16. The Non-Date
16
THE NON-DATE
Sarah
I arrived at Freddy’s a couple of minutes late, in an effort to seem as casual as possible. Looking around, I was disappointed to find he hadn’t turned up yet, so he couldn’t see how relaxed I was about this. I wasn’t. Relaxed , that is. My throat was dry, my heart was pumping way harder than it needed to be, and I really needed a drink. Waiting was not what I needed right now.
Ordering a Tom Collins, I settled down at a table and enjoyed the sensation of the cool drink soothing both my throat and my nerves as I sat, watching the door and waiting.
After everything, I was going to have my actual date with Hayden. Okay, not a date. He’d made that clear. I was also still reeling from the other night with that man, but if I’d have passed this up, I wouldn’t have been able to stop thinking about it, and I was getting tired of regrets.
Fifteen minutes went by of me jumping nervously every time that damn door swung open. Flashing the same welcoming expression across my face at each new arrival, followed by a return to the frown that came with my increasing annoyance.
I checked my phone again, and there was nothing. I couldn’t text him. That would give him the upper hand, and I wasn’t prepared to do that at all.
By my third drink, I was starting to feel a little woozy, and I barely raised my head each time the door swung open. Sitting there on my own, I felt more and more embarrassed as time passed into the second hour of waiting. Maybe he actually said seven, not six? Maybe he’s in the worst traffic ever? Or an accident? I couldn’t be mad if that was the case.
As I sat there, the drinks working their way through my bloodstream, my hair beginning to lose its luster along with my spirit, I started to think about Jake.
I’ll keep you safe forever…
“Pah!” I accidentally shouted out, quickly covering my mouth at the mistake, but no one seemed to notice.
Lucy… Garrett? Grantham? No, Grayson . That was her name. With her blonde hair, her sweet big-eyed face, her young, innocent smile, and her not-so-innocent skirts. I hated her. She did this to me.
Jake had been my mentor, a dashing, dark-haired older man who could make you blush just by looking right at you. When he had looked right at me, it wasn’t like the rest of them, though. There was fire and heat in those looks, and I was not old or wise enough to know better. I’d fallen, and I’d fallen hard.
It had been my dream job. I was just an intern that first year, but I worked hard, people liked me, and it was nailed on that I would stay as a permanent member. Enviro-Tech was about as unglamorous a company name as you could imagine, but the work was anything but that. It felt like we could change everything, that we would provide cheap renewable electricity to communities that were war-ravaged, famine-ravaged, abandoned by their corrupt governments, and needing people like us to intervene.
The way Jake spoke about it made him seem like a messiah, leading us all to a better world. And we followed him with wonder.
I was helplessly in love with him. The first time he had put his hand on my shoulder as he leaned over to look at my work, there was more heat between us than anything I could have ever imagined. I’d go home and savor that touch, that face, and his divine scent when he came close to me.
It didn’t take long before the spark became a fire, and it raged unstoppably.
We’d made love every chance we could get. Tearing at each other’s clothes with annoyance at them keeping us from the prizes underneath. Desperate to touch, taste, and have every single inch of each other. It was never enough, we were always ravenous for more. Our hands would brush against each other at work, our eyes telling each other our wildest fantasies… I have to have you… I need you… I need you NOW…
I still had girlish traits. Being in that position of not being a girl anymore, but not quite experienced enough to fully be a woman, either. So, the journal I had kept changed, and instead became a hand-written shrine to him, full of gushing notes.
When I’m with Jake, it makes me feel like we’re the only ones in the world… His cock is so perfect. It’s like it was made just for me, and I was made just for him… When he sleeps I watch him and I know I’ve found everything, and I know he feels the same… I love it when I’m on top of him and he runs his hands through my hair, his eyes looking deep into mine, my hand pushing down on his beautiful chest as we gasp at each other. This is it. Real love…
I couldn’t have seen it coming. I was too blinded with love. Intoxicated by every single thing he did and said. For me, it was all falling into place. I would get my dream job, my dream man, and my life was soaring in a way I couldn’t have imagined.
There were signs, but I either didn’t see them, or chose to ignore them. He would flirt a little with the other girls and they would stare at him gooey-eyed and laugh too hard at his jokes. But that was just him. It was his nature. None of those girls would be in his bed later, only me. Or so I thought.
Maybe I created my own downfall? Taken my eye off the prize a bit, was less hard-working, had less of a keen eye, because both of my eyes were distracted continually by him. I made mistakes at work that I wouldn’t have before, but they were just minor things, and Jake would smooth them over. I was more curt to other staff members and the interns, because I was flying high and I didn’t have the same time for them anymore. Only him.
It had been the fall of that year when the next intake of interns were to be announced and we would move on to our next roles, either in or out of the company. I wasn’t worried. I felt secure already and ready for my new life to open its next wondrous chapter.
Gary Bradbury was the Chief Medical Director, and I went to see him in the afternoon to see what I would be working on next. I was still in disbelief as I left his office. This must be a mistake?
It’s hard to remember his exact words as I stood there grinning at him, but they were something along the lines of… “Thanks for being a part of our mission here. I hope yo u’ve enjoyed the experience. Your internship ends next month and we would like to give you this letter of reference to help you toward finding your next position.”
He held out the piece of paper to me and, still grinning but with a little less sparkle, I reached out to take it, wondering when he was going to tell me which role I would be given. He just stared at me, waiting for me to speak or leave, but it became clear that there was nothing else he had to say to me.
“But… I thought…” was all I could stammer.
He lifted his eyebrows, “Yes. Well, who knows what the future holds?”
My cute optimism was shelved as a dark anger rippled through me. Thankfully, I was still in enough of a daze that I turned and left his office without unleashing myself on him.
But… I thought…
My first instinct was to go and find Jake. He would get this all cleared up, maybe even go bursting into Gary Bradbury’s office and demand he hire me without question or he, himself, would resign immediately. My heart fluttered at the idea of him protecting me, standing up for me.
The lab was quiet that day. The interns were only there to see Gary and then had the rest of the day to themselves. As I approached the swinging doors that reminded me of those in a kitchen restaurant, I saw his face through the crack and my heart jumped. Not just my heart. Maybe we could fit in a moment of wild passion before he came to my rescue. Then, there was someone else in my frame of vision, and they were looking at each other kind of funny.
Lucy Grayson.
Suddenly, everything spun when I saw her stand up on her toes and her hands slide onto his shoulders. My stomach felt like it was being ripped apart at the exact same moment as I watched her lips meet his. It was like poison had flooded my bloodstream, every inch of my body curling up in aching disbelief. The death of love and the birth of love, both occurring in two different people in the same place at the same time.
I heard their vague murmurings through the crack in the door.
… I can’t wait for next year as your highly capable assistant Doctor…
…Are you sure you’re comfortable working under me…
…More than comfortable, although sometimes I like to be on top…
I didn’t go back for my last month. I just went home to my tiny room and cried and cried and cried. Three weeks later, broke and heartbroken, and having never felt more lost, I rode the Greyhound back to my hometown. Now, I’m sitting in a bar, having been stood up, feeling humiliated and completely alone all over again.
I picked up the phone and called Hayden’s number. It rang out without an answer. A small self-pitying tear found its way down my cheek, before falling into my empty glass and onto the melting ice.
Fuck this. Fucking Hayden Raynor.
I picked up my jacket and ordered a cab.