Chapter Five December #3
“Properly rated,” he said on an exhale. “I think Pens fans and Canadians tend to overrate him, and I think yinz in the District tend to underrate him. The two individual group opinions balance out. The average of what we think and you think is probably a lot more accurate than either side.”
Nick snorted. “Yeah, okay. Should I assume you’d say the same for Ovechkin?”
“Yeah, similar thing. Definitely underrated by Pens fans. If this were pre-Cup, I’d say he was underrated by all non-Caps fans.
All that bullshit about how he’s not a leader or whatever ’cuz he hadn’t won, as if it isn’t a team sport.
Put Crosby on the Coyotes or something, see if there’s a Cup there.
I mean, look at McDavid with the Oilers.
One player can only make so much impact.
’Course I might’ve been slowly brainwashed by living here. ”
“I mean, nothing wrong with givin’ Ovi some much-needed love.”
“Neutral-zone trap,” Brady shot back, immediately changing the subject and probably hoping Nick wouldn’t notice. “Underrated or overrated?”
“Underrated,” Nick said reluctantly. “It’s sound strategy for some teams, especially at our level where we need to be able to slow things down and take control. By you specifically? Overrated.”
“Fuck off,” Brady mumbled and took a sip of his beer, but he was smiling.
“What? It’s boring to watch.”
“Fighting in hockey, then,” Brady countered. “Underrated or overrated?”
“Overrated. It’s exciting, but it’s stupid.
People get hurt often enough as it is. Why are we encouraging more injuries?
And then you get dumb shits who play at our level who think that’s actually part of the sport—it isn’t, just fucking look at European leagues—and try to start shit at a Tuesday night adult rec-league game. Grow the fuck up, for fuck’s sake.”
They went back and forth. Don Cherry, the Canadian color commentator whom they both agreed was kind of a racist asshole, they deemed overrated.
NHL Commissioner Bettman they also determined was overrated, despite being universally hated.
They argued about star players like McDavid, Laine, and Matthews, as well as teams like the Oilers, the Kings, and the Leafs.
There were other things thrown in for discussion as well—nationally broadcast games, radio coverage of games, delay of game, Corsi stats, and a dozen more—and they were usually able to convince the other to their side.
“Jaromir Jagr,” Nick said. He had to overemphasize each syllable to make his half-drunk mouth cooperate and make himself understood, and he saw a flash in Brady’s eyes.
“Don’t,” he growled.
Nick shrugged, his beer sloshing a little in his glass. “It’s my turn to pick and your turn to answer. I pick Jagr.”
“Fuck me…” Brady looked to the ceiling and mouthed something to the water stains there before turning back to Nick.
“That is completely based on where he is. Pittsburgh? Underrates the hell out of him because we’ve got our Lord and Savior Lemieux still around to take all the credit.
I’m not saying Lemieux doesn’t deserve a lot of credit, but he’s also taking Jagr’s fair share with it.
Here? He’s underrated. He still performed well for you, you fucking assholes had too high of a standard and were looking for an excuse to crucify him. ”
Nick nodded along solemnly, realized all he was doing was staring at Brady’s lips move, and tried very hard to pay attention to the actual words. Right, right, they were talking about hockey. This was super important.
Luckily, Brady didn’t seem to notice that Nick’s mind had wandered; he was still ranting on Jagr’s behalf.
“Teams like the Devils and Panthers pulled him in and overrated him, thinking he would be able to make them Cup contenders. If Ovechkin in his prime wasn’t enough to get the Caps a Cup, what was Jagr going to do that late in his career?
You’ve got teams like Calgary who completely fucking underrated him. ”
God, he’s cute, Nick thought and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from leaning in and going full heart-eyes.
“And now he’s back in the Czech Republic, where he is universally loved and overrated.
You know they had signs saying ‘The King Has Returned’ when he came back to play for them?
They’re selling out games for low-level teams in small rinks that can’t handle those types of crowds just because people want to see him.
And these are away games, they’re not even the home games for his team. ”
Brady tapped the table between them to punctuate each point. His love for Jagr was really adorable.
Nick whistled, somewhat in awe of the passion behind his outburst. “Wow. They must love ’im in Czechia more than you do.”
“He scores a shitton of goals for them and he helped them earn gold back in the day, so yeah, they love him. And considering the type of crap he’s gotten here in the NHL, it’s nice to be able to retire to a place that knows, respects, and loves who they got.”
“So obviously you’re going to retire to Czechia as well so you can join them in worshiping Jagr.”
“I mean… I’d go there for a game for sure if he were playing. Could be a fun vacation.”
“Are you sure you’re not secretly Czech? Is that why you love him so much?”
Brady blushed, his shoulders going up as he protectively shrunk in on himself. “He’s a good player,” he mumbled defensively. “He’s a beast, still out there playing at his age when everyone else from his draft class is probably long done with professional hockey.”
Nick held up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m not arguing. I am well aware that he is technically—”
“Technically!?”
“—a good player, even if he didn’t perform for us the way we wanted him to. I just—”
“—prefer pretty boys like Wilson,” Brady muttered.
“So you finally agree Wilson is pretty?” Nick tried not to laugh as Brady nearly choked on his drink. “Wilson is also a competent player who works our PK, power play, and gets top-six minutes. He scores, he skates, he hits, he fights. He’s awesome, so yeah, I can get behind a guy like Wilson.”
Double entendre intended.
“I need to move back to PA,” Brady whined.
“You could always move to Philly if you’re looking for another hockey city—”
“Ugh, never mind. I’m fine here.”
“You’d miss us anyway,” Nick said. “If you left.”
“Yeah,” Brady conceded. “I might.”
*
Curtis Bennet: Just a reminder that our last game of the year is coming up. Not our last game of the season, but there is a break for the holidays after that :)
Gail King: Oh god he’s like the kid in middle school who would make sure to point out the difference between year and school year
Gregory Smegory: Or would give you shit for saying good morning at 12pm
Gregg Cox: You two are the kids who would complain about that kid instead of just politely nodding along
Gregory Smegory: Yikes burn
Alex Warner: We doing anything to celebrate?
Curtis Bennet: I’m glad you asked, Lexi!
I was hoping to have another team outing.
I realize everyone is likely busy with holiday and family plans, so I thought I’d keep it simple.
The Winter Classic as I’m sure you know will be on New Year’s Day at noon.
While we aren’t necessarily fans of Detroit or Toronto, it’s usually a fun game and there’s always a chance of there being some real snow!
Marc Garcia: That actually sounds like a lot of fun
Marc Garcia: You thinking a potluck type deal?
Curtis Bennet: I can host since our basement was recently finished.
There’s a large TV and lots of seats. And yes, I was thinking a potluck would be easiest!
We can provide some of the basics like hotdogs and popcorn, plates and cutlery, soda, etc but would appreciate anything else you might like to bring.
I know Guy for example makes a damn good poutine!
Alex Warner: I feel like that’s discriminatory
Alex Warner: Saying the Canadian guy makes poutine
Guy Prince: oui I make poutine
Alex Warner: I stand corrected
Gregory Smegory: Suggestion: white elephant gift exchange
Gail King: yessss oh pleeeease
Nick J. Porter: i support this 1000%
Nick J. Porter: that last 0 was a typo but i still support it
Guy Prince: What is a white elephant
Curtis Bennet: That’s a great idea, Young Greg!
A White Elephant or Yankee Swap is where everyone brings a gift that’s already wrapped but otherwise not labeled.
It’s not for a specific person in the group, since you won’t know who’s getting the gift until during the swap.
That part can be complicated, but we’ll explain while we’re doing it.
Curtis Bennet: Anyone who’s interested in doing a Yankee Swap, bring a wrapped gift! We can do that before the game. Let’s set a price limit of $25.
Curtis Bennet: Once again, this event is inclusive. If you have significant others, kids, or friends you’d like to bring, they’re more than welcome! But let’s keep the Yankee Swap for the team. It might make it easier to shop if we know the people involved.
Alex Warner: In for both
Gail King: In for both
Gregory Smegory: All the way in
Gregg Cox: Also in
Nick J. Porter: 1000%
Guy Prince: oui et oui
Donnie Owen: Innnnn
Marc Garcia: Also in
Brady Derek Jensen: someone please summarize what the hell you’re talking about and what you’re all agreeing to
Nick J. Porter: just scroll up dude
Gregory Smegory: Some people ??
Gail King: You’re making me look bad bro
Brady Derek Jensen: in for both
Curtis Bennet: Great! I’ll check in with the rest of the team via email and send out my address closer to the day of. See you in a couple days for the game!
*
“You should get a seven-sixteenths cut.”
Nick looked at the kid behind the counter like he was crazy. “A what?”
Intellectually, he knew that they were talking about how to sharpen his skates, dull from heavy use, but never in his admittedly limited hockey career had he heard those dimensions for skate blades.