Chapter Four
Carrie
The van was at a standstill.
I’d been up for about ten minutes, trying to push past the nausea and vertigo while also trying not to have a panic attack. It was a strange thing, when you’re forced to remain quiet in order to survive and your body tries to betray you.
I’d been kidnapped.
I didn’t know what day it was or how long I’d been gone. All I knew was whatever that man—Brandon—drugged me with, it was fucking with my head. Every time I went in and out of consciousness, I didn’t know where I’d end up: in a nightmare or in the past, with more memories I could handle bubbling to the surface. My mind had been suppressed from years of trauma, forming a narrative that would protect me. My marriage to Robert had been a prison sentence, and ever since I’d gotten out of St. Louis, I healed more and more, the more painful memories resurfaced. There was so much about my own marriage I didn’t know, so much that had been suppressed by trauma, and this was not the time for all those horrors to come to light.
I needed to get out of here.
A car door slammed, causing me to jump as I heard that female’s voice again. “Brandon, I need a second, okay? We’ve been on the road for hours, and she hasn’t woken up once! What the hell did you give her?”
Who was this woman? Brandon’s wife? Girlfriend?
“I don’t know,” Brandon shouted back. “I did what I had to do.”
This was followed by silence and my bottom lip trembled, waiting to hear what terrors would come out of his mouth next. He drugged me, but he had no idea with what.
I was going to be sick.
“You could’ve have killed her,” the woman finally said, and for a small, fleeting moment, I thought she might have had the human decency to care whether I lived or died.
I heard another bang, and I flinched, biting my lip.
“Look, we’re almost out of this fucking state. Just—”
“Where did you even get something like that?” the woman asked, cutting him off.
I felt a small, burning pain in my neck, but I couldn’t move. My eyes were bound behind my back, and I was still on my side. The sound of crunching gravel came from the right wall, and I tensed, following the sound of footsteps as they got closer and closer to the back of the van.
No, no, no, no. Don’t come back here. Please. Please…
I lifted my head, my eyes on the back doors of the van, holding my breath.
“Found it on her fisherman’s secondary boat. He had a whole stash of the shit. I took it all. I don’t understand why you’re complaining; you stood by and did nothing while I dragged the fat whore to the van.”
My heart stopped beating.
No, no, no, no. They couldn’t be talking about him. Not him.
Her fisherman.
Her fisher—
I saw green eyes, tanned skin, and a crooked smile. A monster hiding behind a mask of kindness.
Leo.
Bile filled my mouth then, burning my tongue as my eyes watered. I couldn’t vomit here. They’d smell it and know I was awake. I didn’t want them to drug me again.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallowed it back down and gagged, my body refusing to take it. “No,” I hissed, shaking my head once I got it down, my stomach flipping. “No, please.”
I just needed my body to obey. Just this once. I swallowed a few more times, just my spit, and breathed in and out of my nose. Once the nausea had subsided, I let my head fall back, my stomach in pain now as I listened to their now-muffled voices for the next few minutes.
Brandon, my dead husband’s long lost brother, had the same drug Leo used on me…
A few seconds later, I heard both of the doors slam, and the van roared back to life. I counted to ten over and over in my head until the van started moving again.
I was to forty by the time I felt like something was crushing my windpipe, and I could hear Leo’s soft chuckle in my ear, taunting me.
Please, God. Please, no.
Carrie. Beautiful Carrie.
His voice was all around me now, his figure hovering over me. I blinked, trying to get the image to vanish. Before I knew it, I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t stop it. My body began to shake, and I felt Leo’s weight on top of me again, holding me down, whispering in my ear. No, no, no, no.
I gasped for air, but I couldn’t breathe. I was being held hostage by my trauma, unable to gain control.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. The pull was just too strong, yanking me back down into the past, filling my lungs with a pain-filled poison…
“Hi, sweetheart.”
I looked up to find familiar green eyes, but the kindness I’d grown used to seeing within them was gone, replaced by a wicked gleam.
Chills scattered down my body, and I tried to move.
No, but I couldn’t move, could I? I was trapped underneath his weight, just like before.
“L-Leo, what’s going on?” I repeated, my voice shaking.
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this—how patient I’ve been,” he whispered against my cheek, grinding his hips against me. His voice was rough, filled with a dangerous hunger. Fear dug its talons into me, ripping my flesh with a sharp sting.
What did he mean, he’d been waiting? For this?
My body began to tremble as the fear began to intensify. “Leo, please get off of me. I’m not ready for this,” I begged as my mind raced with a thousand questions.
Why did my head feel heavy?
Why was my vision blurred?
How did I get up here?
Why was he holding me down?
Why couldn’t I stop it? It was all just a dream, right? Or perhaps a horrible memory?
I didn’t know where reality began or ended. My soul was chained to the pain of the past, unable to break free.
He sat up, ticking his head to the side, and for the first time, I saw the real Leo. I saw the man underneath the sweet exterior, his mask of kindness melting away right before my eyes, revealing the cold, ugly truth. A cruel, wicked sneer formed on his handsome features, his eyes dropping to my chest. “You made me wait too long, sweetheart. A man can only take so much. You, your body, those fucking blue eyes…I waited patiently, Carrie. You understand that, right?”
Your body, Carrie. That’s all you’re good for.
Robert’s voice echoed in my mind as Leo ticked his head to the side, studying my breasts.
I was nothing but a source of pleasure for him. I never mattered to him. Everything between us had been a lie.
Leo didn’t look back up to my face as he shifted, grabbing both my wrists in his hand and pressing them down into the mattress as I tried to wiggle and buck him off. I had to fight. I couldn’t let him win. No, not like this. He chuckled, pressing his hips further into my mine as his free hand flicked open the buttons of my blouse.
My lip began to tremble as tears filled my already blurred vision. There was no hope for me now. I was too weak, too subdued. “Leo, please. I want to take things slow.”
“Can’t do that, Carrie,” he said calmly, shifting his hips once more so I could feel his erection against me. Nausea took over then, swirling in my gut, threatening to shoot up my throat. “Need you now.”
“I’m not ready for that,” I tried again.
Leo’s next words were chilling—haunting. “I’ll make sure you’re ready,” he promised as he looked back up at me, his green eyes shining with hunger as a twisted, excited smile stretched across his face. “Now, I brought some zip-ties, because—let’s face it—I’ve been dreaming of tying you down since the moment on saw you on the docks—”
“Leo—”
His free hand snapped up to my mouth as he leaned over me. “But I don’t want to gag you.”
I stared up at him in horror.
His green eyes softened, but that was the only thing I could see before my vision went hazy again. “I want to hear you cry out my name, Carrie. Okay? I’m going to make you feel so good.”
I shook my head, but he was too strong. Something was wrong with me. I couldn’t fight. Or perhaps I was giving up. I was too trapped in my own mind to decipher the truth.
“I can’t believe he actually wants you,” a different male voice said from across the room, filled with hatred and shock.
My eyes snapped to the side to find my dead husband, dressed in black slacks and a cream button-down, stepping out of the shadows. Leo didn’t seem to notice him, carrying on adjusting my restraints while humming a soft tune like he didn’t have a care in the world there was someone else in the room.
“Robert,” I whispered in horror, my vision suddenly clearing, followed by nausea. I blinked, trying to erase the image of him, but it didn’t help. Robert was still here. I looked back up to Leo, finding him smiling at me again.
“He’s a different kind of monster, babe,” Leo said to me, as if trying to justify his actions. “I actually appreciate the body you have.” He looked over his shoulder to Robert. “He never deserved you.”
“Neither of you do,” I shot back, and Leo was looking down at me once more, his brows coming together.
They were the same monster, wolves in different sheep’s clothing. I’d been tricked by both of them. Robert called my name, and I looked to him, forgetting about Leo’s body on top of me.
Robert’s upper lip curled as his eyes trailed down the length of my body. “You’ve gained weight.” He clicked his tongue. “I told you. You see, Carrie? You never fucking listened to me. That’s why I never loved you. You weren’t obedient.”
In the flash, Leo’s weight was gone, and everything around me shifted, spinning three times. I blinked, and my stomach fell as I slowly sat up, my soft bed no longer under me. No, I was on the floor—in our old house.
Robert was still in the same place, though, judgment flaring in his eyes as he shook his head. Spinning on his heel, he headed out of the living room and into the kitchen I used to starve in as a throb manifested in my right cheek.
Slowly, I brought my hand up to my face, wincing as my fingertips grazed over my cheek. Tears stung my eyes.
“I hate having to hit you, but your father said that might be the only thing that will to get you back in line,” Robert called out casually over his shoulder. He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.
Robert never hit me.
Robert never hit me.
Robert loved me.
Right?
I watched as he unscrewed the cap of the bottle and took a long, deep drink, his Adam’s apple bobbing with each gulp. When he was finished, he let out a sigh and undid the top two buttons of his shirt. “Shouldn’t have to deal with this, Carrie. I deserve a wife I can be proud of. I deserve something beautiful to come home to.”
Slowly, I pushed myself to my feet, my clothes hanging off me. I dared to look down, discovering I was nothing but skin and bone, just like before. I turned my head, finding the mirror that hung above our couch on the far wall, and flinched at the sight of my face. My hair was twisted back into a formal bun, my red lipstick smeared on one side, bruising around my right eye. My cheekbones were sharp, my skin tight, my collarbone jutting out.
I wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t the woman I’d grown to love. I was a ghost of that woman once more. I could practically see the chains hanging from my bones, weighing me down.
As I turned my head, my eyes searched for Robert, only to find him leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.
“What have you done to me?” I whispered as the familiar ache of hunger blossomed in my gut, crying out for food. I nearly doubled over as both my hands snapped to my flat stomach, the softness gone now.
Robert tilted his head to the side, studying my face. “It’s already starting to bruise,” he noted more so to himself than to me. I swore I could hear some fucked up sense of pride in his voice, remorse non-existent.
“I’ll call the police,” I threatened, my voice trembling.
My dear husband smiled then, a true, genuine smile, like the one he use to give me before we were married. “Then what, Carrie?”
I remained silent, glaring at him.
“Where would you go?” Robert pushed, chuckling slightly. “There’s no one who wants you, who would put up with you, let alone stand to be in your presence.”
He was a monster. My husband was nothing but a monster, and I’d been tricked into believing he would be my escape from the world I’d been born into. “I’ll go to Sullie’s,” I told him, venom building in my voice now.
Robert’s head cocked to the side violently, irritation in his shoulders. “What did you just say to me?”
Quickly, I realized my mistake, but the damage was done. There was nothing I could do.
He moved then, closing the distance between us like a snake, quick and swift. I tensed, bracing for his next strike and closing my eyes, but it never came. I felt his fuming breath on my forehead, his anger radiating from his body.
But when I looked up to his face, he wasn’t looking at me. Instead, his head was twisted to the right, his eyes on our front door.
Sunshine.
“Get out of here,” Robert commanded, throwing his arm out and stepping away from me, my punishment forgotten.
In the next second, the hunger pain was gone. I looked down at myself, a soft gasp leaving me. I was normal again. My body was full and healthy. My curves were showcased by a light pink wrap dress, my feet in heels now. I looked back in the mirror. I was glowing now, the bruises gone.
“Did you fucking hear me? I said leave.”
Robert’s voice pulled my attention from the mirror, and then I looked to the door.
My breath caught, my heart halting.
My shadow man was here.
His tall, broad frame nearly filled the entire doorway. His eyes, once again, were hidden within the shadows, but I could feel them on me.
“Fight, baby,” he whispered to me, his rough voice like velvet. “You gotta fight for me.”
Robert and Leo were forgotten now as I took a step towards him, needing to be close to him. My hands fell to my sides, my heart thrumming hard now. “Don’t go this time,” I pleaded. “Stay here with me.”
“Fight, sunshine,” he ordered, his voice rough now. “I need you to focus on fighting. Nothing else.”
I took a few more steps, the shadow around him fading away. I reached for him, needing him. “Please,” I rasped.
Suddenly, he roared, “Wake up, Carrie! Wake up and fucking fight!”
My eyes shot open, and I gasped for air, my heart pounding in my ears. I checked my surroundings. I was still in the van, and it was still moving—quickly. Then, it hit me.
I wasn’t dizzy, and I didn’t feel like I was being weighed down. Could the drugs have worn off by now? Testing that theory, I moved my feet back and forth, and stifled a whimper.
I had control over my body again.
You can fight, Sunshine. Fight for me.
Grayson’s voice echoed in my mind, and I felt warm all over, a small flicker of hope igniting in my chest.
Twisting and arching my neck, I didn’t see much light coming from the window where Brandon and that woman sat.
It was nighttime once more.
“We need to stop.”
I tensed at the sound of the female voice in the front of the van. I double-checked the partition window, and my stomach dropped when I realized it was cracked.
They checked on me.
“Yeah, I’m fucking tired. Maybe the bitch will be awake by then,” Brandon rumbled, not a single drop of humanity in his voice, soulless.
The woman was quiet for a moment, leaving only the sounds of the van to fill my ears.
“We need to figure out what we’re going to do with the body,” the woman finally said plainly.
Brandon scoffed, laughing softly. “After we get what we need from her, we can leave her fucking body on the side of the road for all I care.”
Goosebumps scattered across my skin, fear paving the way for them as a chill slithered down my spine. My ears started to ring, and the tiny sliver of hope I’d just felt vanished like it never even existed. The conversation I’d overheard outside the van earlier came to the front of my mind, and I wanted to throw up again. Brandon had Leo’s drugs.
Brandon and this woman had been watching me all along.
I was never truly free.
Freedom was a myth, made up to give false hope to a woman like me, a woman born in chains and forced to serve.
“That’s how we get caught, Brandon,” the woman hissed. “We have to hide it somewhere.”
That woman wasn’t even referring to me as a person…
What the hell was wrong with these people? What did I do to deserve this?
I swallowed, my throat burning as I questioned the timeline of all this. How long had I been gone? How long, in total, had I been passed out? How much of Leo’s drugs did Brandon dose me with?
I’d been gone for at least one day, but there was no telling how much time I’d truly lost…
Tears stung my eyes as a realization settled on my shoulders, weighing me down.
I was going to die.
They were going to kill me and leave my body in a shallow grave somewhere on the side of a road.
I licked my cracked lips and laid my head back down, staring at the roof of the van. First thing I needed to figure out was who that woman was and what they wanted from me. My brows pinched together as I tried to recall the words that asshole said to me before pricking my neck with a damn needle.
“You need to fucking listen to me or you’ll be dead before I can get my fucking payday.”
Payday.
Had he been hired by someone? To kidnap me? It couldn’t have been the Oasis boys; they’d already sent Grayson, and he set the record straight with Jeremy the night he let me go.
It could have been my father. Truth be told, the man hated my guts, and I wouldn’t put it past him to put a revenge hit on me while he was rotting in a damn prison.
Suddenly, the van slowed, and I felt it shifting in a different direction. We went over a bump, and I was thrown into the air again, landing on my back. I yelped in pain, my hands crushed underneath me.
“Did you hear that?” the woman asked.
I froze, closing my eyes on instinct. A second later, I heard a faint creak, and then a strong smell of cigarette smoke.
“She still out?” Brandon asked.
The woman grunted. “Yeah, she’s still out.”
I heard more creaking, and then their voices were muffled once more. I waited a few minutes before opening my eyes, and I silently cursed when I found the window was closed now. The van rolled on for a few more minutes, likely twenty or so, before making a sharp turn and coming to a stop. I heard the gears shift into park and then a single door slamming.
The van was still on. I took that as a sign they weren’t going to come back here just yet. They could’ve pulled over to use the bathroom.
An idea popped into my head.
I bit the inside of my cheek, pondering it.
If we were in public, I could scream. My kidnappers didn’t think about gagging me, which was a poor decision on their part. I could scream, and someone could hear me, call the cops, and then I’d get to safety and call Grayson—
But what if we weren’t in public?
What if I screamed, and they came back here to drug me again. Or do something worse?
I couldn’t risk it. If I was drugged one more time, there was no telling how my body would react. There was a very good chance I might die because of it.
Jake, one of Grayson’s men, ran a blood test on me a few weeks ago, and he informed me that the drug Leo used on me was a new compound. There wasn’t much knowledge on it yet, so the side effects were unknown.
No.
I couldn’t risk that.
So, I stayed quiet, rolling to my side as quietly as I could. Behind my back, I wiggled my fingers, pushing through the tingles shooting through them.
A second door slammed, telling me both of them were out of the van now. A few seconds later, I heard a door open again, and then the van was shut off.
Then, they were both gone, leaving me alone.
What I didn’t know was the worst was yet to come…