Chapter 4
At first Mikey isn’t sure what to make of Luke Carter.
Luke is…unlike anyone else he’s met. He’s odd, and he sometimes seems like he’s afraid to be in his own skin.
But he’s also irresistible. He’s like a little wounded bird, and Mikey wants to protect him.
He gets the feeling he’s had to put up with his fair share of bullying.
It’s there in the way he’s constantly looking around, like he’s afraid someone is going to start making fun of him, and it’s there in the way he always acts like anything he’s about to say isn’t worth saying.
The thing is: Mikey wants to hear every word coming out of his mouth, no matter how silly it might be.
And, to be sure, Luke does say some silly things.
He seems totally out of place in the Center, and a few times he lets slip things Mikey would probably find hilarious if they came from anyone else.
When he says something about the fact the walls are painted, for example, he has to exercise some discretion in not telling Luke that of course they are.
At the same time, Luke also sometimes acts like a tough guy, putting up a macho front. Mikey isn’t entirely buying it, and the more time he spends with him, the more he sees the beautiful soul lurking behind the awkward machismo.
It certainly helps that Luke is quite handsome.
There are already glimpses of the man he’ll grow into, and Mikey could stare into his deep blue eyes for hours.
He has a nicely chiseled jaw, and his dark brown hair is just shy of black.
With his plain T-shirt, jeans, and boots, he looks exactly like what he is: a good ole country boy.
Right now, for example, he’s talking about taking his horse out on the hills, and Mikey wonders just how it is that someone like this could have such a rich, deep voice and such a soul for music.
I guess I shouldn’t assume things about people, Mikey thinks.
“And let me tell you,” Luke says, “there’s nothin’ like the hills around here in the summer time.
Huntin’, fishin’, and puttin’ in hay.” His voice has a dreamy quality, and Mikey finds himself caught up in the vision of the rural life Luke paints.
“Then you come in from bein’ out in the fields, and sometimes my aunt will come by with a pitcher of her homemade iced tea, and it’s the perfect summer day. ”
They’re sitting in one of the tiny alcoves scattered throughout the Center, and Luke is gazing off into the distance, as if he’s out in the field right now.
Mikey imagines Luke’s arms bulging in his plain white T-shirt, his Wranglers hugging his hips, sweat beading on his brow and pouring down his face…
“Am I borin’ you?” Luke asks, breaking into his fantasy.
Mikey tries not to shake his head too firmly, and he gives Luke what he hopes is an engaging and disarming smile. It usually works to distract people, but Luke isn’t so easily fooled.
“Cut the shit,” he says, words echoing what Mikey was just thinking. “And cut out that damn smile. You look like a game show host.”
Mikey feels the smile wilting on his face, like old lettuce left in the fridge too long. “Not workin’, huh?”
Any time he’s around Luke he finds himself dropping the “g”s off his letters. He knows his mother would have a fit if she heard him do so, which probably explains why he does it so much.
I wish she’d let me be the person I want to be rather than the one she wants me to be, he thinks. “What are you thinkin’ about?” Luke asks.
Mikey gives him a guilty look. “How did you know I was thinking about anything?”
“Because you get this look on your face when you’re thinking about something really hard. Your eyes get all glassy, and your eyebrows scrunch up. It’s kinda cute.”
Luke’s eyes go wide as he realizes the way his words might be misunderstood.
Mikey wants to reassure him. He wants to tell him he knows what that’s like, and he wants to tell him he isn’t straight; he likes both boys and girls.
He doesn’t, though, because he knows what might happen if he did.
He has no way of knowing whether Luke is actually gay or bi, and until he knows, he'd rather just keep it to himself.
Instead, he just gives Luke a playful punch. It doesn’t dispel the tension, not entirely, and it certainly doesn’t dissuade Luke from his questioning.
“So,” he says, “you gonna tell me what you were thinkin’ about or are you going to keep it a secret?”
“I was just thinking about how frustrating my mom can be.” He’s a little surprised he said the words out loud, but it’s also kind of nice to say openly what he thinks about a good deal of the time.
“Oh yeah? Is she a pain in the ass, too?”
Mikey almost takes the chance to turn the subject back around onto Luke, to ask him all the questions he wants to about the other guy’s family. However, he doesn’t feel like it would be fair, so instead he actually answers the question Luke asked.
“I don’t think she’s a pain in the ass, really. It’s just…she has a certain way of looking at the world, and she has a certain idea of how I should fit into it, and she’s not always good at changing her mind.”
Something flickers in Luke’s eyes, but Mikey needs to get out what he’s saying before he loses his nerve.
“My dad isn’t much better when it comes to stuff like that. He wants me to just…be like him. He thinks music is just a waste of time and I should be paying attention to science and business and stuff, but that’s just not me, y’know?”
Mikey isn’t sure why he’s pouring his heart out like this, certainly to someone he barely knows.
He’s also not sure how he feels about the compassion he sees in Luke’s eyes.
On the one hand, it’s comforting for someone to actually listen to what he says without apparent judgment; on the other, it’s downright terrifying to be open about his complicated feelings about his parents.
“I know it’s rough,” Luke says slowly, clearly working through his thoughts, “but I think it’s worth doing what you love, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.
We can only do what we can to stay true to ourselves.
We might piss some people off, but maybe it’s worth it.
I don’t know about you, but music is the most important thing to me.
It makes me feel alive and makes me want to keep on telling stories through song.
I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. ”
He pauses for a moment, and then goes on.
“If it weren’t for my aunt, I don’t think I’d’ve had what it takes to go through with this.
She’s always there, always encouraging me, always telling me stories.
She also paid for some of my tuition to come here and, well, the rest of the family doesn’t really do much for her.
She’s not an outcast, really, but I sometimes feel like no one loves and respects her the way I do.
I wanna write songs about and for her, to show her how grateful I am. ”
Luke’s eyes dance with his obvious appreciation for his aunt, and Mikey can’t help but feel a flush of warmth at his devotion to a member of his family.
He’s more than a little jealous, though.
There’s no one in his family who he’s close to.
What would it be like to have someone in his life who just accepts him for who he is rather than who they want him to be?
“I think that’s pretty special,” he says.
Luke blushes a little.
“I wanna make it big so I can make her proud.”
“And you’re gonna do it, too,” Mikey says. “I’ve got a feeling you’ve got what it takes, Luke Carter. In fact, I think we both do. We’re gonna make it big, and we’re gonna show everyone West Virginia punches above its weight when it comes to music.”
He sticks out his hand for Luke to shake and, after he gives it a bit of a skeptical look, he takes it.
His handshake is firm, and Mikey feels a flutter behind his belly button at the way their hands just seem to fit together, the way their skin feels while they’re touching.
It’s strange, considering how little time they’ve known each other, but it’s like they’re two halves of the same whole that have finally been brought back together again.
His mind flashes back to the one time he’d watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch–without his parents knowing about it, of course–and of how the title character sang about some ancient Greek myth, and how everyone is bound to be drawn to the one person they’re supposed to be with.
It’s silly, but he thinks Luke might be his person.
You’re crazy, he thinks. You barely know the guy, and already you’re trying to think of a future together.
But he can’t help it. As their hands part he finds himself wondering what it would be like to spend more time with Luke, for them to go places together, maybe even start performing at shows.
They could be a double act, singing together on stage and then going home to make out and…
other things. They might not be able to live openly as a couple, but they could do everything else, which could maybe be enough.
“Hey, I have an idea,” Luke says, interrupting his thoughts. “Follow me.”
Luke leads them out of NACA and down several of Moundsville’s streets. Mikey thinks about asking him just where they're going, but he doesn’t. For now it’s enough the two of them are spending time together.
They finally stop in front of a small restaurant located on a side street. From the outside it’s not much to look at, but Mikey gets the feeling the place is dear to Luke for some reason.
“Um…,” he finally manages to ask. “Did you mean to bring me here?”
He hadn’t really meant for the words to come out sounding so skeptical, but the restaurant wasn’t the type of place his parents would ever dream of taking him to.
Luke looks a bit crestfallen, and now Mikey feels guilty.
Good job, he thinks.
“I’m sorry,” he says at once. “It’s just…I haven’t really been here before.”