Chapter Eight #2
She raised her chin, pulling her sweater tight around her.
“Plenty, actually. Many kids go to camp for entire summers—at much younger ages and farther away. This program is only three weeks, and you could easily go see him, or he could come home for the weekends. If you would’ve read the information, you’d know that.
It’s not about taking Jesse away. This is about giving him an incredible opportunity to explore interests he, quite frankly, cannot do while hanging out on a ranch all summer. ”
I inhaled sharply. “Have you got something against ranch life, Ms. Clark?”
She didn’t back down. Not even a little bit. “Absolutely not. I’m sure Jesse’s learned a lot growing up on a ranch. But he needs more. Why would you not want him to have that?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Because he’s thirteen, Alice. Thirteen. He doesn’t need to be off living in dorms, surrounded by strangers. He’s a kid. He should be at home.”
“He will come home,” she reminded me, like I needed it. Hell, maybe I did. “On weekends, if he wants to. And he’ll call you every day. They have strict check-in policies. Did you read any of the packet Jesse gave you?”
“I don’t need to read it,” I bit out. “I know what’s best for my son.”
She flinched almost imperceptibly, and regret instantly twisted in my gut. I hadn’t meant to be harsh with her. Sure didn’t like making her flinch. Especially when she didn’t deserve it. This was a sore spot Shelby and Kent had already danced all over. It was difficult not to lash out.
She didn’t let it stop her.
“Do you?” Her voice was gentle, but her gaze was unflinching. “Seems to me you’re thinking about yourself right now.”
I bristled, heat creeping up the back of my neck. “Don’t do that. Don’t stand there and act like you know what’s going on in my mind or house. Jesse’s fine right where he is.”
“Of course he is. He’s a wonderful boy,” she said, like she was stating a simple fact. I liked that. “He’s also more than fine. He’s brilliant, Caleb. He wants to build things and program things and understand how the world works. Don’t you see that spark in him?”
“I couldn’t miss it,” I said gruffly. “But he’s still a kid. He’s got his whole life to be away from home. Why rush it now?”
“Because he is a kid. And kids grow. Their worlds get bigger. Their minds stretch to places we can’t always follow. That’s what’s supposed to happen. We should encourage it.”
I swallowed hard, my jaw tight. “I don’t want him to go,” I said lowly. “I just…don’t want him gone.”
She blinked, and for the first time, her expression gentled with understanding. “I know. But holding him back won’t keep him close. It’ll only teach him he has to shrink to stay loved.”
That cut deep, sharp and clean. I didn’t say anything. Couldn’t. My tongue felt too heavy in my mouth.
She reached across her desk and laid her hand over the papers. “Take these home. Read them. Talk to Jesse. And…please think about it.”
I did what she’d said: read the papers and questioned myself.
Would I have had the same knee-jerk reaction if I hadn’t just come away from a confrontation with Kent?
The god’s honest truth was probably not, and that pissed me off. Kent shouldn’t have been in the equation at all.
I picked up the phone and called the most levelheaded person I knew. I would’ve walked over to his house if Jess weren’t in the other room brooding, but a call would have to do.
My dad answered on the first ring. “Hey, Cay.”
“Hey. Got a minute to let me bounce some thoughts off you?”
“Yep. Always. Hit me.”
I pictured him sitting with his feet up on the coffee table, my mom either tucked up beside him or close by. They didn’t stray far from each other. Never had.
“The librarian, Alice Clark, gave Jesse information about a summer camp in Laramie. It’s three weeks long, and he’d stay in a dorm. Jesse wants to do it, but—”
“Three weeks is too long for you?”
“Way too long.” Him gone a week at a time was my limit. I couldn’t even wrap my head around more than that.
“What kind of camp is it?”
“STEM, focusing on robotics.” I explained everything I’d read about the camp—the experts who’d be teaching, the activities, what the schedule would be like, what Jesse would learn.
He sucked in air through his teeth. “Ah. No wonder Jesse wants to go. Sounds like his idea of heaven.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” he echoed. “Your hesitation is it’s too long to be away from home?”
“That, and the idea came from nowhere. The librarian found this camp for him. She contacted the guy who runs it to secure Jess a slot and told Jess about it. I may not have reacted well.”
My dad went quiet for a beat. “Don’t tell me you were a dick to her.”
“I won’t say it, but…yeah.”
He hissed again. “Caleb Kelly, I don’t like hearing that. That’s not the man I know you to be.”
It wasn’t often I was scolded by my dad. Not when I was younger, and especially not now. When it happened, I felt it deep in my gut.
I stared at the paperwork spread across my kitchen table. “I know. I know I messed it up. But I can’t get behind him going away for that long.”
“What if you’re stopping him from having the best time of his life? What if he comes home more confident, more curious, more himself than he’s ever been?”
“That’s what Alice said.”
“She’s a smart woman.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Listen, Cay. I get it. You’re his dad. You don’t want to let go. But part of raising a kid to become an independent adult is letting him learn he can be away from you and still be okay.”
I rubbed the back of my neck, close to admitting defeat. “I know you’re right. I do. I…just…he’s my boy.”
“Do you think he’ll ever stop being your boy? Look at you, calling your dad for advice at your ripe old age.” He chuckled. “Think about it this way: if you say no, will it be for him…or for you?”
That landed deep in my chest, heavy as a rock.
“For me,” I choked out, hating the taste of it.
“Then you know what you need to do.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “I do.”
I’d put some thought into it, and no matter what, three weeks was a long time to be away. I couldn’t agree without discussing it with Shelby and thorough research.
“Good man,” he said. “Apologize to Alice as soon as you can. And don’t forget to tell Jesse you’re proud of him.”
He was right on all counts. First, I’d make things right with Jesse, then I’d get to work on smoothing things over with Alice. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung up, staring at the kitchen wall for a long minute. Then I gathered the camp papers, squared the edges, and set them where I couldn’t ignore them in the morning.