Chapter 15 #2
“Send me a report on everything that’s happened since I’ve been gone, as well as anything Danielle has found in Seattle, by tomorrow morning. We all have a lot to go over.” His forehead creases at my demand, looking confused and somewhat afraid.
“D, I’m not sure—”
“Alex,” I all but beg. “Please, just do it. You don’t need to reactivate me yet, just…
” I look around the room, making sure no one, Serena in particular, can hear me.
“I need to get back to work. Everyone keeps saying to speak up and tell them what I need. So, that’s it.
That’s what I need.” Alex looks around as well, obviously as paranoid as I am about my wife finding out.
“I’m not sure how Ash is going to feel about that…” he says worriedly.
“I know. That’s why we’re not going to tell her yet.
” He meets my gaze, looking more confused than he was before.
“I don’t want her to worry, and I’m not going back to the Attic or into the field for a little while longer.
But I need to know what’s been going on, and we need to have a solid plan to rescue Elizabeth.
” He takes a deep breath, seemingly giving in to my request.
“I will send it over in the morning.”
I nod my head, silently thanking him, when Serena shushes everyone in the room.
“Okay, they’re bringing her out,” she whispers and gestures me over with a wave of her hand.
I take my apparent place beside her, feeling a little nervous.
I just want Ashia to feel special. I want her to know how loved and appreciated she is.
She seemed happy this morning, and I want to keep her in that state of mind.
Every year, her mind drifts back to one of the worst days of her life.
I want to show her how good it can feel, too.
She made my birthday perfect. The least I can do is the same for her.
Zeke is the first to emerge, and then my beautiful wife steps up the stairs behind him, looking more beautiful than I’ve ever seen her.
I’m sure if she knew there are at least a dozen extra people in our home right now, she would’ve dressed differently, but I’m so glad she doesn’t.
She’s wearing fitted black yoga shorts and a bluish-gray, flowy top that curves around her stomach perfectly.
Her hair is tied up in a knotted bun, keeping her face free of any strands.
I swear, her little belly has popped since this morning, marking her twenty-fourth week pregnant, and she’s glowing.
Her elegance illuminates the entire space, taking my breath away.
She has a serious look on her face as she talks to the guys, but then she flinches just a little when everyone shouts.
“Surprise!”
Her eyes crinkle as she looks down and around the room, clearly confused.
There’s a fogginess in her gaze, like she truly doesn’t understand why everyone would be here.
She eyes all of the decorations and everyone’s faces, finally setting her sights on the cake before looking over at me.
Realization dawns over her features, and even though a heartwarming smile spreads from cheek to cheek, reaching her eyes, my heart sinks.
She forgot it was her birthday.
Zeke and Carter walk her down the stairs, laughing with her while my heart is breaking.
Is her mind that preoccupied with everything going on around us?
I know she’s pushed this day out of her mind for years, but I was really hoping to make it better for her.
I wanted her to feel special. Instead, her head continues to be plagued by worry.
Even if her mind wasn’t on that horrid day fourteen years ago, it’s still tormented by recent haunts.
Her mind is plagued by ghosts that aren’t even calling her name.
Feccia…
No. No, go away. Not now.
She reaches the main floor, trying to make her way over to me without being rude.
Her arms find Richard and my mother in quick hugs that were practically forced upon her, before she continues to weave her way through everyone else.
The room feels much too small in an instant.
Everyone is crowding her, and while I know I won’t lose sight of her, I’m afraid to blink.
I step away from Serena, desperate to meet her halfway.
She’ll silence them. I’ll be able to push them away, and then we can get back to the afternoon she deserves.
Unworthy…
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
We finally get close enough, and I don’t give her a moment to breathe. I snatch her hand and pull her against me, instantly relaxing the moment I can feel her warmth. The voices hush to whisper, like her presence alone scares them, and I try like hell to keep a straight face.
“You did all of this?” Her tone is filled with wonder, like she can’t believe we would put all of this together for her. She looks up at me with sweet eyes and a weightless face. The exhaustion and sadness that’s coated her features the past several weeks has vanished, making my heart flutter.
“Serena helped,” I admit bashfully, knowing it’s not enough. She immediately casts those thoughts away by smiling even wider, so brightly that her eyes twinkle.
“There are so many flowers.” She giggles one of those bubbly, genuine laughs, and it melts and breaks me all at once.
She’s earned so much more. I wanted to prove that she deserves good things, a huge show of what she means to me.
She’s my queen and should be treated as such.
Gold should have been laid at her feet, yet she’s picking up my scraps and deeming it worthy.
Failure…
“They’re still not as beautiful as you,” I whisper, knowing how corny I sound, but it’s the truth. Her allure goes past her facial structure and eye color. It’s everything. She’s everything. This world’s elegance was captured and gifted to one angel—my angel.
She reaches up on her toes and pulls me down to meet her, kissing me so softly that I have to tighten my grip just so I don’t pass out and take her with me.
“Ash! Do you want paranormal or slasher vibes?” Serena asks from across the living room so loudly that her voice booms over everyone else.
Irritation skitters across my skin, hating how she’s trying to pull my wife’s attention away from me, so I grip her tighter and don’t let her look away initially.
Ashia chuckles against my lips, forcing a small, sad grin to creep in the corners of my mouth before she leans back to look at her friend.
“Slasher, always,” she jokes and pulls me with her, leading me into the living space. Our spot is right in the middle, where the coffee table normally sits. She’ll believe it’s nothing but a fluff and blanket covered place just for us, but it’s part of my plan.
Well, our plan.
Dr. Von helped me come up with coping strategies for this.
We’re going to cuddle up in the middle of everyone else, so I know we’re surrounded by friends and not foes, hoping to trick my mind into knowing we’re safe.
I knew Ashia would want to watch a horror movie, and even though Dr. Von advised me not to—because of all of the lights and sounds—I wasn’t about to deny my wife.
I wanted to be prepared for every possibility today. Hopefully my planning is enough.
Weak…
I tried… I tried so fucking hard… I flashed my best fake smile, desperate to be the man that she remembers.
Everyone was talking and laughing, having a great time that ultimately lead to my heart racing.
It was nothing. It should’ve been nothing.
We were surrounded by everyone we love, not the enemy.
But when everyone crowded around her and the heat of the candles on her cake whipped across my skin, I almost lost it. I did lose it.
In an instant, my entire body burned. Every scar came alive, making my body tense and cramp at the memories.
My father stared at me like he knew exactly what was happening, and once other eyes started to follow, I had to walk away.
The impulse to lash out and attack the pain crashed into me, washing over me like an unstoppable wave.
I wanted to fight against things that I couldn’t see—things that I couldn’t control.
The thoughts kept creeping in, and while I wanted to give her the one thing she wanted more than anything else in this world, I just couldn’t.
My eyes remain on her angelic form, counting each deep breath instead of sheep.
Watching her sleep is one of my favorite things, even now.
I can see her at peace, when her mind doesn’t wander and all of the anger has disappeared.
The way her chest rises and falls reminds me of wading water, so soft and fluid, like a settled current after a storm.
Her hair lays weightless against the pillows, almost floating, and dark lashes stand out against her smooth skin.
She is perfection sculpted as human, divinity masked by skin.
That’s how God damned her, though, with a heart so soft and fragile, just to be given to someone that would shatter her like glass—me.
Maybe it’s time to accept what’s standing right before me.
The man she fell in love with is gone. I don’t feel him anymore, no matter how hard I search for him.
The whispers are now screams, the nightmares are now a reality, and the voices come from all directions.
They’ve covered every last piece of me, trying to shield me from her, and they’ve succeeded.
We came together, just as fate deemed we should, and now it’s trying to tear us apart.
I don’t want it to. I’ve never felt so close, yet so far away from her.
The truth hangs between us on its last limb, threatening to drop when I least expect it, and I’m trying to break through before it does.
I see how she stands on the other side of it: tall with open arms, waiting for me to step into them. It’s a heaven I can’t reach.