Chapter 3
“Ugh. Do I have to do this?” Mikey hated how petulant he sounded, but he couldn’t help it. The last thing he wanted was to go on Morning Fun with Gina LaBun, but here he is.
“Yes, you do,” Tricia, his manager and sometimes best friend said. “You have a new book out, your career is on the upswing, and you want as much positive publicity as possible. Why wouldn’t you want to do an important interview with her?”
Tricia was, Mikey’d always thought, one of the prettiest girls he knew: voluptuous figure; rich black hair; a doll-like face. At the moment she was giving him a very hard stare, clearly wondering what had gotten into him.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because Gina LaBun is notorious for throwing curve-balls at guests she doesn’t like, and we all know she hasn’t liked me since I decided to pursue a solo career. Don’t you remember the time she hosted that journalist who wrote a whole hit piece on me?”
Tricia rolled her eyes. “Do you ever let go of a grudge?”
“I’m from West Virginia,” Mikey said at once. “And if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s holding grudges.”
Again, a very noticeable eye roll.
“Well, whether you like it or not, she’s a major player in the world of morning TV.
If you want people to take you seriously, and if you want to keep the momentum of your career reinvention going, then you’re going to have to learn to play nice with her, at least for the duration of an interview. How bad could it be?”
The answer, it turned out, was pretty damned bad.
It started when the PA came to get him. The poor girl not only looked mousy; she also acted mousy. Her eyes flicked constantly back and forth, which made Mikey wonder just how much of an unholy terror Gina was behind-the-scenes.
I probably don’t want to know, he thought.
Unfortunately, he’d seen enough of her interviews with musicians over the years to know just how much of a hardass she was when it came to asking tough questions.
She pretended to be all nice and bubbly–she did have to keep her fans happy–but she knew how to find an interview subject’s weaknesses and she also knew how to exploit them to the fullest. It was what made her such a respected journalist in the world of entertainment reporting, even as it also made her the type of person talent wanted to avoid at all costs.
Except, of course, they couldn’t do that, because doing so meant a lack of exposure.
It was quite a conundrum.
“Mr. Smiles, we’re ready for you,” the PA was saying, drawing him out of his anxieties.
He flashed Tricia a nervous smile.
“I’ve got this, right?” he asked.
“You definitely do,” she said, giving him a smile in return. He wasn’t sure he believed her but, since he needed to get through the interview, he was going to act like he did.
He got up from his makeup chair and followed the PA to the stage, conscious all the while of a growing knot of worry in his stomach.
Mikey passed by a full-length mirror and took a minute to make sure everything was in order.
The stylist had put some product in his curls so they had an extra bit of bounce, and his teeth flashed whitely in the mirror.
He was dressed simply–for Mikey Smiles–in a slim-fit dress shirt of dark blue and a pair of black slacks.
I’ve still got it, he thought, mostly in an effort to convince himself he did, indeed, still have it.
As soon as he stepped out on the set, however, the knot in his stomach became more acute. He just couldn’t shake the feeling it was all going to go terribly.
Just calm down, he thought. You’ve been doing interviews for literally decades. There’s nothing different about this one.
But he also knew this wasn’t exactly true. This would be his first major press interview since the publication of his memoir, in which he’d finally told the world the thing about himself he’d kept hidden for so long: he was pansexual.
Coming out had paradoxically been both the easiest and the hardest decision he’d ever made.
Easiest, because it meant he was finally able to live his life in the authentic way he’d always dreamed about.
Hardest, because it meant dealing with things he’d tried to keep out of the public eye for as long as possible.
At a certain point, though, you just couldn’t take the lying any more.
Mikey was sure Gina was going to ask him questions about it, and they were probably going to be invasive, just like the questions she was going to ask about other aspects of his life: the time he’d spent partying (too much); the number of relationships with women that hadn’t worked out (too many); and how many regrets he had about both of those things (ditto).
All of these thoughts ran through his mind at lightning speed as he walked toward his seat, his auto-pilot brain making sure he was still turning and looking out at the live studio audience, his public plastic smile plastered all over his face.
He might be a nervous wreck, but he was still going to give the fans what they wanted and asked for.
Mikey took his seat, conscious all the while of the look Gina was giving him. She was almost slavering at the chance to get at him.
She looked exactly like you’d expect a popular morning TV host to look: ice-blonde hair in a severe bob; just enough makeup to cover over any obvious flaws without being too conspicuous; gray pants suit; eyes like a hawk’s.
Just be calm.
“Hi, Gina,” he said, “it’s so great to see you.”
“It’s good to see you, too,” she said, flashing her trademark smile. “I’ve been waiting ages to get you on my couch.”
The words would have been innocuous to an outsider, but to Mikey the sentiment was clear: she was reprimanding him for not being on her show sooner.
Not for the first time, he was grateful she hadn’t been such a powerful force in the industry when he’d been with the Heartthrobs.
He could just imagine the kinds of questions she would’ve asked back then.
I’m sure they’re not going to be a picnic now, either, he thought.
To his surprise, however, at first the interview seemed to go well.
Those hawk-like eyes stayed fixed on him for the first few softball questions.
She asked him about his new album dropping on Spotify next year, how the book tour was going, the usual stuff.
As they went on, however, Mikey couldn’t shake the sense she was building up to something.
He started to brace himself, and then it was there.
“So,” she said. “I’m going to have to ask some of the tough questions.”
Mikey laughed, though it sounded forced, even in his own ears.
“I knew you were going to,” he said. “So I came prepared.”
Gina leveled a look at him, and he tried not to swallow too obviously.
“We’ll see about that,” she said.
She waited for just a minute, and then she started back in.
“The first thing I want to ask you is, why did it take you so long to come out as pansexual? It’s obviously one of the things everyone who’s read your book has been talking about, and it’s the question everyone’s asking.”
He hated the way Gina always made it seem like she was just “asking questions,” when the truth was she was just being an asshole.
Gina LaBun knew exactly what she was doing, knew exactly how she was pushing some buttons, and yet she did it anyway.
In fact, she actually seemed to enjoy putting people off their game.
Mikey, however, wasn’t going to be so easily baited. Besides, this was one of the questions he’d actually been prepared to answer.
“Well,” he said. “The truth is the process of coming out is better for some people than others, and everyone has their own path to follow. For a long time I didn’t want to admit the truth about who I was even, to myself.
Now, I feel comfortable with who I am, and I feel just as comfortable sharing my truth with the rest of the world.
Let me tell you, Gina. It’s like a weight off my shoulders, and I feel better than I ever have.
I think it’s important we give grace and support to everyone, regardless of where they are on their coming out journey.
“And I’m not proud of some of the stuff I did while I was in the closet.
It’s no secret, both because I talk about it in the book and because I was in the tabloids all the time.
I drank too much, I partied hard, and I broke too many hearts.
It’s hard to be a functional person or to have a healthy relationship–with either yourself or others–when you’re not being honest about who you really are.
So yeah, it took me a while to come out, but I think I’m a better person for doing it. ”
Gina looked a bit taken aback by the aplomb with which he’d answered the question.
Take that, he thought.
He was pretty proud of the way he’d headed off what he was sure would be some uncomfortable questions about his wilder days as a member of the Heartthrobs.
Gina, however, had a few cards up her sleeve.
“Is there one heartbreak that you feel the worst about?” she asked.
Luke Carter, he thought but didn’t say.
Fortunately, he had a wiser answer prepared for this question, too.
“Yes,” he said. “I really regret breaking Mindy Mace’s heart. I wish I could’ve been honest with her back then about who I was. I’m just glad we’ve been able to stay friends. I’m telling you, Gina, the closet is a dangerous and destructive place, and I’m so glad I’m out of it.”
“We love to hear that,” she said, though she clearly meant the opposite. “But some people are wondering about some of your actions, or lack thereof, when other musicians were outed and faced public scrutiny.”
She took a deep breath before going in for the kill.