Chapter 14
(It’s Over Now/Deborah Cox)
“You got me feeling like I owe you something cause you was there in times when I had nothing. But you threw it all away with the shady things you do…Baby, please forgive me for what I’m about to say and what I’m about to do.”
“Raven, telephone.” Joy told me.
“Who is it?” I asked. She gave me that look and I knew what time it was. “I’m busy.”
“She can’t come to the phone right now.” she spoke into the phone “Oh, okay. I’ll let her know.” she nodded.
I continued watching television.
“Raven, that was your husband. He said to please call him. It’s urgent.”
“I don’t have a husband.” I let her know.
I’d been away from my home for two weeks and had never felt better. I was kind of embarrassed to say that I hadn’t even begun to miss my kids. I hadn’t had a break like that since I was thirteen years old.
“Raven, you don’t even want to talk to your kids?” she asked me.
“No, because all he’s going to do is put them on the phone and have them crying.”
“Hell, I’d cry too if my mama abandoned me.” she spat.
“I did not abandon them. I just need some time to myself. Their daddy needs to be using this time to introduce them to his other child.”
Joy shook her head. “You still wrong, Raven.”
“Why am I always the one that’s wrong? Those are his kids too. Why can’t he be the one that has them for a while?”
“Whatever.” she rolled her eyes.
She was beginning to work my nerves. The only reason that I went to her apartment was because she was one of the few people that Jahrein didn’t really know.
She’d just recently moved and he had no idea of where she rested her head.
I would’ve preferred Michelle’s spot, but Lucky’s broke ass would’ve given me up for a cookie of dope.
I was looking for an apartment. I was far from crazy. I’d been stashing money for years, and I had a nice amount put away. I could live for at least a couple years without even thinking about a job, even though I really wanted to work.
The only thing that I wanted to know was how the hell did my children’s daddy get Joy’s cell phone number. Shit, he was probably fucking her too.
I hadn’t had much contact with any of my family. They were all pro-Jahrein, so I didn’t want to hear shit they had to say.
I would get pissed just thinking about Jahrein and the entire situation, so I popped two handle bars and took my ass to sleep.
I wasn’t trying to talk to any damn body, because everybody I’d talked to ended up trying to talk me into going back home.
It seemed like nobody understood or cared where I was coming from.
Just because Jahrein kept me caked up I was supposed to let everything he did slide? I thinks not.
When I woke up I saw that I’d missed two calls.
It had to be one of my new friends. I knew that it wasn’t anyone in my family, because they no longer had my cell phone number.
After I received a million have you lost your mind calls I had to get my number changed.
I was on a mission to forget about my problems, and I couldn’t let any outsiders interfere with that.
I decided that the best remedy for forgetting my issues was to get a few male friends to preoccupy my time. So, for the first time in life I was completely open to meeting men.
The shit was crazy, because I was really finding out how far Jahrein's reach was.
I couldn't go anywhere without somebody recognizing me.
I couldn't help feeling like niggas wanted me for bragging rights.
My husband was the man to see in the streets, and getting next to me was a compliment within itself.
I was far from green, therefore I took the dating scene for what it was. I kicked it, had a good time, and got my mind off my problems.
I called back the cutie that I met in the Galleria.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked him.
“Chilling, Sexy. What’s on your agenda for the day?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out.”
“Well, that’s good. Everything’s working in my favor. So, that means that you’re free?”
“Pretty much.” I laughed.
“Okay, cool. Would you like to go to the club with me?” he asked.
That would’ve been a great idea if I wasn’t trying to hide from my kids’ daddy.
It seemed like all the dudes wanted to take me to the club, which was odd.
After a while I figured that they wanted to go to a spot where they could boast and show me off.
“No, I aint feeling that kind of atmosphere right now.”
“Okay, this your world. Tell me where you wanna go.”
“Let’s go to the movies or something.”
“That’s cool. What time can I pick you up?”
“Umm, I’ll meet you there. We can meet at the Tinseltown on 290 at seven.”
“Alright, that’s a bet.”
I made sure to meet him on the opposite side of town. I didn’t want to take any chances of running into my kids’ daddy or his people. But damn if the shit wasn't hard as hell.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I continued to date on a regular basis, but that was it.
I wasn’t looking for anything too heavy.
A month had passed and I decided to come out of hiding.
I’d found an apartment on the far northwest side of Houston.
It was a three bedroom. I figured since my kids were all still small that we could manage the space.
I still didn’t want Jahrein to know where I was living, so I had him meet me at Red’s house. I was trying to choose the safest grounds for myself.
I made it there before Jahrein and the kids. Red was babbling on and on about fighting for my marriage and shit. That ship had long ago sailed.
“Raven, he can’t handle those kids by himself. They cry for you every night. He had to hire a damn nanny. There’s a total stranger around my grandkids. Jah is so stressed.”
“So what?” I snapped. “You don’t think that I’ve been under stress for all these years? All the lying and cheating I put up with. This nigga actually had a baby on me.” I vented. I was glad that I’d taken two bars so I wasn’t feeling any pain. My heart was numb.
I was high as hell and was ready to read her son’s ass.
“Raven, are you on some bars?” she asked me. The Queen of Handle Bars could point out another pill head a mile away.
“Yep.” I stated tartly.
“Don’t you think that you’re getting a little out of hand with those pills?” she asked with concern.
Just then her ugly ass son and his kids walked through the door. I had damn near forgotten that I had five kids and the youngest was just nearly three months old! I felt so guilty. I was making my children suffer and that was selfish of me.
“Mommy!” Junior, Jhyrah, Jahrae, and Jahreiah all screamed. They all bombarded me. I took all of it in. It felt like I hadn’t seen their faces in ages. I had just missed Jahreiah’s first birthday. In just one month she seemed to have grown so much.
Jahrein stood holding the baby. I stood up and held my hands out. “Let me hold him.”
He gave me my baby and I had to suppress my tears. I couldn’t be away from my baby for one more day. Holding him helped me remember what I loved about motherhood. I took a seat and just gazed at my little precious Jahlero and caressed his small hands.
I was hoping that Jahrein would give me and my children some time alone. “I want to just be with my kids. You can come get them later on.” I told him.
“I aint going nowhere.” he snapped.
“Mommy, are you coming home?” Jahrein Junior asked me.
“Well baby, mommy has a new house. You want to go home with me?” I caressed the top of his head.
He looked back at Jahrein seemingly asking for approval, and then back at me. “Can daddy come too?”
Jahrein interrupted us. “My kids aint going nowhere with you.”
I ignored him. “No, baby. You can visit your daddy on the weekends.”
“Give me my baby.” he snapped.
“No.” I said sternly as I rocked my son.
“Bitch, your ass is high. I can see it in your eyes. Give me my baby!” he yelled.
He had the nerve to have an attitude. He violated me time after time and had the nerve to stand there and yell at me.
“My kids are leaving with me. And little do you know but you aint their daddy anyways.” I lied. I knew that I was reaching with that one, but I wanted to crush him.
“Okay, Raven you’re taking it too far. Those kids can hear you. And you couldn’t pay a blind man to believe that those kids are not Jah’s. Hell, they don’t even look like you.” Red interrupted.
Jahrein clenched his jaw. “No, mama you aint gotta tell her ass nothing. If she say some shit like that in front of my kids again I’ma break my foot off in her ass.” he lashed. “You can say whatever you want about me, to me, but keep my kids out of it.”
“Whatever. I’m taking my kids home with me.” I rolled my eyes.
“You aint going nowhere with them.” Jahrein said again. “You left them for a whole damn month. So, don’t act like you want them now!”
“Raven, y’all need to leave the kids in here with me and have a talk in private.” Red suggested as if she hadn’t just heard her son yell at the top of his lungs.
“I don’t have anything to say to him. He is just the kids’ daddy. He needs to sign these divorce papers that I have in my purse.”
“What? You got me fucked up. I aint signing shit.” he snapped. “Til the casket drops.” He reminded me.
“Y’all need to calm down in front of these kids.” Red reminded us.
“You need to tell your son that.”
“She don’t need to tell me shit.”
“Raven, since y’all refuse to be adults about this, I might as well put it on out there. I knew all about Jahrein Junior.” Red admitted.
I couldn’t believe that everyone was keeping me in the dark. Red knew all along and that meant that Ray-Ray probably knew too. And that bitch Tyra didn’t even have enough respect to let my Junior be the only one to carry on his father’s name.
“That’s nice to know, Red.” I smiled to keep from crying.