me to understand.
Analyzing it will only cause me to spiral into ‘The Upside Down’ surely.
In a quick pivoting action, on bare tiptoes, I scurry through my kitchen and down the front hallway. My body pauses about a foot away from the door. We don’t need him potentially seeing my shadow under the door as sunlight shines through my space.
Holding my arms out for balance, my torso hinges at the hips until my eye meets the naughty peephole.
Eyelashes brush against the brushed gold around the glass.
There he stands, keychain around his finger, phone out, a blue pail at his feet, and his classic scowl decorating his chiseled face.
He has okay looks, I suppose. The black thick-framed glasses absolutely help, but his attitude is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.
And I cannot wait to further ruin his day with my presence, which desperately repulsed him the last time we met.
Plus, this gets me out of the boredom hole my team was sending me down.
A loud cackle escapes me, and he startles.
Wasting no time, I remove the latches and turn the locks.
My hand grips the door handle and I swing it open, making my grand reveal.
Stepping through the threshold into the shared hallway which homes our private elevator, I greet Douche Canoe with a smile that perfectly frames my pearly white teeth.
I wait for his response, but this shithead can’t even be bothered to look up at me.
The audacity. This was my building first. I’m basically an elder. Show some fucking respect.
The sound of my own front door closing causes me to jump.
His head shakes slightly as his fingers frantically type on the smart phone device.
I desperately want to place my hands on my hips, offended, but I will not give him such satisfaction of showing how much he is irritating me. Instead, I examine him further.
A blue bucket with dirty water and minimal suds sits at his feet, which are slid into designer suede loafers.
No socks, just skin peeking through the gap at the ankles before black slacks go up his legs.
A matching black belt and a gold double ‘H’ buckle greets my eyes next before a crisp white button-up bores my senses.
No tie today and his top button is undone.
Interesting, and a slightly risky fashion move for him.
A slight five-o’clock shadow decorates his jaw which complements his glasses, dark eyes, and thick hair nicely.
Tucked under his one arm is possibly a white apron.
Straps are tied around it and bowed nicely, with rubber dish gloves tucked with it.
Very interesting, indeed. What has Douche Canoe been up to?
Wait. Where is his friend? Was he getting rid of evidence that his friend possibly died in the parking lot?
I noticed the official Douche Canoe vehicle has been missing the past couple days.
Oh my word, I should be a fucking detective if I’m right.
As my brain frantically wonders, his deep, arrogant voice brings me back to the present. “I have just sent a letter to the board. Your presence here disturbs me greatly.”
With eyes wide and jaw slacked, nearly hitting the ground from shock, I just stare at him.
He slides his phone into his pants pocket and finally looks up at me. “Do you not wear clothes when you are out in public? This deeply concerns me.”
Looking down at myself, I double-check because it’s very possible that I could have forgotten a shirt. I mean, crazier things have happened. But my worry disappears, thankfully a black oversized tee, which is slightly tucked into my shorts, welcomes me.
“Pardon?” I ask, bewildered. The man wears glasses, for crying out loud, are they the wrong prescription?
I see him looking me up and down. His brows move, and disgust forms all over his face. Testing the waters, I take a step closer and he jerks his head back in response. I fucking love it. I have found his tick, it’s me, my very existence, and I will use it against him happily.
“I’m not sure how you came to be approved to purchase a unit here, but if they took one look at you, they would have never allowed it.”
Oh burn. Tilting my head ever so slightly, I smirk while looking deeply into his dark brown eyes.
Long lashes brush against his glasses with each blink and jealousy gets involved.
Why do men have the best lashes? We go through hell getting our cervix walls scraped each year.
IUDs shoved so far up our pussies you think it could exit out of our mouths if they go any further, never mind the pain.
And hemorrhoids. I’m aware men get them as well.
I don’t fucking care. It doesn’t count. Because many of us get them while birthing.
Let’s see a baby come out of a penis. Yeah, I didn’t think so.
We deserve the beautiful long lashes too, dammit.
At this point, I have worked myself up so much that I can feel my face turning a shade of red. With my head still tilted, eyes squint but my body overpowers my mind. Bending my fingers at the middle set of knuckles, I raise my hand, zone in on his Adam’s apple, and throat punch the motherfucker.
My movement is so quick he doesn’t see it coming. Knuckles connect, slamming down against his esophagus. Bullseye! He chokes, heaving forward. I can feel my eyes twinkling in satisfaction as my hand pulls back, resting at my side innocently.
“Your presence disturbs me,” I spit as he is bent over, holding his throat, coughing. I watch his eyes in hopes he cries.
I didn’t come out here thinking violence was the answer. The intent to harm was at a zero, I only wanted to provoke. It’s something I find fun with him. To say this took a turn would be an understatement, but I stand by my actions.
“Oh no, the delivery girl touched you, m’grace.” Sarcasm oozes out of me and I hope Tac is live streaming this to the team. Connor would be proud.
Through a wheezing breath, Douche Canoe speaks. “You are a violent offender.”
Choking on my spit, I, for once, am at a loss for words.
I’ll show him a violent offender if that’s what he wants.
Raising my right foot on tiptoe, I rotate my ankle to stretch it and bend the knee ever so slightly.
Standing firm on my left, I engage all muscles, including my core for balance, in preparation for my next attack.
Just as I am ready to kick my foot back for momentum like an angry donkey, my bum vibrates, followed by a single ping.
Ignoring it, I zone in on his crotch. My foot will go where my eyes are locked in.
Another vibration and ding come in. If this is O, I will change her nickname in the group chat to cockblock.
Reaching back, I slide the phone out and look at the notification.
It’s Tac. He knows I can’t be mad at him. Well played, friend.
Tac
Get back here. You won’t believe the sheet that just came in!!
Call me interested. My brows rise as my body relaxes.
“You are going to regret putting your hands on me. Again,” Douche Canoe threatens. Rolling my eyes, I don’t look up, giving him the same respect he gave me while he was on his phone.
Another message comes in.
Tac
Hurry. This isn’t a trick.
A grumble of frustration releases from my throat before giving in to the carrot of temptation being dangled before me.
Spinning on my heel, which isn’t easy on the carpeted common space floor.
It actually stings, gosh I love carpet burn, said no one ever.
I don’t speak as my body rotates, instead I simply walk away, acting unfazed by the crippling effect I had over Douche Canoe, while staying captivated by my phone.
“I hope you are reading your notice to vacate.” He wishes it was that easy. I paid cash for this unit. The board can only evict me if they offer to purchase the unit for market value. Which is never going to happen. Men can be so thick.
Heading back into my unit, I leave him in the hall as if our encounter never happened.
To really confuse him and make him think about what he’s done, because why not?
Casually closing the heavy door behind me, I lock and latch everything to be safe.
This guy could have dumped his friend’s body and tidied any evidence left behind for all I know. He did attempt to murder me, remember?
Skipping down the hall, my eyes are greeted with one image on all monitors as I enter the kitchen and living space.
Shocked, my body freezes in place. This is too good to be true. It can’t be real. Can it?
Gasping, hand to heart. Please eyes, don’t fail me now.
It’s him.
The picture provided is from a grainy CCTV, but it’s fucking him. Jumping on the balls of my feet, this is the best day ever. Without an ounce of doubt in my mind, I know. It’s the loafers, the dark hair and thick frames. Shit. What have I done in this lifetime to get so lucky?
Wait, no one answer that. We cannot jinx this.
Skimming over the fine print, my eyes dart rapidly down to the reward. With fingers and toes crossed, I plead, please don’t be exclusive.
With a quick fist pump, my prayers have been answered.
Half a million-dollar reward.
My mind calms. Work mode clicks on.
“Get everything you can on him,” I instruct my team in a stoic tone of disbelief. I continue to mumble to myself, “I’ll show you a violent offender, you asshat.”
Fingers rise, brushing my bottom lip as my mind races.
“T, I mean it. Everything!”