Chapter 37 #2
Serena and Dani run up to me and take my hands from Damien, which he shockingly doesn’t argue with.
They laugh and squeal as they lead me over to what looks like a throne, but it’s all black and covered in pink confetti.
My husband plops down in the one next to me once I’m seated, grinning wide like he’s the proudest he’s ever been.
“Okay, everyone!” Serena shouts, holding pens and a bag of black ribbon in her hands. “Go ahead and get your snacks, then sit down so we can play our first game!” Everyone moves to the snack table, when Ser snaps back to look at Damien. “You can’t play this game.”
His jaw drops.
“Why the fuck not?”
“Because we’re guessing how big her belly is, and you know by heart, I’m sure. You can’t win your own games!” She bobs her head and starts to walk away.
“Oh, hell no. Serena!” Damien jumps up but turns to me before storming after her. “I’ll get you some fruit, baby. Stay right there.” He points at me playfully, but then marches after my best friend like he’ll lock her in one of the torture rooms downstairs if she doesn’t let him participate.
Everyone is standing around, mingling and not acting like they’re all from different families.
The Hartleys are all extremely warm, welcoming people, and now that they’re paired with the Andersons, it’s even worse.
Marla is talking to Damien’s nana and Leanne, shaking hands and hugging all of Damien’s cousins like she’s suddenly adopted them.
Everyone’s kids are running around, playing and having a great time.
Elizabeth is playing with Henry and Marrisa’s daughter in the corner, not really talking from what I can gather, but there’s a smile on both of their faces, warming my heart.
Then Zeke steps in front of me, blocking my view and sending a cold chill through my body.
We haven’t really talked since he blew up in the hallway a couple of weeks ago.
It’s not that we’re avoiding one another, but we haven’t had much to say, either.
He shoves his hands in his jeans pockets and looks down at me with foggy eyes, like he feels just as weird as I do right now.
“Hey…” he says softly.
“Hi…”
“Can I sit?” He gestures to Damien’s seat with a nod of his head.
“Of course.” He sits next to me without another word, hunched in the throne like the awkwardness is filling the entire space—because it is. His eyes dart around the room like he’s trying to come up with what to say.
“It’s cute,” he mumbles, then looks down again. “They did a good job.”
“Yeah, they did.” I focus on my brother’s face, trying like hell to come up with something to say. He just shrugs softly.
“I personally suggested a ‘pick your poison’ sign for the snacks, but Serena hit me.”
Pick your poison.
After I was poisoned.
The thought sits on my mind for a moment as I try to wrap my head around it, then before I can help it, laughter explodes from my chest. He just glances over at me with a confused glare, until the corner of lips lift.
“You are so wrong for that,” I force out through my amusement, pulling chuckles from his previously stoic posture. “They absolutely should’ve done that.”
“Right? I thought it was genius.” We let our humor die down, easing into only heavier breaths and small chuckles. Then a weight falls on my chest.
“Are you done hating me?” I ask softly, knowing how dramatic that question is, but that’s what it’s felt like recently. We’ve gotten extremely close over the past few months. I don’t want to go back to that questionable space between us.
“I could never hate you, Ash. I’m not mad at you…just the world, I guess.” He looks back down at the floor. “That doesn’t give me an excuse to be mad at your happiness, though. So, I’m sorry for that.”
“You have every right to be angry, though. I know how much you loved Taylor…” My eyes start to burn, so I look away from him, too. “I’m sure all of this is hard to watch.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to act like a dick.”
I just shrug, because while it sucks, I understand it. I was so furious with the world for so long that I have scars from those feelings. It’s not something that just goes away, and if anyone can understand the effects it has on everything around you, it’s me.
“You’re not going to hate her…” I rub my belly, “are you?” My voice cracks, despising the thought.
Zeke snaps his head over to me, darting his eyes to my belly and back with furrowed brows and an unbelieving snarl to his lip.
I slowly turn my head to match his stare, needing to see more of him than just in my peripheral.
“Why the fuck would you think that?”
“Honestly?” He nods back at me, urging me to continue.
“I see how you are with Elizabeth…and I know you don’t like kids.
” I look back down at my stomach, unable to help it.
“I know you think they’re annoying and loud…
and I know I can’t make you be a big part of her life if you don’t want to, but I was really hoping you’d want to be…
You’re a great brother. I wanted to see you be a great uncle, too…
” Tears sting my eyes and I try to bat them away quickly, but he grips my chin and forces me to look at him before I can.
“Ash, of course, I’m not going to hate her. It might take some getting used to, but I’m going to be good to her.” He releases my chin softly, but I don’t dare look away. “I may not normally like kids, but I’m definitely going to love this one. That’s my niece, for fuck’s sake.”
He runs his hands through his hair, then looks to the ceiling like he’s hesitating. His throat bobs with a harsh swallow.
“Damien told me not to bring this up until you did, but I think we’re at a place now where that’s okay.
” I nod back at him, wanting him to keep going.
“I wasn’t there for you when we were kids,” he starts again.
“I mean, it’s not our fault that we didn’t know about each other, but still…
knowing what you went through fucks with me…
” His eyes fall closed and he takes a deep breath.
“I’ve been afraid to say something, because I didn’t want to upset you…
” He pauses. “But I want you to know that if I was there, I never would’ve let them hurt you.
” He finally turns his head to look at me again.
His eyes are filled with regret that shouldn’t haunt him, showing true colors that he tries so hard to hide.
“I know…” I smile gently at him and wipe a tear away before it can fall.
Leaning into him, I rest my head on his arm, because despite our shared genetics, I’m short as hell like our mom and he’s tall as fuck like our dad.
I take a deep breath in and let his soothing aura take over.
It’s crazy to believe that someone else made of the same shitty DNA I was cursed with could be so comforting.
“And I'm not letting anyone hurt her, either.” He lays his hand on my stomach for the first time since the crash, and it only amplifies that relaxing, brotherly warmth.
“I missed your childhood, I'm sure as hell not missing hers.” I nod softly, knowing he means every word.
“But don't expect me to change any diapers.”
I laugh again, leaning into his body as it shuffles with amusement.
“What about when you babysit?” I ask innocently, and jokingly, but I don’t think he realizes it. He pulls away and jerks his head over to look at me.
“Babysit?” His eyes widen. “Unsupervised?” I laugh again, catching Damien’s amused look as he watches us from the long line at the snack table. “Plus,” he whispers, “I don’t hate Elizabeth. She isn’t so bad… I just don’t think she should be looking up to someone like me.”
“What?” I ask, taken by surprise. “Why would you think that?” He just makes that ‘pssh’ noise and jerks his head back.
“Please, have you met me?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Sure have, and for what it’s worth, I think she’d be lucky to look up to someone like you.”
Zeke just purses his lips and looks away, unable to accept the truth. I take another look around the room, aweing at all of the ‘baby Hartley’ signs and mentions. My heart sinks again, and the world comes crashing down around me.
“We haven’t even come up with a name for her yet…” I whisper in realization. A tear drops from my eye, instantly sending my brother into a panic.
“Hey, it’s okay. You still have plenty of time, Ash.”
My bottom lips trembles.
“What kind of mom doesn’t have a name picked out?”
Zeke turns in the showy throne to face me.
“Have you thought about it?”
“Of course I have. Damien and I have talked about it some, but nothing really seemed right…”
He chuckles then, but he doesn’t understand how harshly I’m about to spiral.
“Maybe that’s because you already know what to call her.” I look back up to him, his words dawning on me. “I think you’ve known since the moment you found out you were pregnant. You just may not realize it.”
He is right, that asshole. I’ve thought time and time again about what to name our little girl, but I’ve always been nervous to mention it. Especially after what Damien went through, there was just never a right to time to ask.
“What if he doesn’t agree?” I look up at him. “What if it’s too much?” My brother just tilts his head.
“Does it feel right? Like you know that’s what her name is?”
Acceptance instantly washes over me, forcing a small smile on my face.
“Yeah…”
“Then he’ll love it.” He leans down to kiss the top of my head, and stands as Damien approaches us. “I’m winning all of these damn games,” Zeke shouts and steps away, knowing he’s going to start a war with all of the Hartley women.
“Like hell you are!” Sarah, one of Damien’s other cousins, yells from across the room. Damien hands me a plate topped with watermelon, other shaped fruit, and a cookie shaped like a onesie, with decorative icing to look like a skeleton.
“For you, my queen.” He bows dramatically, making me laugh even more.
“Oh, I see. Now I get the thrones.”
“Of course, only the best for my Goddess.” He leans in and kisses me gently before sitting next to me. Then he huffs. “Serena still won’t let me play the games.”
“Ugh, what a bitch,” I joke and lean against him.
“I heard that!” Serena yells back at me, then addresses the room to explain the first game.
I’m not sure how I feel about standing in front of this room full of people and wrapping a tape measurer around my belly, but it’s all fun.
A part of me is scared to know what else she has planned, knowing how over-the-top she tends to be.
Then there’s that other part of me that is secretly so happy and excited that I can feel the energy charge beneath my skin.