20. Denial
20
DENIAL
Hayden
My insides hurt like hell, and it wasn’t just the rosé. What was it with that woman? That quiet, sweet, pretty school teacher had somehow got under my armor —me! Hayden- fucking -Raynor! — and now it felt like I was falling apart.
“Hey, turn this up, would ya?” I told the Uber driver as Whitney came on the radio. I hummed along to Somebody Who Loves Me as the city lights faded behind us. You really gotta get it together Hayden…
Sarah
Alone again in my quiet apartment, all I felt was empty. My body had disappointment stretched across it. All that adrenaline and lust and desire that had sparkled between us. Wasn’t that what I’d wanted? The truth is, I didn’t know what I wanted anymore, but it wasn’t this. All I had was a flat and sad emotion ringing through me.
I was mixed up and confused. Hayden wasn’t a real person. He was a fantasy. Just like Jake had been. Except, this time I could see what was coming.
I didn’t want to be left with the aching feeling of just being another notch on a hockey player’s bedpost, and at the same time, I didn’t want to fall and find myself hurt and alone. Not again. That would be worse than just being alone. At least I didn’t cry myself to sleep these days. Except, I could feel my eyes were wet already.
I didn’t know what to do, but did I really think some big-shot professional hockey player was going to give me what I really craved, what I desired? The safety, love, and companionship that I needed over everything else. Outside, the rain began to patter harder on the windows.
Hayden
It took a half hour to get back home, and I’d just collapsed on the sofa when the doorbell rang.
Ignore it, ignore it! Then, after a beat, there was a heavy pounding on the door.
“Fuck,” I breathed out, both annoyed at being disturbed and worried they’d wake Maiden.
With a scowl, I lifted my shadow off the sofa and went to see who in the hell was trying to get in. The intruder started banging again just as I flung the door open.
“Raynor! Oh, man, I’m so glad you’re here!”
I stared back at Solly, stood there in my doorway. Looking down, I saw the duffle bag in his hand and knew this wouldn’t be good.
“You gotta help me! Maria, she’s lost it! Kicked me out, and she’s on the warpath like you wouldn’t believe. Screaming about divorce, taking the house! Going to the papers! ”
His face was a picture of stress as I anxiously rubbed my neck and tried to figure out how to not tangle myself up in this mess.
“Jeez, Solly. Please, not now. You’re a millionaire hockey player. Can’t you go get a room at the Four Seasons or something? Or make a run for some Caribbean island and lie low?”
“There were photographers outside our house, Hayden! They know something and she’s gonna destroy me! I can’t be out there, they’ll eat me up. Please!”
It was the same on the ice. Solly was skilled as heck, but he liked to show off about it, and as soon as some big guy who was missing a few teeth took exception to it and came at him, he was always looking to me to come and save him.
“Look Solly, I got Maiden, and now Cara is staying here,” Solly pulled an awkward face when I mentioned Cara.
“I don’t know where else to go right now,” he said, his voice quiet and desperate.
“Fine!” I said. Not exactly enjoying the way everyone was walking all over me and treating my place as the hangout hotel right now, “Put your stuff in the playroom down the hall.”
“Thanks so much, Hayden!” Solly said as he followed my outstretched arm down to Maiden’s playroom. The thought of a 200 lb, six-foot-tall hockey player curled up in a sports car bed designed for a 6-year-old gave me a brief moment of pleasure.
Solly came back into the room as I slumped on the couch. “Got any beer, Hayden?”
“Beers are in the fridge, Solly.”
“Okay, thanks man.”
Solly opened two cold bottles and handed me one before joining me. I really didn’t need this right now, but I knew Maria could be on the edge of crazy at the best of times.
“Okay, so what the fuck is going on here, Solly?”
“It was that fucking auction, Hayden… Beth Gibson. That tech tycoon’s ex.”
“Yeah, Rupert Hands’ ex-wife, right? She’s been hanging ‘round the games this year.”
“Right! Yeah, that’s the one. She sponsors the fucking team’s groin guards. Did you know that!?”
I laughed. I mean, hell, it was pretty funny.
“Maria was already hopping mad about me having to go for dinner with her, which is ridiculous . Hayden, you’ve seen her. She’s not my type.”
“She’s not anyone’s type,” I agreed.
“Right? But Fletch said to keep her sweet, maybe even see if she wanted to throw around a bit more sponsorship money next year. So I played nice. I mean, I really tried to.”
“You tried to?”
I took a long gulp of beer as I watched his face fall.
“We’re in the ride over to the restaurant and she bangs on the limo window, tells the driver to go to this other address.”
“Uh-oh.”
“Yeah, and I’m like, hey babe, where we going? She puts her hand on my thigh and says don’t you worry about it …”
I got myself a little comfier on the couch, wondering how bad this was going to get for poor Solly.
“…So now I do start worrying about it, Hay. I mean, she’s all over me. I’m trying to keep it nice and in control, but she’s like a wildcat.”
“Solly, she’s, what? A forty-five-year-old woman in a cardigan. You’re a twenty-six-year-old 200 lb professional hockey player, are you joking? ”
Solly blushed, then said weakly, “I was trying to keep her sweet Hayden. Like Fletch said.”
“How sweet, Solly?”
“We get to the place and it’s a hotel. I’m like, there’s no way I’m going in , but she says, I bought you for a hundred thousand dollars, so you better get in there . What was I meant to do?”
“Please tell me you didn’t…”
“No! …Well, not really. I mean, we just sort of fooled around in the room. Or rather, she fooled around while I tried to get out of there.”
“Solly. Seriously.”
“I only gave her enough to make it out of there alive without upsetting anyone. I didn’t think anyone would find out!”
I wanted to open another beer, but I really didn’t want to leave the story.
“So, how does Maria know all this?”
Solly looked at me with the face of someone who had just dropped their phone off the side of a boat while trying to take a picture of a fish.
“She… That woman…”
“Beth.”
“Yeah, Beth. She told everyone, Hayden. Made it sound even worse than what really happened. Even my gardener knows about it! My fucking hairdresser was even looking at me funny. He definitely knows.”
“Fun-time Solly.” We both looked up to see Cara standing in the hallway, wearing a slinky silk gown on her body and a satisfied smirk on her face.
“Man chat Cara, take it somewhere else,” I told her with contempt in my eyes.
Instead, she moved deeper into the room .
“Even I heard all about your little escapade, Solly, with those busy fingers of yours,” she teased.
Solly went bright red.
“What… What did you hear exactly?” Then he looked nervously at me, not wanting to let the most embarrassing details make their way to my ears.
Cara smiled, she was enjoying this, “Oh, you little pervert. Every detail is already out there. The hockey bunnies are creaming themselves over it in the group chat.”
Solly gulped, “They are?” Then he put his head in his hands, “Oh God, what am I gonna do?”
“I could help you if you want?” Cara said, and I glowered at her. This was how she set her traps. I’d seen it a million times, but once she’d made her web, there was no escape.
“You could? But how?”
“We just have to change the narrative, my dear Solly… Trust me, I’m better at spreading stories than she is.”
It was true, Cara was able to make juicy gossip out of a french fry. I didn’t like this for Solly though, not one bit.
“Cara, leave him alone,” I said.
But Solly was looking at her, wide-eyed and desperate to be saved from his hell, ready to do anything. That’s what gave me a feeling of dread.