Chapter 14
God help me. What was I thinking?
Mikey hadn’t really planned on Luke asking him to spend time in his cabin, and he certainly hadn’t planned on taking him up on the offer.
He still couldn’t believe he’d done it, and he also couldn’t believe he’d suggested they spend more time together.
At the time, all he could think about was how handsome Luke looked, standing there in front of the place where Mikey had broken his heart all of those years ago, so handsome, in fact, all of his good sense had flown right out of the window.
At the same time, he couldn’t stop smiling.
Oh, sure, there were bound to be complications, but he was sure he wasn’t the only one who sensed the chemistry between the two of them.
It had been there from the moment they’d laid eyes on one another after so long spent apart.
Yeah, there was some bad blood there, but Mikey Smiles was good at turning enemies into friends.
The smile got even bigger on his face, and he was pretty sure everything was going to turn out alright.
His optimism lasted right up to the point where he got back to his hotel room and told Tricia and Damian what he was planning to do.
Tricia, of course, was gaga over the idea of him hooking up with Luke–she simply would not stop talking about how hot he was–but Damian looked… well, he almost looked afraid.
How weird, he thought. Why would he be afraid of me getting together with Luke?
The next moment, however, he didn’t look so much afraid as pissed.
“Are you crazy?” he demanded. “Why on earth are you going to spend a weekend with Luke Carter of all people? Didn’t you get enough of him the last time?
Besides, do you really want to deal with all of the stories that are going to come out about you two?
I mean, look, it’s great you’ve come out as pansexual and all, and I’m sure there are a lot of people who’d swoon to see you two hooking up, but is that really what you want?
If you do this, there’s going to be so much attention paid to it, and… ”
His voice tapered off, as he clearly didn’t know how he wanted to end his diatribe.
Tricia, as usual, stepped into the breach to make sure the two of them didn’t keep going at each other.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” she said gently and calmly.
“If Mikey wants to spend a week with Luke, then we’re not going to stand in his way.
In fact, we’re going to do everything we can to make sure the story stays off of the gossip sites.
We’ll just say the two of you are going to be working on the concert, making sure to pull together the type of show everyone is going to want to come to.
Let’s not make it a scandal. Instead, let’s make sure it’s something people are going to turn out for. ”
Mikey could’ve kissed her then.
Damian threw up his hands, but there was still a look in his eye Mikey couldn’t quite get a grip on.
He’d never been naive enough to think Damian cared about him for himself or, really, cared about him at all.
What was he so worried about when it came to Luke and Mikey getting to spend a week together?
He probably thinks the two of us are going to hook up and he’s going to be out in the cold.
It wasn’t a particularly charitable thought, but it was the most likely scenario.
Damian liked to feel he was at the center of Mikey’s universe, and he resented anyone who tried to horn in on his territory.
There were times when he’d come close to bullying Tricia out of their little trio, but she was far too strong for his tactics to work.
For now, anyway.
“Fine,” he was saying, as these thoughts went through Mikey’s mind. “If you want to fuck things up for yourself, then be my guest. Just don’t come crying to me expecting sympathy when the whole thing blows up in your face, as I think we all know that it’s going to do.”
The venom in his voice took Mikey aback.
This was a side of Damian he’d known existed–it was usually the side of himself he showed when he was reaming out some photographer or journalist who hadn’t covered Mikey in the way he thought he should be–and it was mildly terrifying to have it turned on him.
I’m going to have to cut him loose soon, he thought. Not yet, though. Not until I’m sure he won’t do something drastic.
He filed the thought away. Time enough to deal with Damian once he had things in hand with Luke.
“Okay, good,” he said. “I knew you’d approve.”
Damian just grunted, but Mikey didn’t care. He had what he wanted.
With his plan to spend time with Luke in place, Mikey had a few housekeeping things to take care of.
First, he had to make sure he had everything he needed for going off the grid for a few days.
It was, of course, an exciting and vaguely terrifying prospect.
He could just imagine what he and Luke might get up to while they were out there at the cabin, where almost no one could reach them…
Thinking about being unavailable by phone made him realize there were two people he needed to call before embarking on his adventure. The first was his mother, and the second was Mindy Mace, his ex-girlfriend and now confidante, the one person he knew he could count on to give him good advice.
Needless to say, he was looking forward to the first one much more than the second.
Being back in West Virginia had reminded him of his parents’ role in his sabotaging of his relationship with Luke.
While he couldn’t put all of the blame on them, he remembered all too well how their comments had sowed the seeds of doubt in his mind, making him rethink whether he could actually pursue anything with Luke longterm.
He’d lost count of the number of times he’d wondered whether, if they hadn’t made those comments the night of his concert, whether things might’ve been different.
They'd moved out of West Virginia almost as soon as Mikey did, and they’d never looked back.
They’d also made it clear over the years that their time in their home state was something neither of them looked at with any fondness.
In fact, any time Mikey tried to bring it up they’d change the subject, and he’d finally given up.
Giving up, unfortunately, was a recurring motif when it came to his relationship with his parents.
I guess I better get the unpleasant one out of the way first, he thought. Because otherwise it’s just going to hover in the back of my head.
He picked up his phone and held it in his hand but, despite knowing he needed to call his parents, he couldn’t quite bring himself to actually hit the button that would connect the call.
Come on, Mikey, he thought. Just do it.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed it.
As soon as the phone started ringing he had to fight down the urge to disconnect the call before his mother could pick up.
When the line connected, his palms started to sweat.
“Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me,” he said. “How are you?”
It was an innocuous beginning, but he could feel his muscles tightening up as he thought about how the rest of the conversation was likely to go.
“I’m good,” she said. “I hear you’re back in West Virginia.”
He couldn’t miss the disapproval in her voice.
“Yeah,” he said. “How’d you hear about it?”
“Not from you,” she said at once, an icy clip in her voice. “I saw it on Morning Fun with Gina LaBun.”
He sighed. The conversation was already slipping away from him. He had to start pulling it back or it was just going to get worse.
Before he could say anything, though, his mother went on.
“And I hear you’re going to be doing a concert with Luke.”
There was really no missing the disappointment in her voice this time.
“Yes, I am,” he said. “Is there a problem?”
Easy, Mikey, he reminded himself.
A long-suffering sigh came from the other end of the line.
“You know how I feel about Luke,” she said finally. “It’s just…why do you always have to go after that boy?”
Mikey didn’t know which part of the comment to address first.
“Mother,” he said instead, deciding to cut straight to the point.
“I know you don’t approve of me talking to Luke, and,” he paused, as he thought about what he was going to say next, “and I know you won’t approve of me trying to pursue anything more than a friendship with him, but it’s what I’m going to do. ”
Again, a sigh.
“I know you blame me and your father for what happened a decade ago,” she said, picking up on his unspoken grievance.
He hated to admit it, but in some ways his mother understood him better than almost anyone else.
She liked to act like she was in her own little world sometimes, and she also liked to act as if Mikey was someone other than what he was, but the truth was she always saw right to the heart of the matter.
No wonder we never got along, he thought.
“But we did what we thought was right,” she went on. “I knew even then you had feelings for him, just like I knew he wasn’t good for you. I’m not going to apologize for doing what was in your best interest.”
He hated the tone his mother always got when she was trying to defend herself. It somehow managed to be both icy and heated.
“Okay, fine,” he said, not willing to concede the argument but also not willing to pursue it further. “I just wanted you to know what I”m doing. I’m sorry I didn’t get to tell you about it until you heard it from Gina.”
“Thank you.”
Mikey knew there wasn’t really much point in continuing the conversation.
This was how it always was with his parents, his mother in particular.
She would only hear what she wanted to hear and would only engage with the things with which she wanted to engage.
When it came to Mikey’s sexuality or his private life, the less said the better.
“You know,” he said. “One day you’re going to have to deal with the fact I’m pansexual. I know it’s not easy for you to admit to things that disrupt your image of what I should be like, but I’m tired of living by someone else’s rules.”