Chapter 18
Kemah
“Oh, come on. You gotta believe in soul mates,” Duke says as we pass the bottle of Jack back and forth between us. It’s freezing outside, but the Jack is keeping us both warm as the snow swirls in the sky and slowly falls around us.
“No, I don’t. I thought I did at one point, but not anymore.”
“Why not? Hodge hurt you?” I shake my head. Hodge didn’t hurt me. Hodge did what he thought was right. It was I who hurt me. I let myself believe he felt something for me, even when he didn’t, and that was all my fault.
“No. There’s been an issue with every man I’ve ever been with, which isn’t many.”
“You just haven’t found him then, Kemah.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means he’s still out there. My momma always said there was someone for everyone out there. You just gotta find them. And the road to findin’ them isn’t an easy one. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s worth it.”
“I don’t know about that. I haven’t seen anything worth looking for,” I add.
“Really? You haven’t been lookin’ then, Kemah,” he says, raising his hand and resting it on my cheek.
Before I know what’s happening, Duke leans in and presses his lips to mine.
I want to savor his kiss, but it doesn’t feel right.
Yet, in the back of my mind, I keep telling myself that Hodge doesn’t want me or care about me the way I thought he did. So I give in and kiss him back.
The wind blows around us, and I can faintly smell cigarette smoke in the air, but I keep my focus on Duke instead.
His tongue slips into my mouth and dances with my own.
His hand slides around and cups the back of my neck, keeping me pressed to him.
I’m nearly breathless when he pulls back and smiles at me.
“Wanna go inside?” I should say no. Tell him I’m not ready for this, but what the hell’s the difference? Maybe everyone is right. Maybe I need to move on. So I nod my head, and he stands, grabbing my hand and tugging me along with him.
We make our way back inside when his hand slides down to my lower back as he leads me toward the hallway.
“You’re gonna take your fuckin’ hands off her.
” I hear the growl, and it sends a chill down my spine.
I instantly stop walking, and my heart begins to hammer in my chest. Duke stops when I stop and turns his head to look over his shoulder before huffing out a breath.
“I said, take your fuckin’ hands off her. ”
“I don’t think you’re in any position to tell me what the fuck to do,” Duke tells him. I stand still. So fucking still. My chest rises and falls rapidly as a tear slides down my cheek.
“You don’t think so? We can take this shit outside.”
“She don’t belong to you, brother. Last I heard, you sent her away,” Duke tells him as Dezzy comes rushing toward me. I feel like I can’t breathe, like I can’t get enough air into my lungs. Her hands reach up and grip my face, forcing me to look at her.
“Hey. It’s okay. You want to go to my room?” I start to nod when I hear him speak once more.
“Kemah, I’m sorry.” My lips part as another tear falls down my cheek. Dezzy steps back, giving me a little space before I slowly turn to face him.
“You … you embarrassed me in front of everyone. You branded me and then sent me away, Hodge!”
“I know what I did, baby. I know I fucked up, but we need to talk.”
“No. We don’t.” With that, I spin back around, grabbing Duke’s hand and heading for the hallway once more, even though there’s an ache in my chest. We don’t make it far.
Duke is ripped away from me and slammed against the wall.
Punches and grunts follow as I spin to see what’s happening.
My stomach cramps as I see Hodge punch Duke in the face.
“Hodge!” I scream, but it does no good. He swings once more when some of the others break them up. Griz is hollering, and there is complete chaos when Duke comes back toward me. I don’t want to be in the middle of them fighting. I can’t do this. I pull back just as Hodge turns to face me.
“I fucked up, Kemah. And I’m gonna keep fuckin’ up. Because that’s what I do!”
“Then that’s on you, Hodge. What happened wasn’t your fault.”
“I ruined them, Kemah. You know that.”
“No. She ruined them! You just can’t accept it. Go home, Hodge.” My heart is breaking inside of me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I’m suffocating. I need out of here. I need to be as far from them as I can possibly get.
I storm past them and out the front door, sucking in deep breathes of the cold night air. I hear the door close behind me, but I don’t turn to look and see who it is. I can’t.
“I’m gonna kill him. I came here to tell you that.”
“Who?”
“Your father.” Now I turn to see Hodge standing there with blood dripping from his lip.
“You can’t do that. He’s dangerous.”
“So am I.”
“Hodge, please. Don’t do this.”
“I’m gonna find out who the bastard is that hurt you, Kemah. I’m gonna kill him next.”
“Why are you doing this?” I cry. Tears spill down my cheeks as I watch him walk closer to me.
“You know why,” he states, the closer he gets.
“No, Hodge, I really don’t. You said you didn’t want me.
You said I should go, and I did what you said, Hodge.
So no, I don’t fucking know why you’re doing any of this!
” I scream at him. The tears on my cheeks are cold from the wind blowing, and my lips feel chapped.
A shiver runs through me, and Hodge notices.
“You’re right. You should go inside.” He turns to walk away, and that pisses me off even more.
“That’s it? You fucking coward!” That must have hit him harder than it did before because he stops and turns to look at me.
“Coward? I’m fuckin’ here, ain’t I? I came here, Kemah!”
“And for what? To tell me you’re killing my dad? To put your life in danger?”
“It’s worth it, yeah?”
“Is it?”
“What do you want from me, Kemah? Huh?” He yells, throwing his arms out to his sides.
“If you have to ask, then fuck it,” I tell him. I turn around and head back for the door when he lets out a roar that rattles me from the inside. I don’t turn back. I can’t.
Instead, I reach for the door when Hodge grabs me, spinning me around and slamming me against the door.
Then his lips are there, consuming mine like a madman.
His kiss is intense and says everything to me that he couldn’t.
He feels it. What I feel, he feels it. There’s something between us, and we both know it. This is Hodge’s way of showing it.
He doesn’t stop kissing me. Not until I can barely breath. But he doesn’t pull away. He moves his lips down my neck, sending waves of pleasure through my body. He kisses the soft spot behind my ear, runs his tongue along my neck. My body responds to him, and he knows it.
“We’re spendin’ the night here, but tomorrow, you’re comin’ home.” His breath is warm against my flesh as I stand here as still as stone.
“You didn’t want me there.”
“I changed my mind, Kemah. I want you there. I’m just … it’s just that …”
“You’re scared.”
“For you, yeah. I’m afraid my life will impact yours the way it did theirs.”
“I’m not her, Hodge. I’m not going to do what she did.”
“I know you won’t.” His words send warmth through my body as he pulls back to look me in the eye. “I’m keepin’ you, Kemah. Just like I said I was.”
“How do you know that’s what I want?” I ask in return.
“Tell me it’s not, and I’ll leave you to Duke.” I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Hodge smirks at me and nods his head as if he knew I wasn’t going to say anything. He knows I want him. He has to know.
“Are you sure?” I ask, my voice quieter than normal. “I’m not … I don’t look like the other girls.”
“Enough of that shit, Kemah. I warned you about doin’ that shit. You’re fuckin’ beautiful. You’re mine, and I want every fuckin’ inch of you. Now take me to your room so I can do dirty things to this body.”