Chapter 16
Kemah
Alone. That’s all I feel. Alone. And that’s what I am.
Sitting on a fucking bus all by myself. I don’t know why I feel the way I do.
I should have known better than to get involved with Hodge.
I shouldn’t have let him touch me, or fuck me, for that matter, but there was so much more to him.
So much more I saw in him. This is all my fault.
Maryland. Who the hell would have thought that’s where I’d go? I never dreamed of going to Maryland, but it’s as far from him as I can get, and there’s no way I could have gone home. Those bastards made sure of that.
The bus comes to a stop, and after sitting for a few minutes, I climb off, grab my bags, and glance around. This isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.
“Are you Kemah?” I hear a woman’s voice. I turn my head and look at the woman, then smile and nod.
“I am.”
“It’s so good to meet you. Hodge told us a lot about you. Well, not a ton, but I figure we’d get to know each other. I’m Dezzy,” she declares, holding her hand out to me. I take it in mine and smile before she reaches for my bag.
“I got it.”
“The guys got it,” she says, nodding toward a few guys standing off to the side. She takes the bag and walks toward them, passing it off before smirking at them.
“This is Kemah. Kemah, this is Gauge and Wolf.”
“Nice to meet you. Glad you’re here,” Wolf says as Gauge eyes me.
“Gauge, don’t be a fucking douchebag,” Dezzy snaps at him.
“I’m not. Just makin’ sure she isn’t here to start any shit,” he replies.
“Trust me. I’m not. It was the furthest I could get from Hodge in a short amount of time, is all.”
“Why are you runnin’ from Hodge?” Wolf asks now. I shake my head, not willing to tell them what was going on.
“I just needed out,” I say.
“You don’t get out. That’s not how this life works, Kemah.” Gauge states.
“I didn’t ask for this life. He forced it on me,” I snap at him.
“Probably had a good reason to.”
“What could that have been?” I ask, looking him in the eye.
“How should I know? You won’t tell me. Locke didn’t tell me. Just said he was sendin’ you over.”
“Then it’s none of your business, Gauge. Fuck,” Dezzy snaps at him before grabbing my arm and pulling me toward a truck. We both climb in while the guys put my stuff in the back before they get in.
No one speaks as we pull away from the bus station and start driving. I’m almost thankful for the silence. It almost seems too quick for us to be at the clubhouse, but here we are. Dezzy grins as we climb out and she rushes around to grab my hand, leading me inside.
“You’re going to love it here. Everyone is great.” I glance around as people look at me, and I want to crawl inside myself. I don’t want to be here with people I don’t know, but what choice do I have?
“This is my dad, Sly. This is his old lady, Fabiola. That over there is Wolf’s old lady, Krista.
There are more, they just aren’t here right now.
” I smile as I take everyone in, but I feel out of place.
I don’t feel like I belong here. Not like I felt with Hodge.
There was something about how he made me feel safe and at home, and now that’s all gone.
There’s nothing left for me but this. Hodge made sure of that.
“Where will I be staying?” I ask softly.
Dezzy must notice my lack of interest in what’s happening because she gives me a small smile before nodding toward the hall.
I follow behind her, grabbing my bag from where the guys left it.
As we walk down the hall, a man steps out of the room in front of us, nearly knocking Dezzy over.
“Jesus, Duke! Watch what you’re doing.”
“Damn. Sorry, Dez. I didn’t see you,” he tells her with a smile that could melt hearts.
“This is Kemah,” she adds when he doesn’t stop looking at me. I smile at him, but I don’t speak, and neither does he. Instead, his eyes roam over my body before coming back to meet mine.
“You’re stayin’ here?”
“Yeah, for now.”
“Good. That’s real good,” he says before smirking and walking past us. Dezzy laughs as she pushes open the door next to his and ushers me inside.
“Well, you clearly have Duke’s attention.”
“I’m not looking for any attention.”
“That’s too bad because he definitely was checking you out,” she adds as I throw my bag up on the bed.
“I didn’t come here for that.”
“What did you come here for? I mean, I know you’re in some kind of trouble, but that’s all they would tell me.”
“Honestly, I needed a way from Hodge. My family is pretty fucked up, but then I was there with Hodge and he branded me and-” Dezzy cuts me off there.
“Branded you? How?” I turn around and pull the top of my jeans down, letting her see what he did to me. “Holy shit, Kemah.”
“Yeah. I wasn’t happy about it.”
“Why did he do it?”
“He said to give me a family and people who would care about me.”
“He wasn’t wrong. You can go anywhere you want and have a home,” she says.
“He said the same thing.”
“And you ended up here?”
“Yeah. It was the furthest from him at the time,” I explain, causing her to laugh a little.
“You have a thing for him?”
“No.”
“You don’t have to hide it. He fucked up letting you go, but he’ll come back. They always do,” she says as she drops onto the edge of the bed.
“He isn’t coming for me,” I tell her.
“How do you know that? Do you think he cared about you?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship like that before,” I softly respond, feeling the embarrassment creep over me.
“It’s okay. You’re here now. You can start over, have a life. Find someone new and move on,” she says, waving her hand through the air.
“I’m not really looking for anyone.”
“That’s okay, too. Come on.” She stands and grabs my hand.
“I’d kind of like to be alone,” I tell her.
“Too bad. That isn’t an option here. We’re going to drink and have a great time. Besides, it’s Friday, and no one is going to bed early on a Friday.”
I reluctantly follow her out into the main room, where she leads me straight over to the bar. She quickly moves behind it and starts making drinks, sliding one across the counter to me.
“What do you think? Anything like back home?” Sly asks me.
“It’s nice. It was nice back there, too.”
“But?”
“But nothing. It’s nice here. Thanks for letting me come stay,” I tell him.
“Of course. You’re one of us now. You’re always welcome here.” I smile as he reaches over and grabs a beer, bringing it to his lips and taking a long pull. “Hodge bein’ an ass?”
“He was doing what he thought was right,” I tell him.
“By brandin’ you? That was more than what he thought was best,” he chuckles.
“What do you mean?”
“He likes you, darlin’. There’s more to brandin’ someone than that.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he cares about you to some degree. He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t.”
“It doesn’t mean anything to him.”
“Oh, it does. You just don’t see it yet. Hell, maybe he doesn’t see it yet either.”
“He told me he didn’t want me.” Now Sly laughs.
“He was lyin’ to you. When a man in an MC decides to brand a woman, that’s the highest level of honor.
Yeah, we tattoo our women, we claim them as our own, but a brand?
That’s somethin’ you can never take away or take back.
In fact, not many people brand their woman anymore.
” I run my hand through my hair as I look over at him, confused by what he’s saying.
“I don’t … he doesn’t want me.”
“Like I said, he had his reasons for doin’ what he did.
Maybe he doesn’t see it yet, and maybe he never will, but he put that mark on you, Kemah.
He made it a point to let everyone know that you belong to him,” he adds before taking down what’s left of his beer.
He sets the bottle on the counter and motions to Dezzy for another.
She pops the top off and slides it over to him when I grab my drink and take it down.
This is all too much. I don’t know what any of this means, and I don’t think Sly knows what he’s talking about either.
“I can see the look in your eyes. You don’t believe me.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Don’t have to, sweetheart. I can see the look on your face.”
“It just doesn’t make sense. He made it clear he didn’t want to be with me,” I remind him.
“Men are tricky, Kemah. We’re not good with our feelin’s and shit. We’re not good at tellin’ you how we feel. We show you.” I snort a laugh.
“He showed me enough. I didn’t need to see anymore.”
“Just give him a chance.” I don’t answer, and I don’t look over at him either. Instead, I raise my glass to Dezzy, and she smirks before refilling it. I take down glass after glass until nothing else in the world matters.