Chapter 12
The concert had gone even better than Mikey could’ve dared to hope, and he’s floating on cloud nine.
Until his parents decide to start in on him.
“That was a great show, honey,” his mother says, “but I’m not sure about some of those songs you sang.
” She gives a very audible sniff. “I don’t know why you’d sing something from Queen.
You know what Freddie Mercury was like. I hate to think about what kind of impression you made on the people in the audience. ”
Charlotte Smiles is a woman who’s very aware of the power of appearances. She never goes out in public unless she’s perfectly dressed. Tonight she’s wearing a dark blue dress, her ice-blonde hair done up in a tight bun, her china-doll face perfectly made-up.
She looks like a Stepford wife, Mikey thinks uncharitably.
“I chose the songs I thought would best show off my voice,” he says, trying to stay patient.
“I’m not surprised,” his father grumbles. “Mikey just loves being the center of attention.”
His father, Carl, is a dead ringer for Ward Cleaver from Leave it to Beaver.
Square jaw, brown eyes, prominent nose. He drinks a bit too much whiskey and smokes more cigars than are good for him, and he’s earned a few more wrinkles lately.
Still, he exudes a strong, disapproving masculinity Mikey has always found intimidating.
Tonight, though, he’s not going to let them rain on his parade.
“I did a good job tonight,” he says.
“You did, sweetie,” his mother rushes to reassure him, but then she gives a little sigh. “Can I just give you another note?”
Now it’s Mikey’s turn to sigh. He knows better than to try to say no, since she’s going to say what she wants to say, anyway.
“Go ahead,” he says.
“Be careful of hanging around that other young man too much.”
He knows right away she’s talking about Luke, and he’s suddenly queasy.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he says.
“She means be careful you don’t look like a faggot,” his father grouses as they get into the car and start driving away. His mother clucks her tongue but doesn’t disagree.
Mikey’s face flushes, and he chokes down an angry response. He isn’t sure how, but somehow the whole night has turned into one long sour note. He wishes he was back with Luke, with more time to spend together.
It’d be better than spending time with these two, he thinks.
“It’s not just that,” his mother goes on. “It’s just…we don’t want you getting mixed up with the wrong type of person. That boy…well, he’s just not our kind of people, sweetie.”
This is exactly the reason he hasn’t told his parents about Luke before now, deliberately not telling them who he’s been spending time with.
He’s just lucky his parents are too concerned with their own lives to worry too much about what their teenage son is getting up to.
At least they bought him a car when he turned sixteen, so he doesn’t have to rely on them for rides to and from NACA.
“I know you need friends, but really, Mikey, what were you thinking?”
He should’ve known his parents would have this response to Luke.
His boyfriend–he still feels a thrill when he thinks about Luke as his boyfriend–deserves better, but when he tries to open his mouth to tell his parents off and to tell them all about what Luke means to him, he can’t actually get the words out.
“Besides,” his mother says, clearly not even slightly aware of the troubled thoughts going through his mind, “I have a feeling things are going to start looking up for you very soon.”
He wants to ask just what the hell she’s talking about, but he presses his lips shut and clamps down on his curiosity. He’s not going to play her game.
He can’t miss the way his mother’s lips purse at his refusal to go along, but she just keeps on talking.
“I’ve heard a rumor that a talent agent was in the crowd tonight, and he was very impressed with your performance.”
Now Mikey is curious despite himself. He leans forward a bit, just enough so he can see the little smile flickering across his mother’s lips.
His father, of course, doesn’t say anything but just instead keeps looking at the road ahead.
“I heard the agent is looking for someone who can be a part of a new boy band he’s putting together.” She pauses for dramatic impact.
I hate when she does this, Mikey thinks.
“And how did you hear about him?” he finally asks, knowing she’s not going to tell him anything else until he gives her what she wants.
“I know people,” his mother says enigmatically. “And I listen. Something some people could do a little bit better.”
Neither Mikey nor his father say anything.
His mother, clearly disappointed her not-so-subtle hinting hasn’t gotten the result she wanted, pouts and looks out the window, so Mikey does the same.
However, he doesn’t really see anything outside.
His mind is too busy racing through the possibilities.
He might have put on an act for his mother’s sake, but the truth is he’s almost vibrating with excitement.
He’s already thinking about what it would be like to be a member of a boy band and, though he’s never really thought about it as a career path, now she’s put the idea in his head he can’t help but imagine it: the camaraderie, the screaming fans, the spotlight.
It could all be mine, he thinks.
But then he thinks about Luke, and now the vision doesn’t seem so rosy anymore.
Where does his boyfriend fit into all of this?
Would they be able to continue their relationship in secret while pursuing their separate careers?
Maybe, but it’s starting to feel like too much for either of them to really handle.
He sighs.
Mikey tries to put these doubts aside as the evening wears on, but they refuse to go away.
They’re there when he eats an awkward dinner with his parents; they’re there when he goes to bed; and they’re there when he wakes up in the morning for another day at NACA.
Even though the concert is the climax of the season, there’s still a couple of weeks of lessons left, which means Mikey has to see Luke and, each time he sees him, he starts to feel a bit more ambivalent about their relationship and their future.
Before he knows it, Mikey starts to pull away from Luke.
At first it’s not something he does deliberately.
It’s just…the questions are always getting in the way.
He doesn’t think Luke isn’t worthy of him–whatever his mother might want, he’s not a snob, and he’s never looked down on him–but he has started to wonder whether they can ever really have a lasting relationship.
Rather than tell Luke the truth, he just starts avoiding him. When Luke tries to catch his eye during class, he looks away, and when Luke looks like wants to share lunch with him, he goes and sits with a new group.
What can I say anyway? He thinks. What could I say so Luke can understand?
At the same time as he’s avoiding Luke, he’s also got his eyes peeled for the agent his mother says was in the audience during the concert.
When a couple days pass and the guy still hasn’t shown up, though, Mikey starts to wonder if he wasn’t just a lie cooked up by his mother to get him to stop seeing Luke
Figures, he thinks.
He’s sitting in one of the rehearsal rooms–without Luke, because he’s been avoiding him as much as possible all week–when there comes a knock on the door.
He sighs, thinking it’s probably Luke coming to ask him what’s up. However, it’s actually Brenda, and there’s a man beside her Mikey hasn’t seen before.
It’s clear at once the guy is the agent his mom was talking about. With his suit, his slicked back hair, his gaudy rings, and his general aura of command, he just looks like what Mikey always imagined an agent would look like.
“Mikey,” Brenda says, eyes glowing, “this is Glen Carson. He’s with the McKay Agency in New York City. He wants to talk to you about the concert the other night.”
Mikey’s a bit star-struck. He’s never really heard of the McKay Agency before, but from the way Brenda's acting he clearly should have.
Say something!
“Hi,” he says, stepping forward and holding out a hand. “It’s really nice to meet you.”
Carson reaches out his own hand in return and gives Mikey a nice, firm handshake, to show he’s clearly a man of business and knows just how to get what he wants when he wants it. Mikey isn’t sure whether to be intimidated or not.
“It’s nice to meet you too, son,” Carson says, and Mikey almost cringes. He hates it when people call him “son.”
“I’ll leave you two to talk turkey,” Brenda says, giving Mikey an encouraging smile and a thumbs up as she leaves the room.
Carson takes the only chair, leaving Mikey to take a seat on the bench in front of the piano.
“Look, I’m going to be honest with you,” Carson says.
“You’ve got a helluva voice, and it’s clear you can command a room.
Those are two of the best things you could have in this business, but they’re not everything.
You’re gonna need a lot more, and I think my company is just the one to provide it.
We’ll get you a good contract, get you on the touring circuit, start building you up from the ground.
Before long, you’ll be playing to sold-out crowds. ”
Mikey knows the man is mostly just blowing smoke. At the same time, the certainty in his voice carries him along with it.
Easy there, Mikey, he reminds himself. There’s still a lot to jump through to get there. Don’t put the cart before the horse.
“That all sounds great,” he says, and it does, it really does. “But I have to ask. What do you get out of signing me?”
Carson’s eyes actually go wide for a minute, as if he’s never had a potential client ask the question.
Mikey isn’t surprised. He’s no fool. He knows how it works.
Anyone lucky enough to sign with an agent knows to be grateful and to act accordingly.
For him to even ask this question is probably dangerous, and it might even put Carson’s interest at risk, but he doesn’t care.
He genuinely wants to know what draws him to NACA and to someone like Mikey Smiles.
Finally, though, Carson smiles. Mikey has passed a test he hadn’t even known he was taking.
“I’ll level with you, then, since you seem to be a bright kid.
I haven’t seen raw talent like yours in a long time.
Unless it’s the country kid who came on just before you.
Him, though, he’s too rough around the edges, which is fine for country, but I see something bigger for you.
I see you as a member of a boy band and then, once we’ve got your reputation established, we’ll set you on the path to being a stellar solo act.
With me, there’s only one way to go: up. ”
He pauses, considering things.
“So the name Smiles. It’s a stage name, right?”
It’s ironic Carson should ask. It might be Mikey’s real last name, but he has no idea where it came from. He’s tried asking his parents the same question many times, but they’re not particularly interested in genealogy or anything like family history, so it’s always been a mystery.
“No, sir,” he says. “It’s my real name. I just don’t know where it comes from.”
Carson gets a thoughtful look on his face.
“Okay, then. We’ll come up with a good explanation for the name. Mikey Smiles is a good name for someone in a boy band. And besides, I can tell you’re one of those people who smiles a lot. That’s good. It’ll make the girls like you more.”
Mikey’s heart falls a little in his chest as it really hits him what it will mean to stay in the closet for the sake of his career.
He can’t help but be aware of the cost of fame when it comes to his personal life.
He’s heard the mocking comments people make about boy bands. Does he want that kind of life?
He doesn’t say anything, but just lets Carson continue talking. He might as well not even be there.
Maybe, though, it won’t be so bad, and maybe he can make it work with Luke somehow. They might not be able to be the kind of couple they both wish they could be, but maybe they can be something else. Maybe they can be like…creative partners or something.
Will it work? He asks himself. The voice sounds unpleasantly like his father’s. Get your head out of the clouds and back on planet Earth, and it’s followed by a voice very like his mother’s. Think of your future, Mikey. Don’t you want to be a success?
When he tunes back in to see just what Carson is saying, he’s not surprised to hear him talking about how pretty soon girls will have posters of Mikey Smiles up in their bedrooms, and how he’ll be the kind of success people from West Virginia will talk about for years.
Mikey wants to refuse and say he won’t do any of it without Luke, but he doesn’t. If he throws away his chance, even if it’s for Luke, he’s going to spend the rest of his life regretting it.
And so, when the conversation is over and Carson gets ready to leave, Mikey discovers he’s pretty much already signed his future away to Carson and the McKay Agency.
“How do you feel, young man? Your future is looking bright, so you must be happy.”
It’s a very complicated question, and in fact Mikey has absolutely no idea how he feels. All he knows is nothing is going to be the same going forward. He almost can’t believe he’s made the decision. His head swims, with possibility and fear and a dozen other feelings he can’t quite define.
He makes a decision. He’s going to have to end things with Luke, before they both get hurt. They both need to move on, both need to do what they need to do to build their careers.
The question is: when?