Chapter 17 #2
He leans in, his mouth grazing the shell of my ear, his warm breath causing my skin to erupt into thousands of shivers that head straight to my core.
“I think I’ll kiss you regardless of whether you beg,” he whispers.
He moves back up, his focus locked on my mouth. For a moment, time stretches between us.
My heart hammers, and beneath the hand I’ve pressed to his chest to steady myself, his follows the same rhythm. When he finally closes the gap, when his lips brush mine in the lightest of touches, everything goes dark.
The kiss is brief. Too brief. A touch, a flash of heat that makes my head spin. His breath melds with mine, and on instinct, my lips part, ready for more.
But it never comes.
With a sharp inhale, he steps back. The loss of his closeness is immediate. I’m left with the ghost of his lips, the scent of firewood and daisies clinging to my skin as if he’s still grasping my waist.
And then, just like that, the crowd goes wild. But I don’t care. All I can think about is the way Matt’s mouth felt against mine, the way his fingers dug into my bustier as if he was trying to tether himself.
How that kiss wasn’t entirely a lie.
“Give it up for Zoey and Matt.” Cooper snaps me back to reality.
I laugh, but it comes out too fast, too nervous.
“Steep rate for a five-second kiss,” I tell Matt, trying to play it off.
He arches a brow. “Gotta save some for that date.”
Swallowing, I nod. “Right.”
I’m not fooling him, let alone myself. Truth is, I’d give anything to kiss Matt Becker again.
“I don’t think I made a friend in Patty tonight,” I say, sinking lower in the car seat.
Matt offered to drive me home, and at this point, my willpower is hanging by a thread.
“It’s okay. You can’t win them all. Your donation alone will help sway the community. It showed that you care.”
“I think… I do.”
I’ve always cared, but not in the way I do now. It’s always mattered to me that the project fit into the community and respect the town. That it gets accepted and off the ground.
But now?
I care about the people. I want Carl to take the kids into the forest. I want Mia to survive through this tougher year. I want Cooper to boost his sales and make a name for himself. I want Matt to expand his business.
Speaking of.
“Are you free next weekend?” I ask. “My company is holding its annual shareholders’ gala. That’d be a great time for me to introduce you to the team behind my start-up program.”
He glances at me. “In Vancouver?”
“Yes. Is that an issue?”
“It’s tricky for me to get away now that my sister is staying with me.” He sighs. “I don’t think I can ask Lola or James to look after her again. Daphne would hate me if I did anyway.”
I shrug. “Would she like to come with you?”
Matt gives me a thoughtful frown. “You wouldn’t mind?”
“Not at all. We’ll book a room for the two of you at the hotel where we’re holding the cocktail party. Then Daphne can enjoy all the room service she wants while you’re networking.”
Lips pressed together, he keeps his focus on the dirt road ahead. Finally, he says, “I’ll have to ask her. See if she’s comfortable with it.”
“She can put a movie on and do nothing all day,” I continue. “That’s the perfect weekend. I can even book an appointment at the spa if she likes massages.”
Matt parks the car in front of my place and kills the engine. His hands fall to the bottom of the wheel and his head follows the same pattern, drooping forward between his shoulders.
My stomach sinks. Did I say something wrong?
“If that’s not her thing, she can absolutely do something else,” I rush to add. “We can coordinate with the hotel to make sure she’s comfortable and has everything she needs.”
“No, no, it’s not that.” He releases a shaky sigh. “I’m just… protective of her and mindful of the people in her life. Maybe I go overboard a little, but I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone is open to understanding others’ differences.”
He smooths his beard, peering over at me.
“All that makes it hard to trust people with the person I love most, you know? Autistic people are often all or nothing, and that applies to who they let in too. Once Daph likes you, she’ll like you forever.
She’ll constantly ask how you are and when you’re coming by.
” He worries his lip, once again staring out the windshield.
“I don’t want her to end up hurt when you’re done with the project and leave.
Even if my gut tells me you’d be great with her. So yeah… I’m a bit mind-fucked.”
“I understand,” I murmur, angling my body toward him.
He lets out a soft chuckle. “I’ve been taking care of my sister while our parents are away, but really, I’ve been doing it my whole life.
It’s been me and her since the day she came into this world.
I’d love to bring her to Vancouver with us, but I need to think it through.
Make sure I’m okay with the two of you spending time together.
And I want to talk to her first. She isn’t always great with unfamiliar places, but raising the possibility first might help. ”
“Of course.”
He’s right—I’m not here to stay. So why does my chest tighten like I’m being pushed away from something I was never meant to be part of?
“It makes a lot of sense, and please know that I would never hurt your sister on purpose. Is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable? Maybe I can show her photos of the hotel? And you could prepare a bag with some of her favorite snacks and books. That could help her stay grounded while we’re in Vancouver. ”
What else? I delve into the hazy memories of my college days. It seems like a lifetime ago, back when I was a completely different woman.
Though maybe that’s not entirely true anymore.
Lately, I feel closer to that version of myself than I have in years.
I’d almost forgotten she existed, that woman who used to go out with friends after an exam and lose track of time in some dimly lit bar.
Who danced until her feet ached and her cheeks hurt from smiling.
Who spent sleepless nights bent over textbooks, learning everything she could about what she loved.
Now I find myself reaching for her, dusting her off like an old coat in the back of a closet I’ve kept shut for years.
“We can map out an itinerary and a rough schedule as well,” I add. “To give her a better idea of what we’ll be doing and what she can expect.”
Matt blinks.
“What?”
“How do… How do you know all this? What to do?”
“Oh.” I glance down and hide a smile. “Before my dad got his claws into me, I studied pediatric nursing and worked with a lot of autistic kids during clinicals. It’s a bit foggy, but the more I think about it, the more it’s coming back.”
His surprise morphs into something else, something I can’t quite pin down. But the way he watches me makes the blood in my veins pump more fiercely.
I reach across the gearshift and lay my hand on his.
“All her life, Daphne has been surrounded by people who don’t understand her,” he says, as if empowered by my touch.
“My ex couldn’t stand how much time I spent with her or the space she takes up in my life.
So, now, I’m a bit overly cautious about who I introduce her to.
I promised myself that if you weren’t okay with her, then our deal would be over.
No hesitation. When you brought us breakfast, I was ready to fight.
I was so worried you’d say something offensive. ”
He lets out a soft laugh, and I echo it.
“But I didn’t,” I murmur.
“No,” he says, matching my tone. “You didn’t.”
Silence stretches, the air in the truck cab shifting to accommodate the growing chemistry between us.
The relief on his face is mostly for his sister, but part of me can’t help feeling that he’s also relieved he didn’t have to let me go.
“Your ex… Andie, right?”
He studies me. “How do you know?”
“Mia mentioned her this morning.”
“Right.” He gives a dry, bitter chuckle.
“The whole town remembers because I didn’t come out of my house for months after she left.
I think they all grieved her departure right alongside me.
She became family for a lot of people around here.
I wasn’t the only one who was hurt when she decided she was done. ”
“Including Daphne,” I breathe, my gaze fixed on the horizon. I try not to let envy distract me from what’s important, but that doesn’t stop it from stinging just beneath my skin.
“Including Daphne,” Matt repeats. “She doesn’t really grasp all the facets of what a relationship is, but after spending so much time with Andie, she became obsessed with the idea of love. Relationships. She wanted to find her own person and kept asking me how she could go on dates.”
A tightness builds in my throat. “The breakup must have been tough on her.”
Who breaks up with someone because of their autistic sister? She must have been something special if Matt fell in love with her. Then again, maybe she was just good at hiding her true colors at first.
I can only imagine how easy it was for Daphne to grow attached to Andie, with her soft heart. The loss must have been unfathomable.
“Yeah, it was.” Matt sinks his fingers into his hair.
“She loved Andie so much. She asked me for months and months where she was and why she wasn’t coming back.
That wrecked me even more than the breakup itself.
And the worst part is that I had to lie to her over the reason she left.
I couldn’t tell her the truth. It would have crushed her, and I wasn’t about to hurt her even more.
She has enough to deal with my mom already. ”
I frown. “Your mom is having a hard time with your sister?”
“I wouldn’t call it a hard time. But she refuses to accept that Daphne has needs different from most girls her age.”
I rub my thumb over his hand. “Weird family dynamics is a language I understand. Your mom might need a bit more time to adjust.”
“Maybe…” He raises his eyes to mine, soft and heavy, like he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Juggling so much—his work, caring for his sister, the issues with his mom—must be tough on him. “You don’t mind letting her come to Vancouver, then?”
My smile spreads easily. “Absolutely not. We’ll make sure she has the best time. Promise.”
“As long as it’s okay with Daph, I’m in.”
“Talk to her and let me know. I’ll confirm our presence once we know she’s on board.” I peer through the windshield at the cottage. “I should get going. It’s late.”
“Thank you for tonight,” he says. “I owe you a bouquet and a romantic dinner.”
I search for sarcasm in his voice but don’t detect any. As if he really is looking forward to the idea.
“As long as the romantic dinner doesn’t end up with me being left by myself in the middle of a park,” I say, opening the passenger door.
He laughs, the sound carrying me outside.
I collect my small bag and lean on the doorframe. “Bye.”
“Bye, Zoey. Sleep well.”
I head for the cabin, Matt’s gaze a phantom caress on my back the whole way.
Is it wrong that I wish he’d walk me to the door?
And even follow me inside? He’s nothing like I thought he’d be, and the more I learn about him, the more difficult it is to walk away.
Day by day, all this time alone becomes more challenging.
My step falters.
I don’t even know what I want from him.
Sometimes, I think that simply having him by my side would fill the empty space in my chest that aches with loneliness. That everyday space where doing mundane things with someone is the best part of your day.
I wouldn’t know what it’s like. I’ve only read about it and seen it in the movies.
Jake and I never built a life together in my apartment. He moved in after a year, and even then, our schedules rarely lined up. I’d come home to the uncomfortable silence, him already fast asleep. Most mornings, I was out before he could stir awake.
What would it be like return from work to a house full of light? To push open the door and be greeted by the familiar sound of the person who makes that house a little warmer? The smell of a meal already in the making?
I want to know. I want to find out.
I’ve been alone all my life, and for the most part, I’ve been comfortable that way. I talked myself into believing that I didn’t need anyone to be whole, that loneliness was an inevitable consequence of the life I’d chosen, that I couldn’t have it all.
Work or love.
Success or a relationship.
Then Matt waltzed in, and I’m not so sure anymore. He makes me question so many of the beliefs that have been deeply rooted in me for years.
The hardest part of all is realizing that the solitude that once felt familiar has become unbearable.
When I glance back, I find him watching me through the windshield, his chin resting on top of his knuckles.
I give him a wave and slide the key into the lock. Only after the door closes and I let out a sigh does he pull away, his engine a low rumble in the night.