Chapter Five
Alice
I should have waited and let him come to my door, but I was too antsy to stay inside, and so nervous I needed fresh air so I could actually breathe.
It had been twenty hours since I’d kissed Caleb Kelly, and I still couldn’t believe I’d done it.
I didn’t know exactly what had come over me.
It had been a strange night. The letter from Silla’s lawyer had unsettled me, then Caleb and I were close—so close, I could see the blond and red whiskers peppering his unruly beard.
I simply couldn’t not kiss him.
That kiss…wow. It had been pulled straight from my favorite books.The reckless thrill of Romeo and Juliet’s first kiss without the shadow of tragedy, I hoped at least.It was Gatsby finally kissing Daisy again when, for one fleeting moment, everything had been golden.
Fireworks and a revelation, like Elizabeth seeing Darcy for who he truly was.
Caleb had finally seen me too.
I couldn’t say what had gotten into me. How I’d made the decision to be bold.
Probably something to do with being so very close to him for the first time.
And even more to do with the news about Silla.
My sister, who had never let me be close to her, wouldn’t have the chance to kiss the man she liked or ask him to take her out.
I was still here.
I had taken that chance.
My toes curled inside my shoes, which were more sensible than I would have liked for the occasion, but I hadn’t had any time to go shopping, so I’d done the best with what I had.
My hair was in soft waves—which were already falling flat since it was too long and heavy for its own good—and I swiped on lip gloss I’d picked up at the five and dime.
I was wearing my favorite red dress. It skimmed my curves and ended mid-calf.
Nothing fancy or sexy, and it was still cold enough I had to wear a sweater over it, but I felt pretty, if understated.
I hoped Caleb liked it.
I hoped he didn’t mind if I talked about books and asked him a hundred questions about his family’s ranch.
I hoped we kissed again. At least once, but I would take as many as he wanted to give.
The rumble of his truck reached me before the headlights came around the corner. My stomach swooped. I’d seen his truck parked in front of Joy’s or along Main Street a hundred times, but it was here for me.
Pulling up to the curb, he killed the engine and stepped out. Tall and broad in a dark flannel and jeans, his hair scraped back in a messy bun, casual and unassuming, I couldn’t look away.
He walked around the front of the truck, something in his hands. Two somethings.
A small bouquet of wildflowers wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine, and a pink pastry box with Sugar Rush printed on the side.
I started to get even more excited…until I looked at his face. He didn’t have the expression of a man eager to pick up his date. His jaw was set too tight, and his eyes were on everything but me.
“Hey,” I said, moving forward, trying not to let my voice wobble. “You came.”
“Yeah.” He stopped a few feet from me. Too far. “You look really nice, Alice.”
“You do too.” And he did. I didn’t need him to make a great big effort. He always looked nice, even after a long, hard day on the ranch, and this evening was no different.
“Appreciate it.” He scuffed his boot on the walk. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
The bakery box and flowers shifted in his hands like he wasn’t sure what to do with them anymore.
I looked at them, then back at him, trying to piece together what was happening. “Is everything okay?”
He hesitated. Then nodded stiffly. “Everything’s fine.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his discomfort like a neon sign. This wasn’t going to go the way I wanted. I braced myself, and still, when he finally spoke, I wasn’t ready.
“I’ve been thinking about the right thing to do. As much as I’d enjoy taking you to dinner, Alice, I’m not going to. It’s not right for either of us.”
This.
This, this, this.
I should have known this was coming. This was exactly why I kept to myself. This.
“Oh,” I said quietly.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he rushed out, stepping forward like he could soften the blow with proximity. “Last night was unexpected. You took me by surprise. It was good. Real good. And I guess…I got swept up in it.”
I nodded, my mouth dry. “And you aren’t swept up anymore.”
His lips pressed into a grim line. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just—I’ve got Jesse, the ranch, and…well, this isn’t something I do…” He glanced down at the flowers, like maybe they’d speak for him.
“This isn’t something you do?”
“It’s not.” He exhaled, and when he spoke again, he was more decisive. “If this was only one date, I’d go through with it. But I have the feeling that’s not all you’re looking for, and I am not the one who can give you more.”
“You’d go through with it,” I intoned. Like in other circumstances, a date with me would be a test or challenge he’d be willing to see through.
“It wouldn’t be a hardship.” He looked me right in the eye, like he needed to make sure I understood him.
“The thing is, I grew up seeing my parents in a good, strong marriage. That kind of example could have gone one of two ways for me. I could’ve seen what they had and sought it out for myself.
If I didn’t have Jesse, I might’ve been more inclined.
But I’ve got my boy, a tight family, a job that takes a hell of a lot of my time, and I’m content.
I’m not looking to settle down with someone.
I’m settled as I am. And you…you deserve a man who’ll give you that.
As much as I’d like to take you to dinner, I think it’ll be better for us both to leave it here. ”
My ears were ringing, and my face was so hot, sweat prickled at my hairline. Everything he’d said was rational. It made sense. This wasn’t personal. Caleb wasn’t a relationship guy, and he thought I was a relationship girl.
Was I? I didn’t even know.
Probably.
He was most likely right. One date with him wouldn’t have been enough. Now that I looked at it that way, I was almost relieved he was canceling on me.
There was a long beat where neither of us spoke. The wind stirred the hem of my dress, tugged at my sweater, reminding me how cold it still was.
I nodded sharply. “Thank you for explaining. I understand. And you’re right, I don’t know if I would have proposed marriage, but if I went out with you once, I’m sure I would have wanted a repeat, so I’m glad I don’t know what I’m missing.”
“Alice…” he groaned. “Look, I—”
I held up my hand, desperately needing this to be finished. “I don’t think there’s anything more to say. Have a great night.”
He shifted between his feet, conflicted. “All right. You too.” Then he offered me the flowers. “Wait. These are for you.”
I backed up. “No, thank you.”
He shook them lightly. “I want you to have them. It’s the least I can do after dragging you through all this.”
I took another step away from him. “Really, thank you, but no. I’ve never been given flowers before, and I’d rather not start with a pity bouquet.”
He chuffed. “That’s not what this is.”
“It’s fine. Truly, I’d rather not.”
I looked down at the pretty pink box in his other hand and decided I could use a lot of whatever was inside it. A cookie, a muffin—anything sweet to cover up this bitterness in my mouth. Being bold one more time, I dashed forward, slipped it from his hold, and danced back.
“I’ll never turn down Phoebe’s baking.” I cradled the box close. “Thanks, Caleb. I guess I’ll see you at Joy’s.”
Then I walked into my house, closing the door behind me. When I peeked through the sidelight, Caleb was standing exactly where I’d left him, one hand clutching the flowers, the other on the back of his head, staring at my door.
I sighed. At least I knew the answer to the question that had been poised at the tip of my tongue the last four years. Caleb and I were never going to be.
Now…
I could get over him.